Why Part Time D/s Might Be a Better Fit For You

By RedWarrior

For most of my kink life, I’ve never understood D/s, let alone part-time D/s. I’ve very much been an all-or-nothing, off or on kind of person when it came to BDSM. I had 2 long term M/s relationships and barely dabbled in D/s. I fell hard and fast and quickly started living with both of my Masters.

But life has a way of taking us in directions we can’t anticipate and now I’m in a part-time D/s relationship and…thriving!

The very thing I couldn’t understand, didn’t think I could ever survive, and absolutely did not want…is turning out to be downright healthy for me and for many of the very reasons I didn’t think it would be. Here’s what I’ve learned…

Part time D/s Allows for a LOT of Flexibility.

Want to try high protocol today and then be primals this weekend? It’s easy because each interaction has a built in container around it. Much like some things are easier to do in a scene than in daily life, so too sometimes exploring something that is very specific or intense can be easier if there is a natural time limit built in.

Part Time D/s Can Be Intense…Sometimes Even Moreso than Full Time M/s

This is similar to the way a vacation can have more varied and intense experiences than daily life. Because we’re only together for a limited time, we’re not spending time on the mundane like doing laundry or other chores. The time being limited means we both want to get the most out of it, so often that means packing in as much kink and power exchange as those hours can hold. My service centers so much more on BDSM because there is little else in those hours.

Part Time D/s Can Help Keep a Busy Life from Becoming Vanilla

I remember in my M/s relationships there would be times when all our other responsibilities in life would overshadow the BDSM parts of life and it became tough to carve out enough time for scenes or even our protocols or rituals. It would often become all too easy to let those slide. In part-time BDSM, because our time together takes place outside each of our regular lives, it’s already time blocked off from vanilla responsibilities and set aside for BDSM.

If You Are Looking to Maintain a Separate Identity but Crave Power Exchange, Part Time D/s Might Be a Great Fit!

I have a tendency to lose myself in relationships easily and to compromise on my own wants and needs too easily. I’ve been working on this and while I do, part time D/s is a great way for me to enjoy power exchange within a much safer container. In my daily life, I’m forced to set my own priorities and to be my own person in a way I wasn’t in my 24/7 K/s relationships. I find I still think of myself as a separate individual more than a part of a “we” and I retain more of my own identity because on a daily basis, I’m doing things alone.

It Takes Time to Learn How to Handle the Ebb and Flow of Part Time D/s

At first, I had a predictable drop and meltdown every Monday like clockwork. The weekend would have been awesome and then we’d both go back to our everyday lives and responsibilities and I’d feel down, mopey, and insecure about the relationship. At some point, though, I became used to the routine we have and instead of feeling down after an intense time together, I’d begin to anticipate our next scheduled time together. Now my drop is minimal and my transition between submission and then life on my own is much easier.

Loneliness Is Sometimes the Flip Side of Independence

This, unfortunately is something I have had to learn and adjust to. When I was in 24/7 relationships, anything I needed or wanted, I went to my Master for. If I was lonely, they were right there. Now, my Dominant’s time is often filled with his other daily responsibilities and I need to be able to meet my own needs during most of the week. This means going to events by myself and spending time with friends instead of always having a date. It can mean pursuing my hobbies or other interests when we’re apart. I’ve had to realize that missing each other during the week is part of what makes the time we do have together so special.

Part Time D/s Requires a Different Kind of Strength than 24/7 M/s

When I was a 24/7 slave, I had to dig deep and find strength in different ways than I do now. In some ways, my life is easier and simpler now than it was then. My challenges as a 24/7 slave involved keeping up with a long list of chores every day and also living all aspects of my life according to my Master’s rules. The challenges there were often physical as well as managing my own submission and keeping up communication. Now, I feel like there is less responsibility placed on me by my Dominant, but I do have more work managing myself. I’m the one who makes rules for myself in my daily life and enforces them for myself. He is more like a personal trainer or life coach I see once a week than a drill sergeant with me every day.

A great example is my workouts. I have a goal to workout most days. My Dominant weighs in on what program I do, but it’s up to me when I do it, if I need a rest day, etc. I’m the one who hold myself accountable. I could, if I chose, lie about working out that day. There would be no way for him to know either way. I don’t because those are my goals and because it pleases him when I send him a text telling him I worked out and what I did. Instead of doing it because it’s a rule he set up and I want to please him with my obedience, I do it because he is pleased when I do things that support and improve my overall health.

Part Time D/s is Easier in Long Distance Relationships

Besides the time constraints my Dominant has, we live in 2 different states. It’s within driving distance, but it’s not a distance either of us could commute daily. Being part time means that neither of us have the burden of many protocols or rules when we’re apart, but then we can both enjoy a little more when we’re together. Trying to do M/s at this kind of distance, if it was possible, would require a lot of time and energy during our time apart that would likely interfere with our other life responsibilities.

Part Time D/s can fit Better in Polyamory or Just a Crazy Busy Life

Balancing multiple partners or even just one partner plus young kids or a demanding job or other hobbies can become a recipe for burnout if we’re not careful. Having a dynamic that is confined to specific times can help ease that and help it be something that creates a needed release rather than complication.

Overall, I’ve discovered Part Time D/s can be a perfect fit.

Just because the dynamic is limited in its nature does not mean that there isn’t plenty to explore within that container. These kinds of interactions can be just as intense and profound as some of my 24/7 M/s interactions. While I do sometimes long for the settled security and depth of a full time M/s relationship I can better understand why this style of BDSM relationship seems to be more common and works well for so many people. We all have crazy, busy lives with multiple demands on our time and part time D/s can fit more easily into those lives, creating a wonderful oasis within our lives.