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Batman Falcone's Daughter 11

Batman: "Wait, I don't feel right. Something's wrong. My body, it's..."

Giancarlo: "Yeah, your dad said something like that would happen."

Batman: "What do you mean my dad? You spoke to my dad? You spoke to my dad about..."

Giancarlo: "Listen, Bats, I didn't have a choice. I mean, I wanted to do this. But not for what I'm about to tell you. Your dad, he's a pretty scary guy. I couldn't say no. You know that."

Batman: "What are you saying? What did you do. Why am I feel...

Batman in the Harem 20

Guard: "Attention all! We are here today to officially announce the famed Batman as the newest member of the great Sultan's harem. He does so voluntariliy, recognizing the superiority of his new master. It is also the Sultan's wish that he officially marry the Batman and as such, the Batman's assets and possessions will now become a part of the Sultan's great wealth. The Batman, in all purpose and intent, by the binding rules of this land, is owned by the great Sultan. Batman, pledge your ack...

Batman in the Harem 19

Sultan: "Batman, I hear that you have not been compliant with the guards commands. You have quite the mouth on you, you are defiant and disobediant."

Batman: "And you can expect the same amount of courtesy extended to you. Your collar might restrict my ability to fight, but you've foolishly allowed me to keep my mind. I'm smarter than you. It's only a matter of time before I bring your disgusting operation down."

Sultan: "This sounds like the same Batman as the one who thought he'...

Batman Falcone's Daughter 10

Giancarlo: "So Batman, how do you like being my Batgirl?"

Batman: "It was so amazing. You were so amazing. I wanna be your Batgirl forever if you'll be my Batman?"

Giancarlo: "Seriously?"

Batman: "Well, like, yeah. We just need to not have my dad kill you. He doesn't like boyfriends."

Giancarlo: "Well, actually, about that. There's something I need to tell you..."

Batman Saloon Gal 11

(Batman approaches the showdown but has been doomed by second thoughts)

To Himself: I can't do this. I made a promise. Robbin' banks is one thing, but killin' folk, that's just doggone anotha.' Ma and pa I'm sorry. But I'll see ya' soon praise the Lord. Tha' only life needs takin' in this is mine. I'm sorry Betsy. Ya made me proud ta' be a southern gal. Johnny, y'made me know what love is. I love you."

Mad Tom: "Well there, my man said you'd be wearing your best. Didn't tell me yo...

Batman Saloon Gal 10

Outlaw: "You Johnny's new girl?"

Batman: "And who be askin'?"

Outlaw: "Mad Tom requests your presence at the Corral by noon."

Batman: "A request hun? Sounds like a date an' I been on ma' fair share of those. Bes' not disappoint like all'th'rest."

Outlaw: "Does that mean you're in?"

Batman: "Tell Mad Tom I'll be sure ta' look ma'best. Cheers doll."

Batman Saloon Gal 9

Batman: "So y'all sayin' ya want me ta' be the gunslinger of the crew? What'bout you Johnny? You said yur shootin' was regula' Hickock worthy."

Johnny: "I'm good Bats, but I'm not the best. And there's no way we rule the West and take down Mad Tom's without having the best shot."

Batman: "Boys, I ain't ever even shot one'o'these to hit." 

Johnny: "But I reckon you could hit the mark if ya' wanted to."

Batman: "Oh darlin' indeed. I miss where I wanna miss and I cou...

Favourite Series

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Batman Saloon Girl 8

(Batman sits outside nervously as the crew deliberates inside).

Betsy: Batman, y'look fabulous darlin.'

Batman: "Wore ma'best. Just so nervous y'know. Like a little school'girl or somthin'. Like I know what y'all did t'me an' all that but I can't shake bein' an outlaw and ridin' with Johnny an' the rest o'the crew. Y'all feel like, like family now."

Betsy: "Well I got good news girl. You can come in. We came to'a decision. You're the new'st memba' of Johnny's crew."

Ba...

Batman Saloon Girl 7

Outlaws: "Work it Bats! Work it! That's it. That's it!"

Batman: "Oh gosh you boys are encouragable. Put those card down darlin', I'm da only game in'town."

(Johnny walks in sternly)

Johnny: "Knock it off all of you. Get down from there Bats, geez. Listen up, if we're gonna be a proper outfit we need to get serious and use our new asset for more than her assets. Batman, get it together and kick yourself into gear cowboy."

Batman: "Sorry Johnny, I dont know wha'came over...

Batman Saloon Gal 6

Batman: "Y'boys sure are gonna pay for makin' m'do this."

Cronie: "Well Bats, with the amount of liquer you've consumed I'd say we didn't have to force ya too hard."

Batman: "I'm still the Batsman an' I'll as'sure as Daisy figur'out ur mind games. Now mercy me jus' where is my cosmopolitan? Bill darlin', bring us another round hun."

Batman Saloon Gal 5

(Batman is ushered back in by Johnny)

Johnny: "Now Bats, listen, we know it's a big shock."

Batman: "Ur darn right y'all. By heaven's mercy I'll give y'all a piece a' my' mind an' more if ya' dont all fix this. I'm'da Batman rememba', and d'ere ain't no changin' that."

Johnny: "Oh Bats, ya couldn't beat up Betsy ev'n with an arm tied b'hind her back."

Batman: "Oh gosh! I dont r'memba' how'ta fight! Gosh gee wha'do I do now! An' how does Betsy know ma fav'rite song? It'...

Batman Saloon Girl 4

Batman: "Wait...I ain't no...AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

(Batman storms out of the saloon screaming)

Batman: "Help! Help! I'm'ma girl! Help!

(Johnny storms out and quickly grabs Batman, covering his mouth)

Johnny: "Hush hush Batsy, stay calm and we won't hurt you or anybody else."

Batman: "Mphhhmphhhhhpmphhhhhphh!!!!"

Image by the acclaimed cotinusa

Batman Saloon Gal 3

Batman: "What's happening? Something's not right. I can't look away."

Betsy: "An why'd eva would'ya want ta Batman? I'm a beutay arn't I?"

Batman (in his typical deep tone): "Y'all have done somthin' t'me. Oh gosh, ma speech! What in'tha world?"

Cronie: "He's talkin' like a true lass!"

Batman: "Y'use boys haves gots somes explainin' ta do I reckon!"

Johnny: "Sit'down Bats. There's some intrestin' things to get down. Bill, crack open the bottles and casks! We're c...

Batman Saloon Gal 2

The crook reaches the safehouse and Batman enters the saloon to see a slew of unintimidating cowboys.

Batman: "You think outnumbering me will solve your problem?"

(Johnny Rinko, the lead of the group, answers for his thieving cronie)

Johnny: "It most certainly won't Batman. Most of these guys, save for me, can't hit the backside of a barn. All poor shots. Some regular stiffs. But none o' that's gonna matter. Cause you're gonna change that. Y'see, we're looking to add to our ...

Batman Saloon Gal 1

The gunman scrambles with his cash as he attempts to get back to his safehouse with the Batman right on his tail

Gunman: "Holy shit! Since when did the Batman deal with small time robberies?"

Batman: "Slow day. You're in over your head. Drop the cash and the weapon and give up!"

Gunman: "Almost there! Then you'll be sorry!"

Batman in the Harem 18

With the papers drawn up and signed Batman has officially become part of the Sultan's Harem. A tear rolls down his exposed feminine form as he feels powerless to stop this mysterious operation all the while still feeling the bitter sting of losing his most cherished love, the High Authority.

Batman in the Harem 17

High Authority: "So it is agreed then. I will offer you the Batman as a gift for your excellence and support of my business dealings."

Sultan: "Please, please. For the prize of the great Batman I will give you my most cherished slave that you may sell in the markets."

High Authority: "I cannot accept such a generous..."

Sultan: "Nonsense. I've no need for her now that I have the invaluable Batman to abide to my every whim. I take it that your methods have him compliant since...

Batman as Cleaning Lady

Corporate Executive: "Here he is. The Batman. Straight from the ol' mind fucking machine. Turned out just like the rest of them."

Corporate CEO: "Hi there Batman. You must be very frigtened right now, aren't you my dear?"

Batman: "Yes, yes...I frightened very much."

Corporate CEO: "Well I will make things better for you I promise okay. I know your English isn't good but can you understand me okay?"

Batman: "Yes, yes, me understand little."

Corporate CEO: "Well th...

Batman Falcone's Daughter 9

Batman: "So, you're like, cool with who I was?"

Giancarlo: "Honestly, I love it. Totally sexy. I grew up dressing up like Batman for Halloween and wanting to be him."

Batman: "Seriously? Well, show me your big crusader now my hunky hero."

(Giancarlo reveals his package and Batman can't help his excitment).

Batman Falcone's Daughter 8

Carmela: "So you're aware that our daughter will be having boys at this little party of hers? Boys who have a reputation for causing trouble."

Batman: "Dad! This is not fair! They aren't bad! Geez, she expects a party to be roasting marshmellows in our pajamas!"

Carmine: "Now Carmela, I had a reputation for causin' trouble too. Let kids be kids. Here come here for a sec."

(Carmine takes Carmela away privately)

Carmine: "I know she's our daughter but remember who else s...

Batman Falcone's Daughter 7

Anthony Falcone: "So like wait, that's you? You were Batman but dad wanted to get rid of you so he made you his daughter?"

Batman: "Like yeah"

Anthony: "So why don't you just do your karate shit and stuff?"

Batman: "Cause, like when he changed me I forgot how to do that fighting stuff.And I'm like a weak girl and stuff now."

Anthony: "But aren't you really smart and stuff? Can't you take him down without your physical stuff? You're still Batman."

Batman: "Like ye...

Batman Falcone's Daughter 6

Batman: "Like this is total bullshit dad and you know it! Mom's saying I can't have the party because stupid Mr. Gordon keeps calling her about my so-called "attitude" when everyone knows he just picks favourites and then is so unfair with everyone else! You guys like uproot everything and then don't even let me have like any fun!"

Falcone: "Relax. Relax. Listen I'll speak to your mother about this party thing but I just need you to help me out with a little business thing."

Batma...

Batman Falcone's Daughter 5

Batman (on the phone with Robyn): "Like seriously, she said that? Stupid slut. Like whatever, Gianluca's coming to our bash and she's got like five people at her shitty little party. Who runs the world, us bitches do haha."

Carmela Falcone to Carmine: "So that's the Batman. You're sure?"

Carmine: "Oh it's him alright. More and more our daughter everyday."

Carmela: "She spends every hour on that damn phone and her teachers keep calling to say that she skips, she smokes, she w...

Batman Falcone's Daughter 4

Robyn: "So, wait, you're saying that you're Batman? And your dad made you his daughter to get rid of you?"

Batman: "Like, yeah, I think so. But, like, it's like I've always been his daughter in my head. And like I don't think it's a coincidence your name is Robyn and you're my best friend."

Robyn: "So like okay, we were the Dynamic Duo or some shit before. But now we're just teen girls and your dad is a big time mob boss?"

Batman: "Like yeah."

Robyn: "Well, that means ...

Batman Falcone's Daughter 3

Batman: "I may not, like, know how to fight or anything anymore, but I'll still figure this out. I know what you do and I'll bring you down."

Falcone: "Bring me down? You want a slap? You are apart of this family. You're gonna pay for your university by yourself? What'll happen to your brother? Eh? Leave your mom devastated? You don't mind where the money comes from when it means a new car or to fund your little field trips with your friends."

Batman: "So you just want me to be a ...

Batman Falcone's Daughter 2

Batman wakes up but is surprised to find himself in a single bed under warm blankets in a room that appears to be that of a teenage girl. Boy band posters and pink paint colors are the obvious tell, as well as the stuffed animals that occupy the bed with him. Batman hears a call from downstairs:

Falcone: "Gianna! Get down here! Breakfast is sittin' here and you're gonna be late for school!"

Batman oddly recognizes the name "Gianna" as his own and he knows he's being called even th...

Batman Falcone's Daughter 1

Batman has attempted to infiltrate Falcone's main drug operation by intercepting his shipment at the docks; however, he is met by Carmine's muscle and things don't go as they would normally:

Batman: How are you doing this to me? How are you so...ugh...strong? Bane's venom? Can't be...I've beaten it. You're just a scrub even with it.

Goon: You're ain't even close detective. I don't do nothin' but lift weights. 

(Batman's hand briefly gets loose and he takes a swing but i...

Batman in the Harem 16

Guard: "You're pretty damn good for your first time Batman. You'll make a fine whore for the rest of your life."

Batman: "You'll be the first person I beat to an inch of their life when I get the chance."

Guard: "Good luck Batbitch. I own you."

Batman: "You will never own me. I'm only yours now because the man I love made it so."

Guard: "You're so fucked. Now keep sucking my dick Batman. And on the High Authority's orders, say please and thank you!"

Batman: "Yes....

Batman in the Harem 15

Batman: "You're the guard I beat at the colisseum are you not?"

Guard: "Batman, please, leave me alone, I was only following orders. Please don..."

Batman: "I'm not here to fight you. To be clear, if I could I would break every part of you, but I've been commanded by my love, the High Authority, to apologize to you. So I begrudgingly kneel before you swine, and offer my apologies...and...ughhhh...my services to you."

Image by the excellent BartNel