[Weekly Update] The best moment in Seagal's film career

January billing has been paused, meaning you'll not be charged next month.

There also will not be regular updates in January. However, we do have a poll, and it'll last to the end of January. Stay around and cast your vote!

CHANNEL UPDATE

Since we have no update for upcoming schedule, allow me to share with you what I'm doing.

In a poll held a few months back, we've decided to talk about Steven Seagal this Christmas. As a result, I've done a large amount of reading, and watched a lot of his movies. My eyes have gone blind from the trauma, and my mind has melted. Here is why as follows:

In more than one occasion, I have to stare at a close up shot of Seagal's face, while he stares at a naked Asian woman dancing just off screen, or some times entirely on screen. I'd say whoever came up with this strategy for sex appeal is doing a miserable job at it, but I'm pretty sure Seagal is the one who produced all of those movies. There is nothing he loves more than naked women and himself.

Many second hand sources agree that Seagal is, in fact, a very intelligent person. While his movies are always about special ops, government corruption, and human trafficking, which gives off a massive conspiracy vibe, he has never aligned himself with theorists in anyway, as far as I know. It was then a terrible thought has come to me: Can Steven Seagal run for presidency in the US? The answer seems to be yes. Hopefully, if he really is as smart as other people said, he'd stay away from that seat.

Have you seen Steven Seagal run? I'm pretty sure you can find a montage of it on YouTube. It's hilarious for like the first 3 minutes and then it becomes kinda disconcerting. Outside of running, Seagal also doesn't seem to know how to hold a gun. And at this point, I've seen so many movies, I can see him doing both actions with my eyes closed.

Keep in mind that none of the above information made it into the video. The man is so full of controversies, allegations, lawsuits, and memes, there are entire channels dedicated to just dissecting aspects of the man's career. The more I read, the more I feel like my brain can't handle all of the crazy information being cramped into my head. This is a real Lovecraftian nightmare.

MEDIA TALK

Look man, the only movies I watched for the past week are Seagal movies, I got nothing.

I supposed I can share with you the greatest finding of my life, the single best moment in Seagal's film career: The Onion Movie.

Yes, the Onion, as in the satire news company. In 2008, they made a movie that is essentially just a series of skits.

Seagal is the start of a short segment. In it, he plays "Cockpuncher", a martial arts master who dedicates his entirely at the art of... Tiger Drop.

Yes, he punches people in da dick. That is the joke. It's simple and dumb, but in true Onion fashion, the movie actually managed to milk the joke in a variety of fun and creative ways. He punches them while driving a motorcycle. He punches them in a 1 vs 10 fight. He superman dives into someone, flying with wire-fu. It is over the top, stupid, but still funny.

The best part is, Seagal is surprisingly into this whole thing. You can tell the man is in on the joke by the fact that his action scenes are clean and well done. No joke, his kata looks pretty good, certainly way better than it has any rights to be.

Seagal delivers the line "I can sure go for a sundae topped with... crushed nuts" with such self-awareness, the whole thing circles back into being awesome. After staring at him doing lazy and sleazy things for almost 30 hours, it was a refreshing change of pace.

I wouldn't recommend the Onion Movie, it's honestly kinda trash. But the Seagal segments are only about 10 minutes long. So those parts are at least worth a watch. Grab a sundae, turn your brain off, and have a silly time.

Anyway, our video will be up by Christmas. See you soon!