ellakociuba

jut sharing some love

i love to be in depth and work on healing

but i also love being a goober and acting silly

in order

to heal others we must find our own sickness within and tend to it. love it. accept it. heal it. let it go.

come to my river

wash your soul over me

i am with you

when you struggle i struggle

we are all together

warrior

stepping into my queendom i see all of you

your potential is boundless

stay unbridled

ah.

sun baby heals in the water

she is her own fire

she is her own current

i’m the worst

but the best

pls forgive me - i’ll always produce but sometimes the concept of time looses me

lovr

is letting go.

mornings

i take care of myself.

do some hape. meditate. sketch. have intimacy with my dogs. myself. my lover. i stretch. i feel. i awake. i create.

we have the power to cultivate the life and feelings we desire. balance your desire.

elegantly flawed

i want people to reach for their full potential so badly that at times i feel like i overstep

that my advice and wisdom gets taken wrong

as if i am telling them what to do

as if i am acting like i know it all

but really

i just want people to succeed at life

to live the life they desire

to be themselves

to have less stress over things that do not matter

to be a leader for themselves and for others

2021-03-03 13:28:21 +0000 UTC View Post

behave

letting go of what no longer serves you

it feels like nausea

it comes out of you

ever so elegantly

but terribly

if you surrender

you will come to realize you will be okay

it will move through you

you will let it go

but if you fight it

you will suffer more

you will even feel more

surrender and let it go

transitional times

lead with love no matter what

r3al life

hope

you had

your fantasies

played with

live em up

embracing

that side i adore

kind of that girl

<<solitude>></solitude>

the reason i’m going places

is unexplainable but it’s also as simple as just a matter of knowing how to just keep on getting up the fuck up after falling. and understanding why you fell in the first place.

put it down

unable to give when i need to receive

i have come to understand this

alone

energy took a minute to come back to me

solo trip to co jan 2021

i used to go out all the time by myself

when i was in my later teens and early twenties. i would book flights and get myself into these conventions with no where really to stay but always figured it out - usually my sponsors or friends i knew of or teammates - i would jut crash with them. it was no big deal. i explored. i went around meeting people, representing myself.

so to have some paranoia as a 27 year old in a cabin by yourself at first felt odd and i ...

head space

achieved by movement meditation and solitude

play your cards right

some days you win

other days you loose it all

taking a random trip for my head

and it was usual

had to reschedule my flight the night before to a different destination but still great

gunna jut be me in a cabin for three nights - two full days to go hike a bit

do some self photography

sketch if i feel it

be alone

cry if i need it

be alone wit my energy

pet me

that’s all i like

i want to be a pet for you

i want to please my owner

it’s part of pleasing me

that’s a no no

you ever feel someone jut generate this fantasy?

one you try to avoid?

one you try to have boundaries on?

one you say no to?

but they can’t seem to consume your energy like a drug

forever victimizing

controlling

possessive

give me more of that please

now.

you don’t complete a puzzle by forcing pieces

a closer look

self shaming is one of my strongest demons

it loves how obedient i am

working against it

working with it

we are better than being our enemies, mind.

i want to enjoy my mind

it feels mad quite often

but i get to hear all the voices

i get to decide which one really rules

heyooo!

so i got asked to do some erotic art for others since i’m finally feeling comfortable in myself more secure and producing what feels so natural despite it also being taboo.

this excites me so much!

going to help me grow while giving to others still!

be still my wild heart

i go from

feeling what feels like everything to nothing at all

this numbness this choke

i want to love

i want to let it go

it’s a deep ache in my chest

the years i’ve spent emptying myself out

and never replenishing

the abuse i came to accept

the trauma i came to learn

you don’t deserve this anymore

sounds about right

fluid ness

is fluid was

i am so tired of being all these things people think they want me to be and guilt tripping me for not making it fit.

i know i don’t deserve it.

you don’t

it doesn’t matter how honest you be

or blunt or set those boundaries

when you are an unconditional healer

a giver

an empath

it is so hard to neglect that side of you ...

sketch

just a sketch

y’all see it first

i recently

did this dark questionnaire on my IG and was surprised how hard communication is for people. do you find this to be something you struggle with? and is because of fear- the fear of being judged? rejected? isolated? shamed?

honestly the more you break it down the more you realize you are just in your own way.

people will always have their own head.

don’t let their thoughts go into yours and make your head theirs.

you deserve more

emotionally

breaking free of shit

is that too much?