Funatic

Chapter 237 - And so, it begins!

“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!” With those three words the colosseum was transformed. Arcane machinations flickered to life high above the arena in the shape of a hexagon of enormous screens. Cameras started flying around all over the place, showing pictures of the crowd on the monitors above and, as John was very well aware off, to the citizens of the Abyss all over the world.

“WELCOME TO THE 17th TOURNAMENT OF GERMAN KINGSHIP!” The picture changed over to the one who was speaking, sitting on...

Chapter 236 - So, it begins…almost! Part 2: electric boogaloo

The colosseum was bigger than John had imagined. Well, to be exact, the colosseum was bigger than John had seen. From the outside it had been an imposing building, without a doubt. Stone, ancient but in prime condition, worked into several stories of beautifully symmetric arcs in the legendary style of the Roman Empire.

There was a weird shift once he stepped inside. The hallway, pure stone with depictions of a hero’s (presumably Romulus) acts carved into the walls, he walked through seemed ...

Chapter 235 - So, it begins…almost.

John looked at the blue ball above the dwarf fortress. It was about the size of a grown man and slowly gaining more, shining with the intensity of a small, blue sun. The Arcana Strike had been hovering there for about four minutes.

Compared to the fortress, the size of a hill and the shape of a mountain with walls carved from it and reinforced with lots and lots of metal, it wasn’t exactly big though.

“This is so d-u-l-l!” Rave complained; “Why are we doing this again?” “We a...

Chapter 234 - Mind-crush

“Hello?” Gaia asked and snapped her fingers in front of John. No reaction. “Well, this is bad,” she said, her dress appearing back on her body; “May have gone too far at the end there. Thought you would be able to handle it. Turns out you are way weaker than I thought. First you fail against that Outsider copy I made and now this…I mean I could see this coming, but I have to deal with you frail mortals so rarely that I sometimes forget how much you can take…”

Continued silence....

Chapter 233 - Terra Incognita

John awoke when he felt someone’s hand on his dick.

He had gone to bed early, alone, with the goal to simply nap through the rest of his blue balls. After a day filled with running after Thana and other battles, he had been fast asleep. ‘I am going to quite literally go balls deep into the first girl that I see when I wake up,’ those had been his last thoughts.

So when he now felt his privates being touched after 24 hours of denial, not to mentioned the months of daily debaucheries...

Nathalia picture, completed

So, as last time, I just want to remind everyone that you can use these pictures for non-commercial use (avatars, backgrounds, heck, for all I care use her in some weird music video) - but you may not share the full file. I can't stop you from doing it privately, but uploading this on imgur, for example, and making it available for the public is a no-no.

At least that goes for the full-sized version, you will find attached three files. "Nathalia" (for the full sized picture) "Nathalia Dow...

Chapter 232 - A deal with the devil

“What is it that you seek?” the Horned Rat asked. “I want two things,” John answered; “One, I want you to give me as much of your energy as I can hold.” The reason for this one was quite simply power.

“Are you not afraid I will gain even more control over your life if you do that?” the Horned Rat mused. The god’s face was directly in front of John’s, the red orbs gazing closely at him. “I will just have to become stronger than you, might as well yield your power as a weap...

Chapter 231 - Blackbird

John looked at the clock in the living room. The arms for hour and minute, standing at 19 and 54 respectively, moved sluggishly compared to the constant movement of the one indicating seconds. For some reason, John found the clock extremely irritating. He was used to the hands moving with sudden jumps; the fact that they were all moving continuously and steadily was, for the lack of a better term coming to mind, alien.

The clock was just a thing to keep his attention away from staring with his...

Chapter 230 - Waiting for the evening.

The grinding went about without incident. First, he and Thana took care of two of the quest’s conditions, that took about 7 hours. Even with Thana trivializing every enemy group, they still had to explore all of the dungeons in order to find the boss rooms. That was, to put it bluntly, a lot of walking. Also, returning to the house to drop a full Flask of Grinding on Rave’s cat-eared head was a thing that delayed them.

So, they got that done around 13 o’clock. The 25 dungeons part, that ...

Chapter 229 - The last day before the tournament

John woke up. Alone. It was a weird feeling, waking up in a room that was empty besides himself. However, to protect his virginity…to protect the quest goal that was sure to roll around at midnight, John had distanced himself from the hungry vultures that were his many girls. After emptying his balls for a good few hours, that was.

Sleeping through midnight meant that he hadn’t seen the quest rewards yet, though, so he was waiting for that window to appear.

2018-02-10 12:13:52 +0000 UTC View Post

Chapter 228 - Watch the hat

John clicked away the window. ‘Not as strong as you thought, huh?’ he thought, lying on the cold ground of the run-down house. “I’ve had it for today,” Lydia announced. Even with the knowle...

Chapter 227 - And then there was Corruption

Spending the rest of the day grinding turned out to be a loveless task. As he was now free to go directly into Tier 16 (which spanned the level 81-85), the difficulty increased quite a bit. For John himself, that was less of a problem. His skillset was quite solid, and with Siena actually helping the group, if only as little as possible, they did pack quite the punch.

Lydia and Rave had problems keeping up at this point though. Punching 10 levels above their weight had been no probl...

Chapter 226 - Mend her broken wings.

“Just do it,” John groaned, and on Momo’s face, the hope was ignited. “Oh, don’t be so hasty,” the Horned Rat closed its fanged mouth, and the smile snapped back into the natural shape of a skull; “I can’t do it right now, there will have to be preparations. I will visit you in Rome tomorrow,” the Rat’s tone sounded like he was talking about which scented candle he would use tomorrow, not invading the capital of his sworn enemy.

John glanced over to Lydia, who was rubbing h...

Chapter 225 - There was a beast, and on its head it wore four horns.

“That will temporarily satisfy me,” Nathalia remarked as she and Thana jumped up to the rest of the group. She gazed at Momo for a moment. “I didn’t even see you before,” the dragoness commented, “are you another one of John’s creations?” “Yes,” Momo kept it short.

Nathalia continued to stare. “What?” Momo finally asked. “There is something odd about you,” the dragoness pointed out, “a familiarity I can’t quite place.” John raised an eyebrow, that was weird. H...

Chapter 224 - The hot-blooded tease

 “To give it to you straight, you fucking magnificent creature, I prefer to be at the bottom,” Thana told her sparring partner. “Call me Nathalia, Thana,” the dragoness instructed with a pleased grin; “And I will be happy to take the reins. For a start,” Nathalia straddled her legs over the smaller girls head and sat down, “you should please the victor.”

Thana started to lap at the crotch above her. Not that she had a lot of other choices, her whole face was covered by the...

Chapter 223 - A far cry.

The battle between blood mage and dragon goddess was a heated one. It was also something that John had trouble following. A series of punches, each capable of killing pretty much anything below level 100 in a single movement. The shockwaves sent more and more dust flying, ruining the sight. 

Thankfully, John was at a safe distance now. He and the rest of the crew had climbed up into the empty spectator platforms all around. Which were, quite literally, just splattered with loot. They were...

Chapter 222 - Now in Rome

Wings with a black, obsidian skeleton and membranes made from magma. John didn’t need to guess who that was. ‘Guess that answers my question…’ John thought as he walked down the impact crater; 'This is Cataclysm all over again.'

“What are you doing, John?” Lydia demanded to know. “Relax,” he shouted back; “It is just Nathalia.” “Do not speak of me in such dismissive a manner, whelp,” the dragoness growled up from her lower position, her knife-shaped ears picking up ever...

Chapter 221 - Derp

“Seriously, what the me,” the supreme deity stood in front of John and pointed at him, her green eyebrows furrowed; “I go to do the regular cleaning of the elemental planes to make sure no Outsiders spill in, and when I come back, I find that you finished achievements you have no deal having done yet! Explain!”

John blinked at the finger in front of his nose. He hadn’t been this close to Gaia before. She was pretty small, as he realized completely now, barely taller than Sylph. “I ...

Chapter 220 - To the arena!

“So, Troll or Steampunk themed?” John asked, the decision which of the three new kinds of dungeon they should try first was already settled. “I think trolls sound fun,” Rave cast her vote. “As long as I can punch it,” Thana didn’t care. “My powers would likely be of more use in a Steampunk environment,” Lydia gave food for thought.

“So, one for each and one doesn’t care, seems like I have to decide,” John tapped his finger on the table, holding mental council with his f...

Chapter 219 - Sitting on the edge.

John stretched when he woke up next to Rave. Well, he didn’t actually wake up NEXT to her. The techno-lover’s upper half was hanging over the edge of the bed, while her feet had found their way on top of him. Cuddling a pillow, the size of a human, a dakimakura or something weaboo-nese like that, she was doing a measly beatbox attempt in her sleep. He glanced over at the alarm clock on his nightstand, 8 AM, no time to be worried over; he could keep lying around for a bit.

Following yesterd...

Chapter 218 - Unshaded

“Urgh,” John let out a sound of exhausted annoyance as he pummelled the last enemy to death. It felt very wrong. One, because it had the shape of a beautiful woman, two, because he actually had to kill it instead of knocking it out, and three, because he was not used to punching things. Although that last point was rapidly changing thanks to a little something.

2018-01-27 15:22:24 +0000 UTC View Post

Chapter 217 - Multi-Quests and Grinding

The last tablet was fizzing out as John got a pop-up.

Oh hey, that was kind of good. Having be able to get multiple quest was pretty useful now. Come to think off it, how many quests had potentially been blocked out thanks to that ‘Clear 10 Floors’ thing he had had going on a while ago? Ah, wh...

Chapter 216 - Fizzy Gifts

John looked at the bird, which was himself, jumping over his hand as he returned home. He looked back at himself. Thankfully, his brain had been magically adapted to not get a headache in this situation. ‘Man, I didn’t do this in a long time,’ he thought as he stepped of the mana street. 

As the description of the item so tactfully pointed out, this bird had cost him a...

Chapter 215 - Necessary Cruelty

John continued walking as if nothing unusual had happened. On the inside he was in turmoil, however. ‘Where? Who?’ he asked in quick succession. The nightmare elemental just giggled, ‘That wasn’t part of our deal, you’ll have to find out on your own.’ John suppressed a sigh of annoyance, ‘Well, I guess I will find her by myself.’ ‘Oh? You noticed her already?’ Siena wondered. ‘Nope, I lied but now I know it’s a woman. Thanks,’ John smugly answered. 

‘I could ha...

A bit of news (23.01.2018)

HELLO!

So, for those of you who haven't heard, the Nathalia art was CANCELLED by the artist on fiverr. Further searching left me quite dissatisfied with working with people who were, quite frankly, amateurs. 

What am I flaundering above then? Well, thats the sketch of Nathalia from the more qualified artist I went to instead. Needless to say, that shit is superior in every way.

Drawback, this will cost me 200 bucks.

Why am I telling you this? Because I don't have the...

Chapter 214 - The mystery of the Metracana, shopping in Rome

“So, let’s ask the obvious first: Anybody knows what that is?” John asked and gestured at the thing on the table; “If it helps, Herman called it a Metracana.” “It doesn’t, I have no idea what it is,” Lydia said and with her being unknowing most of John’s hope in getting an easy answer died. 

John looked over to Rave but she just shrugged and shook her head. Continuing onto Thana, who just looked at the thing with understandable hatred (it had been stuck in her head for t...

Chapter 213 - For whom the bell tolls

“So that marks every room, except the kitchen, on the upmost floor complete,” Rave said as they went back down the stairs. It’s not that they didn’t have more energy for the kitchen, but just having sex for an extended amount of time got dull eventually. A quick recharge and they would probably continue in the evening. Probably being a guarantee.

The couple moved back to the living room just in time to hear the doorbell ring. “Huh, who could that be?” John wondered as they made the...

Chapter 212 - Home Tour

“That sound nice, I also wanna check on everything,” Rave agreed and tip-toed over to her boyfriend. “You do that, I have something else to take care off,” Lydia said after checking her phone, apparently she had an incoming call. She left the living room through the northern door and then the house altogether.

“I will stay here,” Aclysia stated, “I have to get used to the kitchen. Can you leave me with the groceries you have in your inventory, master?” He could and so Aclysia w...

Chapter 211 - What would you do without us?

“Ehm, girls,” John carefully said after, with quivering fingers, placing his shoes on the floor. Everyone waited for him to continue as he searched for the correct, and very careful words. “Whaddya wanna say, John?” Rave, ever the impatient, asked.

“So, basically, and I feel really weird for saying this, but,” John stammered, his life had not prepared him for this particular moment, “one of you is pregnant. Just got an achievement.” A moment of silence, then Thana burst out lau...

Chapter 210 - The Eternal City 2 – Mansion Staufen

Eventually Lydia caught up to them. “That was disgraceful!” of course, the first thing she said was a reprimand towards Thana; “Not only do you reveal your powers, but you also hurt John, let it be known that I am thoroughly disappointed!”

“Yes, yes,” Thana sighed, “I get it, I get it, I have the fucking mental state of toddler and I don’t deserve desert. Shut the fuck up, princess.” Lydia blinked twice, looked over to Aclysia, then back to Thana. “As long as we are clear o...