Today is December 31

Last New Year I arrived from Warsaw, stood in a big queue at the passport control, I don't remember why it was so long, but it lasted about two hours =(. Some foreign couple, they were from Europe, came to Georgia for the New Year and they tried to introduce their son to me, it was funny. When I got my suitcase I saw that my acquaintance came to meet me for some reason, I was so fucking tired from standing in the airport and I was moving sooooo slowly, at 5 in the morning. And I clearly remember that I said I didn't need to be picked up.

I ended up getting out and freaking out on him because I just wanted to fall into a cab and get to my house, turn on the gas, lay down in my clothes, sleep, because the home had no heating and it was cold as hell. but he had a bottle of champagne with him, so we drank it, stood outside my driveway, then I played my out-of-tune piano for a while, because the money from the shoot was due in a little while. All year I was investing the money I got in my musical development.

I remember he kept hitting some of the most lame keys while I was trying to improvise. I also felt like we weren't having a dialogue, but some kind of competitive discussion. It's when the person you're talking to tries to tell their own story, where they're cooler. Or when you share something about yourself, the other person immediately finds a story where his friends or acquaintances with whom he is very close, do the same thing you do, but do it better. anyway, I think you understand these competitive vibes. I really love and appreciate people with whom you can have a cool open conversation, people who open up and listen to your story, where you are immersed in the process of interaction, you lose your alienation from each other, which by the way is written about in the wonderful book "The Art of Loving". Erich Fromm speaks about this feeling of alienation, and I completely agree with him, we are looking for connection, and we want to get it in simple communication. But maybe my views are too narcissistic, wanting to stop experiencing alienation in a simple small talk) But sex with a person does help to get rid of alienation for a while. Drug coitus too, when you consume something with someone and then dance, Fromm wrote about this too, about African organic coitus. And I agree with him, but it was not in our case: a bottle of champagne did not help to overcome our estrangement)

I ended up even more tired going to bed with my clothes on and sleeping through the last few days of flights and filming days. I woke up and bought myself some churchella and fruit. An hour before the new year I wrote myself a letter, it was mostly about music and inner balance.....I went to bed)

Today is December 31, 2022, and this year has passed for me somehow dissecting something, like a peak on a diagram with several surfaces. some of my dreams and deeds went into process. Some became the fallen dry leaves I see around, sitting on a chair in the courtyard of a house in Yerevan, with a gray cat to my right. A war that, for me personally, finally set the record straight.

Another of the highlights, was a trip to Paris after a long separation, I finally got there and got answers to my questions. I also thought that life in Georgia and now in Armenia are also countries with their own colorful and interesting cultures, I will even say free, and it's not even about some kind of sexual movement, but freedom of political speech. For example, the freedom of friendship, communication, and of course their own beautiful nature, fruit and wine, it fills you too. and when i lived in moscow, i lacked this: both freedom of speech and wine. I give feedback to myself and say that such moments have a very strong effect on your own development, you become full and free and in front of yourself, this results in a different way of creating and working. Just like in warm countries, when you don't have a lot of clothes on, you treat your body differently, and this also changes your perspective on life. So in Georgia I started to study and write music, I spent 10 years in photography, and that year was the beginning of my music making.

I guess I thought that Europe was so free, and when I came back to Moscow I didn't feel free in my photography, although the times have changed a lot now. But the time that was written on me and the feelings remained. But after living in a country like Georgia it became easier for me to breathe, and when I came to Paris I realized that I've had enough of architecture and I've drunk wine, but what's next? What do I really want? I want to keep writing my music and blogging about everything, whether it's a weird harassment story from the house I'm staying in, just some kind of outburst of my feelings, or something about music. But it's not just about the country, which is free or not so free. there are a lot of pitfalls of all kinds, like Indonesia imposes strict rules on marriage, I mean, you can't have sex if you're not husband and wife. They come into effect in a couple of years, hopefully something will affect that, it's just nonsense, no? And there are people and societies that are free sexually, but they are not free of their self that makes them do nasty things to others. And so, in an attempt to settle down, but not to lose yourself and not to stop developing, you live and move somewhere.

My goals for this year are simple: continue to develop my blog, my word and opinion, continue to develop in music. Last year I made an introduction for myself, but, apparently, this path is longer than just writing my wish on a piece of paper.

I want to say thank you very much, express my sincere gratitude for your time and attention for your subscription, I live on it and invest in music. I wish you to grab your own center in your head or soul (whichever is preferable), and not let it go out, because then you can make good decisions, create something unique and have energy. but when it goes out - do not be afraid that it is gone forever and do not let those gray voices take away the memory of your light.

Friends, thank you for subscribing to my patreon and reading it, thank you for your time and subscription, I really sincerely appreciate it, happy to share my story with you. And more of my beautiful nude photos you can find here

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