The presidentess of the world

So it turns out that I wrote introductions about my thoughts and feelings several times, as if begging for permission from myself to start telling my story. I remember this inner path, the fear of writing about a naked inner world, because at such moments you realize that you live in the whole underwater world and opinion about yourself is a solid tangle of corals covered with algae. I mean, you're trying to confuse yourself, deceive yourself somewhere, intimidate yourself somewhere, because you're afraid to admit something, and even more so to do it in front of the audience. Taking pictures naked is easier than trying to figure out why you're doing it) And there is another different you who gives everything an assessment)

But you keep walking and, as if taking off your clothes, you try to walk naked towards a reader who is lying in bed and waiting for you. I mean, a decision to start writing a story about myself, about how and why I decided to shoot nudes, it's not half the way as they usually say, like, just start doing it and it's already half the way, no, it's not for this story. It was diving, you know, like in the movies they show that you need to dive to the bottom and swim there under the wall and there will be your inner cave, which will give you a way out. I've always been scared to watch this in the movies. For example, in the novel "The hearts of three", the heroes were doing this, by the way, Russians made a movie based on this novel, that's actually why I know it) I haven't read it

So while I was swimming to my underwater cave, I told you the intro, the inner fears, the inner struggle to tell about it. The story of how I came up with the idea to start doing it at all and tried to give a certain shade of my attitude to the world in order to paint a little portrait of my personality and move on with it.

I've told that I was 20 years old, I lived in Russia in St. Petersburg. And I left the university after the first year, because I realized that it would be difficult for me to follow the system, I don't want to condemn it, there just are people like me, and there are those who are comfortable in the system, in a corporation or a team, I need my own world, but each of us is part of this world that flows at the moment.

I lived a year out of school and in the fall of 2016 I just woke up and finally agreed with myself, agreed that I wanted to be photographed nude. And then after a short time of my affirmations, maybe a month, maybe less, the point is that it was a pure desire from the subconscious, and I didn't try to give it my thoughts, it just happened to me and that's it. I remember this moment very clearly, it was the evening I was doing exercises, I was wearing thongs and a white nike top, the sound of a VK message rang out, you probably know Durov created it as an analogue of Facebook, Pavel Durov, who also created telegram, there are also normal famous Russians) I'm sorry, it's just that the psyche can't stand it anymore and can only joke

I remember this feeling and voice, this important message came, and I'm like, why all of a sudden, just someone in vk wrote, I didn't have any contacts with the photo industry back then and the one from whom I would expect this message, but I felt the arrival of this strong wave of this new beginning... to be continued...

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