johnnywander

Tarnished needs a different job (43)

PERCY FOUND THE MIMIC VEIL!!!!! Sometimes this game is truly peak comedy???

The mimic veil basically increases your stealth and turns your player character into a random prop asset from somewhere in the map. I've turned into crates, barrels, statues, piles of sticks, a variety of trees, a canon... it seems like each area has its own library of props to choose from. It's unbelievably funny to no-clip slide around on the ground 😂

Tarnished needs a different job (42)

Jumping puzzles are somehow better with friends... 😭

You can only have summons accompany you in really limited areas - boss rooms mostly- with the exception of one town where they can follow you around everywhere!!!! It also happened to be a jumping puzzle area lol

Somehow the constant failure of mis-jumping was less bad with the comedy of having the imps following me around.... thank you imps ......

Tarnished needs a different job (41)

Hmm I wonder if you're only supposed to pledge yourself to one faction with a regular amount of fealty instead of all factions simultaneously while slightly revolver ocelot triple-betraying all of them. I'm sure it's fine!!!!

BARBAROUS Chapter 7 dev update!

Hi everyone! Here's Cecilia, as she'll be appearing in the next chapter of BARBAROUS! Work on the chapter is coming along nicely-- we'll keep you posted!

Tarnished needs a different job (40)

hello how have I done 40 of these

we finally made it to the Windmill Village!!!! It's extremely charming, in a creepy and suspenseful way. There's parts of other pop media that have definitely influenced some areas, and this is definitely Midsommar.

I want to unlock a dancing emote, but I don't think one exists. U___U

Tarnished needs a different job (39)

Waaahh we finally got to Volcano Manor and met Zorayas!!!

This place is seriously built like a dinner theater restaurant, it's all red lights and huge tables everywhere. Anyway, I'm charmed, even though I don't think I'm supposed to be lol

Tarnished needs a different job (38)

At the bottom of [previously mentioned jumping hell tower] there was a EXTREMELY DIFFICULT BOSS and behind the boss was a HUGE SWORD that somehow works with Percy's build!!!! (faith/strength/dex) It's also very very heavy, which means we should probably stop using the heaviest armor we've come across thus far lol

Tarnished needs a different job (37)

NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WOULD BE SO MUCH PLATFORMING!!! 😭😭 I died so many times going up the outside of that huge tower in Caelid .... and again going down once I got inside.... 😭

Tarnished needs a different job (36)

date with blaidd has not gone as advertised...

perhaps his major character flaw is that he is a bad judge of date spots.... (that being, a boss arena)

BARBAROUS ILLUSTRATION: Magnolia Porter Siddell

Today's illustration is by Magnolia Porter Siddell of Monster Pulse fame! Magnolia is the cartoonist behind The Golden Boar, a new fantasy comic that you might enjo...

Tarnished needs a different job (35)

Look, this is pretty much his dialogue in the game, it's not my fault I have decided Elden Ring is a Blaidd dating sim.

Tarnished needs a different job (34)

I keep on running into these walking iron maidens in unexpected places and they keep EATING me like a wood chipper and they have a jillion hit points, horrible, 3/10

Tarnished needs a different job (33)

Apparently these things are called Fallingstar Beasts, but they're absolutely a bull with a beetle head and I will never not call them Rodeo Bugs

they're also immune to bleed (the status effect that the imps do) so it was probably not a good idea to bring them along but also they're the strongest summon we've got??

Anyway we all got thrashed so we gave up lol

Tarnished needs a different job (32)

Found the madness town! Everyone has been inflicted with madness! You too will go mad and die if you're within eyeshot of the madness tower! Horrible!

My first thought was actually "wow this must've been a nightmare for the developers to program" lol

Tarnished needs a different job (31)

oh no we've gotten to the point where we're completing friendly NPC's storylines and apparently in Fromsoft games those endings all have a very similar theme 🙃

ANYWAY, I'd been wanting this weapon for a long time after a friend showed off his twin blade build!!! I specifically wanted to try out this weapon because it does bleed, and I'm obsessed with doing bleed lol

hilariously I wound up getting a sephiroth-type horse cutter katana during the same quest (basically a...

Tarnished needs a different job (30)

oh my god I've done 30 of these little journal drawings (I've actually done more than 30 now, I'm dripping these out over here)

There's a bunch of 'magic' metrics in Elden Ring and "Intelligence" is one of them. Percy has a "Faith" magic build, which means she can do Incantations but not Sorceries??? Anyway, I just love that she has a low INT stat. Our little idiot genius ☺️💖

(also in the game all sorcerers wear cartoonishly huge stone heads, li...

Tarnished needs a different job (29)

there's a spot where there's a gigantic sleeping dragon and you can just walk up and kill her and she won't fight back ;___; it was too sad, I couldn't do it, don't make me do it (it's completely optional)

I've been going back on forth on whether or not I want to kill any dragons at all, they're by in large all named individual bosses/minibosses (not respawning mobs) ... I don't think you GET anything for not killing dragons, it's just a personal thing!!!!

Tarnished needs a different job (28)

WE MET JAR BAIRN!!!! The jars have some of my favorite designs in the game, they're just really adorable. (apparently they're also like, canopic jars. just completely full of guts) But they're generally aggressive, with few exceptions.

Jar Bairn (bairn is old english for baby, I only know this because I listened to a lot of Celtic music as a child) was apparently a recent game-patch NPC, so they only appeared in the game in the past few weeks! It makes me glad I started playing kind of ...

BARBAROUS Chapter 7 dev update!

Hi everyone! Here's a new, yet unnamed character who'll be appearing in the next chapter of BARBAROUS! We're excited to introduce more glamoured characters. 

Tarnished needs a different job (27)

We found a beautiful magic elevator that wound up leading to a HORRIBLE NEST FULL OF GIANT POISON ANTS

just as we thought we were nearly finished clearing out the entire area, we were killed by like 20 morlocks with spears and haven't been back since

I think we're just going to wait until a friend wants to do co-op, that was too much 😭😭

Tarnished needs a different job (26)

We finally managed to get matching armor for Lhutel (the tall headless lady knight summon we got a ways back)!!!!

Sans the wing adornments on the back, it's actually NOT super attractive. It actually looks very stupid with the stone imp helm, and it's mostly kind of a washed out gritty yellow color. AND it looks like Percy looted it off a body, which she, uh, kind of did. It IS, however, the best armor we have access to in the game at the moment! So Percy is going to have wings for a li...

Tarnished needs a different job (25)

It's hard not to anthropomorphize the summons, even though they don't/probably don't have any sort of personalities baked into their AIs.

Anyway we got to a really incredible/totally bizarre boss fight involving a bunch of berries and cream boys rolling around on the floor, singing and shooting fireballs at you. (many of my friends read them as girls. 'berries and cream boy' is now genderless) 

2022-04-28 16:17:36 +0000 UTC View Post

Tarnished needs a different job (24)

We found the heavily meme'd Pope Turtle!!! (his real name is Miriel, he will tutor you in magic. Actual Percy would adore him)

In a game full of Things That Want To Kill You, every character who shows you any affection is extremely precious.

His house is super haunted at night though, wow, horrible

Tarnished needs a different job (23)

Like 35+ hours later we finally met Ranni (who is one of the Face Characters of Elden Ring and supposed to be one of the very first named NPCs you meet in the game, we accidentally completely missed her)

anyway she seems <strike>scary</strike> cool

BARBAROUS ILLUSTRATION: Kris Mukai

At the end of last year we commissioned some artists to do their renditions of BARBAROUS characters! This one is by Kris Mukai, whose website you can find here. In addition to being an animation writer at Cartoon Network, Kris is also a fantastic cartoonist-- 2022-04-26 16:48:13 +0000 UTC View Post

Tarnished needs a different job (22)

An update to the last post (where we found a chicken-EXP grind and Percy became super strong)!!!

Percy's solid stone wolf helmet is one of the heaviest things she wears/carries but we've been STUBBORNLY refusing to take it off because it looks funny/cool/stupid. Unfortunately, when she DOES take it off, she's suddenly able to carry a lot more weapons..... (hence partially why she was wearing cloth armor for a while).

ANYWAY SHE'S REALLY BUFF NOW AND CAN CARRY A LOT OF S...

Tarnished needs a different job (20 & 21)

soooo apparently your character has "hit points" in this game that are controlled by their "vigor," and if you want more hit points you need to invest in "vigor"

Percy, had 10 vigor as a starting stat and we uh just failed to invest in giving her hit points??? which means I'd just unnecessarily made this game way harder than it needed to lol

anyway we found a well-known experience-farming site and killed a giant monster chicken like 30 times and gained like 20 levels in...

Tarnished needs a different job (19)

Hey wizard college is like, way more violent than I remember it being

Were there so many undead here before, did I just forget about this or what

what's with all these dogs

Tarnished needs a different job (18)

SO SPOILERS FOR THE FIRST THIRD OF ELDEN RING I GUESS???

THERE'S A WIZARD SCHOOL IN THIS GAME, FULL OF PEOPLE YOU HAVE TO KILL

Seriously, Ananth and I started cackling once we realized what was happening, we were so delighted that suddenly this game took a turn for Barbarous Canon lol 

We found an extremely cool katana that does bleed status effects (same as the claws) so I wanted to try that out - also there's a lot of enemies in this area t...

Tarnished needs a different job (17)

Good news: I found an incredibly cool boss in an area that is absolutely outside my skill level

Bad news: I found an incredibly cool boss in an area that is absolutely outside my skill level

After throwing myself at her like two evenings in a row I vowed to come back when at an appropriate level. But wow, cool floating energy swords. When can I get some cool floating energy swords