Gratitude Journaling for Relationships

To me, New Years means…journals.  There is just something about starting off the new year with empty, pristine pages in a brand new journal that speaks to the endless possibilities of the year ahead.  Until I put pen to paper, anything is possible.

I used to buy and try out all different kinds of journals for different moods and purposes.  In one season, I was feeling super crunchy, earth-momma and I had a journal with the phases of the moon and inspirational quotes.  I tried the Desire Map journal another year.  Yet another, it was all about the efficiency of bullet journaling in a moleskine notebook.  The next?  Tons of stickers in a Happy Planner.  Sometimes, my journal was just a lined notebook from the back to school section with a cover I liked.

But of all these, the most powerful journal I have had is one that one of my submissive friends suggested when I was going through a rough patch in my M/s relationship.

I was feeling down and like I just couldn’t get through to my Master at the time, years ago and she suggested I keep a small notebook and every day, just write down 3 things that my Master did that I was grateful for.  It could be anything, from taking out the trash to giving me a scene, to telling me a joke.  The important thing was that there were 3 things and I was grateful for them at the end of my day.  She promised me it would change things.  She also made me promise not to tell him I was doing it.

I didn’t see how such a small act could change anything, but she was my mentor at the time, so I did as I was told.  Each day I stopped at the end of the day before bed and wrote down those three things.  At first, some days were hard to come up with three things, but as I kept doing it, it became harder to whittle it down to just three things.  My mind shifted from negativity to spending the day looking for those things he did or was to be grateful for.  When I would feel down I could bring out that small notepad and look at it and see how much I had to be grateful for within my relationship.

As I began to notice more of what he did every day, I also began to show more appreciation for the things that he did and that, in turn, helped him feel good and want to do more of those things.

Relationships can become a bit of a feedback loop over long periods of time and unfortunately, that feedback loop can unconsciously start to become a negative one.  Neither of us had intended for that to happen, but it had snuck into our M/s relationship.  He had felt unappreciated, so he had not been going out of his way to do the things he used to do that made me feel loved or submissive.  I was feeling hurt and abandoned, so I wasn’t showing appreciation for the things he was already doing and instead focusing on what was missing.  Starting that gratitude journal helped shift that negative feedback loop into a positive one where he began to feel more appreciated and so began to do more things that helped me feel loved and submissive and we grew closer and closer again.

All from just jotting down three quick things each night.

This year, I’m looking forward to setting intentions for the year ahead and one of the things I plan on doing is getting back to basics in my own relationships and focusing as much as I can on gratitude and positivity.

Happy New Year!