Funatic

The Gamer Chapter 363 - Season 3 Arc 1 Prologue – The Treaty of Amsterdam

John was beholden to a situation in which everyone else in the room agreed that he had no business to voice his opinion over. Weirdly enough, the subject was absolutely about him. “We are now entering the Harem Agreement renegotiations,” Lydia announced; “To reform the old system to encompass the new, previously unaccounted for, core members.”

Where were they? They had just landed in Amsterdam, the city had its own abyssal airport, when the queen must have decided that it was now or ne...

A bit of news (27.08.2018)

Hello!
 

So, we reached the first milestone. Crazy. And now that we do I realize some things that I should talk about.

For a start, I am not quitting my side job, as the goal originally says. This is for the simple reason that I have giant buffer and I don’t need the extra time. I do, however, appreciate the extra cash I have, as it allows me to make the rather costly commissions I do with more ease. 

So, what is the (already reached) goal replaced...

Season 2 Q&A

*Clap clap*

Meme Revi- Whoops, sorry, I mean Season 2 Q&A the fourth wall has been temporarily dematerialized and…

Funatic: The format has been temporarily changed to allow quicker answers on the cost of detailed gestures and expressions, sorry this would take an eternity otherwise. Anyone have any comments for a start?

Eliza: Fuck you.

Funatic: That’s about what I thought. Thirty questions came in from my Patreons. They were somewhat limited in sco...

Side Story Season 3 Arc 1

Yeah, so, here we go again, choices below. Decided to split the elementals up this time around, the group choice didn't work out that well, I think. Also the list only includes those names I have ideas for.

Also am going to include a non-waifu this time around, I think you will see who :P

Inconsequential Poll - The length of Rave's hair

So, I think its no secret by the name of the next arc (Years of Freedom) that it will play over a rather high length of time. So here is a poll about something highly inconsequential but I thought it would fun to see where you people lean. This is probably the only one of these, but I guarantee nothing.

Note: Actually, one consequence, whatever comes out of this means a change in the eventual commission.

So, Rave's hair, which will remains as curly and pink as ever, would you want it to....

Author’s Note Season 2 Arc 3

As I release this I realize I forgot to send it into typo hunting...oh well.

A bit of an awkward arc, pacing wise, I got to admit. I think Romulus speech at the end of the Arc 2 hyped people up a bit more than anticipated, at least judging by the comments I got, and then abyssal warfare in my branch is basically gang clashes…Ah well, hope you still liked that part.

I accelerated the pacing to cut out basically anything I felt wasn’t necessary in the moment or later until Lydia was sa...

The Gamer Chapter 362 - Epilogue – Two weeks and now it’s time to say…

It was a nice two weeks, even if nothing truly remarkable happened. As Rodaclam had threatened, he involved John a bit in the paperwork mines of the empire. He didn’t get to see any of the true state secrets, of which John was sure there were plenty, but he at least got some experience in the middle level administration work. That ought to come in as valuable.

Maximillian dropped from the face of the earth after a joint press conference with Lydia and handing his crown and cape over to his s...

The Gamer Chapter 361 - Origins

They had come full circle. It had taken seven days (minus a few hours) to get back to this bench. It was him, Lydia and Romulus who sat on it. Everyone else was around as well. Stirwin had jumped into the pond and playfully chased some ducks that the emperor was feeding with crumbs of bread. The fact that neither Sol nor Luna had said anything about the ‘celestial devourer’ made John pretty certain they didn’t know that title. He would keep it that way.

“Before I begin to tell you the ...

The Gamer Chapter 360 - Big things have small beginnings

“What the hell Gaia, where is the four-kind combination?” John complained out loud and glanced at his phone clock. He had like 20 minutes before he should get moving to Romulus’ palace. Was that enough to make a contract? He obviously would need to take the Light Elemental here, as the other two c...

The Gamer Chapter 359 - No Hangover, Whoop Whoop

“What is wrong with my life and whoever made beer taste this good?” Rave asked while moving as little as possible. She was currently sitting in front of the toilet and having her back patted by her boyfriend.

“You are going to be fine,” John promised, reaching her a glass of water. She took it, took a minor sip and then hung her head right back over the porcelain throne.

“Why aren’t YA suffering like a normal person?!” the lightbearer complained about her solitary misery. S...

Dayuuuuuum...Beginning of the August 2018 Commission

So, yeah, I decided to go with Nia in the three way tie and look at her. No wonder the average person is unnerved around her, imagine you get stared at like that without context. 

I very much look forward to the final product.

The Gamer Chapter 358 - Drunken Gamer

“So, can I get a menu or something?” John asked the goddess of alcohol; “To see the prices and everything.”

“Ya stingy dweeb,” sitting on the bench with him, Rave announced her intent to get him really drunk tonight, “don’t worry about money, ya have enough of it as is. Just get a bit wasted!”

“I have never gotten drunk before, so I am cautious,” he told her. “Also ‘a bit wasted’ sounds like an oxymoron.”

“Uhm, so to answer your question,” Lady Liq...

The Gamer Chapter 357 - Before the drinks

"Richard!” John shouted out to the triumvirate that was walking down one of the many hallways. All three turned around, but with a quick gesture and few calm words, the Horned Rat ensured them that this was okay, and they went on ahead without him. Seconds later John had caught up to him.

“How good a timing of you,” spoke the Rat, “I would have come to visit you in that mansion of yours later today, but it seems I can skip that. Where is Nia?”

John, mouth already open to ask th...

The Gamer Chapter 356 - The day of two changes 2 – The treaty of Rome

Well, the war was over, so this was as good a time as any other. Also, the duration wasn’t nearly as oppressive as the last patch.

“Nice, very nice,” the Horned Rat, mostly regrown by now although his head was still too big for his average human sized body, clapped once the cheering had finished, “a ...

The Gamer Chapter 355 Monday – 15th of January, 2018 – The day of three changes 1

“Announcing Lydia August the Fourth of House Hohenzollern, Marquise of…” the herald started rattling down titles as they made their way in. It was one night later; John had had a chance to reapply his oils; everyone had gotten a good night’s sleep; Lydia had gotten to do some paperwork. The world was largely back to normal. Although there was a Russia shaped hole on the map of powers that needed to be filled.

The court was as packed as was expected of a historic peace deal, people of a...

The Gamer Chapter 354 - Back to Rome

“Okay, everyone, I know this isn’t the strictly quickest way to go about things,” John told everyone once they were ready to make their way back to Rome, “but I am going to take the plane.”

“You are going to lose time,” Lydia reprimanded him.

“No, I am going to lose REAL time; I will spend way less on travelling in experienced time. I do not want to ride a raptor for a whole day. Instead, I will be comfortable in my seat in first class,” he crossed his arms, as he had m...

The Gamer Chapter 353 - End of Moscow

“Members of the Blood of the Proletariat, peasants, serfs, soldiers and scholars,” Romulus’ voice boomed over the river Moskva and over to the city of a very similar name. “This is the empire’s ultimatum. Everyone who surrenders within the next hour, by leaving arms behind and meeting us outside the city, will be left unharmed. Everyone except your leaders, who will have to answer for their attack on Rome and their unjust invasion of neighbouring lands.”

2018-08-01 23:13:02 +0000 UTC View Post

The Gamer Chapter 352 - Walking behind his back

It was noon of the fifth day of the war, and something inside John told him that it was going to be the last. Maybe it was the fact that they were more or less just walking after Romulus as he smashed through every line of defence without a care in the world.

The battle at Warsaw had seen most of the army of the Blood concentrated. According to the information John had gathered since, that had been about 20% of their estimated strength. If that was true, then the total amount of manpower the B...

The Gamer Chapter 351 - When in John Newman’s harem, do as the waifus do.

“Do you have orgies on the regular?” Metra wanted to know as everybody got out of their clothes as quickly as they could. They were a pretty large collection, Rave, Aclysia, Momo, Metra, Eliza, Lydia and, of course, John. The elementals were largely tired out and had gone to sleep the second they had entered the hotel. Which was actually good since the room was too small for those around already.

To get no trouble with room service bursting in or something, John relocated this whole thing ...

The Gamer Chapter 350 - Upgrades first

“Okay, we are going to have an orgy in a minute,” John promised, “but I need to get these other things out of the way first, okay?”

Everyone agreed, so he got to work. First question: What to do with that SEP? He had gotten a pop-up allowing Undine to ascend to Tier 5, but the plus sign was still silver, meaning that corruption might occur. John did not want that, so that needed to be pushed up to the future.

With the elementals out, his choices were limited to Arcane Echo, Blink...

The Gamer Chapter 349 - All the organisational things

The difference between the battlefield and the busy city of Warsaw was staggering. Of course, all the elementals had gone incorporeal, and Aclysia had shifted into an outfit more fitting. They had to buy new clothes for Rave, Lydia and Metra, who waited for them inside another barrier, before they could move on though. The battle suit and the destroyed military uniform weren’t exactly normal clothes, and neither naked nor a living armour were acceptable.

Once that was over and done with, Joh...

The Gamer Chapter 348 - Safety in the clutches of the empire

“What the hell is even happening?” John wondered. Maximillian had flown them high enough to break out of the fog of war that encompassed everything on a ground level. Up here, the air was chilly, but it was also easy to breathe in a way that made John’s lungs, who had been pumping dust over the last few minutes, scratchy from suddenly being able to work as intended. Lights ebbed up and died within the grey fog as the sounds of guns, magic and swinging swords permeated the air. The clouds b...

The Gamer Chapter 347 - Kneel down

…one of the golems was swung around like a baseball bat.

If John’s mouth hadn’t already been hanging open from the invaders appearing, seeing one of the golems getting whirled around and slammed into the other one would have caused his jaw to drop so hard it would have threatened to unhinge.

The two golems were smashed against the border of the barrier. Cracks spread through the visible world in the shape of an oversized spiderweb, and moments later, the whole thing gave in, and th...

The Gamer Chapter 346 - A more welcome kind of war

The barrier shook and trembled as it was pried open. Through some sort of Fateweaver fuckery, John didn’t even care how, the two High Fateweavers on the outside must have realized that their swarming strategy was unsuccessful and instead of sending off a bunch of little dudes over time must have decided to send a bunch of little dudes in at once. That was John’s first impression.

Then the side of the barrier tore open like the sky above Rome, and in stepped a gargantuan golem. It was a cru...

The Gamer Chapter 345 - Entrenched

To call their situation dire would have been an understatement. The Blood had just waited for this sort of deep strike, it seemed, and now pushed on all fronts at once. John had no idea how or from where they had gathered this kind of force, but it was most likely that they mobilized the entirety of the...

The Gamer Chapter 344 - The princess was in this castle

“Are you sure you want to do this, Lydia?” John asked as the Princess appeared from the other side of the hall. Previously boring concrete, lit by the bright artificial light of magical electronics, it was now slowly unwinding from all the dimensional bending it had been made subject too.

Lydia forced herself into the room on obviously shaky feet. Her usually so impeccable uniform was ripped all over, and she was cuffed with some sort of plastic straps, probably enchanted heavily. Swaying ...

Chapter 3 - The rebirth of the daughter

“What are you doing?” Lydia had to know as she stood at the edge of the grave. She didn’t know what the worst about the scene was. Maybe it was the entirety of it? No, the devil definitely lay in the details here. Was it her father quickly hiding the pendant and staring at his daughter not with guilt but with fear? The hole? The decayed corpse in the broken casket that had nothing to do anymore with the mother she had loved?

The answer was that it was all equally horrifying. It tore at h...

Chapter 2 - The death of the father

“AND DON’T EVER SHOW YOUR FACE AROUND HERE AGAIN!” Lydia ran away as the angry store owner shouted after her. She was clutching her bag, which she had hastily grabbed on her way out, as she ran around the corner. Stumbling because she tried to dodge a black cat that suddenly entered her pathway, she let go of it for one moment before catching herself on a nearby bench.

It was an old thing, covered in spray-paints that only the people who made them could think were any sort of artistic ex...

Lydia Side Story 1 - The three deaths of family Goch – The Mother

“What do you mean you don’t want to have your hair cut?” Mathilda asked her daughter. The mid-thirty women with short, brown hair was wearing clothes of incredibly good quality. Same could have been said for the furniture of their medium-sized home at the outskirts of Danzig. The scissor and comb she was holding also applied to the general theme of high quality items.

“I just don’t want it short!” Lydia, in her early tens, squeaked back and stomped on the floor. Her long hair waver...

The Gamer Chapter 343 - Deus Ex Metracana

‘Yes!’ John answered without hesitation. He had already figured that it was time for her to wake up earlier in the iron giant. The mana that Ria had been wondering where it went, the sense of foreboding he had felt, both were signs of a consciousness finally awakening.

‘Then get me the hell out of here!’ the voice answered, and John, still running, grabbed into his inventory and pulled out the metracana, threw it towards Gehnigm. The moment it left his hand, it started to change. The h...