Snowman 9

Legend of the Snowman-Mancer 9

Lumine

I perked up as a familiar riff rang through the air. “I-Is that… Is that Dragonforce?”

“Durin is quite powerful. I hope Euri doesn’t go too far,” Eula said concernedly.

“No, not Durin. The band. It’s Dragonforce.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Your brother… Is he also a Traveler like me?”

“He is my twin. We were born here. I don’t understand the question you’re asking.”

“Then how does he… That music. It’s something I heard in another world. It's played by a band called Dragonforce.”

Eula stood from the bench we’d been sitting at. She was a taciturn woman, though a good person; Amber seemed to like her. “That does not surprise me. Euri… knows things. Many of my fellow knights call him the Oracle of Dragonspine.”

“Oracle, huh?” I muttered as I followed after her. Whatever else could be said about her brother, he was certainly distracting.

“Indeed. He made a series of predictions nine years ago, including the arrival of both Stormterror and the ‘Traveler from a Distant Star.’”

“That’s…” I could practically hear the capitalization there. I wanted to say that was impossible, but was it really? He wouldn’t be the first oracle I’d met on my travels, nor even the most accurate. “That’s impressive. Has he said anything about how this ends?”

“‘Destiny is what we make it. We are all responsible for our own happily ever afters,’” she replied. It was obvious she was quoting someone else. “‘Perhaps destiny grants us the stage, but allows the actors room to improvise.’”

“How ambiguous… Yeah, that sounds like something a seer would say.”

“It’s funny. Though he foresaw your arrival, he wasn’t sure if you would be a man or woman.”

“Hey, now, I’m definitely a woman!” I squawked with indignation. Sure, I wasn’t the bustiest woman in the world, but I wasn’t boyish or anything. Being immortal and perpetually mistaken for a teenager may have become a bit of a sore spot for me.

“Yes, but you have a brother, do you not?”

“Aether? Just because we’re twins and have the same facial structure… and a similar build… and he has longer hair than me…” The more I talked, the more my self-esteem plummeted.

Was… Was Aether prettier than me? To be fair, he was always weirdly popular with women… Euri didn't proposition me thinking I was a man, did he? How embarrassing would that be?

“That’s not it,” Eula said with the patience of a schoolteacher. “Euri believed the Traveler could be either you or your brother. Perhaps he saw two possible futures.”

“That makes sense.” It made me feel better at any rate. “Does he know where my brother is? What’s Aether doing in this timeline if he’s not here? Has he told you?”

“You can ask him yourself when this crisis passes. He seems to have taken a liking to you.”

“Yeah… It feels a little strange knowing a person I’ve never met has a crush on me. Does he do that often? You know, flirt with random women he barely knows,” I asked. The flower had been a nice touch… and he was really good at singing…

“Your face is red,” Paimon said with a snicker.

“It’s not!”

“It is. You’re blushing.”

“It’s just the winter wind,” I denied resolutely. 

Eula chuckled softly. “To answer your question, no, he doesn’t. He’s lived on Dragonspine for nine years now; he hasn’t had many opportunities to woo the opposite gender. Although, I believe he and Sara had a brief fling once.”

“Sara? Like, from Good Hunter?”

“The very same. She is one of our few friends in the city.”

“What happened?” I asked, curious in spite of myself.

“Sara desired more commitment. My brother refused to leave his mountain. They are still on good terms as far as I’m aware. That was several years ago,” she said. “Should you pursue him, know that he has no other entanglements.”

“Oh, that’s… nice… I mean, he’s very handsome and the flower was a nice gesture and all, but we just met…”

“Just as well. It is of no consequence to me. That said, I wouldn’t put too much stock in my brother’s actions. Euri enjoys putting on a mummer’s act,” Eula replied with an exasperated smile. “He claims that the facade is useful to manage expectations, but I personally believe he just enjoys being a clown.”

“Yeah… Lots of seers seem to do that. Even the ones that don’t need to speak in riddles like to make references no one else understands,” I said. That was a multiversal constant, like Dragonforce, apparently. Not that I minded; rock and metal deserved multiversal accolades. “You can bet I’ll squeeze him for answers later though. If he knows what happened to Aether, then I want to know.”

“Very well. Let us get going then. I believe the knights are suitably distracted.”

X

I would have said we snuck our way through the city to reach our destination, but that would have been a lie. As Eula said, Euri was an incredibly distracting figure, with a flair for the dramatic that rivaled some of the most bombastic actors I’d met.

He and that adorable snow dragon of his put on a performance that was impossible to ignore. He transitioned from Dragonforce to Christmas carols to a bawdy love song that had Jean screaming embarrassed obscenities from Durin’s back. Something about a “bear and the maiden fair.”

And all the while, more and more snowmen rained down. They dove into the city like space marines making planetfall, bringing with them their creator’s ridiculous music. It seemed that for every one that the knights managed to destroy, another two took its place.

The snowmen wielded guitars and violins, basses and keyboards, cellos and portable drum sets, all made of ice yet playing as though they were made from their proper materials. Honestly, I was impressed with the range of instruments and musical styles he clearly knew. 

Mondstadt was being invaded by snowmen paratroopers.

No, that wasn’t right. Mondstadt was being conquered by said snowmen. Beyond a handful of Vision wielders, I’d not had the highest opinion of the knights and being proven right left me feeling somewhat awkward.

Were they really this out of practice? The snowmen were barely even fighting back!

“No wonder the Fatui think they can push you guys around,” I muttered under my breath. Apparently, not quietly enough.

“Urgh. Please don’t say that,” Eula winced. Her gaze hardened as we passed a knight try, and fail, to cut down a snowman. Said knight swung at empty air, unbalanced himself, and knocked his own head against a wooden post as the golem pranced away. “They will be trained to the appropriate standard when this is over.”

I didn’t doubt it. Eula seemed like a harsh woman, a real tough love kind of girl. She was a captain if I remembered right. For that matter, I had a feeling Jean could be very strict when she wanted to be. I almost felt bad for those poor knights.

On the other hand, a part of me wanted to watch. With popcorn.

“Operation: Snowpocalypse, huh?”

“Euri’s journal houses many secrets, many of which one might consider… unnatural.”

I gasped. “Was that a joke? That was a joke! Eula, you can make jokes?”

“Hmph! Of course I can joke!” Eula cried indignantly. She was really fun to tease.

X

Securing the lyre wasn’t that hard. As Euri predicted, there was an electro cicin mage, a mage who manipulated minor, insect-like elementals called cicins to fight. She wasn’t much trouble but the fight, as brief as it was, was made awkward by all three of us tiptoeing around to avoid drawing attention of the few guards remaining at the cathedral.

In the end, I launched Eula like a missile via an Anemo vortex. The knight captain channeled a wave of Cryo into her sword and disrupted the mage’s Electro. As had been explained to me, teleportation via an element required incredible finesse; it wasn’t the kind of thing most people could do while a secondary element wreaked havoc.

That final Superconduct explosion was quite loud, so Eula slung the cicin mage over her shoulder as we made our escape. If she’d been trusted to carry out a mission like this, she was probably high up in the Fatui. If nothing else, she should be able to answer questions about this “Signora” woman.

By the time any of the knights came to investigate and found the empty display case, we were long gone.

X

We emerged to the sound of the guitar solo from “Freebird.” Really, how many songs from other worlds did Eula’s brother know?

Once we arrived at our rendezvous point, Eula dumped the mage on the ground and began to charge Cryo into her sword again. The signal for a mission complete was supposed to be something called a Lightfall Sword, apparently her signature attack.

But before she could send a giant sword construct into the air, I pushed her hand down gently. “Hold on, Eula.”

“Is something the matter?” she frowned.

I bobbed my head to the music. It’d been several cycles since I’d last heard the song and the guitar solo was really iconic. It gave me a massive hit of nostalgia. “We have the lyre, right? We don’t have to stop his music, do we?”

She looked at me, then up at her brother, rocking out on dragonback. “Hmm, I am a little curious to see how long he’ll keep this up.”

“Right? He’s pretty good.”

“He is… Still, we should continue the mission. Acquiring the lyre was only the first step.”

Eula was a younger twin. I was a younger twin. As such, I played the ultimate card available to me. “Yes, but waiting would annoy your brother.”

“Yes, I suppose it would,” Eula said, neither approvingly nor disapprovingly.

And yet, her sword lowered.

X

Euri Lawrence

What the hell was taking them so long?

I’d been playing for a good two hours now. It really shouldn’t have taken this long to steal the lyre. The cathedral was a big place, sure, but we all knew where the lyre was being held already.

For a moment, I entertained the possibility that they’d gotten caught, but that was impossible. The number of people in Mondstadt who could fight and subdue both Lumine and Eula simultaneously was vanishingly small. That number could be counted on one hand: Durin, Venti, me with the gnosis, and maybe Signora or Jean, if they got a lucky hit in early. At this point, given how hard I pushed Eula, I wouldn’t have been surprised if my sister could duel the lesser Harbinger to a standstill.

Venti and I were conspiring with those two. Jean was down below, coordinating the knights, if only so they’d quit embarrassing themselves (and her by extension). Which left Signora, but that couldn't be right. If Signora was there, the whole city would have heard the explosions by now.

I looked around with concern. Gently, I nudged Durin in a swift lap around the city.

Then I saw them. The pair were on the rooftop of the Cat’s Tail. We’d agreed to meet in the alley behind the bar, a few blocks away from where Mona lived.

They were reclining on the slanted rooftop, not even trying to hide. Lumine’s head was bobbing to the music as  Eula eyed the floundering knights with distaste. At their feet was a trussed up cicin mage, the poor girl looking rather lost through it all. Clearly, they’d decided to indulge in the impromptu concert for a while.

I was… conflicted. On one hand, it felt good to have people enjoy my performance. On the other hand, they were fucking with me. Eula knew Dvalin wasn’t about to raze the city to the ground and so was taking the chance to take the mickey out of me; there was no other explanation. 

Unacceptable. My big brother pride could not permit this affront to stand.

As my current song came to an end, I hopped onto Durin’s head and took a seat. “Hey, Durin, ol’ pal.”

“Yeah, Euri?” he asked curiously. I could feel him practically vibrating with the simple joy of flying together. He really was a gem.

“Have I ever told you about the time I convinced Eula that Lord Barbatos’ birthday was the Vinelasa Fest?”

“What’s that, Euri?”

“It’s one of Mondstadt’s many holidays. Basically, it’s the day we as a nation decided to all get shitfaced.”

“Isn’t your god the god of alcohol too?”

“Exactly! So I convinced my twin that it’s also ol’ Barby’s birthday. That’s why we were all drinking, to celebrate,” I said, making sure my voice was being broadcast to every soul in the city.

“Then what?” he asked. Durin was an innocent soul. He really did just want to hear the story. It made him the perfect straight man.

“So, since Vinlasa is our god’s holy day, Eula decided that he deserved a birthday gift. And, while she was plastered out of her mind, I reminded her that our good friend Barbara, that’s Jean’s little sister, had recently joined the convent at the Favonius Church.”

“Okay, then what happened?”

“Eula wanted her gift to be special, and that meant getting it consecrated by a nun. She was so drunk that she could barely walk straight, but she managed to stumble to the church and shake down Barbara–”

“EURI ERASMUS LAWRENCE!” Eula roared, face beet red and leaping up over the rooftops. Her signature Lightfall Sword gleamed in her hands, a pillar of ice tall enough to cleave a lawachurl in half from crotch to skull. “YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH RIGHT NOW!”

“Uh-oh. Euri, I think you made your sister mad,” Durin said in a panic. He rose up into the air, just barely grazing the tip of the sword.

I gasped with a saccharine smile and swung a chain of ice down so she could climb up. “Oh, hello there, Eula. I hope your little outing went well.”

“All. My. Hate,” she glowered like a grumpy cat as I pulled her into a hug.

“Why, dearest sister, I was just sharing some moments from our youth. I can’t keep playing music forever, you know.”

“You swore you wouldn’t share that story!”

“Incorrect. Strictly speaking, I swore I wouldn’t tell Jean that you’re how Barbara learned to–” I let out a faux gasp. “Oops! Sorry, I really should keep my promises.”

“Euri,” she gritted out, hands making strangling motions.

“Okay, fine. That’s all for my concert, everyone! Remember, Mondstadt, if you ever want to steal something and need a distraction, I can be bribed!”

“Euri!”

“Good night, everybody! I hope you fuckers deepthroat a cactus! I hate you all! Mwah!” I shouted, blowing the city a kiss.

Operation: Snowpocalypse officially concluded, I had Durin shrink down to a more manageable size. A good portion of his extra mass formed roses that fell to the earth, covering our tracks.

By the time the snow cleared, we were long gone.

Author’s Note

I’ve got nothing to say about the story so have an animal fact: You can make leather out of fish skin. Some parts of China, Japan, and Russia do this and it’s apparently quite effective against the cold.