civvie11

CRYOSTASIS - PEAK FORMS

It's been a while since we've checked in on Action Forms, Ukrainian jankromancers who have yet to disappoint me with their resourcefulness and dedication to making me scratch my head hard enough to have bald patches. I wanted to check out Cryostasis because people told me it was the best Action Forms game. And it was. For completely unexpected reasons.  

I haven't decided if enjoyable jank or miserably awful jank makes for a better video. On the one hand, Kreed, which surprisingly ...

PETTY THIEF: THE METAL AGE #4

I've been waiting for so long to get to Life of the Party, a level so massive and so damn impressive that I could dedicate an entire episode to it. Thief doesn't get any more Thief-y than this. A quick, mostly chill video about larceny that is almost completely murderless. I would say the video is 95% not murders.

It shouldn't have taken two weeks to make, but it did, because while I'm worki...

EPIC UNREAL MEGASPECIAL

We've got a special! And I do mean special, because this is the longest video I've ever put out, eclipsing the Blood 2 Rawmaster by about seven minutes. A lot needed to be discussed because Epic sucks, Unreal is great, Return to Na Pali is hilarious, and it's about time I concluded the stupid lore bits I've been sprinkling throughout the videos over the last year or so. 2023 clean slate.

I'll never understand the lack of love for Unreal when compared to the other titans of the...

PETTY THIEF: THE METAL AGE #3

Happy New Year! 

Yes, it's more Thief, because I'll be damned if I let this series die. I started it at the worst possible time - September - so that it would be pre-empted by holiday-themed videos for months. Hopefully that's over and we can start doing one of these in between every other release. I expect there's only a few more episodes for Thief 2 and the next one might be completely dedicated to Life of the Party, the pinnacle of Thief levels, which, last time I played it, too...

PRO POSTAL CHRISTMAS II: HAPPY NIGHT

Last year, while making Ludichristmas II: The Revenjank, I was shocked that I didn't have time to tackle the second video I wanted to put out in December where I played the good Postal Christmas mod. The one that I could kinda-sorta tie into a revenge plot from the bad Postal Christmas mod. One that was weird not because of bugs (mostly) but because it just had the strangest shit happening like it was a normal day for everyone. It is normal for Paradise. And even though I have now played this...

QUAKE 4 - STROGGJAMMIN'

You asked for it! No, really, a shocking number of people have asked about Quake 4,  like really a metric "shit-tonne." So, I dusted it off and completed my first playthrough of the game since ~2006 and made a video. The video only really came together around the fifth day of editing when I decided to cut significant portions of it that sucked. There's about five minutes of material cut from this video and it's all in the trash where it belongs. I am very confident what's left i...

WHAT'S CIVVIE PLAYING? - BLOOD: FLESHED OUT EPISODE 2

The pseudo-monthly patreon-only hit series seen by thousands returns! You know what's fun? Blood. Blood is fun. I missed Blood. Maybe I always miss Blood. Deep down in the warm, fuzzy places I don't like to talk about, nothing can quite compare to the feeling of successfully clearing a room in Blood, where you lead with explosives and exit with a mad cackle. I don't mean for these videos to get this long and then the game itself provides a well of entertaining clips. Hoped to get this out jus...

PETTY THIEF: THE METAL AGE #2

I don't think I'll ever start a series in September again. Once October comes and the spookfest begins, you won't be able to get back to it. Luckily, it was a Thief series, so nobody was asking about it. 

Now, after many attempts to make these videos more watchable, I relent! In this case, go ahead, watch this episode on your fucking telephones.

I do actually care about people being able to see the Thief videos so on top of the night vision junk,...

CULTIC: EPISODE 1 - BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

Halloween approaches. In the mad dash to get out some spooky videos, it seemed like it would be CRIMINAL to overlook Cultic in that shuffle. So this video will actually go public on Halloween, which is a terrible idea. No one is going to be watching YouTube videos on Halloween. Not when they could be attending social gatherings or watching Terrifier 2.

I'm very likely going to be watching Terrifier 2.

...

F.E.A.R. - CHINATOWN FROM HELL

Welcome to the (probably) last video for spooky month - unless I can get the Cultic video together before Halloween.

What can I say about F.E.A.R. that hasn't already been said in other videos? I don't know. I didn't watch those other videos, but I'll confidently say things for 45 minutes  anyway, as this is one of the most requested videos in the history of the channel. October seemed like the time to get it out there. I think the common theme for this month is "Warner Brothers ...

THE SUFFERING - I AM DEATH INCARNATE

FUCK YEAH, KIDS, IT'S SPOOKY SEASON AGAIN! All those boomshoots that came out last month? Ignore them! I will not have this sacred time interrupted because 3D Realms did a three day show and everyone started releasing their own shooters en masse.

Go play Prodeus, though. Prodeus is awesome.

And so is Incision. And Fortune's Run, even if it grinds my balls to paste. Cultic hits early access this month too because despite my status as "pinnacle of online entertainment,"...

PETTY THIEF: THE METAL AGE #1

SOME OF YOU ASKED FOR IT. AND NOW YOU'RE GONNA GET IT.

Put your taffing hats and your tap shoes on, kids, we're going back to the dark, foreboding, dark fantasy world of "The City," where the only criminals in town who aren't locked up are Garrett and his lovelorn friend Basso the Boxman. Forget about zombies and burricks, this one is the best Thief! Look at that level design! Forgive the incredibly depressing intro, which I was hoping would go so over the top that people might...

RETURN TO CASTLE WOLFENSTEIN - SCHLOCK AND AWE

It's been like forever and a year since the Wolfenstein 3D video and I'm not going to dedicate much time to Spear Of Destiny, and I'm going to devote even less time to the Spear expansions because they are beneath contempt. Not even showing the bats. This video is long enough as it is and I've hacked off about 5 minutes.

Welcome to the first episode in 4k, a process that went a lot smoother than I expected, you know, besides having to remake half of my go-to graphics that were made for...

WHAT'S CIVVIE PLAYING? - BLOOD: FLESHED OUT EPISODE 1

I want more Pro Blood!

We have Pro Blood at home.

Pro Blood at home:

Still catching up after the deluge. This was actually supposed to come out before the Chaser video did. It didn't exactly work out like that. Just like I was going to do Doom: No Rest For The Living next, like months ago, but that's changed into Return to Castle Wolfenstein because I'm still not sure how I'm going to approach another DOOM video when it's just more DOOM, which is the per...

The Ballad of John Chaser

It's that time again. As foretold by the oracles of jank, as written in the sky on the dying stars of a thousand cursed systems, a video game of such unfathomable horror came into my possession. Its motives alien to me, I sought to not just capture it for study, but to understand the most important of questions... why?

When Tesla said "you may live to see man-made horrors beyond your comprehension" I thought maybe like one or two man-made horrors beyond my comprehensi...

PRO POSTAL: BRAIN DAMAGED

If ever there was a video to make while battling a non-covid sickness, fueled by cheap over-the-counter flu medicine and two hours of sleep per night, it had to be Postal: Brain Damaged.

This video was also the first one edited on my new PC. This is the first PC I've ever gotten that wasn't an emergency buy and I can thank all of you for that. I've been planning to move my videos about 25-year-old video games to 4k and I think this might do the trick. I was even able to run Adobe Afte...

ROUNDUP IV - THE ALLUVION

The Boom Shoot Toob has been fixed. The end is nigh. 

It's roundup time again, kids, where I take a look at a gaggle of games from Next Fest and a couple others that were lost in the shuffle over the last couple of months.

I shamelessly copied and pasted the intro to Extraneum from the previous Patreon video thinking it would save time and then I had to re-edit the whole thing anyway because of the new cutscenes. 

I apologize in advance to the Forgive Me Father f...

JILL OF THE EPIC MEGAJUNGLE

Please enjoy this video that was in production before DNF 2001 got leaked, which I'm sliding in here before I start to tackle the deluge of releases in June. Postal: Brain Damaged is the next thing coming up, followed by a roundup, where I play the most games ever featured in one video. I have at least 7 to look at, including Metal: Hellsinger, Project Warlock II, Turbo Overkill, Selaco, just so many boomshoots that I felt it was needed to add an intro to this video assuring people that I am ...

DUKE NUKEM FOREVER - IT IS HAPPENING AGAIN

Edit: this video has been updated to be more accurate and less shitty.

I brought a DNF 2001 video, as it shot to the very front of my production schedule. Old DOS platformer? NAH! Slavjank? We will get to it, and it's magical. 

But DNF 2001 is, if not important, at least interesting, and most importantly, glitchy and surreal in equal measure. We never thought we'd play this. While you won't see every single map included in the leak, I think I captured all of the big ones and ...

WHAT'S CIVVIE PLAYING - SUCKER FOR LOVE

One for the road before I go dark for a couple weeks to do life stuff. And before you ask, next time I'm gonna do something with the DNF 2001 leak, which has pushed itself to the front of the production line. I am very aware of it. I would say that I have reached a trance-like nirvana level of awareness concerning the DNF 2001 leak. At this point, I have been alerted to the existence of the DNF 2001 leak to such an extent that it has granted me a Dr. Manhattan-level of temporal insight and th...

OUTLAWS - SIX-GUN SALUTE

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Here's Outlaws, another classic that is somewhat divisive that I actually love. I didn't get to play it back in the day so it went under my radar until last year. Then I played it, loved it, decided to make a vid on it after getting through a bunch of other stuff, and here we are. 

It's either going to be a very short or moderately long time u...

PRO POSTAL 4 - FRIDAY

I'd like to take a moment to welcome the staggering influx of new patrons since the last video. The magic words that lead to success, apparently, are "sewer count" and I suggest that you practice this mantra in the mirror every morning. Thank you all for showing up and I'm sure some of you will be very happy to finally see this newest chapter in the Postal saga. 

It's one of the most trying and difficult edits I've ever had to do.

Because Postal 4 is, uhhh... extraordinarily ...

NIGHTMARE REAPER - BARRELS O' FUN

Ah, Nightmare Reaper, a game I can finally put to rest. Love this one. I've booted it up countless time between getting it years ago and now. Steam says I have about 100 hours in it after doing this playthrough. It doesn't sound like a lot, but for me 100 hours is a lot for me. I've had relationships that lasted less time. 

Been a long time coming and this was one of those videos I was super excited to make while I was playing the game because it provided so much to talk about for ...

WHAT'S CIVVIE PLAYING? EPISODE 3 - Extraneüm

This one is a bit more dry than the last. Interesting game that I wanted to get into a little deeper and would likely do a longer video when it gets a full release. This episode is coming out a little later than I'd planned due to life interfering with my schedule. It was so much simpler when I was stuck inside with nothing to do. 

As for a longer main-line video, I'm currently in the later stages of an episode on the full release of Nightmare Reaper, which is happening soon. I exp...

POWERSLAVE MEGASHOW

Despite my best efforts this is another long one. And two, TWO whole jokes about leaving a comment. I think I might be going senile.

I didn't wait until there was a re-release to do a video on purpose. I'm kind of glad I did though because Build Powerslave was not very interesting and would have been a slog of a video to do on its own. The metroidvania one though, that's fun, that's cool and interesting and something meaty. With Don LaFontaine!

It is true that I'd played some of ...

CHASM: THE RIFT - TIMEQUAKE

So I finally played this game, once and for all, all the way through, and I had a pretty good time. I understand why so many people would remember this game fondly even if it breaks my brain a little. After a couple of days dealing with technical issues (there are a couple parts of this video that Premiere did not want to render) and doing about 10 exports, I think it's finally ready for mass consumption.

I'm hoping to do the Powerslave remaster next, another game I never really playe...

What's Civvie Playing #2 - Terminator: Resistance Annihilation Line DLC

DISCLAIMER: I urge you to not take anything I say about the Marvel Cinematic Universe seriously. I don't actually care if people enjoy Marvel movies and don't think less of a person if they do.

Here's a video in which I rant about blockbuster movies for a couple minutes before talking about a cool thing in this DLC that I enjoyed. The makers of Rambo: The Video Game sure got some more funding and/or talent somewhere along the line.

This functions as a short follow-up to that o...

THE FORTRESS OF DR. RADIAKI - VERTIGO MACHINE

And we're back! 

Before I retreat into a brief hibernation period as a blizzard ravages the outside and possibly knocks out power for a while, I'd like to put this up for all of you. It's another dive into the magical world of DOS trash. One of those really nasty Doom clones that popped up in the mid 90's that weren't worth the floppies they came on. This one was pretty infamous. I didn't realize why until actually sitting down and playing it and realizing the awful truth.

...

PRO NUKEM: MANHATTAN PROJECT

It's FINALLY time!

Yes, I've been trying to make this video for a while, but, as you'll see, I ran into some issues. Shout out to Maktata, one of my beloved patrons, who sent me that completed save file and while I didn't use it, it was much appreciated.

I didn't mean for the video to be quite this long (again) but there's so much stuff I absolutely love about Manhattan Project and I feel like it gets overlooked because it's a 20-year-old side game in a dead series. I swear mo...

HAPPY NEW YEAR - A PATREON EXTRA POST

Welcome to 2022, hopefully the last in this awful series of years that started with 2020, although I'm ready to write off this whole decade as a loss. Unless we get non-creepy sex robots in the next 12 months my expectations aren't very high.

So late last year I was trying to come up with some video ideas for Patreon exclusives because the "cut content and behind the scenes" stuff was taking way too long and it felt like there wasn't enough content there to fill out anything interesti...