heatherbeck

Sailors, Fighting on the Dancefloor.

I was given a ukulele a couple years ago. 

It sat in its box for a while, until one day, I decided to take it out and start plinking. The ukulele it turned out, the innocuous little thing sitting in the box in the corner of my apartment, had nothing to offer but... joy. Sheer unrelenting happiness to anyone who was willing to pick it up and spend some time getting to know it. I never played a musical instrument before, but this fucker didn't care. It had no judgement; it just wanted to ma...

Thanks, Phil.

Came across this video while clearing my phone of stuff. Apparently, even gigabytes fill up eventually. I like the way Philip Glass (the Mishima soundtrack was my favorite form of distraction from the sometimes mind-numbingly monotonous world of magazine work) managed to blend in with whatever the hell I had on the TV in the background. 

Anyway, I was going to hit delete, but thought you might want to see it. Then, I had to start a Youtube channel to host it, which is some...

My Friend Andrea. Part 1.

(This was originally going to be one post, but it's long, and is getting longer. It's actually proving to be a cathartic thing to write — recounting that absurd couple of days in the not to distant past when I finally started healing.)

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My phone gave a quick buzz on my coffee table. A leaned my head forward a little to see who it was. I couldn’t make out the message, but with a little squinting, I saw it was Andrea again.

I leaned back on the couch. I didn’t want ...

Tweaking the Text

As this page has evolved over the last several months, it's turned into something different than I expected. I originally set out to put in some old diary entries, and while there have been some of those, I've found it much more gratifying to write originally on the topic of lil' ol' me. 

Also, the quantity of pics I've been posting on here have been a number that fit well within my comfort zone. 

In all, this Patreon page makes me really happy, and from the letters I've receiv...

The other night...

There was a crunching noise. It sounded like footsteps outside the thick wooden door. I was wondering if some neighbor was stopping by; It was 3am, and I was playing my ukulele (in a most mediocre fashion) and I was worried my voice had carried too far. Perhaps someone was coming to warn me that my cacophony was unwelcome at such an hour.

But the noise crunched on, past the door. I called out. No answer.

I went to the back terrace. It's encased in a high stone wall, but there's a bench w...

But in the Meanwhile...

Here's a little something to say thanks on the first of the month. Happy September, everybody. 

Can't decide if I'm kinda cute here, or if this is like a before picture of that girl from The Ring... Little of both? 

Update

Ok, so I know I said "today" like, 2 days ago. But I forgot what a crazy story this was, and then I decided it needed some setup so I didn't sound bonkers, and, well, it's just turning out longer than I thought. Stay tuned, and gracias for the patience y'all. :-)

Today's Assignment...

I came across this cartoon on Instagram the other day. I laughed, and it got me to recalling a telling exchange I had a little while back. One that was awkward as hell at the time, but in hindsight, is a little hilarious... Hoo, boy. I'm writing it now, and I'd like to have it up today, so stay tuned, my homies.

Music.

I'm not what you would call a music person. I like music, and I love music, but I'm not that person who maintains an encyclopedic knowledge, ready to recall at a moment's notice.

Still. I found a collection of albums in a big trunk here. Just like my aunt: a million records, and not a record player to be found. "He left river city the library building, but he left all the books to her."

So, for the sake of nostalgia, I pulled out the record, and played the songs on a more modern de...

The Village of Immortal Spaniards

Before being offered the opportunity to squirrel myself away in a random-ass house in the middle of a random-ass part of Spain, I was a card-carrying member of American society. My groceries are delivered to me, because the nearest town (some 10 kilometers away) has a grocery story that will deliver your stuff, free of charge, provided you spend more than €50. I don’t have a car, because I’m probably not going to be here forever, renting ain’t cheap, and the road signs are difficult to d...

So last night was odd.

A strange catfish experience, which definitely got bumped up on the I Have To Write About This meter. All's well that ends well...

In the meantime, it's just past 5 here, so yay wine!

Not that I usually let the hour stop me... 🙄😅🙃 Though should I? On the fence.

At what point is late afternoon?

Not sure of what the midpoint is between mid afternoon and late afternoon. But I think I might have slept until late afternoon. 

Oh, might be diving into Westworld, season 2. I have it all fired up on the hard drive, and I'm super excited to watch it, ever since (thing happened) to (character). [Don't want to be a spoiler whore.]

Incidentally, I know I'm late in the game, and if you worshipped this show like I did, during season 1, you might want to spill all the coolness, because J...

Yay, Archer.

For what it's worth, I've had a cover up in a blanket, fire up the Netflix, and binge the hell out of Archer day. Team Sterling, but Pam Poovey is my spirit animal, I think.

Also, was sad this meme didn't already exist, so I created it. Was also bummed that I was uncertain about the spelling of the words 'subcutaneous' and 'adipose'. Had to research if shitload was one word or two, but I'll leave the minutia to the lexicographers.

Polldee MacDennis — The Poll of Polls

So here's a poll about the institution of polls — a referendum on whether or not to have a referendum. First, I just want to see how this feature of the site works, 'cause it's kinda fun. Second, I have been trying to figure out a way for those of you who want a bit more interactivity on this site to have that. 

One idea I have is for a story (not the one I mentioned in the last post — something different, but I'd like to do that one, too). I'd like to get some fiction up here, and a ...

Drink and dance,

and laugh, and lie,

love the reeling midnight through.

For tomorrow, we shall die!

But, alas, we never do.

-D.P.

Quick question. How many of you are here because of BE? I know it's a thing, and like every deviation, it has its layers and sub-layers. Far be it from me to foul, and for what it's worth, I've delved and explored out of sheer curiosity because in a weird way, that's my life. You can be honest; I won't mind.

And to add to that question... I've been work...

Boobs + Science = Get a Towel

So, common sense would dictate that eventually, I might want to know how much subcutaneous adipose tissue I’m lugging around every day. And it doesn’t take a trip too far down the rabbit hole to figure out that maybe a scale would be the best way to sort the issue out.

But not really. I could just flop one of the girls on a bathroom scale, but you know, it’s not very accurate. My smaller-breasted sisters I’ve seen online have tried this (I’m sure there are still videos out the...

Tipping Point

Hey, gang. So, I've discovered that there's a bit of a tipping point here in Patreon. That 8-day mark where, if you don't post stuff, folks'll start hitting you up with letters expressing their dissatisfaction. Hey, apologies. Sometimes, life happens. This girl has got a day job, and she's had some family shit to tend to. If the price of a Starbucks once a month is too dear to just roll with it, then that's okay. I'm not being catty here; I actually do understand. But it's your choice, and for t...

Feliz Viernes

Just a quick hello to wish everyone a nice weekend. I, myself? I'll probably be nerding out, doing some 'me' writing. A couple of you may know this already, but one of my favorite ways to chill is... dare I say it... writing romance fiction (!). Like, old-school, sea-washed shores, copper-haired gentlemen, heaving bosoms... The kind of stuff that drives 60-something women wild. I eagerly await your slings and arrows. 

Speaking of Pictures on the Edge of a Bed...

After writing that last story, I remembered a picture that I took a little while back. Not as emotionally wrenching as the previous illustration — if I remember correctly, this was my attempt at "sultry." If that's not how it's perceived, know at least that that's how it was intended. (insert sultry emoji here)

I Feel Ya', Girl.

I'm not sure where I came across this picture. It was a while ago, and I was probably pretty stoned when I saved it to my computer. But it stuck with me. It's almost like someone was sitting in my bedroom, sketchpad in hand. 

So far, I've shared a lot of pictures with you all, of me in clothing I've become too large to wear. And it's all been in good fun, and I look forward to posting more. This is good for me, therapeutically and otherwise. If that wasn’t the case, if I hadn’t gotten...

Just Shy of a Fathom.

Enough of you have asked, so I'm just going to throw it out there. I'm 5'7" or 5'8" feet tall, depending on my posture. That's about 171 centimeters for the rest of the world that has logically decided to go with the metric system. 

Or, just shy of a fathom, for your Ahabs out there. 

Not sure how it happened, as I came from a family of hobbits. I always kinda wanted to be a short girl, actually... Grass being greener, and all that. 

Tattoo Idea?

So, this is not a picture of me, full disclaimer. But I stumbled across it on Instagram, and thought it was striking, and honestly, pretty damned funnypropriate. Only in my case, the numbers would be a lot closer together, and the lines would be a lot farther apart.

Dear God, please don't let me get drunk one night and get a series of tattoos like this. Knowing my luck, I would feel compelled to carry through, and "2028" would end up being down by my fucking knee, or something...

2018-07-16 21:40:00 +0000 UTC View Post

Blue Flannel, Part 2

That moment when you take a picture where your lighting game is so unintentionally on-point, you accidentally remind yourself of how you looked in college. But I also wanted to post this one because one of you wanted to see a different angle of the one I posted on Instagram, and yeah... I look kinda hot, so I couldn't resist. #angles #drama #fuckbuttons #twobigdifferences.

The Ballad of Mr. Underwire

They say that a man invented the bra. I think that’s true? If it is, no worries. I don’t have any hard feelings. There’s no reason I can think of as to why a man shouldn’t be able to grasp the basic engineering standards of how to support two teardrop-shaped orbs of flesh that are filled with adipose tissue and mammary gland. 

Whomever invented it, you have to admit that it’s a pretty clever idea. Kind of like capitalism or zero-calorie vodka: it’s not perfect, but it’s the ...

Settling in.

I like pictures like this. Pictures like this give some fun little clues. So, feel free to inject. I'll let you know if you're hot or cold. 

Nice to be back. :-)

A Quick Note

So, the last day has been crazy, and the next few are gonna be pretty hectic as well. I see so many messages I want to respond to, and for better or worse, I only tend to write when I can lay a whole thought out on paper. So if it takes me a little time over the next few days to hit you back, that's why.

Otherwise, in lieu of my comfy chair and glass of Cab, the next few days might be an interlude of shorter, more off-the-cuff postings until I'm back in my flow.

Though I will say t...

Full Frontal

Jeez, guys. 196 patrons. I don't know what to say, but thanks for stopping by to check me out, and for the outpouring of support. To each and every one of you, I mean that. For me, this is kind of a game changer, so I hope you'll forgive me if I take a moment to take stock and process. 

This is my first Patreon, so I didn't know what to expect. In my mind, I just had it as a small collective of dedicated, lovable perverts who I could lure in for some schoolin', Heather style. But I think ...

Searching for a Term

Diary Excerpt, July 2017

When this particular word I had never heard before stumbled its way into my vocabulary, I journalism-ed, and tried to learn as much as I possibly could about it. 

The first listings on google said that gigantomastia, or macromastia, was basically an excessive growth of the breast. I think the Wikipedia entry said that it technically qualified as breasts that weigh 3% of total body weight (great way to make a girl feel noticed, remind her of how chubby she is...

"Boo Caught Me Slippin'."

There was this funny Buzzfeed (or something) page going around a little while back of people who took pictures of themselves sleeping. They were posted to social media as having been taken by someone else, but in these shots, things like mirrors in the background betrayed them. You know what I'm talking about? Anyway, I thought that was hilarious. Really sad, too because it's like, Aww... Everyone just wants love...

In this case, I think I give myself away because my eyes are open. Oh well. Al...

The Shape of Me

When a woman wants breast implants, the surgeon has a couple of options at his disposal (was going to use a gender-neutral pronoun, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard of any female plastic surgeons, so ‘his’ works).

He can either put the implant in the breast pocket, basically inside the breast if the already-existing boob is large enough (or just under the skin for our flat-chested friends). This gives a much more natural appearance to the breast, where it hangs, sways, and feels almos...