Eevee Therapy for Little Magi (Prologue)

The language used in conversations between gods is infinite in depth and complexity. Those few mortals who can hear said conversations, keep from dying to information overload, and understand even the bare minimum of the concepts being traded like molecules between atoms, can spend days dissecting a single ‘word’. Theological transcriptors rely on metaphor so deep in complexity that every sentence requires full paragraphs to understand, and poets who read it will weep at the layers of language used to create even the barest hint of divine words.

To translate the following conversation into abbreviated English requires so much loss of context, emotion, and information as to make any of those selfsame poets collapse, frothing at the mouth. But it must be done to understand the purely mortal interactions which would come thereafter.

Alaya. Hands off. The overdiety and will of humanity flinched as she went to make adjustments on one of an infinite canvas of worlds. You are not supposed to be here.

I am only giving one of your children a boon, Arceus. The goddess simpered as she wheeled to face the four-legged godhorse ‘standing’ behind her. Surely-

Giving one of my children– my future Chosen, no less– the powers, memories, and Regrets of one of your chained Heroic Spirits is not a boon, Alaya. Arceus responded. Especially when it plants the urge to petition you for aid in a time of need. The godhorse stopped, then continued in a tone which could, in a lesser being, be considered snide. Running out of your favorite Counter Guardian again?

What does it matter to you, goat? Alaya’s composure shattered like cheap porcelain. You have a million and one powerful beings to clean up on your world, I have nothing!

If you had bothered to make peace with, and work with your world soul as opposed to actively fighting her, that would not be necessary. Instead, you continue to insult and belittle her at every opportunity when you’re winning, then scramble when she begins to gain ground. Arceus huffed. And now, not even your favorite silver sword-bullets are running out, since you leave them miserable in your service so often.

What else am I supposed to do? Besides, you have infinite worlds under your purview, losing one chosen–

And it’s that attitude which leaves me with absolutely no sympathy. Arceus countered. If you wanted help, ask. Instead, you’re repeating the same mistakes you made with Gaia, pissing off a potential ally.

Fuck off, Arceus. Fine, I’ll go elsewhere…

Not quite. Alaya froze at the satisfied lilt in Arceus’ voice. You owe me forfeit. For this time, where you failed, and the two times you succeeded previously.

…forfeit?

I think I’ll make this a teaching moment, a chance to see what a well-adjusted, competent hero can accomplish with help, as opposed to all the byronic lone wolves you prefer. Arceus decided. So let’s see… well, your chosen favorite, for one…

Alaya yelped as she felt Shirou Emiya’s eleven year old soul leave one of her worlds. No, that’s–

And his sister, of course, to keep her from becoming so broken. Hmm, what’s this TOSHAKA? Might as well keep that out of your hands too…

No! Give them back! Alaya wailed as another two souls were lifted, a fourth joining in. And the Matou? No!

Why you didn’t bother to use one of your agents to wipe the Pillars from becoming Demons I will never understand. Conflict breeds power and development, but Chaldea is not a good enough reason to keep them around. Arceus sniffed again. Ah, and the man. He’s close enough to becoming EMIYA that he might take your deal, so he comes too.

Damn you!

Play with the big boys, you get smacked. Arceus intoned. Next time you go rooting around for spare heroes, go somewhere where the local gods can’t step on you with impunity. Maybe that strange Mushroom Kingdom place?

Gahh!

Shooing out his erstwhile annoying cosmic neighbor, Arceus inspected his five ‘prizes’. Hmm. Reality can’t handle more than three insertions, and all five in one place is asking for the Aether foundation to pick up something. Three groups, maximum distances apart. Let’s see…

For the man… Kalos. With his heritage and skills, dealing with that poor madman Lysandre should be right up his alley. With a flick of a divine hoof, the frail form of Kiritsugu Emiya was deposited in front of the Floette Memorial Hospital’s Intensive Care Unit. Curse disposal is within their wheelhouse, if I recall. Not many places left which need that, fortunately…

Now for the sisters. Arceus grimaced as he looked at the state of the younger’s soul. Hmm. Well, at least that worm is dead, now that his soul’s center is displaced… ugh, going to need a bit of spiritual surgery… or exposure to proper levels of developmental aura. He paused. Well, they’ll need partners anyway. With a twist of will, he created a single, brown-furred fox creature, and then thought better of it and created three more. Children like cute things, and these should do the trick. Let’s see… Unova. Big place, social services unfortunately strapped, enough wild areas for odd jobs or resource acquisition, perfect for them. I think. Arceus double checked. Huh, they’re already out of the Cowboy phase… except that one guy. Even better.

And now for the man of the hour. Arceus handed off the Eevee to the boy’s soul, then reached back in and pulled out the Sheath of Avalon. I’ll give this back when it won’t spiritually corrupt and mold the boy’s soul further. He mused, hanging it on his wall. Don’t want him to turn into a Honedge. Now… close to home should work well enough. Welcome to Sinnoh, children.

As the last of his newly adopted and created children flew off to his world, Arceus sat back. That should change things up on this world a bit, without interfering too much in my Chosen’s path. Now just to–

“Hey, what’s going on?”

Arceus blinked. Mew, how did you get in here again?

The little pink pokemon spun around, looking at his boss with adorable eyes. “You still haven’t blocked the drains in your sink.”

Really? Ugh. Arceus groused, looking back at his world.

“So what’s on TV? Ooh, some sort of isekai reality show?”

Fairly close. Get my popcorn, and you can watch it with me.

“Sure!”

Oh, and let Mario know he’s going to have an annoying visitor soon.

“Got it~”