Unpronounceable

“Do you want to stay in the hospital or do you think you can go home today?” 

Sitting across from me in the Bangkok Hospital doctor’s office is Jirawat Saegngammongkhol, MD. I know this because I’ve been waiting over an hour to see him, staring at his door in an absolute stupor of illness. My fever-addled brain has been trying to decipher the pronunciation, but despite my formative years in Thailand, to no avail. All I can think of is the Thai surname Porntip and the fact that I haven’t taken a shit in almost 3 days can’t be normal.

“Do you want to stay in the hospital or do you think you can go home today?” 

My response time is too slow. He repeats his question. Dr. Smegma’s voice is muffled by his N95, probably perpetually worn since the start of the pandemic. His Thai accent is fairly thick. He makes up for it with a raised voice, the delivery of the cryptic line infused with the kind of Hippocratic smugness that transcends borders.

The reply is obvious. 

“Uhhhghgf…I wanna go home.”

This isn’t the answer he wants. The doctor sighs and peppers me with questions about my symptoms. I don’t know what the fuck’s wrong with me, he’s got the test results from the 4-in-one Ancient Egyptian-style nasopharyngeal swab they drilled into my head an hour ago. He glares at me, tapping the lab report, the bold words damning:

SARS-CoV2……………:      Positive

“You have COVID. We have some treatment. You can choose Paxlovid, Molnupiravir, or Remdesvir injection…”

The only part of Dr. Saegnasunovabitch’s visage that’s discernable is his eyes, and they’re stern, disappointed. 

He rattles off the pricing of each, as if cost was some concern for me. The doctor warns me off of Paxlovid because it costs 20,000 Baht, even though it’s the most effective treatment. They’re so concerned about liability that the most basic premise of the transaction of private healthcare has been forgotten – you’ve got the fucking MD, you tell me what I should take! 

It’s a roundabout process and eventually, I need to WebMD in front of a real MD. Molnupiravir becomes the best choice only because it’s the path of least resistance to me getting out of there. My fever’s rising and I’m becoming increasingly delirious. I writhe invisibly in the final waiting area in front of the Pharmacy/Cashier. Strange and sterile monolithic courier robots buzz by every so often, ferrying stool samples and medicine. They buttfuck themselves to charging ports with an R2D2 sound effect. My head rolls back as I wheeze and cough my semi-death rattles.

Some dumbass Farang tourist can’t work the waiting ticket machine and asks the janitorial staff stacking water bottles next to him for help. He’s waved off and looks increasingly panicked. I chuckle in a rasp even as I try not to wallow in frustration. I’ve been so fucking sick this month. February was pneumonia, March was infection, and now this, COVID. I dodged it for 4 years but now it finally got me. I thought I was immune, invincible. But after my wife got it and I brazenly didn’t take any precautions when caring for her? BAM. 

I’m not thinking about work, or that this trip to Thailand is ruined, that window between illnesses not a window at all. What I’ve been thinking about is how I’ve not been able to finish Chapter 2 of Joy on time. 

That hits the worst.

When my number is called, I find that my insurance is declined. 

“Not cover-krup!” the cashier chirps, retreating into a back room when I start to complain. I look at the piece of paper and see something nostalgic, though. In their system is the old information from when I went to school. It’s hilarious that it’s still there, considering I gave them my new one upon registration, but it’s an amusing full circle, pulling my failing brain back to chaotic, lust-filled memories of my time in Bangkok.

“YO! COVERED-KRUP!” I shout hoarsely before I descend into a coughing fit.

***

So that’s basically how things have been for me. I'm not dead. Felt like I was getting there, though. I’m sorry about the long silence and lack of content, but the truth is that my health has been pretty fucked.

I’m nearing completion of the next chapter of Breeding the Help though. I’m feeling way better on these meds and I’m doing my best to stay on track and deliver you some steaming hot content as soon as possible.

-D