AutumnNatural Comics

Some info for the new subs (and old timers who are interested)!

I want to start by welcoming everyone who came here after seeing The Goddess on DeviantArt. I really appreciate the support!

I thought might it might be a good time to talk about my mission statement here seeing how I either have never done that or haven't done it in a while. When I started this Patreon it was to produce TG (and maybe TF content, though that might be a Deviant Art thing) content that I want to see. It was also motivation enough for me to actually finish a comic and I did that with Mommy Dearest.

I learned a lot from Mommy Dearest and have already begun to switch up my process and tighten the scripts and my plans. We'll see how that changes with Ronny to Connie.

Also, I have not forgotten that earlier this year I posted a poll to see what other story you guys wanted to see and I have been working on Your Mom's Friend. Though that is a secondary comic that won't have a regular release schedule. I'll be posting that when the pages are ready. It might also just be in pencil because with The Goddess I saw how much cleaner and nicer the pages looked inked. I am reluctantly doing most future projects that way. I say reluctantly because I am a traditional guy. I like paper and I miss it and I'm stubborn and old.

So I am going to do my side projects on paper.

Also, last summer I started writing an "interactive TG" story called Lavender Valley. It was like a choose your own adventure. Each week I'd write an entry and it would end with a few choices that everyone reading would make and which ever choice got the most picks that's where the story would go.

I'm a TTRPG nerd so I came up with a loose and fast percentile game system and the reader's character sheet tracked some qualities he had with some stats and how masculine and feminine he was. The more he'd begin to change the more those percentiles would shift and would affect rolls that were made to determine the outcome of the story. I thought it was very cool.

I'd like to continue that or even maybe use that general idea of interactive TG fiction in a play by post style game or something if there's any interest. I think it could be fun. Anyways, it's certainly worthy of a conversation at least!

I won't prattle on too long. Thank you again for everyone who has supported me. This is awesome. I wasn't sure that anyone was into the kind of TGs and you all have put a lot of wind in my sails.

If you have any suggestions or opinions or whatever don't hesitate to reach out. I'd love to hear em'.

New Comic Announcement! Ronny to Connie

Hey, hey everyone!

I've done commissions for years now and I each one did wasn't really my cup of tea. It's not that they were bad or I disliked doing them but it wasn't scratching the itch of producing the kind of TG that I really wanted to and would sketch on my off time. When I started this Patreon it was to do not just my ideas but to be more selective in taking on certain commissions that do fit into the kind of TG story that I'd like to see more of out there.

The first one up is 'Ronny to Connie'.

Connie takes it upon herself to make her son's deepest desire come true...and begins to turn him into her twin.

I'm attaching some sketches I did for this story. These aren't scenes from the script but just part of my process of learning characters faces and playing with the transformation and all that. But I plan on starting on the comic tomorrow!

My hope is to have the first batch of pages uploaded by next Friday however we'll have to see what with Thanksgiving happening next week.

The Goddess COMPLETE

Happy Halloween everyone! The Goddess commission is now officially complete! I went through and did some edits of past pages to fix some continuity issues.

This project is the second to last one that has been on my docket from pre-Patreon days. I am excited to clear the way for the next batch of projects. Coming up next is a commission where a drag performer's mother decides to make his stage persona real by turning him into her. The Script is written and ready to go so work will start on that next week.

I've also begun to script out Your Mom's Friend for an occasional update.

Note: There is going to be one more page to The Goddess which won't be posted on Patreon but I will post it on a google drive for those who are interested in a genital transformation.

The Goddess part 10

The penultimate post before I go post the whole thing with one last pin-up page!

What do you guys think of the standard comic format? I can't decide if I like to do the more landscape shape of the images or the portrait.

The Goddess Part 9

Happy Autumn!

Hey hey everyone!

I wanted to check in with everyone with an update and to let you know what is coming up. I have 2 pages left to do of The Goddess. I'm excited to get another project in the books. I am having a good time inking but man, it takes a while. I like how it looks but I do miss pencils. I'm experimenting with some ways to get a more inked look maybe? I'm a traditional artist at heart and I miss pencils.

The next project is a commission that I think I mentioned before. It's about a guy who finds himself being turned into a twin of his mother. The script is done and ready to go.

Also, the summer has ben busy for me with surprise stints of work and having far more obligations than I do in the other seasons, I am seeing my schedule already calm down. Which means I'll have more time to draw and I want to start chipping away at Your Mom's Friend. The script for that is in an outline form and I've been trying to find more of a narrative beyond just a transformation.

So that's what's going on with me. I hope everyone had a great summer and for those of us who are going into cooler months we can all breathe a sigh of relief that we are leaving the...clammier weather behind us. I am so done with humidity :).

The Goddess part 8

The Goddess part 7

A small update but this one ended up way more complicated that I intended.

The Goddess Part 6

The Goddess part 5

Old Sketches of My Mom's Friend

Since it seems like most of you were more interested in this idea and after I got a request to see some of my early sketches, I thought I'd also upload them here.

Heads up. These were drawn years ago (longer than I realized). They are in no particular order. I have a whole pile of papers that have random and largely unfinished sketches designed to explore whatever ideas or scenes that pop in my head.

The story I'm thinking for this is David ends up becoming good friends with his buddy's mom. When he starts spending more and more time hanging out with her and her girlfriends she offers him a way to fit in fully with a series of serums that brings him to the brink of becoming a woman. The more he uses the serum the more he begins to become a woman in full. All the while his townie buddy is growing more and more frustrated that his mother is stealing his best friend...

The Goddess part 4

Help me choose my new personal project!

As the goddess hits the halfway point I'm already starting to think ahead to the next project which has been lined up for months now. It is another commission. And I'm excited to get started on it. There's some good sketches I feel like and the script is done.

But because these comics take so long to do I don't want to keep putting off my own ideas. So my plan right now is to have a primary comic and then a personal project. Unlike the main comic where I try and give a batch of uploads every couple weeks the personal project will be uploaded whenever I get some drawings done for it.

Over the years I've had a bunch of ideas and I tend to bounce between them for a few nights, maybe a week and then I move on. But I'd like to have something more regular so here are some of the top contenders I've had recently, so let me know if any of these speak to you.

1. New Karen on the Block. I did some rough sketches last year, kind of a mini sequence, and I would return to this idea fleshing it out more and giving it some hefty revisions. But if you don't remember a group of obnoxious dudes moving to a quiet suburb that disturbs the neighbors. So in elastic effort to get them to quiet down the ladies in the neighborhood create a mole on the inside...

2. The Boutique. A newer idea where a few dudes are forced to work at this department store like boutique. It's hard work for not a ton of pay but the owner sees potential in them and offers them a job on the sales floor. All they gotta do is undergo some beauty treatments. The boys balk at this until one of their friends proves to be the weak link...

3. Catharsis. An overworked, and over stressed nerd at a high pressure University can't take it anymore and as he wandered one night he meets a gorgeous, stylish, club girl that he refers to as a bimbo. Never in a million years would she ever look his way but inexplicably she wants to be his friend. As he begins to find some relief from the stress in her carefree lifestyle he begins to notice he's starting to kind of look like her...

4. Your Mom's Friend's. After returning from college for the summer a guy hooks up with his high school friend and finds himself having more fun chatting with his mom and her friends than he does with his old townie friends. So his friend is Mom offers him a serum to help him fit in when he wants to hang out with the girls. It's temporary but each time he uses it it takes a little longer for the effects to fade and the transformation is getting a little more intense each time he uses it...

5. Recall Alert. (Here's the odd ball) A struggling college student finds a life hack in the form of a bag of dog food left in cupboard of the house she and her friend rent. It's made out of chicken and stuff right? The more she eats it the more she's finding it harder to think and shaving is becoming a bitch...

The Goddess part 3

Note: Some things might get revised and there'll be some more text and narration finished in the final product.

The Goddess part 2

Mommy Dearest PDF

This is a PDF of the story so far. I will be releasing another one with an Epilogue and a cover at some point in the future. When I get a bit of extra time.

The post Mommy Dearest Roadmap

Hey everyone, I have uploaded the first batch of images from a shorter sequence that is now in progress.

As I mentioned in the description for The Goddess, this project has been on and off at various times since before Covid. Finally our lives stabilized and I am back to working on this one. It should be fun. I had quite a few pages sketched up but not inked but I did not love how they came out when I finally dug them out of my pile.

Also, I did like the first page I drew up so I kept that. I did some edits today to fix some continuity problems and added in some tones for contrast but other than that, the first page is an original. Everything after has been drawn recently.

At the same time I am developing another commission. Which will be a longer more story focused project like Mommy Dearest. Where a young man's mother decides his life would be better if he were her twin...so that'll be fun. The script is written and character design has to happen next.

Also, I am considering working on another personal project to be released whenever the pages get done. So the other projects will be on a certain schedule but my next smaller personal project will be when I get some time and the drive to work on it.

That's the plan!

The Goddess Part 1

Bit of History. A long time ago I was commissioned to do a straight forward sequence. After both of our lives getting busy and complicated it was put on pause for a while. Now I am back at it.

So What's Next?

With Mommy Dearest, a project that began conceptually as just a quick 10 page sequence but turned into 116 page full on story, is at an end what now am I working on?

Right now I am working on a commission that is more of a sequence that is 15 pages I think. The story being an adventuring archeologist finds a fabled goddess statue and I think we know what's coming next. I am inking page 2 now and I'll be uploading some of those soon.

I am also looking to improve the look of this page. I am designing an header and I updated my personal icon to something a bit more reflective of my current style.

After that I'll be returning to Nimeyal's work to finish up a long standing commission and that might be more TG. I think.

I have completed the script for another commission and unlike with Mommy Dearest I am spending extra time to revise the overall outline so that it's hopefully more focused. That one is about a guy whose mother takes it upon herself to make dreams come true that he didn't even know he had...to become her. I'm excited to start on that one. I love the script so far and another rewrite should tighten it up that much further.

Finally, my hope is that while I do this commission I will still be working on my own projects one that will be uploaded fairly irregularly. I am thinking about revisiting New Karen on the Block. But I also have a few ideas just floating around.

There's one that's a "bimbo" transformation where an over-stressed high achieving nerd finds that this knockout bombshell of a woman has inexplicitly grown attached to him. He knows something is up, this doesn't happen, and when he begins to start looking like her, talking like her and thinking like her does he start to realize what's happening.

I have a story I've toyed with for a while where a guy finds himself becoming better friends with his friend's mom and after she notices his eagerness to be "one of the ladies" she makes that a reality.

And there's a few others, one big long story that I have had hundreds of sketches for over the course of many years that I have to decide the best way to tell that story.

But yeah that's what I'm thinking. I don't have any solid plans yet for what I am doing yet beyond the commissions.

If anyone has any suggestions I'd love to hear them.

If anyone has any critiques on what I could do better in the future I'm all ears on those too!

So for now, the work continues!

Thanks everyone for your support. It's kind of wild to me that anyone wants to see my lil' doodles :) so you guys being here mean the world to me.

Oh! One last thing. The PDF of Mommy Dearest will be released when I do up a cover for it and I draw the last 3 pages of an epilogue.

Mommy Dearest [Full Comic]

All 116 pages in one post.

Mommy Dearest Part 13

The finale! The consequences finally come to a head...

Mommy Dearest is now complete!!!

Tonight, after much trial and tribulation and getting the flu last week the final page of Mommy Dearest is complete.

They're all scanned and now I just need to clean them up, format them, and do the dialog and the little one off comic I posted up on Deviant Art all those years ago will be done after 118 pages.

Mommy Dearest Progress Report

Hey everyone!

I am currently on page 113 of 119. This is going to be the biggest update yet. It's the Mommy Dearest finale. Which is why I didn't want to rush it. I wanted to upload what I had but there wasn't a great stopping point. So I decided to power ahead and do a double update.. I think I have another 4 to 6 pages to go. I say I think because this part in particular has changed from my script and I've added and deleted some pages. Depending on what happens I might upload 16 pages then do the epilogue.

So the big plan is to work on it tonight, then find some time next week to finish up the remaining pages (which are less complicated than most) and then I'll have to scan them, clean them up and do the lettering. Then we can put Mommy Dearest in the books and start on our next project!

Touching Base on March 4th

Hey everyone!

I wanted to make a post here and give a status up date on the next and last installment of Mommy Dearest. It is at a good 75% complete and I hope to have it out within the week. That might be ambitious. But I did have to extend it a bit. I added I think 3 pages to my original script.

I found I like to upload these things in chunks so that it tells a good bit of a story. I feel like having a "chapter" almost is a nice way to maintain pacing between uploads whereas if I just put up a page or two every week the momentum would be gone.

After that I am excited to get right to work on another story, which will be a commission. Then while that is happening I have another commission that is in progress (and has been for a long time waaaaay before my Patreon) that will come out eventually probably as one big, complete upload.

Then my plan is to start work on a new AutumnNatural original after I do an autopsy on what worked and didn't work with Mommy Dearest and try to refine my process a bit further. This time without the next comic taking up 110+ pages.

So that's my mid-upload yap! Stay tuned and as always, I really appreciate the support!

Also, I kind of had an idea for a Mommy Dearest sequel which could be fun...

Lavender Valley Engagement Poll

Just curious how we're feeling about the Lavender Valley story.

Also is there anything about the interactive story format you'd like to see changed?

Mommy Dearest part 12

The penultimate update! Ryan and Marc have to confront how of much of Charlotte has seeped into Ryan. Is there any turning back? Has the die been cast?

[1:15] Lavender Valley

Before you knew it you said, “I’m sorry but I already talked to Sophie. She offered me a job at her salon and I told her…yes. I’m sorry.”

“Damn,” Heather said. She waited to see if you were going to change your mind. “Well, it was great to meet you anyways! Welcome to Lavender Valley. Listen, I gotta run. I am spinning all kinds of plates today. I rushed over here with the few moments I had for this long shot Swing and a miss!” She laughed. “Sophie is great by the way, you'll like working for her. But if for some reason it’s not a fit  let me give you my card, just in case.”

She reached into her purse and rifled around for a few seconds then handed you a black card with pink lettering that read Pure Couture. 

“Again, pleasure to meet you and I’ll get out of your hair! I hope to see you around!” she said as she popped on her sunglasses and started for the exit. You say goodbye and slowly close the door to your apartment. Stunned. 

Two job offers. Incredible. 

You immediately texted Sophie back telling her that you would love to take the job. Her response was immediate and begging to see if you were able to come in today. It was a surprise but you were eager to get out of your routine and go to an actual job. 

Luxe was hidden away down a brick paved alley between two larger buildings that had probably been there for a century or more. It shared the space with a trendy indie coffee shop and quiet little book and gift store. There were some tables along one wall, with a few people sitting there with their coffees, reading and chatting. It was surprisingly busy for being just past noon on a weekday. 

You walked into the pulsing of house music and the smell of fresh flowers. Luxe was an odd blend of modern and classic styles. The walls and floor were pale pink marble with dark red veins crawling through them. A heavy band of white, pink and fuchsia faux peonies flowed up the walls in clusters and masses. They formed arches around back lit heart shaped mirrors, the arched windows, and framed shelves of high end shampoos and hair products. 

One wall belonged to the hairdressers. There were five chairs in total. Against the other wall were stations for doing nails or lashes and other things you weren’t totally sure of. 

There were two hairdressers working on clients when you entered. Even though the door made a tone they didn’t look up. Sophie was nowhere to be seen. One of them called out that someone would be with you in a moment. Her tone was exasperated. You didn’t have to wait long. Sophie came exploding out from the back room.

She was wearing all black. Black fitted jeans, a black tight corset top, a loose sweater and black stiletto boots. She wore half a dozen necklaces which were a mixture of pendants, pearls and chains. All gold. She wore long dangling earrings and a lot of jangly bracelets. Also all gold. She was wearing her long blonde hair down, and it fell around her shoulders in gentle, glossy waves. 

She rushed over and gave you a big hug. “You are a freakin’ life saver. I have been doing double duty for the last two days with clients and answering the phone and it’s been a mess.” 

“Yeah! Thank you for thinking of me.” 

She scoops her hand around your back and leads you deeper into the salon.

“Ladies,” she says loudly, getting the hairdresser’s attention and quickly introducing you, “this is the new receptionist. He’s my neighbor. He might be good or he might be a disaster. I do not know. That is Janette and Kayla. Say hi ladies.” 

They look up for a moment and wave before going back to their clients. Janette was petite, tall, and with blonde hair down to the middle of her back. You got the vibe that she might have been a cheerleader in school. She wore a nude colored sleeveless turtleneck and flared slacks over heels. Kayla looked to be a head shorter than Janette. She had shoulder length, black curls and was wearing a flowing skirt and white tank top. She almost wore as much jewelry as Sophie. 

“Great, with that out of the way, let me now put you to work.” Sophie said, directing you to a small desk near the entrance. She gave a run down of their software. It was straight forward. It took you a few hours to start feeling confident fielding the calls, organizing the schedules and referencing whatever you needed to ask the customer’s questions. By the end of the day you were feeling good. 

By the end of the week you had begun to form your rut. You’d show up at around ten in the morning and put on coffee for everyone. Chit chat with Janette or Kayla whenever they decided to come in and then got to work. The music even started to grow on you. Sophie’s business was doing very well. 

It was a welcome shock when Sophie handed you a check with a bit of a pay advance. You could make rent, buy some decent food, maybe…maybe hit up Ikea and start living like a person again. Your Friday night plans were upended when Sophie, Kayla and Janette all but kidnapped you and forced you to have some drinks with them to celebrate your first week.

You loosened up a bit after a couple of cosmos. It wasn’t the drink you would have picked but they said it was what the bar was famous for and it would be illegal to drink anything else. They weren’t wrong. Even if you did feel a bit self conscious while you sipped the pink liquor out of that dainty glass. But you got over it once you found yourself chatting and laughing and gossiping. For the first time since high school…you were one of the girls. 

 After about an hour Janette ended up leaving with a guy she picked up at the bar. Kayla left shortly after that to spend the night with her fiancé. 

The night was Sophie’s treat. A thank you for saving them and not being a disaster. 

While she went up to settle the tab you grabbed your phone and saw Josh had texted you. 

You two had been checking in with each other every night, though neither of you had smelled the phantom perfume or felt weird at any point during the week. As the week went on, with nothing to report, you began to feel a bit silly. You wondered if he did too. 

You kept your eyes open for anything weird. Lavender Valley, you had to admit, was very normal. People got up, went to work and came home. There wasn’t anything nefarious going. So you two were waiting for something but you didn’t know what it was to trigger a feeling you really couldn’t describe.

“Took a half day at work, spent the afternoon with Andrea. No weirdness. U?” Josh wrote.

“Nope. At the bar with Sophie. No weird. No news is good news!!!” you replied. 

“Yep.” he said.

And that was that. 

Three weeks passed. The nightly texts became every other night midway through week two, then every few nights before finally petering off completely. You got busy at Luxe and Josh was busy with Andrea. You had to admit, you were beginning to doubt that what you felt wasn’t anything more than a panic attack. 

Maybe nothing was going on after all. Maybe you both were overreacting.

It was nearing midnight on a Wednesday and you found yourself waist deep in the unassembled bits of Ikea furniture you couldn’t pronounce. It was supposed to be a couch. Or maybe it was the bed frame? Your phone started to buzz with an incoming text. It was buried somewhere underneath all the chaos so you ignored it and focused on deciphering the cryptic instructions. A few moments later there was another buzz. Then another. And another. 

Finally fed up with the persistent nagging you began to root through the mess for your buried phone but there was a sudden pounding on your door. It was rapid, tense, and anxious. You climbed to your feet but just before you opened it, out of the corner of your eye you spotted the white box containing your earrings. You scooped them up quickly and tossed them in the small coat closet and opened the door.

Josh rushed in, his eyes wide and wild. He closed the door behind him and locked it. He paced past you and into your apartment. He looked different but you couldn’t put your finger on it.

“Something is wrong man, something is wrong. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. We knew it. Weird things have been happening again. So like the other day Andrea had to go away on some business trip. I couldn’t get the PTO to go with her ya know so I didn’t. I couldn't. I stayed behind which is fine. It’s just a few days as she sorts out some business stuff. Alright?” 

You nod, “okay.”

“Okay. So she goes away and it’s not even an hour before there’s a knock on my door and it’s Jennifer. You know Jennifer in 7A I think. She’s shorter and has this bob hairstyle. She is always wearing these big colorful pendants and these teardrop earrings that are simple and unstated but kind of bold. I don’t know. I think she sells cosmetics but not in like an Amway, MLM kind of a way. Never mind that’s not the point. So she comes over. Wants to know if I have water. Apparently there’s some issue in her apartment. So call maintenance, I think, but I don’t say that. We chat for just a minute and she eventually goes back to her apartment. I don’t think much of it. Why would I?

“A couple of hours later Sandra from 9B comes over and knocks on my door. Wants to know if I got mail today. I tell her I did and she is kind of poking her head inside and snooping around. Now my hackles are up. Now I’m seeing some weirdness. She wants to chat too. Small talk stuff. Weather. How Andrea is. That kind of thing.

“So she leaves and I sneak out because I feel like I’m being watched. I sneak out and I go to this little place a few towns over to grab a burger and a beer -  It’s a hole-in-the-wall sports bar - and who shows up? Lydia, Gloria and Carrie. I’ve never talked to them! But they see me and make a b-line over to me. They are chatting with me like we’re friends and want to be buddy buddy. So they join me at the table while I’m trying to watch the game and we end up chatting about Andrea and what we’ve been doing. 

“Which is a whole other thing! I can’t even tell you who was playing! I have not watched any sports since getting with Andy. I don’t think about it. I don’t really even care for all my memorabilia! I’ve been a sports nut since I was a kid. I played little league, high school ball, and I would have played in college but I got hurt. But what is going on? It can’t be that Andrea doesn’t care for it can it? That I’d prefer to be with her? I don’t know. I don’t know.

“So we leave together and I come home and they invite me to the gazebo. It’s a nice night. I guess some of the ladies were meeting there. At this point I’m feeling weird I think. A little bit. But I kind of want to go. But I don’t. I almost do. But I don’t. Then I head home and my head is spinning. I am freaking out. I’m about to text you and another knock at my door. I don’t answer it. But I hear someone, Emma I think, she wants to know  if my cable is out. What. The. Hell. Seriously. What the hell? So I turn off my lights and I sit quiet.

“But they keep coming. I can hear them slowing down and sometimes stopping near my door. Four of them. Different women because some were wearing heels. But it’s like they were listening for me. Like they were monitoring me. That goes on for two days. TWO DAYS! Off and on, throughout the day the moment I get home from work.

“So I’m hiding in my apartment, sneaking out to go to work. It’s like old times and I’m about to text you but I don’t have anything to report. Not really. So I start talking myself down a bit. And to distract myself I start tidying up because my apartment was atrocious and I have this big box of trash that won’t fit in the bin in the building so not more than ten minutes ago I haul it out to the dumpsters in the back. I’m alone. I throw this box away and on the ground I see a Post-it note. This note and I remembered you said you found one that was weird.”

He hands you a gnarled and dirty piece of paper from his pocket and continues.

“Then I see another one stuck to the block wall around the dumpsters. That one was destroyed. But then I notice another one in the grass near the brush line. You know that like an overgrown bit of property between us and, I think it’s a doctor’s office or something. I start looking into the brush, but it’s hard to see, but I do see what I think is a bag of trash just thrown or dragged in there. There’s some Post-It notes and I see what I think is a work jacket or a shirt or something. I know it’s a work shirt because it has one of those embroidered patches that says Eric.

Josh stops pacing and stares at you. You give him a look to tell him you’re not following. 

“That guy! That guy I talked to. Remember? The other guy here. His name is Eric. The one who I haven't seen in months. So I’m about to climb into the woods and get it when this car rushes up to a stop. It’s Rebeka. I think. I met her once. But she pulls up and asks if I’m throwing stuff away and makes small talk. Why is she back by the dumpsters at this time of night by herself? She didn’t throw anything away! What could she be doing? So I pocket that note before she can see and I try to get her to leave but she won’t. Then she insists on giving me a ride back to my apartment. I have to. I don’t want her to know what I saw.”

He resumes pacing. 

You unfurled the weather damaged note and read what you could;

“....oneweek darker bigger. DON’T TOUCH only makes th…s w..se makes them grow. but … …. part of…”

You shrug. Don’t know what to say. Josh stops and rubs his face. You’re not sure, but his beard looks thinner.

Josh rushes toward you so close you could smell what he had for dinner. “This is the weirdness. This is what we’ve been waiting for. C’mon. We gotta get that bag of trash we need to see what’s in it. You be the lookout and –”

“-- Josh! Calm down, take a breath. Whoever is writing these notes, probably Misty, they are erratic and mentally ill. They don’t mean anything. They’re nonsense. I mean the one I had was these broken sentences that talked about hormonal issues and doctors not knowing what’s going on and how…”

You remember then part of the note said something about how they were no longer bald. You looked up at Josh and froze, transfixed by his full head of hair. He was bald before. Wasn’t he? You were pretty sure he was. Right? Also, his dark brown hair was starting to lighten around the temples and a few strands up front. He is about that age though.

“Listen, these Post-its are the best thing we have to figure out what is going on. Now I need your help and we need to go before they find me.” Josh says. 

Just then there was a knock at your door. 

Both of you froze. It was midnight. It was too late for someone to just be dropping by? Could Josh be right? Are they following him? But why? Why would they be following him. 

A few seconds later, another knock.

Then, from behind the door came Sophie’s voice, “Hey, um, I know it’s late but I forgot to tell you there’s a whole bridal party coming in tomorrow. I spaced. Forgot to add it to the ledger but it’s an all-hands-on-deck kind of moment. That’s my bad and I am sorry to dump it on you but I wanted to give you a heads up that it’s gonna be crazy there tomorrow. Are…umm…you around?”

Josh leaned in and whispered tersely, “don’t say anything, she’s one of them.”

You didn’t know what to think…

1.) Josh is Right. Stay quiet, don’t open the door and sneak out and get the trash. Josh might be onto something and you need to know the truth. Maybe those Post-It’s can shed some light to what’s going on?

2.) Pump the Brakes, Josh. You want to honor the pact with Josh but you get roped into a whole thing tonight. You’re still new at Luxe and tomorrow is going to be busy as hell. You can’t afford to be up all night chasing what might be total nonsense. Tell him that tomorrow night we’ll get the trash. 

3.) I…I can’t. Life is going in the right direction finally. You were being paranoid, and you can’t screw it up by giving into that wild paranoia. Besides, a bag of trash and some neighbors dropping by is hardly “evidence”. (Gain a Trait: Betrayed Josh)

[1:14] Lavender Valley

After three hours you had finally made your agonizing decision and you clicked the submit button and bought several pairs of earrings. In a few days you would be the owner of a pair of sapphire studs, a small pair of gold hoops, and some dangly blue and gold teardrop earrings. They were impractical but they were half off and you really were drawn to them. You remember your high school friends telling you had a warm skin tone so you stuck with golds and richer colors.

You spent more than you wanted to, but not nearly as much as you could have. You knew these were impractical. But you were responsible, and you bought the cheap ones. After all you weren’t going to wear them out, or even at all. But it’s been a hard month and these just made you feel better. You couldn’t explain it but you were just glad they did. 

You closed your laptop having not done any job search and stretched. You felt relaxed for the first time in what felt like a long time. You stood there in your barren apartment and just listened. With most everyone still at work it was quiet and you had a moment where you didn’t feel the weight of panic of not being able to find a job, of your dwindling bank account, of how isolated you’ve felt since you got fired and moved out of that rat-trap apartment…it was amazing. It was just what you needed. 

You also needed lunch. The stress and panic was an appetite suppressant and you became acutely aware that you haven’t had anything except a few sips of Paige’s cappuccino. You dug out a little Bluetooth speaker, connected your phone to it and started playing The National as you tossed together a sandwich for lunch. You went all out, toasting the bread and using some of the good cheese that didn’t come in pre wrapped slices. It was a good compliment to the shredded roast beef that made up the bulk of the sandwich. Garnish it with some Doritos and a pickle and you capped off an afternoon which was turning out to be much more cathartic than you could have thought. 

Then came the obligatory nap. 

When you woke up it was a couple of hours later and you just resigned to the fact you were going to be groggy all day. Like a zombie you shuffled into your apartment and to the window. The rain had stopped and the clouds had begun to part. Beams of sunlight broke through the gloom in golden rays that glinted off the rain that was beaded on the grasses. The courtyard was buzzing with people returning from work, chatting, or donning exercise attire getting ready for a post-work walk. 

None of them were men.  

You studied them for a bit and when you were confident you wouldn’t spot another man you retreated back into your apartment to check some emails and respond to any new job offers for about an hour. Then it was a lighter dinner of beef tacos and finish up the night by binging some mindless TV. All the while you kept a constant vigil of your phone as you anxiously waited for a text or call from Josh. 

Maybe he forgot? Maybe he’s not in yet? Maybe he’s spending the night with Andrea. It’s okay, you’ll talk to him tomorrow. You were sure he’d get back with you then and  you can finally figure out just what that feeling was - what the phantom scent was - and what it could all mean. 

Four days passed. No text. No call. 

You spent the time holed up in your apartment. Trying to do your search-for-a-job routine and resisting the urge to irritate Josh was a slew of panicky texts. Instead you obsessively ruminated on what might have caused you to feel so weird. You considered things like mold or carbon monoxide. But in all your google searches, nothing fit. Nothing made sense. Josh was outside when he said he felt it and if it was affecting you in the short time you were with Paige she’d surely be dead if it was a gas leak.

As you paced your apartment, staring at your phone and reading about the psychological impacts of EMF fields on a site that also sold herbal remedies to demon possession out of the corner of you saw him. 

He was climbing out of Andrea’s silver BMW, carrying a bunch of pink and white bags. You could tell he was beaming. She was too. They laughed and pawed at one another playfully as they started to make their way toward your building. Your heart raced. Finally you were going to get to talk with him. To shed some light on all of this. In that moment you felt yourself get distracted wondering what earrings she was wearing today but you quickly pressed that thought aside. 

You felt like a creep but you rushed to the door when Josh and Andrea entered. You could hear them chatting and laughing near the mailboxes. It gave you enough time to pull on your jeans and throw on your sneakers and your hoodie. You weren’t sure if you were more excited to get answers to the weirdness or to soothe the anxiety.  

As you quietly popped your door open you prayed to whatever god wanted to listen that he wouldn’t be attached to Andrea’s hip all night. You needed to talk to him alone. 

Through the crack of your partially opened door you looked out over the balcony and listened to them make plans to get together in a couple of days after Andrea got back from her work trip. Then you watched him walk her to her apartment, wave goodbye to one another then he headed toward the rear stair well toward the back of the U shaped apartment building.

Now was your chance. You hurried down the balcony, nearly at a run. He was up the stairs and putting his key in his lock when you were closing in on him.  

“Josh!” 

He was halfway in his door when you called out. He turned and stuck his head out in the hall. You realized that you looked insane by the confused and shocked expression as he saw you.

“Oh. Hey dude.” He said, hesitantly. 

You didn’t care. 

You jogged up to him and said, “I gotta talk to you.” 

“Oh shit! I forgot. Sorry bro. I’ve been super busy with Andrea. C’mon in.” 

You followed him inside. 

The first thing you noticed as he had cleaned. The pile of dirty coats on his treadmill was gone. He set the bags down, took off his coat and hung it in the small closet by the door. With the rest of his coats that a week ago hadn’t managed to make it that far. 

One of the shadow boxes full of memorabilia was gone and in its place were a few small flowering plants in pink and pots hanging in a metal rack. The coffee table had been replaced and to protect the new one was coasters. The junk mail and issues of Sports Illustrated were now on a shelf next to the couch and held within an organizer. The rug was straightened. The place smelled faintly of potpourri. 

“Sorry, I didn’t have time to tidy up.” he said. “Do you want something to drink?”

You ignored his offer. He set the bags down just inside of his apartment and headed toward the fridge. You dodged around the quartet of bags from fashionable outlet stores and followed him into the kitchen. 

“I really want to thank you again for giving me the courage to text Andrea again. I threw myself on my sword and was just kind of, I guess, honest. Which she appreciated. You know –”

You didn’t have time for all that “- That’s great dude, listen; so the other day when I ran into you I was out on a walk -”

“-when it was raining?” he asked

“Yes.”

“Weren’t you freezing?”

“It wasn’t bad. Listen, that’s not what I need to talk about.”

“Okay. Did you want something to drink?”

“No.”

Josh rooted around in his fridge. He had a bottle of wine in there that he pushed aside and grabbed one of his trendy microbrews. He handed you one with a nod that you declined with an impatient wave and you hastily continued. 

“So on that walk I noticed this woman and she was, I don’t want to be mean but a total  wreck, and she was dropping things and trying to juggle bags or whatever. Well her car was full of junk and there were all these post-its and she must have dropped one and it got stuck to my shoe. I didn’t notice it until I got home. I looked at it and it said a bunch of weird shit that I didn’t understand. It was like one of those schizo notes you sometimes see posted on light posts or something. So I go and check on her-” 

Josh cocks his head to the side and ‘awws’. You stare at him, stunned. He takes a long swig and says, “Sorry. Been hanging around Andrea too much. G’head.” 

You regard him suspiciously for a second then continue, “Alright so I go and check on her and she won’t open the door. Not all the way anyways. She’s freaked out about something. Then this woman just appears behind me. Paige.”

“Oh I know Paige. She’s nice. She was at all those girl-y gatherings. She might have a book club that Andrea goes to. Not sure. I can ask. You want me to text Andy and ask?”

“No! Jesus! Listen!” 

Josh put his hands up in a cartoonish surrender.

“So she comes out and next thing I know I’m in her place having coffee and we’re chatting and it’s fine. Then I just start feeling weird.” 

Josh furrowed his brow and sipped his beer.

“Hold on. What do you mean weird?”

“I mean WEIRD, weird. Like how you said you felt before. I felt that too! One second I was fine then I just felt like my guts were churning and I felt uncomfortable and anxious and I had to get away and I did. I got the fuck out of there as fast as I could.”

Josh regarded you for a few seconds before he put his beer down and stepped away. He rubbed at his receded hairline and paced for a second. 

“Also, I smelled it.” you said. 

Josh spins around, still rubbing his head, “smelled the floral scent?”

You nod. “That morning, but not since. Freaked me out. That's why I went on a walk.”

“No. No. No,” he says. “You were the one who told me I was overreacting, that it was nothing and now here you are telling me what? I need to be freaking out?” 

“No…yes. I don’t know. But like, it happened to both of us so that has to mean something, right?”

“What the hell..” Josh’s voice had a shakiness in it. He paced around his kitchen then turned to you, “And it was intense right? Like not just some anxiety attack or whatever. It was like you had to run. It was pure fight or flight right? 

You nod. 

Josh stops pacing, leans against his counter and breathes deep. Clearly trying to regain some control of his emotions. “I thought I was going crazy.” he whispers. 

“I know. I should have believed you.” 

Josh shrugged, “nah. How could you? It sounds crazy. It IS crazy.” 

There was a long pause between the two of you then finally Josh said, “Okay. Okay. What do we know? All we have right now is just a weird feeling and like…anxiety and fear. On the surface it seems irrational but it occurred in both of us, at different times and in different places.”

“The thing that is the same is that we were with our neighbors and they didn’t seem to be affected at all, right?”

Josh shook his head no. “If anyone was, they never mentioned it but then again, I didn’t speak to any of them for months not until -” He trailed off. 

“Did you feel anything before you reached out to her?”

“I mean, I felt nervous but it wasn’t the same as that weirdness, ya know? It was just general nervousness because I was a dick and I had to own it and that always sucks. But I haven’t felt that since then and Andrea and I have spent a lot of time together. It’s been great. Really great. We went shopping today. It was weirdly fun. Grabbed a late lunch. Hung out, chatted, and it's been fun.”

When you had nothing to say Josh walked over, put his hand on your shoulder and said, “I want to get to the bottom of this. I really do and if you had asked me two weeks ago I would have been right there with you buddy. I would have been freaking out and thinking something horrible was happening but…we don’t know anything. We have no idea what the weirdness is, what causes it, what it could mean. Believe me, l want to get to the bottom of this but…let's take a step back and ask the question; get to the bottom of what?”

“What do you mean?” you ask. 

“What has happened exactly? Nothing, right? Has anything happened to you? Are you hurt? Did you pass out? Did you lose a limb?”

You shake your head.

“That’s my point. So what has really happened except for we had a feeling. One that I haven’t really had again. We can’t replicate it, or at least I can’t. If I can’t replicate it how do we expect to find out what caused it? And what if my telling you about my weird feeling somehow influenced you? Like, I don’t know psychology but isn’t that what happens with mass hysteria? I saw an episode of House where that happened. 

“So what if we take a breath, and just keep our eyes open. If we get that weird feeling or if we see something maybe we check back and share notes. But until then…what can we do?”

He had a point. There was no starting point. No thread to pull. Just a vague, ambiguous “weird’ feeling neither of you could articulate. In that moment you had a brief moment of clarity and became acutely aware of how frazzled and exhausted  you felt. 

You nod and say, “Yeah…yeah you’re right. You’re right. I just, I don’t know -”

“-you freaked out for some reason you don’t know. I get it. It’s messed up dude. I was there. But it was only once.”  

“You’re right. You’re right,” you say, forcing a smile. You suddenly felt like a heavy weight was on your shoulders. Maybe this was a coincidence. Maybe it was stress. Maybe you just had a panic attack. 

You stood up and started making your way toward the door. He followed half way and leaned against the wall next to his TV. You turned as you grabbed the door handle and said, “Thanks man. I appreciate you listening…all this. Keep this between us, yeah?” 

“Who am I gonna tell? Andrea? Maybe I’ll scare her off for good this time!” Josh chuckled. 

With an exasperated breathy laugh you give a wave and headed home. 

You didn’t open your email. You got into bed with your laptop and watched some mindless TV and scrolled through some reeks on Instagram. It was just what you needed. After a few hours you half-heartedly got ready for bed and passed out for the night and slept through your alarm. 

You awoke the next day to late morning sun piercing through the curtains and hitting you in the face. You rolled over, and tugged the blankets over your head, irritated at consciousness. Then you realized you had to pee. With no other choice you climbed out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom feeling sore from all the stress of the past few days. Maybe your muscles have finally released.  

You only thought about the weird feeling and your conversation with Josh a dozen times as you made some scrambled eggs, grabbed a coffee and plopped down at the kitchen counter to resume the exercise in frustration that was job searching. 

Another day, another inbox full of rejection. Out of pure desperation you even checked your spam folder in the hopes that maybe a job offer, or even an interview offer, got caught up in the sweep but no such luck. You felt defeated and demoralized every morning and it was only getting worse. You wondered if you were going to be able to make rent next month. You felt the knot of stress beginning to form in your chest. Confirming to you that what occurred at Paige’s was no doubt stress. You didn’t want to move back into your car. Maybe your old apartment is finally dry? You hated that your thoughts immediately went there but hope was in short supply.

You got up and put your dishes in the sink and as you rinsed your plate your phone vibrated on the counter next to your computer. Drying your hands on your pajama pants you grabbed it and thumbed open a text from Sophie,

“Hey!!! I’m not too late am I? Heather hasn’t talked to you has she? I hope not. Talked to Paige this morning and she was asking around to see if anyone had any work for you. I had to shit-can my receptionist the other day. You can talk good on the phone can’t you?  I might have some work for you. Hit me up if your interested and let’s figure it out before Heather sinks her claws into you lol xoxoxo”

Just as you tapped reply there was a frantic knock on your door. Wearing your best stained and well-worn Jurassic Park tee shirt and plaid pajama pants you opened the door. Realizing only then that you were unshaven, your hair uncombed and you probably looked like death warmed over. 

On the otherside was a woman in a white button up, and high waisted tan pants with nude heels. Her perfume and her jewelry were expensive. When the door opened she spun, her shoulder length red curls bouncing as she looked to you with huge bright green eyes and a wide smile and an offer to shake. 

“I’m not too late. I hope I’m not too late. Hi! Hello. I’m Heather. Heather Bennet. Paige said you were looking for a job. Well it just so happens I have a position open at my business, my store, my soon-to-be-opened store. It’s a woman’s fashion boutique but you don’t need to know about dresses and lingerie and all that. I really need someone to kind of help with getting everything up and running. You know inventory, display set up, dealing with suppliers, getting the computer databases up and running, website design maybe, some online marketing. That kind of thing. Do you maybe want to grab coffee and chat and see if we can help each other out?”

You shook her hand and introduced yourself. Your mind spun. You were going to have to send Paige flowers. 

Sophie sounds like she wanted to hire you on the spot but Heather seemed to be offering you far more substantial of a job. But it sounded like Sophie was a sure bet whereas Heather wanted to talk. It couldn’t hurt to talk right? 

As you prepared to answer you felt a slight, distant stirring of the weirdness trying to creep it’s way back into your mind…

1.) Sophie's Choice. Steel yourself and suppress the weirdness. Being a receptionist might be a great part time job to make a little bit of money, get some breathing room, and it’d be easy to boot. Sophie seems fun. It might be just what you need to get you out of your slump and tide you over until you get something more substantial. 

2.) An Offer You Can’t Refuse. Sophie seems fun but she, so far, has been a bit volatile. You barely know her and her as your boss could be a disaster. Take Heather up on her offer, get dressed and go to lunch. Hear her offer. It might lead to something that will get you out of this slump. After all, the position that Heather was offering seemed more permanent, lucrative and could be a great opportunity to get some great experience. 

3.) Search your Feelings…You could barely feel the weirdness but it was there. Trust your gut and reject both offers. (Gain a “Thread” in the Investigation)

Mid January, 25' Check In

Hello everyone!

I hope everyone had a good holiday and got a chance to relax for a bit. I know I did.

I wanted to check in and tell everyone that after being stupid busy for the holidays I am back to work on Mommy Dearest and Lavender Valley. It takes a bit of time after a couple weeks off to get the rust out. For the past week and a half I've been working on Mommy Dearest daily.

I hope to have something to show by next weekend. I have been fighting with this page for a few days now. It's been rough. But I think I have a sketch now (thanks to Inn Sire for helping me over the hump) that I like and tomorrow it's literally back to the drawing board. Then next week I'm getting slammed with that polar vortex so I'll have no excuse not to draw!

But ultimately the struggle comes from me wanting it to be good. I have drawn this page 3 times now and done a bunch of sketches. I want it to tell the story and show a bit of the TG. I want to walk that tightrope and maybe I'm over thinking it but I want something that I feel is good and tells the story clearly and maybe...if I'm lucky, does something a little different than we see in a lot of TG comics.

Stay tuned everyone and stay warm!

Thanks!

[1:13] Lavender Valley

You set your jaw, steel yourself, and shove aside whatever frustrating trepidation had been plaguing you since this morning and take a drink of the cappuccino. 

You weren’t prepared for the heavy punch of spices. You could tell there was cinnamon for sure, with hints of pure cacao for a bitterness on the backend but the rest of it was a mystery. It was unusual and bold with an earthiness that made you think of a warm summer’s evening. You barely noticed that you burned your tongue. 

It warmed your chest as you swallowed. You felt a moment of euphoria followed by a wave of lightheadedness. You could almost feel the coffee in your guts spreading out, reaching into your bloodstream and following every capillary, vein and artery until that warm glow filled every inch of you and radiating out of your pores. You were lost in the moment, adrift in the glow.

But distantly, as if obscured by a thick haze, you felt a small pang of fear and panic crying out, begging for your attention. Before you could be drawn to it the haze thickened, the glow brightened and you slipped back into the euphoria. You felt as if you were floating and drifting further and further away from the fading cries until all you could hear, feel and taste with the warm earthiness and cinnamon. 

(Secret roll: Failed!)

“So, what do you think?” Paige asked with a bright smile. You took a sharp breath as you suddenly were jolted back to reality. Disorientation made the passage of time impossible to follow. Had you been in the glow for a few seconds or a few hours? But you were still sitting there, holding the cup, and Paige hadn’t moved. Had any time passed? 

“Hmm? Oh. Good. It’s really, umm, good!” you managed to fight through the mental fog to claw back toward reality.

“Really? I thought I went a smidge too heavy on the cinnamon. It overpowers the cardamom a bit too much.” Paige frowned at her cup.

“There was a lot of cinnamon,” was the only reply you could manage as you shook off the last remnants of the glow.

“It’s a work in progress! At least this batch is drinkable! Somewhat anyway. The last time I tried this, oh lordy it was absolutely hideous!” 

You chuckled, “oh I’ve been there. Trust me.” 

“Wait. A man who knows his way around a kitchen?” Paige asked with an exaggerated quizzical look on her face. 

“Of course.”

“You’re not talking about a barbeque, right?”

“Nope. In fact I can bake! Can you believe that?” 

“I simply cannot!”

“Yep. My friend Brittney and I got really into baking one summer. I managed to master a macaroon that didn’t crumble. Then we had to get really into working out in the fall.” You brief and distant felt a flutter in your chest.

“Impressive. Quite impressive. You said your friend? Do you mean girlfriend?”

“Nope. Just a friend. My friend group were all girls growing up.”

Paige leaned in. There was no exaggerated expression, she was genuinely curious. 

“Really now. That is unusual. Are you gay?” 

“That’s what everyone thought in High School. And college. And last year at Thanksgiving. No, we were just good friends. We just clicked. I don’t know. I had a few friends who were dudes but I was never comfortable with them like I was with the girls. It was like -” that strange glow reappeared for just an instant. “- it was like…okay…there’s a way men communicate with one another. It’s so detached. Emotionally speaking I mean. It’s like there’s this fear of what they might think if you do. Like there’s a hardwired behavior where everyone is trying to be the toughest and I couldn’t be like that. It was like something never developed in me. And I think I need that. I need that intimacy that seems to come naturally to girls.”

“So you found yourself as just one of the girls then.” 

“Yeah. I guess. I mean I wasn't and I’m not!” You surprised yourself how defensive you were. You dialed it back and continued. “I started hanging out with Brittney midway through freshman year, then eventually she brought me around her other friends and that’s kind of how the group formed.”

Paige nodded along as you spoke and hung on every word. “And what happened, are you girls still friends?” 

“We are. Kind of. You know how that goes. Life goes on, there’s boyfriends that become husbands and then there’s kids and careers and, yeah. It is what it is. We chat from time to time online. And see each other once a year around the holidays usually. It’s…is what it is.”

Paige reached over and placed her hand on yours, comforting you. 

“I’m sorry. That’s tough. We’ve been there though. A lot of us here actually have been there. You have friends and they get married and there goes their identity and then they have children and it’s like poof, they’re gone forever. Except for a slew of Facebook posts talking about their kids.”

She paused, her expression growing sincere and serious. “If you ever feel the desire to have some girl-time again, everyone here would be more than happy to welcome you into our little club. I have no doubt you’ll fit right in.”

The words seemed smooth, like honey, the way she said it was alluring. The warmth of her hand on yours sent a tingle through your body…

(Masculinity Roll: Success!) 

…and you pulled your hand away, securing it under your leg on the stool. You weren’t sure why you did that. Her offer was so kind and enticing. You had been alone for so long and the idea of finding another group of girls to spend time with…to talk to…to make a real connection with was something that you wanted right now. Especially after everything you’ve been through. But behind the honeyed words and allure of the offer there was something predatory. It was like something struck a chord deep in your lizard brain. You reacted without thinking, moving on pure instinct. You felt anxious and scared…

…you felt…weird. 

“That - that sounds a-amazing.” you said, leaping to your feet. As you quickly backed away, your foot got snarled up on the leg of the stool and you almost fell backwards. You didn’t care. There was no embarrassment. You just needed to get out of there. “I will, definitely, probably take you up on that once I, you know, get settled in. There’s a lot I have to do still, got to get a job and some furniture and oh man, speaking of I kind of made a promise to myself that I’d spend time every day looking for a job and I really should do that. Thank you for the coffee. Thank you! For - for everything.”

With her head slightly cocked to the side and her hands folded around her cup she watched you with a hint of amusement on her face. She paused, waiting for the frantic energy you created to dissipate a bit before she replied, “of course hun. It was a pleasure to meet you. Go! Go find a job! Do what you need to do.”

You started toward the exit and she got up to walk you to the door. Her clicking of her heels seemed to echo impossibly loud as she walked up behind you, placing her hand on your back. You tried and failed to stifle a shuddering cringe.

“Do not be a stranger. Please. I work from home most days so I got plenty of time to sit and have experimental barely palatable coffee and I could always use a new guinea pig. Plus, I like you and I’d love to sit and gab and have coffee to break up the boredom.” 

She opened the door for you and you moved into the hall quickly.

“And I will ask around to see if anyone is looking for someone who is reliable and clearly smart. Now knowing you aren’t one of those men, I can’t imagine there won’t be someone willing to snatch you up in a heartbeat.” Paige said, leaning on the jamb in her threshold. 

You were controlling a shiver that wanted to rattle your ribs. “Yes! That - that would be amazing. That would be great. Thank you Paige, Again. I’ll…yeah…see ya.”

She gave a nod and a delicate wave as you turned and started down the long hallway. You felt her eyes on you until you passed through the front door and into the dreary, rainy morning. 

------------------------------

The cold rain was good. It helped calm you down. You were shaky from the adrenaline and your mind spun as you struggled and failed to figure out what just happened. Nothing made sense. Was this a panic attack? It came on so suddenly. It didn’t seem like there was a trigger. Was this morning a panic attack? 

You paused and listened to your body. You felt weird. That was the only way to describe it. It wasn’t something you could describe to a doctor. It wasn’t specific or isolated to a particular part of your body. It was just a sensation you couldn’t shake.. You couldn’t really even pinpoint why you felt the way you did. You just felt weird. 

Your head was down, eyes stuck to the pavement as you hurried across the complex to your building. The rain felt nice. Soothing. As you reached the entrance the door popped open before you could reach for it.

“Hey bro!” Josh belted. He stood there with a black raincoat on, wearing a button up shirt and khakis. He looked different somehow. Last you saw him what little hair he had left on his head was left mussed. As if there was so little he could no longer be bothered to deal with it. But today it was combed. It made it seem thicker. 

“Josh! Oh man I - I am so glad I ran into you. I’m beginning to think you were onto something. I was just over at -”

Before you could say another word a tall woman with long, wavy auburn hair stepped into view. She was wearing black rain coat over a conservative blue wrap blouse, fitted blue jeans over black stiletto pumps. She had a statuesque kind of beauty and a poise to match. She wore light make-up in neutrals and pinks and subtle gold jewelry. 

“Andrea, this is the dude down the hall that I was telling you about.” Josh said as he put his arm on her shoulder. 

She snaked her arm around his waist and pressed herself into him. Her eyes lit up and she flashed you a devilish smirk, “Oh! So you are the fabled neighbor who somehow managed to knock some sense into his guy’s thick skull huh? I couldn’t believe it when he reached out. We should call the Pope, a miracle might have occurred.”

Josh just grinned and endured her playful sarcasm with a goofy expression that was a mea culpa of his past behavior and this sarcasm was the penance he had to endure. 

“Yeah, I meant to text you but things have been crazy. But as you can probably tell, Andrea saw it in her heart to forgive me. We talked the next day and haven’t really stopped so I gotta thank you for giving me that push to get past, ya know, whatever. You know. Hey, we were just on our way for a brunch date but we owe you at least a dinner.” Josh said.

Andrea stared at Josh as he talked, nodding along. She turned her attention to you. “At a nice place too. Not just pizza and beer,” she said sternly but still playful. She stepped away from him and out into the rain. 

“Definitely at a nice place. We won’t take no for an answer.” Josh said.

All you could manage was a forced smile, “That - that’s great! For both of you. I’m happy I could have helped.”

The words were coming in delayed, and you felt as if you had to reassemble them in your mind for them to make sense. It was hard to focus. You were transfixed by her. Not because you found her exceptionally stunning but because she was so well put together and she radiated such femininity that you couldn’t take your eyes off her… 

(Choose One)

• Nails. Her delicate fingers ended in perfect long almond shaped nails, painted a glossy pink that was nearly skin tone with a white rim along the edge . They were lovely and you suddenly became aware that your own nails were uneven, unkempt and disgusting. Should you get a manicure? 

• Jewelry. Her earrings were wide gold hoops. Her necklaces were three chains, the longest one ended in a small butterfly charm. She wore a gold watch with a dark black face on one hand and a collection of gold bangles on the other. She had only a single ring on each hand. You found yourself irritated that men can accessorize like women can.

• Shoes. Four inch pumps, black. There was a kind of feminine power that those shoes brought out in a woman. It changed not just their stance, but their very essence. You never realized how much you liked them. How much you felt jealous that she could have that essence… 

“I’m sorry. We interrupted you. Um, you were saying you were over somewhere?” Josh asked.

That snapped you out of your trance. The weirdness had grown, you almost felt it turning your stomach. There was no way you could talk to him with her here. You collected your composure the best you could and said, “um, yeah. You know what we can talk later. I - I don’t want to keep you two.” 

“It was nice to finally meet you,” Andrea said as she and Josh stepped past you. Josh shot you a finger gun and said, “Thanks bro, I’ll talk to you tonight. Okay?”

You nodded then hurried up to the safety of your apartment where you realized after some time you’d just been pacing from window to window. 

When Josh told you about the weirdness you couldn’t understand what he was talking about. It seemed crazy but now…you could understand what he was talking about. 

The hours until he you could talk to him would be agonizing. 

You sat down at your computer and busied yourself going through your emails and the distressingly long list of businesses to either apply at or follow up with. It was monotonous and repetitive enough that your brain finally got a bit of rest…that is…

…until that banner ad popped up.

A pair of studded diamond earrings, a trio of pink perfume bottles, lingerie, and lipstick. They flashed at the top of your screen advertising a heavily discounted sale on all women’s clothing, jewelry, shoes and cosmetics. You found yourself staring at the ad, thinking about what Andrea was wearing…what Paige was wearing and becoming very aware of your own drab and boring wardrobe. Before you even knew it you clicked the banner and started to look at what was on offer at the Spring Sale. 

You browsed the pages of tops and skirts and hosiery and shoes. You were finding certain tops you liked and what you didn’t, remembering the handful of times your friends dressed you up. This was different though. This didn't feel like a novelty or a humiliating prank. You wanted these things. You needed to have them…

(Choose one)

• 1.) Stay Focused! Not only can you not afford to be spending money on women’s clothing but what would you even do with it? Fight the temptation, close the browser and get back to work…if you can. (Prompts a Masculinity Roll)
  

• 2.) Maybe…Just One. What’s the harm? It’s just clothing. It’s not gender specific. And maybe, after everything you’ve been through you deserve to get what you want. To feel…good. (Prompts a Femininity Roll)