[1:14] Lavender Valley

After three hours you had finally made your agonizing decision and you clicked the submit button and bought several pairs of earrings. In a few days you would be the owner of a pair of sapphire studs, a small pair of gold hoops, and some dangly blue and gold teardrop earrings. They were impractical but they were half off and you really were drawn to them. You remember your high school friends telling you had a warm skin tone so you stuck with golds and richer colors.

You spent more than you wanted to, but not nearly as much as you could have. You knew these were impractical. But you were responsible, and you bought the cheap ones. After all you weren’t going to wear them out, or even at all. But it’s been a hard month and these just made you feel better. You couldn’t explain it but you were just glad they did. 

You closed your laptop having not done any job search and stretched. You felt relaxed for the first time in what felt like a long time. You stood there in your barren apartment and just listened. With most everyone still at work it was quiet and you had a moment where you didn’t feel the weight of panic of not being able to find a job, of your dwindling bank account, of how isolated you’ve felt since you got fired and moved out of that rat-trap apartment…it was amazing. It was just what you needed. 

You also needed lunch. The stress and panic was an appetite suppressant and you became acutely aware that you haven’t had anything except a few sips of Paige’s cappuccino. You dug out a little Bluetooth speaker, connected your phone to it and started playing The National as you tossed together a sandwich for lunch. You went all out, toasting the bread and using some of the good cheese that didn’t come in pre wrapped slices. It was a good compliment to the shredded roast beef that made up the bulk of the sandwich. Garnish it with some Doritos and a pickle and you capped off an afternoon which was turning out to be much more cathartic than you could have thought. 

Then came the obligatory nap. 

When you woke up it was a couple of hours later and you just resigned to the fact you were going to be groggy all day. Like a zombie you shuffled into your apartment and to the window. The rain had stopped and the clouds had begun to part. Beams of sunlight broke through the gloom in golden rays that glinted off the rain that was beaded on the grasses. The courtyard was buzzing with people returning from work, chatting, or donning exercise attire getting ready for a post-work walk. 

None of them were men.  

You studied them for a bit and when you were confident you wouldn’t spot another man you retreated back into your apartment to check some emails and respond to any new job offers for about an hour. Then it was a lighter dinner of beef tacos and finish up the night by binging some mindless TV. All the while you kept a constant vigil of your phone as you anxiously waited for a text or call from Josh. 

Maybe he forgot? Maybe he’s not in yet? Maybe he’s spending the night with Andrea. It’s okay, you’ll talk to him tomorrow. You were sure he’d get back with you then and  you can finally figure out just what that feeling was - what the phantom scent was - and what it could all mean. 

Four days passed. No text. No call. 

You spent the time holed up in your apartment. Trying to do your search-for-a-job routine and resisting the urge to irritate Josh was a slew of panicky texts. Instead you obsessively ruminated on what might have caused you to feel so weird. You considered things like mold or carbon monoxide. But in all your google searches, nothing fit. Nothing made sense. Josh was outside when he said he felt it and if it was affecting you in the short time you were with Paige she’d surely be dead if it was a gas leak.

As you paced your apartment, staring at your phone and reading about the psychological impacts of EMF fields on a site that also sold herbal remedies to demon possession out of the corner of you saw him. 

He was climbing out of Andrea’s silver BMW, carrying a bunch of pink and white bags. You could tell he was beaming. She was too. They laughed and pawed at one another playfully as they started to make their way toward your building. Your heart raced. Finally you were going to get to talk with him. To shed some light on all of this. In that moment you felt yourself get distracted wondering what earrings she was wearing today but you quickly pressed that thought aside. 

You felt like a creep but you rushed to the door when Josh and Andrea entered. You could hear them chatting and laughing near the mailboxes. It gave you enough time to pull on your jeans and throw on your sneakers and your hoodie. You weren’t sure if you were more excited to get answers to the weirdness or to soothe the anxiety.  

As you quietly popped your door open you prayed to whatever god wanted to listen that he wouldn’t be attached to Andrea’s hip all night. You needed to talk to him alone. 

Through the crack of your partially opened door you looked out over the balcony and listened to them make plans to get together in a couple of days after Andrea got back from her work trip. Then you watched him walk her to her apartment, wave goodbye to one another then he headed toward the rear stair well toward the back of the U shaped apartment building.

Now was your chance. You hurried down the balcony, nearly at a run. He was up the stairs and putting his key in his lock when you were closing in on him.  

“Josh!” 

He was halfway in his door when you called out. He turned and stuck his head out in the hall. You realized that you looked insane by the confused and shocked expression as he saw you.

“Oh. Hey dude.” He said, hesitantly. 

You didn’t care. 

You jogged up to him and said, “I gotta talk to you.” 

“Oh shit! I forgot. Sorry bro. I’ve been super busy with Andrea. C’mon in.” 

You followed him inside. 

The first thing you noticed as he had cleaned. The pile of dirty coats on his treadmill was gone. He set the bags down, took off his coat and hung it in the small closet by the door. With the rest of his coats that a week ago hadn’t managed to make it that far. 

One of the shadow boxes full of memorabilia was gone and in its place were a few small flowering plants in pink and pots hanging in a metal rack. The coffee table had been replaced and to protect the new one was coasters. The junk mail and issues of Sports Illustrated were now on a shelf next to the couch and held within an organizer. The rug was straightened. The place smelled faintly of potpourri. 

“Sorry, I didn’t have time to tidy up.” he said. “Do you want something to drink?”

You ignored his offer. He set the bags down just inside of his apartment and headed toward the fridge. You dodged around the quartet of bags from fashionable outlet stores and followed him into the kitchen. 

“I really want to thank you again for giving me the courage to text Andrea again. I threw myself on my sword and was just kind of, I guess, honest. Which she appreciated. You know –”

You didn’t have time for all that “- That’s great dude, listen; so the other day when I ran into you I was out on a walk -”

“-when it was raining?” he asked

“Yes.”

“Weren’t you freezing?”

“It wasn’t bad. Listen, that’s not what I need to talk about.”

“Okay. Did you want something to drink?”

“No.”

Josh rooted around in his fridge. He had a bottle of wine in there that he pushed aside and grabbed one of his trendy microbrews. He handed you one with a nod that you declined with an impatient wave and you hastily continued. 

“So on that walk I noticed this woman and she was, I don’t want to be mean but a total  wreck, and she was dropping things and trying to juggle bags or whatever. Well her car was full of junk and there were all these post-its and she must have dropped one and it got stuck to my shoe. I didn’t notice it until I got home. I looked at it and it said a bunch of weird shit that I didn’t understand. It was like one of those schizo notes you sometimes see posted on light posts or something. So I go and check on her-” 

Josh cocks his head to the side and ‘awws’. You stare at him, stunned. He takes a long swig and says, “Sorry. Been hanging around Andrea too much. G’head.” 

You regard him suspiciously for a second then continue, “Alright so I go and check on her and she won’t open the door. Not all the way anyways. She’s freaked out about something. Then this woman just appears behind me. Paige.”

“Oh I know Paige. She’s nice. She was at all those girl-y gatherings. She might have a book club that Andrea goes to. Not sure. I can ask. You want me to text Andy and ask?”

“No! Jesus! Listen!” 

Josh put his hands up in a cartoonish surrender.

“So she comes out and next thing I know I’m in her place having coffee and we’re chatting and it’s fine. Then I just start feeling weird.” 

Josh furrowed his brow and sipped his beer.

“Hold on. What do you mean weird?”

“I mean WEIRD, weird. Like how you said you felt before. I felt that too! One second I was fine then I just felt like my guts were churning and I felt uncomfortable and anxious and I had to get away and I did. I got the fuck out of there as fast as I could.”

Josh regarded you for a few seconds before he put his beer down and stepped away. He rubbed at his receded hairline and paced for a second. 

“Also, I smelled it.” you said. 

Josh spins around, still rubbing his head, “smelled the floral scent?”

You nod. “That morning, but not since. Freaked me out. That's why I went on a walk.”

“No. No. No,” he says. “You were the one who told me I was overreacting, that it was nothing and now here you are telling me what? I need to be freaking out?” 

“No…yes. I don’t know. But like, it happened to both of us so that has to mean something, right?”

“What the hell..” Josh’s voice had a shakiness in it. He paced around his kitchen then turned to you, “And it was intense right? Like not just some anxiety attack or whatever. It was like you had to run. It was pure fight or flight right? 

You nod. 

Josh stops pacing, leans against his counter and breathes deep. Clearly trying to regain some control of his emotions. “I thought I was going crazy.” he whispers. 

“I know. I should have believed you.” 

Josh shrugged, “nah. How could you? It sounds crazy. It IS crazy.” 

There was a long pause between the two of you then finally Josh said, “Okay. Okay. What do we know? All we have right now is just a weird feeling and like…anxiety and fear. On the surface it seems irrational but it occurred in both of us, at different times and in different places.”

“The thing that is the same is that we were with our neighbors and they didn’t seem to be affected at all, right?”

Josh shook his head no. “If anyone was, they never mentioned it but then again, I didn’t speak to any of them for months not until -” He trailed off. 

“Did you feel anything before you reached out to her?”

“I mean, I felt nervous but it wasn’t the same as that weirdness, ya know? It was just general nervousness because I was a dick and I had to own it and that always sucks. But I haven’t felt that since then and Andrea and I have spent a lot of time together. It’s been great. Really great. We went shopping today. It was weirdly fun. Grabbed a late lunch. Hung out, chatted, and it's been fun.”

When you had nothing to say Josh walked over, put his hand on your shoulder and said, “I want to get to the bottom of this. I really do and if you had asked me two weeks ago I would have been right there with you buddy. I would have been freaking out and thinking something horrible was happening but…we don’t know anything. We have no idea what the weirdness is, what causes it, what it could mean. Believe me, l want to get to the bottom of this but…let's take a step back and ask the question; get to the bottom of what?”

“What do you mean?” you ask. 

“What has happened exactly? Nothing, right? Has anything happened to you? Are you hurt? Did you pass out? Did you lose a limb?”

You shake your head.

“That’s my point. So what has really happened except for we had a feeling. One that I haven’t really had again. We can’t replicate it, or at least I can’t. If I can’t replicate it how do we expect to find out what caused it? And what if my telling you about my weird feeling somehow influenced you? Like, I don’t know psychology but isn’t that what happens with mass hysteria? I saw an episode of House where that happened. 

“So what if we take a breath, and just keep our eyes open. If we get that weird feeling or if we see something maybe we check back and share notes. But until then…what can we do?”

He had a point. There was no starting point. No thread to pull. Just a vague, ambiguous “weird’ feeling neither of you could articulate. In that moment you had a brief moment of clarity and became acutely aware of how frazzled and exhausted  you felt. 

You nod and say, “Yeah…yeah you’re right. You’re right. I just, I don’t know -”

“-you freaked out for some reason you don’t know. I get it. It’s messed up dude. I was there. But it was only once.”  

“You’re right. You’re right,” you say, forcing a smile. You suddenly felt like a heavy weight was on your shoulders. Maybe this was a coincidence. Maybe it was stress. Maybe you just had a panic attack. 

You stood up and started making your way toward the door. He followed half way and leaned against the wall next to his TV. You turned as you grabbed the door handle and said, “Thanks man. I appreciate you listening…all this. Keep this between us, yeah?” 

“Who am I gonna tell? Andrea? Maybe I’ll scare her off for good this time!” Josh chuckled. 

With an exasperated breathy laugh you give a wave and headed home. 

You didn’t open your email. You got into bed with your laptop and watched some mindless TV and scrolled through some reeks on Instagram. It was just what you needed. After a few hours you half-heartedly got ready for bed and passed out for the night and slept through your alarm. 

You awoke the next day to late morning sun piercing through the curtains and hitting you in the face. You rolled over, and tugged the blankets over your head, irritated at consciousness. Then you realized you had to pee. With no other choice you climbed out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom feeling sore from all the stress of the past few days. Maybe your muscles have finally released.  

You only thought about the weird feeling and your conversation with Josh a dozen times as you made some scrambled eggs, grabbed a coffee and plopped down at the kitchen counter to resume the exercise in frustration that was job searching. 

Another day, another inbox full of rejection. Out of pure desperation you even checked your spam folder in the hopes that maybe a job offer, or even an interview offer, got caught up in the sweep but no such luck. You felt defeated and demoralized every morning and it was only getting worse. You wondered if you were going to be able to make rent next month. You felt the knot of stress beginning to form in your chest. Confirming to you that what occurred at Paige’s was no doubt stress. You didn’t want to move back into your car. Maybe your old apartment is finally dry? You hated that your thoughts immediately went there but hope was in short supply.

You got up and put your dishes in the sink and as you rinsed your plate your phone vibrated on the counter next to your computer. Drying your hands on your pajama pants you grabbed it and thumbed open a text from Sophie,

“Hey!!! I’m not too late am I? Heather hasn’t talked to you has she? I hope not. Talked to Paige this morning and she was asking around to see if anyone had any work for you. I had to shit-can my receptionist the other day. You can talk good on the phone can’t you?  I might have some work for you. Hit me up if your interested and let’s figure it out before Heather sinks her claws into you lol xoxoxo”

Just as you tapped reply there was a frantic knock on your door. Wearing your best stained and well-worn Jurassic Park tee shirt and plaid pajama pants you opened the door. Realizing only then that you were unshaven, your hair uncombed and you probably looked like death warmed over. 

On the otherside was a woman in a white button up, and high waisted tan pants with nude heels. Her perfume and her jewelry were expensive. When the door opened she spun, her shoulder length red curls bouncing as she looked to you with huge bright green eyes and a wide smile and an offer to shake. 

“I’m not too late. I hope I’m not too late. Hi! Hello. I’m Heather. Heather Bennet. Paige said you were looking for a job. Well it just so happens I have a position open at my business, my store, my soon-to-be-opened store. It’s a woman’s fashion boutique but you don’t need to know about dresses and lingerie and all that. I really need someone to kind of help with getting everything up and running. You know inventory, display set up, dealing with suppliers, getting the computer databases up and running, website design maybe, some online marketing. That kind of thing. Do you maybe want to grab coffee and chat and see if we can help each other out?”

You shook her hand and introduced yourself. Your mind spun. You were going to have to send Paige flowers. 

Sophie sounds like she wanted to hire you on the spot but Heather seemed to be offering you far more substantial of a job. But it sounded like Sophie was a sure bet whereas Heather wanted to talk. It couldn’t hurt to talk right? 

As you prepared to answer you felt a slight, distant stirring of the weirdness trying to creep it’s way back into your mind…

1.) Sophie's Choice. Steel yourself and suppress the weirdness. Being a receptionist might be a great part time job to make a little bit of money, get some breathing room, and it’d be easy to boot. Sophie seems fun. It might be just what you need to get you out of your slump and tide you over until you get something more substantial. 

2.) An Offer You Can’t Refuse. Sophie seems fun but she, so far, has been a bit volatile. You barely know her and her as your boss could be a disaster. Take Heather up on her offer, get dressed and go to lunch. Hear her offer. It might lead to something that will get you out of this slump. After all, the position that Heather was offering seemed more permanent, lucrative and could be a great opportunity to get some great experience. 

3.) Search your Feelings…You could barely feel the weirdness but it was there. Trust your gut and reject both offers. (Gain a “Thread” in the Investigation)