Jealousy - Lucien

He has no right to jealousy. None at all. What right does he have to your life after the way he treated you?

Still, it eats at Lucien’s heart. You were the most important person in his life…if he’s honest with himself, you still are. There’s a pedestal in his heart and he’d tried desperately to knock you off of it to no avail.

Now you’re a stranger he loves dearly, and he’s a stranger you can’t stand.

The jealousy he’d like to deny still lives there, burning in his heart despite how he’d like to deny it. It’s even worse at times like these.

You’re walking only steps ahead of him. It’s a coincidence; you both have an afternoon class and you live in the same hallway, after all. There’s a guy walking beside you, and Lucien can tell it’s not Viktor. The lack of horns is a dead giveaway there.

He leans toward you, your shoulders brushing, and he turns his head. Lucien can see the smile curling his lips as he leans down into you space and says something.

Heart lurching in his chest, he tries valiantly to keep his head down and continue marching on. He hopes against hope that you don’t glance back and see him; he knows he’s the definition of pathetic at the moment.

Then, the second after the guy leans into your space, you cringe back and shuffle a few steps away. Lucien realizes then just how tense your posture is, and how your fingers are curling around your keys like a weapon.

No. He can’t…this can’t happen. They’ll rake you over the coals for an assault even if you’re just protecting yourself.

Lucien promised he wouldn’t intervene in your life anymore for your sake. This, though? He’s doing this for you, too.

“Hey!” He barks the word out, watching the both of you freeze in place.

In a few long steps he finds himself a few measles feet away, and he realizes he knows this guy. His name is Daniel, and for the life of him Lucien can’t recall his surname. They’re in the same Elemental Theory class; Lucien had thought he was decent, even gave him notes when he was out sick.

Bitter regret and disappointed sickness sour his tongue.

“Oh, hey, Rivera!” The guys grins lazily, “We were having a chat while we walked. Care to join?”

You’re frozen stiff, eyes wide and locked on Lucien. He realizes Daniel thinks Lucien is his friend here. Then, with bile rising in his throat, he realizes you think the same thing.

“A chat?” Lucien repeats numbly.

“Yeah,” Daniel gestures to you, “Mind telling your, uh, ex here to give me a chance? I know you ditched ‘em for a reason, but I don’t mind sloppy seconds.”

Lucien jerks backward as if the words are a physical blow. Eyes wide, he glances between the two of you, his nausea growing.

Daniel reaches out again, slinging an arm around your shoulders, addressing you now, “I mean, do you really think many people are willing to give someone like you a chance?”

The words ring in Lucien’s ears. He takes a halting step forward, and Daniel blinks in confusion. The asshole still doesn’t let you go.

So Lucien pulls his fist back and then slams it forward into Daniel’s face. He feels the crunch of bone beneath his knuckles and satisfaction soothes his sickness.

Daniel stumbles back, his nose bleeding furiously. He tries to stem the flow with his hands, but only succeeds in making a mess. He stares in shock, in betrayal, as if he can’t believe Lucien of all people was the one to hit him.

“I’m not your ally here,” Lucien grits out between clenched teeth, “Leave. Now. If I ever see you around again, you’ll find out just how hot seraphic magic can burn.”

Daniel sputters but ultimately tucks tail and runs. Lucien dreads facing you, but bolsters his courage and does it regardless.

Your eyes are wide, staring at him like you’ve never seen him before. Your hands have fallen out of their clenched state, limply hanging at your sides.

“I-“ He croaks before thinking better of it and instead quietly muttering, “Goodnight.”

He goes to speed walk past you, but is stopped by a hand on his wrist. You hold him loosely, as if giving him the option to pull away and leave you again.

He can’t bring himself to do it.

He turns, dread curdling his stomach, and he finds you far too close once he’s facing you. Your lips are pursed, but your eyes aren’t angry.

He remembers how you used to smile. He wishes, fleetingly, that he might see it again. It’s a fool’s hope.

“You didn’t have to do that,” You say.

Lucien swallows, “I did.”

You release his wrist, eyes fluttering in confusion, “Why?”

Because he still loves you. Because you don’t deserve all the shit you get. Because he regrets being part of the problem, even unwillingly.

“He was an asshole.” Is what he says instead, because he would never say any of his real reasons to your face.

Your brows furrow, like you don’t quite believe him. The you reach out and grab his right hand, the one he’d punched Daniel with. His knuckles are swollen already, and Lucien can tell they’re going to bruise.

You hold his one hand in both of yours for a moment, looking conflicted. Lucien, however, knows exactly how he feels. He savors the touch, but hates it at the same time. Hates it because he knows he can’t seek it freely, hates it because he ruined the only good thing in his life.

“Thank you,” You whisper, dropping his hand and stepping away.

You turn, walking toward the dorms at a much faster pace than usual. He watches you go, longing, regretful…maybe, against his better judgement, hopeful.