philtucker

Feedback on IGS #4

I'm pretty sure that I'll be doing some more work tomorrow - possibly adding an Epilogue, a final POV chapter for Dameon during the fight, and maybe splitting the current last chapter in two to give Naomi and Scorio some downtime and rest before they fly away to the Red Keep.

What else stuck out at you as either elements you'd like clarified, points of confusion, or plot points I dropped (like Plassus's treasure space)? Are there any parts of the book that struck you as needing work, or...

IGS #4: Epilogue

Fionna

The Silver Unfathom

She raced over silver sands beneath the burning sky. Would that her teleportation ability could cover leagues, but each pulse, each corpse she left in her wake was a tremendous expenditure of mana, and only useful in brief bursts.

For a long journey like this one? She’d learned that a slow and steady jog was best. Plus she needed to be a target. Visible from the sky. Easily marked. Or she...

IGS #4, Chapter 66

Scorio

“Naomi.” Her very name summoned a wealth of emotions, even as the person before him seemed other. This wasn’t in some fundamental manner the Naomi he’d known, so passionate and loyal, so fervently suspicious and bitter, so caustic and ready to abandon all society and its causes. The woman in the doorway with her long, lustrous black hair and distinguished bearing appeared more the King’s Scepter in the flesh, a figure from his d...

IGS #4, Chapter 65

Scorio

The Silverines chased them all the way back to the Cube, but peeled away at the last, repulsed by some oath or aura of the floating fortress that caused them to not even try to test its defenses.

Scorio didn’t care. He simply fought to keep up with Naomi, who’d tease him by pulling ahead, her tentative laughter carried by the wind, only to turn so that she flew facing him, then abruptly brake so that he’d surge past her, only...

IGS #4, Chapter 64

Scorio

“I’m here, Scorio. I’m… I’m back.” He knew that voice, his very spirit told him who this was, but he could only marvel, taken aback by her blazing form. The upswell of emotion in her voice was cut off as she turned to face where Dameon was picking himself up out of the sand. Voice hard, she raised her blazing staff, and its tip kindled to life. “Now let’s finish him together.”“Naomi?”

Scorio took a step back, a...

Quick question: favorite villain thus far?

Just curious!

IGS #4, Chapter 63

Dameon

Victory. Could it be this easy? But of course it could, for he felt himself a god, was becoming one, would be unstoppable as soon as he crushed these ants and drank deep of all the Sun had to offer.

Delirious delight. How had it all gone so right? This was proof that good things did happen to the deserving. Against all odds he’d persevered, against all indignities, bowing his head, biding his time, tolerating fools, placating idi...

IGS #4, Chapter 62

Scorio

A perilous headlong rush right into the face of death. There was no doubting the power that manifested at the tip of Dameon’s ferula. Scorio could sense the pinprick of light as a blight upon his Heart senses, a flaring of power far beyond what Dameon should have been able to manifest. Was that Emerald, was that Diamond—?

The bolt flashed down, quick as thought, and in pure bloodyminded determination Scorio decided to brute forc...

IGS #4, Chapter 61

Scorio

“First things first,” said Plassus, peering at the panels on either side of him then frowning at the armrests. “Let’s get this Cube righted.”

Scorio tore his gaze away from the translucent wall to stare at the older man just as Plassus Ignited his Heart. The blaze was bright, a deep and stout flame that Scorio could almost understand in a novel manner—was there an element of… richness? Of density to the flames? He’d ...

IGS #4, Chapter 60

Scorio

“Somebody talk to me,” said Scorio as he strode up to Anseline’s dais. “Is this a control panel? How does it work?”

Sal had hustled to the side of the circular chamber where he’d begun studying an array of flickering lights. Bravurn stood with his arms crossed, expression contemplative, and not nearly worried enough for Scorio’s liking. Radert and the other Herdsmen had excused themselves, and without the capacity to g...

Update: IGS #4 Edits

I just wanted to jump in here real quick and provide a snapshot as to where the story is as we race down the final stretch. Overall, I'm pleased and relieved to have pulled things together and hammered out a coherent plot, as that was in doubt early on and a large part of why I wrestled for so long with this book. I gave it my first shot back in February, but only got as far as Scorio reaching the Red Keep before backing away, defeated.

But FastLance, a great alpha reader of mine, gave...

IGS #4, Chapter 59

Leonis

Shock, amazement, hope, awe.

Leonis backed away from the bier as the older man scowled at him, then focused his gaze at the fight taking place around the Archspire.

“I—we’re in the Tomb of Sadness, and—”

“Shove it, lad.” Plassus inhaled deeply and placed his hand over his heart. “Ah, but that’s better. Well then. Let’s get this sorted, shall we?”

A great gout of lava burst into the air, a thic...

IGS #4, Chapter 58

Dameon

The Silverines bore Dameon on, and as he flew through the frigid skies toward the awesome Silverine Sun, he sought frantically to find some means of wresting victory from rank impossibility.

For he knew victory was possible. His damn power told him such. Each time despair began to squeeze his throat and blanket his mind in darkness, he’d summon that tapestry of threads and stare in disbelief at the broad, golden road that rated hi...

IGS #4, Chapter 57

Leonis

This couldn’t be considered sacred ground, yet somehow it still felt like it. Leonis inhaled deeply, trying to come to terms with what he was seeing all around him—the endless biers, the still forms, their missing legends—and failed. He just couldn’t wrap his mind around it.

Had they been lying here for centuries? In the dark, lost to their own kind, trapped by the Herdsmen in a living mausoleum? Why? The question resonated ...

IGS #4, Chapter 56

Scorio

The air was hushed, as if the entire Cube held its breath as Scorio led Fionna down the hall. He thought she might take the lead, confident now that she was free of the Gauntlet, but the experience had clearly had a profound effect on her, such that she walked alongside him, casting hesitant, nervous glances at him all the while.]

Dying horrifically over and over again could have that effect on people, he guessed.

Their footst...

IGS #4, Chapter 55

Naomi

The world moved beneath her, elastic and mobile, such that her body undulated atop the pebbled ground. Head lolling, hair strewn across her face, mouth parched, she blinked and tried to understand what had happened.

Visions, flickerflashes of memory: tenebrites around her, the pit, Nox’s steadfast refusal to leave her alone.

The memory of his unquestioning loyalty clove her heart, filled her with broken gratitude and wonder. ...

IGS #4, Chapter 54

Jova

Kuragin and Nyrix slept for an age. Time slowed and lost all meaning. Nobody spoke. One by one, the others fell into slumber. The air, frigid, caused them to huddle, Xandera forming the natural nucleus, her body heat constant and prodigious.

Silence but for the distant moan of wind tearing around the mountain peaks. Jova felt alienated from her own needs. She could recognize her fatigue, but it was distant, theoretical. Sure, the eido...

IGS #4, Chapter 53

Scorio

The fiend rushed into view. Cloak draped over one arm, garbed in ornate black finery, a consummate courtier but for his geometric nullity of a black rectangular head, it entered the hall at a full sprint and came to an abrupt stop.

It could sense the nature of his ferula, Scorio surmised, even as he fought his way up to his feet.

“Scorio?” Myla’s voice was a ragged whisper. “What is… how did you…?”

Scorio k...

IGS #4, Chapter 52

Scorio

Death.

Every minute, a new end.

With each restart, his body reacted of its own accord, filling his veins with fire, his muscles with the need to flee. He’d lost the instinct to fight back, and now could only wrestle with the prey mentality.

And yet.

He was no stranger to death. To futility. So where Myla would begin each restart by collapsing, Scorio would kneel. Take deep breaths, close his eyes, lay his hands u...