retroAM

God Hand E9: You Can't Agnostically Kill Satan [Stage 8 & 9]

Satan is now woke. In this new world, we’re buying Rampage World Tour, walking into bait lumber, Home Run God’ing the conga line, employing a shoot Dr. Claw, buying a bunch of new moves, inexplicably rematching the gorilla, marveling at pot textures, blowing up a couch with a person, finding out Olivia married somebody else, understanding death is also divorce, taking off sunglasses, waiting for the red flash, ripping off an arm, getting vertical with the health bar, and killing Satan. No...

Final Fantasy Tactics | Recording Session #8 | E14-15

The knaves are back with a scenario to bust!

Final Fantasy Tactics E11: In Spite of Objective Holiness [Machine City Goug]

Just when I thought this fen could grow no fowler, we’ve cast another pod. Indulge us as we’re believing in god to get through a gate, identifying the manipulator, vexing with such worryment, listening to myths and legends, understanding auracite as everything magic, listening to the church’s perfect pitch, murdering the dead, appearing clergy and merchant adjacent, trading rock for father, blinging auracite, revealing a magic rock switcheroo, and evicting chocobos from our party of her...

God Hand E8: Violence Being On Fire [Stage 7]

I hope they have a good nursing home in hell for you. Until that’s ready, we’re disbanding the council of fucked up guys, uppercutting three asses into the milky way (milky way), ripping dook, respawning with a raven hat, flickin’ a booger, putting clothes on Dr. Ion, tripping over the kabuki noise, impulsively referencing Bushido Blade, opening ‘em up, fighting for location data, realizing demons are honor bound, spreading wings, and screaming like a man before we scream like a demon...

Final Fantasy Tactics E10: The Most Religious Man Available [Zaland Fort City]

Those who live by deceit are the first to die by it. Those who listen to this episode will hear tales of jumping in first-person, rescuing a pony-tailed squire, blinging the magic rocks, climbing walls and talking shit, bringing a gun to a wizard fight, realizing we’re in Final Fantasy XII’s future, losing patience with Mustadio, finding Christ without a crucifixion, creepin’ on some ladies, blowing grass, wishing for no quarrel, leaving us wroth, soiling our names, coddling the boy, si...

Final Fantasy Tactics | Recording Session #7 | E12-13

This was earlier today! Some lackwit did not schedule the post correctly!

God Hand E7: Anime or Goth? [Stage 6]

Elvis has left the building. In his absence, we’re exuding the brood, importing the story from the villain table, identifying the hotel as the hub world, taking orders from a bubble bath babe, looking just like that guy, observing the goth anime haircut, entering via teleporting door, understanding purple flames, zigging when we should have zagged, localizing the bastard, power-thrust jumping, throwing a dog a bone, beating up disabled people, doing whippets, remembering boulders, honoring ...

God Hand | Recording Session #5 | Stage 7 & 8 & FINAL

Well well, we're back

Final Fantasy Tactics E9: The Taste of Lies [Zirekile Falls]

The day grows lovelier by the hour. Just like us, as we’re eavesdropping on a conspiracy, threatening a heretic brand, wonder which magic spell hurts the worst, rescuing a large bird from goblins, gouging eyes out, climaxing at a waterfall, realizing Gaffgarion’s true nature, writing the scenario in real time, refusing to step over dead guys, understanding class warfare but choosing to not care, denying filth of money, reasoning with each other in front of a waterfall, and understanding t...

God Hand | Recording Session #4 | STAGE 6 & 7

Keep holy the sabbath.

Note: the abrupt ending was due to a power outage!

Final Fantasy Tactics E8: The Father's Keeping [Fort Zeakden]

It’s about time you learned about difference. The difference between battling under the threat of crimson snow, taking hostages, shooting the hostage, mongering flowers on a street corner, looking for a woke, losing ourselves to vengeance, flitting a forked tongue, igniting the gunpowder, debating the merits of new-fangled cut-scenes against old school cinematics, citing the contract for additional payment, realizing no one knows what Ramza wants, looking for the manipulator, and searching ...

Final Fantasy Tactics | Recording Session #6 | E10-11

Hello, vulgar knaves. Join us for another podcast recording session. Come behind the scene, see Kermit in a chalice and empty cans of La Croix.

Final Fantasy Tactics E7: To Pill Others [Lenalia Plateau + Fovoham Plains]

Fighting is the only way out. Listening to this episode is the only way we can start listing Chris’ top three tactics, aligning with Dycedarg, swallowing Dycedarg’s shit, realizing the rich won’t save the poor, criticizing common blood, speculating Argath is a radicalization agent, understanding a meager fate, realizing Milleuda is willing to die for this, watching Milleuda inflict psychic damage on Delita, deploying tricky smooth talk, kidnapping the wrong lady, thinking of the childre...

Final Fantasy Tactics E6: Who Will Lick the Boots? [Thieves Fort]

Animals have no god. But they have us, and so do you, as we’re correcting the marquis, nesting menus, rending equipment, interpreting the kindness of time, being false on another’s behalf, once again realizing knights are cops, wasting strength and vitality, wondering if executing a scenario requires executing a god, demanding more than an apology, blowing up my clothes, supping on broth of bean, thinking beastly thoughts, doing it in the gutter, filling radicalization meters, and stealin...

Final Fantasy Tactics | Recording Session #5 | Episode 8-9

Going live in a bit for a recording session!

Podcast Feed Updates: Spotify Sync is here!

Because of the problems I am running into with the Acast integration, we will be converting back to the Patreon audio feed. This means everything we publish will show up here on the Patreon page and app. I think it's probably the simplest solution to the problem. With this change, we gain Spotify Sync and get commenting back on the Patreon page for every episode.

The Acast feed (old)

• Works if you are subbed to it.
  
• Includes pretty much ev...
  2024-05-02 18:02:51 +0000 UTC View Post

God Hand E6: Beans to Give Us [Stage 5]

If he chose to be a demon, then I must become a god. Other life options include freely giving beans, dishing out sick hand lore, offsetting puritanical beliefs with demon combat, throwing tires at a drowning guy, swimming a medley, beating up an Easter Island head, fighting the bridge, noting a sick Maurice Ravel reference, covering the slide whistle, bypassing a boss fight, pushing a giant electrified ball up a hill, speculating on the longevity of Elvis fandom, flopping a mouth, and leaving...

Final Fantasy Tactics E5: Here for Politics [Dorter Slums + Zeklaus Desert]

Welcome to the rat cellar. A beating has loosened our tongues, allowing us the chance of identifying the wrong song, speaking false to a knight, getting a guy muddy, discovering an actual Dune reference, endlessly reviving Ramza, employing an ineffective mage, configuring the proper Post Up, beating up prisoners, bearing a ribald tongue, filling different radicalization meters, wishing to end the aristocracy, pulling off one last job, arguing over the necessities of a rebel army, speaking our...

Final Fantasy Tactics E4: For Want of Coin [Igros Castle]

Mayhap your ears not fail you. For, if they do, you wouldn’t hear us telling the same stories, loving our brave lads, creating a time paradox, seeking justice for a waylaid marquis, hunting down a whoreson, shitting into Argath’s mouth, being assigned to guard the base, chatting on a thinking bridge, throwing a rock into a pond, bursting a sister’s seam, putting a spy with the enemy, honeying some words, blowing an ominous wind, and chancing upon Final Fantasy monsters in the wood. Mind...

Final Fantasy Tactics E3: Heroes & Wizards [Magic City Gariland + Mandalia Plains]

Honest work would see us die old in bed. Instead of that, we’re flashing to a different back, hearing of the Corpse Brigade Death Corps, teaming up with the cops to murder homeless veterans, randomly generating soldiers, getting on the roof, name-dropping our nobility, learning from the computer, droppin’ crystal, crafting a homely bar scene, reading lore, wondering who is writing history, dying in the middle of the room, treating the bastard like family, and witnessing Argath’s frisky ...

Final Fantasy Tactics E2: Anarchists & Blasphemers [Orbonne Monastery]

Join me in my search to uncover the answer. This quest for truth includes actions like turning our consoles on, engraving vanishing memories, attracting mode, skipping a tutorial, defeating the war, yearning to be known as a blaspheming anarchist, aspiring to just be a guy, riding birds through war torn country, nailing Jesus to something else, pressuring Ovelia to leave church, being rude to nobles, ridding oneself of vulgar knaves, slaughtering our enemies, slugging a lady in the stomach, a...

Final Fantasy Tactics E1: Class Warfare [Introduction]

Hello! And welcome to the sixth season of Retrograde Amnesia, where we’re covering the original release of Final Fantasy Tactics and The War of the Lions. In the opening, information-loaded episode, we’re determining who is playing which version, ignoring Tactics Advance, pronouncing “Ivalice,” buying the mobile version, leaving Quest en masse, framing Tactics as another attempt at an Ogre, adding a sense of swashbuckling heroism, valuing 60fps, calling Matsuno for help, canceling a s...

The Patreon feed is slightly borked

Hi,

There's a problem with the Patreon early access feed. I'm working with Patreon support to try and fix it (they are not being very responsive). I will post all the Final Fantasy Tactics episodes here on the Patreon site to ensure everyone has access to them until this is resolved.

At worst, I will have to re-build the feed we have been building for years, so hopefully I don't have to that!

Any bonus content can still be accessed through the Patreon site or app.

Than...

Final Fantasy Tactics | Recording Session #4 | Episode 6-7

Tactical podcast recording!

God Hand E5: Satan Explosion Dust [Stage 4]

We’re all a bunch of freakin’ idiots. We idiot freaks are concluding all men are dogs, leaving the door open, gazing at a volcano head spider fort, producing excellent robot-slaughtering sound effects, spawning satan from a robot, fighting a real 3v1, welcoming the pancake flattener machines, using anime to explode fools, letting a”hot chick” die, learning of the inflation kink, entering two steel cage matches, stealing satan’s trident, reflecting 100 pummel punches, associating naz...

Xenosaga Episode I Character Tournament

Welcome back to the stage of history. Thirty-two men, women, robots, cyborgs, robot children, child robots, androids, and trash enter the arena. One entity leaves. As always, there is no god in Thunderdome.

00:00 Intro | 03:15 Elimination Chamber | 11:20 First Round | 53:03 Second Round | 01:23:47 Final Four | 01:34:38 Outro

God Hand E4: Turn Me into a Dog, Kick Me [Stage 3]

I’m going to try Dr. Ion. You’re going to try reading a demon flyer, experiencing merry-go-round denial, seeing through walls, navigating a hedge maze, blinging into infinite space, riding public transportation, beating the shit out of an ape, meeting porcupine Satan, brutalizing an entire super hero team of little people, slowly tumbling away, punching cannon balls, stumbling into a chihuahua colony, turning into a dog, watching villains get mad, and decoding dog names. Become another sa...

The Final Fantasy Tactics Season has begun

Howdy folks,

Just so you know, the FFT season is live on the Patreon feed for $3 members and above. If you're not already subbed to the feed, check your membership tab to get link.

God Hand E3: Spanking Evokes Tension [Stage 2]

Always save your tension for Satan. Save this episode for when you’re getting worked at blackjack, dreaming of SIXAXIS, not comprehending demon sexual energy, helping a psycho nut case, meeting arm-blade demons, spanking women to build tension, tying a man to aerial explosives, diagnosing red steam face, beating up a STEM toy, losing a fight to a door, failing to navigate predictable patterns, staying where dead, noting another Funny Exit, spray painting rocks, uppercutting henchmen into th...

Final Fantasy Tactics | Recording Session #3 | EPs 4-5

We'll be going live around 7:15!