heatherbeck

022/365: I Hath Wrought Ranch!

Long time readers will know that I'm quite the fan of Spanish culinary culture. In its simplicity, it is complex, and I've seldom encountered another culture in the world where so much deliberate time and attention is paid toward something as simple as eating.

That being the case, I am an American by birth, and in some regards, by inclination. And there are certain comfort foods that I was raised with that, on a cold, dreary winter's night, I yearn for.

One of them is arguably th...

021/365: Quest for Flannel

I'm sure there are going to be more shots of this shirt. It's part of a recent shipment of clothing I got on Amazon, and I admit, I rolled the dice on it a little bit. Flannel is fickle and it doesn't tend to stretch a lot. But I thought… Who knows? Maybe an XXXXXL will work? (Chinese sizing, so more like an XXXL, but still...).

Alas, the buttons barely close, there's some pretty substantial gapping, and if I breathe too deeply, the thing will probably pop right open, giving eye injur...

020/365: Ham again?!

In less than as many weeks, this is my third ham-related picture. Make of that what you will (courtesy of an episode of Community I had playing on my computer, and who doesn't love Gillian Jacobs? I want this costume for Halloween at some point...).

Anyway! Just a sundry note, because a few of you have written me with this concern recently: I think there's a bit of an issue pulling up all of my posts on the mobile app. Patreon is amazing, and I love it, but I've noticed huge ch...

Thing a Day: 019/365

Was (finally) wrapping up chapter 5 of Girl in the High Tower (available at the $12 tier), cozyfied in my bug fluffy robe.

For those of you who have been following the story, thank you for your patience. I had chapter 5 written, but then I wrote myself into a corner. Chapter 5 became chapter 6, and then I started writing what was going to be chapter 5, but that became chapter 6, and chapter 6 became chapter 7! Confused yet? I know I am.

Anyway. Chapter 5 is just about done, and ...

018/365: Magic Trick!

Today, I received a rather large batch of fresh clothes. Items that I scoured on Amazon, all from the same seller, all fairly inexpensive. The idea was to experiment with different fashions, different cuts, different materials, if something works? Amazing. If not? I'm not out a bunch of cash.

In the mix of that, I got something I've been thinking about for a while. A waist trainer. It's kind of like a corset, but without the cups. It's actually a pretty cool design, which I guess explai...

Thing a Day: 017/365

So, this is pretty fun. In Spain, and in Europe in general, tobacco products are required to have big warnings and unsavory images in an attempt to deter purchasing. Diseased body parts, people in wheelchairs, a dude in a hospital bed… Things like that.

But this particular picture is my favorite. This weird looking little kid staring at a cigarette. Now, dear reader, I would like you to take a moment and think about who that little kid looks like. I'll wait.

Yep. He looks just l...

Thing a Day: 016/365

I can't believe I found this old shirt. Yeeeeears forgotten, from a visit long, long ago, stashed away in a box in a closet somewhere. But Linen is forgiving.

I'm not going to lie. I was anticipating one of those button-bursting scenarios that everyone seems to like so much, but the thread on the buttons is just too thick. Next time, I shall choose a more destructible fabric.

But for now, damn you tensile strength, this is the best you get. I will need to invest in some cheaper, ...

Thing a Day: 015/365

Recently, someone asked me how much booze I could stash in my bra. I'm sure they were referring to things like... flasks (and to be fair, I have snuck flasks into an overpriced music venue before, much to the delight of my friends! I think that's how the conversation got started...). Alas, I have no flasks lying around, so I made do with what was available.

I have a feeling jamming entire bottle of vodka between in my cleavage might still be a liiiiitle too conspicuous to get into the c...

Thing a Day: 014/365

To be completely honest, I had resigned myself completely to the fact that I had graduated, forever, out of a certain class of lingerie. Yes, there are some fun pieces that come across as super-flirty because by body simply "wears" them differently, and all of that stretching, draping and folding flatters in some very unexpected ways. And I'm not gonna lie... those can be a LOT of fun to play with (something I'm learning more and more lately! 😘).

But something "built" for my body? I'...

Thing a Day: 013/365

It has been the most utterly laid-back of birthdays. Ringing in 36 circumnavigations of the sun by binge-watching "The Crown," which is a perfectly amazing show, and Olivia Coleman is a treasure. (Also, I guess I need to update my bios to reflect that I'm solidly on the downward slope to 40 [!]). (Insert appropriate emoji in the comments below.)

So, today, for whatever form my raging anglophilia has taken, reminded me of this (utterly unsexy) video I filmed on my phone a little while ba...

Thing a Day: 012/365

Just a quick sneak peak of the most adorable pattern! 😍 More of this soft, coziness to come, but it is quite possibly, the only cute, frivilous (Gasp! Colorful?!) bra I've owned in yeeears.

Thing a Day: 011/365

The followup to the post on IG. But a bit of backstory, I once got to MEET the Swedish chef. It was at an expo, I was a journalist working for a magazine, and the Muppets came to town, courtesy of our local PBS affiliate.

ANYWAY! Elmo? Whatever. Kermit? Drama whore, couldn't care less. Animal? Cool guy — we did a line of coke off Ms. Piggy's belly. Good times.

But my main man — there he was. Swedish Chef. 'Sitting' at a table, his floppy head and weird, humanoid hands. I can't...

Thing a Day: 010/365

A friend of mine went back to the United States for the holidays, and just returned. I asked her to get me a souvenir. This is what she came up with. I literally don't know if this is the best gift ever, or the worst gift ever. What I DO know is that, A: They sell single-serving Spam, B: I talk way too much about ham, and C: this bastard's going in a skillet... now. 🍳

Thing a Day: 009/365

Imagining my nipples actually pointed straight ahead, without magical, physics-defying teeshirt tugging. 🤔Ahhh, for true porn star tits... alas. 🙃

Thing a Day: 008/365

One of my resolutions for New Year's is that I'm going to branch out a bit from standard-issue selfies and bathroom mirror shots. So a quick visit to Amazon, and €7 later, and I found a handy-dandy tripod that has a little smart phone bracket. It's dinky for sure, but it'll do the trick to up the artsiness quotent... 💃🏻

Up on the agenda... attempting to recreate that busty pinup aesthetic from the past... that's all I'll say for now, but stay tuned... 😏

Thing a Day: 007/365

Iberian cured ham. One of the reasons that I adore living here. The nuances of this stuff get people snobbily involved in conversation the way the French throw themselves into debates about wine, and the Italians get persnickitous over the proper thickness that garlic should be sliced. Though, it is Spain, so snobbery is always kept more than arm's-length away.

The ones you're seeing here, that occupy an entire aisle of my local grocery store, are the hind legs of the pig, slow-aged ove...

Thing a Day 006/365

It's been one heck of a year, and I'm finally recovered enough to say, "You know what? I'm gonna treat myself."

So, I popped onto Amazon and scrounged up a few articles that I thought were just... fun. Will they work? Will they fail miserably? Who knows! But stick around, and you might find out.

Let's just say, I have some plans in mind. #NewYearNewHeather

Thing a Day: 005/365

A peek behind the scenes: these are AMAZING. Silicone pads that fit to the straps of bras charged with carrying heavy loads. For me, even thicker bra straps DIG IN. These magical things make the day a lot more comfy. 🤤☺️

Think a Day 004/365

Question of the day: provided the top part was stretchy enough, do y'all think I could pull off the retro poodle skirt look? It's a question that's been weighing on my mind way more than it should. 🐩👗

Thing a Day 003/365

So, I missed today. And only three days in. But I can explain it.

So… There was a gas leak! Yes, that's right, the gas leak! And one of the water pipes burst. And the power went out, and so did the Internet? Also… An extra-dimensional squid teleported into the town square, and there was a psychic blast…

See? I'm full of excuses! 😜🤦🏻‍♀️

Thing of the Day 002/365

A fun little sketch by an anonymous collaborator (you know who you are; hit me up if you want me to throw down your IG tag!), re-discovered as I was paging through some old pics on my phone. I think it's fun how my expression turned out. Also, boobases.

Thought I would post it here so it doesn't just live in anonymity forever. :)

Thing a Day: 001/365

New Years Resolutions. I've never taken them too seriously. Except for one.

Several years ago, there was something silly and odd that I didn't like about myself.

See, I was a foodie before it was cool. I will eat anything (don't get any ideas, bwahaha). But there was one food I just could NOT get my head around: coconut.

Especially the candied kind, like you find on a Mounds Bar. It wasn't the flavor: it was the texture. Bleeeghh. When I was a little kid, my grand...

Easily Distracted

Ah, Sunday — and a Sunday where I finally don't have anything pressing or urgent to do. All the best, leading up to what is going to be a quiet, ultra-low-key holiday season.

So, I'm taking the afternoon to indulge in one of my favorite pastimes: lazily getting some dishes and laundry done while I keep re-runs of one of my favorite TV shows streaming in the background. 

Which leads me to this fun video... All of my warm cozies are in the washing machine, which takes like, t...

Heather Beck: Virgin Killer

It’s kind of fun to have a surprise that you wouldn’t otherwise even consider to get for yourself. Case in point, a dear friend of mine had a question: “Have you ever heard of a ‘virgin killer’ sweater?”

I hadn’t, but that’s what Google is for. And when I checked it out, a bell of familiarity rang. I’d seen it somewhere before… maybe in some pop culture reference, movie TV show, I wasn’t sure, but somewhere. 

Essentially, it’s a sweater-dress with a hi...

Inspiration

Featured a drawing about a month ago; found myself in the right place and state to recreate it. This was the default position for tonight's viewing of "Duck, You Sucker!", an unexpectedly great Sergio Leoni spaghetti western.

See what I mean?

Listen y'all. There's not too much to say about this one. If you follow me here, you know that I'm not too big on topless pics. I don't show them too much, and I don't pass them out. But... yeah. Gonna do it tonight, because nipples aren't a big deal. And... yeah.

But the other night, I posted a thing about tops. And how they can be too short, and that I might spill out. And this is an example of that. Yeah. From the top? Totally great. From the front/bottom? Not so much. 

De...

The Pencil Test

[Credit where it's due: bottom picture is me; the two on the top, courtesy Google.]

Some of you may have heard of this, but maybe not. A long time ago, like, in the '50s, this Chicago Sun-Times newspaper columnist named Ann Landers (it was a pen name, and the role of this fictitious advice columnist has had many women behind it over the years), was asked a question about boobies. I haven't been able to track down the original article, but hey, Wikipedia is awesome, and...

Happy Thanksgiving, Everybody. :)

To be honest, I didn't really have any idea that Thanksgiving was coming up until yesterday. It's not easy to remember where I am: aside from the tinge of cold weather, there aren't a lot of seasonal reminders like pumpkin spice lattes, paper turkeys hanging in store windows, and the cringe-worthy countdown of knowing that you're going to just have to sit there and endure while Uncle Carl goes on about politics (we all have an Uncle Carl). 

Still, I feel somehow obligated to celebr...

Girl in the High Tower - Chapter 2 Illustration

Imagine my surprise and pleasure when @hefty_cuties dropped this in my inbox last night. My first thoughts? How much the image on the page reflected exactly what I had in mind for this point in the story; how this artist has such a great talent for textures; how the overall effect is demure and subtle, but with just a hint of eroticism; how Nadya's thighs are so absolutely enviable; and how I WISH I could pull off her bangs. But overall? I'm in love.

Posting this here; also inserting it...

The 10 Commandments a.k.a. Clothing Math

As it happens, I have a sort of love-hate relationship with clothing. Love, because we (for better or worse) live in a society where clothing is something we’re required to have, and also, because one can’t help but develop an affection for some article that makes you feel good when you wear it. Hate, because of the process of actually finding that article. I’m sure a great many of you have deduced this from between the lines, but yours truly isn’t exactly what you would call a big sh...