May I Enjoy My Life: Entry 27

Entry 30, Day 63

I just realized, I’ve been on Terra for two months now. A month on Rhodes Island. It feels like a lot longer, you know? Like this is where I’ve been all my life. Not much happening, really. Doing rotations, practicing medicine. Well, for a given value of medicine? I feel like I’m a doctor with cheat codes on now, which is weird. Or more like a cleric class from a video game. It’s still medicine, the patients are still real, but it’s not the same. 

I do miss Exusiai. She always brightened the room she came in. My ass isn’t even sore anymore. Hopefully, she has fun with the durins and keeps them from that volcano or whatever it was that was going to ruin their day. Her and Gavial know what they’re doing though, so it should be fine. 

Entry 31, Day 66

Haha, I win! I am a genius! I AM EEN VEENCIBLE!

Let me explain: I’ve been grinding on Wintermaul daily. I have all the races now, it was about 5000 credits to unlock them all, but that’s basically $50 so I don’t feel too bad. I’ve dropped way, way more on Arknights, and it’s not like I’m a broke college student anymore. There’s other cosmetics and stuff but since the races do not include cute anime waifus, I don’t care. 

Which is why at lunch in the hospital, Sussurro stomped over to me and glared at me while I gave her a shit eating grin, and Fang and Texas shifted slightly. She held up her phone and pointed to the screen. 

“You knocked me out of first place?!”

“Just on the weekly challenge,” I told her. “I’ve been practicing my Seaborn/Summoner strategies anyway. But I did beat you by 147 points.”

Sussurro glared at me for a moment, but her lips were twitching. At last she laughed and gave me a hug. “I’m so proud of you! Now, let’s see if you can compete with me on something aside from a gimmick ladder.”

“You’re going to just let me take the win?” I asked, half surprised. 

“Hell no, but unless I discover a new strat I’m pretty sure you’re close to maxing out the score regardless,” she told me, hopping into a seat beside me and accepting the tray I passed to her. It had been sent up from the cafeteria, roast cystybeast with gravy, carrots, and mashed potatoes. Tasted like roast beef. 

She did manage to get a higher score that evening after we got off work, but so did I. The week ended with me in the lead by 29 points. Not a huge margin of victory, but I successfully claimed my crown and Sussurro acceded victory to me, then gave me a fun surprise in the bedroom as my reward. I’ll have to think of something for her when she inevitably beats the pants off me next week. It’s Ice/Tech, which she’s an expert with, and I suck at. 

Entry 32, Day 69

Nice. Turns out, they have similar memes here on Terra. Sussurro and I celebrated appropriately. 

Also, she completely beat the pants off me this week, and I don’t see that changing. Oh well, there’s always the next challenge week. 

Entry 32, Day 74

Well, today’s the big day. They’ve been monitoring my levels constantly, and I’ve been doing a lot of healing with arts. It’s been more than three weeks since I last cured someone of oripathy. So, they’re going to have me do it again. I’ve been ready for a while, but we waited until my levels dropped to .18 u/L and 5% cell integration. There’s scaring on my arm, but my lesions have shrunk or vanished, leaving behind only healing tissue. I’m still blind in my left eye and my right arm is half-paralyzed, but if we’re careful, and we’re being careful, I probably won’t be further crippled.

At least, not this time. 

The subject this time has been chosen extremely carefully, and not by me. It is someone I still know: Vigna. Her real name is Shara Veyton. Born in Kazdel as Eshara Veyth, her parents moved to Columbia when she was a baby to escape the endless wars and seek new opportunities. Vigna herself has been employed at Rhodes Island for some time to treat her oripathy, and was selected by Dr. Kal’tsit, Dr. Warfarin, and Dr. Zivahar, and old Lich from Kazdel. 

Zivahar arrived a week ago, and I haven’t really spoken much with him. He’s examined me, looked at the test results, and asked me a few questions about my abilities. He keeps a mean poker face, but aside from that, nada. 

Additionally, there’s another familiar face: Dr. Olivia Silence from Columbia. She’s come with Ifrit, who is apparently her adopted daughter, didn’t know that, to observe my next cure as well. She’s been far more outspoken, demanding to see me use my abilities. She’s accompanied me on rotation three times and taken a plethora of notes, calling my ability “Far outside the natural bounds of arts.” 

Thanks, you’re a freak too. Though I guess she means it as a compliment. 

There’s also Dr. Grace Arizona, Breeze, from Victoria, Dr. Ceylon Doykos from Siesta, Dr. Yun Qingping, Record Keeper, from Yan, and Dr. Wilhelm Falkenrath, from Leithania. Dr. Wilhelm is the only one I don’t know. He’s a serious Caprinae doctor with a white goatee he strokes all the time and glasses, though he’s vigorous enough that he demanded the opportunity to practice medicine on Rhodes Island to learn our techniques. Not just mine, but in general. It seems he’s collaborated often with Rhodes Island often enough that he was welcome, and he has decent bedside manner, though he’s rather serious and stern most of the time. 

All of these doctors, just to see me cure someone. There’s more crowded into the observation room of the OR, and this feels less like a surgery and more like a circus to me. Still, I sat down with Vigna before the operation with Sussurro, and went over a few things. 

We met with Vigna in a small conference room. She was fidgeting nervously, her black ascot in her hands. When Sussurro and I entered, she jumped up, a nervous expression on her face. 

“Hey! Um, listen, I’ve been thinking, and like, yeah, I’m infected and all, but really! My case isn’t so bad, you should really be curing someone else, Mr. Savior. I’m totally cool with living as an infected, my whole family is infected, ‘cause, you know, Sarkaz, and it’s not like-”

“I’m going to stop you right there, Shara,” Sussurro said firmly. “You were chosen precisely because your case is mild. We need data, and having Dr. McCoy cure multiple mild cases will let us establish more data points. Additionally, we need Sarkaz data points. You are a Sarkaz with a mild case, and you were selected from a list of potential candidates very carefully. It’s going to be you. The number of deals and bargains that had to be struck for this would boggle your mind. So sit down.”

Slowly, Vigna sits back down, and tears from in her eyes as she nods her head. “So…so you’re really going to cure me? I’m not…I’m not going to die?”

“Well, something could go wrong in the surgery,” I tell her, taking a seat with a clipboard. “This surgery is extremely experimental, and while it does have a zero percent mortality rate, it does involve drawing the oripathy from your body’s cells. One person did die on the operating table and had to be revived. That was when we knew less, so the risks should be fewer, but they’re still there.”

Running her fingers along the brim of her hat and spinning it through her fingers, Vigna nods soberly. “Yeah, I mean, that makes sense. I just…it’s worth the risk, right? I mean, I will die of oripathy. Even with the drugs, I’m .19 and 5%. So like, yeah, mild case, but in 20 years, even with the good meds…I’ll still probably be dead or wish I was.”

“This should cure you completely. We’re going for a full scrub,” I said, and Sussurro pulled up some diagrams on a screen. We talked through the process with Vigna, who studied them intently, but I could tell she was lost. We’re trying our best to put this all in layman's terms, but it’s very complicated.

“So, I’ll be out the whole time, this will take a few hours, and when I wake up, I’ll be cured?” Vigna asked, trying to summarize the whole thing. 

I nodded. “That’s the long and short of it, yes. Again, there are risks involved. And you’re OK with them?” 

She took a deep breath. “I couldn’t ask you to do this for Aciddrop or Cutter? They’re my best friends…”

“No. They’re not Sarkaz. We desperately need data from Sarkaz patients,” Sussurro said. She leaves out that the Sarkaz are demanding we cure one of their own. There’s been some pushback from other groups on this, especially angry letters from Ursus and Yan, but all of the doctors here have agreed testing my abilities on a Sarkaz patient is a wise move. 

“Ok, ok. Then, um, yeah! Let’s rock and roll!” Vigna agreed eagerly, raising both hands in a rocker’s salute. 

That was yesterday. Today, Vigna is on the operating table in a gown, looking nervous, but giddy at the same time. The anesthesiologist has her count back from ten after putting the mask over her face, and she’s out like a light before she gets to seven. 

“Making first incision,” Sussurro said, cutting along a predetermined path as the hemodialysis machine is hooked up. Vigna has had three sessions of dialysis in the last week to scrub as much originium from her blood as possible before this operation, but she’s getting one last cleaning during the surgery. 

The incision is on Vigna’s abdomen, along the midline, and is quite large. I stick my bare hands in there. We’ve tried gloves and other things as barriers for the originium, but it either rips through the barrier or I can’t even pull on the infection. Skin on skin is best then, as there’s no bits of latex or rubber that can get through. Yeah, it’s risky for me, but what can you do?

I begin to draw the originium in. Vigna doesn’t have that much: she’s rather petite, 142cm and 36 kilos. That factored into her selection: small body, small originium load. Still an adult, so none of the risks healing a child would have. She’s the same size as Sussurro, actually, though if you count the ears, Lucia is the taller of the two, even with Vigna’s horns. 

It doesn’t take very long for me to absorb all of the originium, then heal up the damaged organs and the incision. Using the hemodialysis machine takes longer, another two hours. I don’t have to do much at all to purify the blood, though, the machine takes care of that. Another pass over her body with my hands to make sure we got every granule of originium, and that’s a wrap. 

I feel…fine? A bit tired, yeah, it’s a lot of work and arts, but honestly, I feel like I could do it again. We decon, then I’m tested thoroughly. My levels did go up: I’m at .24 u/L, and 8% cell integration. There are a few small spikes on the back of my right hand again, but I barely notice them at all.  

The long, exhausting part is actually the marathon meeting with all the doctors from around Terra afterwards. 

“This is completely unprecedented,” Silence said, looking at two X-rays: one of Vigna before the surgery, the other after. There are clear shadows and visible granules on the first image, the second is entirely clear and healthy. The blood tests show she’s at 0 u/L, 0% cell integration. She’s already up and walking about. She’s cured. 

“Ve knew of zis already, jah?” Dr. Wilhelm said, peering over the rim of his glasses at me. “Ziz is zee fourth case. Aside from zee vun vhere you deliberately did not attempt to cure zee patient of oripathy, zee results, zey are zee same. It is all very plain. Dr. McCoy, you can indeed cure oripathy, as claimed.”

“At a great cost,” Dr. Yun said, shaking his head. “Dr. McCoy has contracted oripathy himself. I have been a doctor for many years, but I do not know that I would be willing to give myself oripathy save to cure someone dear to me.”

“In fairness, the first time, I didn’t really know what I was doing. Maybe I wouldn’t have if I’d known curing patient zero would give me Super Cancer,” I said with a shrug. 

“Bullshit,” Silence said, which earned her a frown from Yun and Wilhelm, but nods from the others at the table. “You sucked those crystals into your skin. Even if we ignore the fiction that you’re an anura, or aegir, or whatever it is they’re lying about today, fuck off, Kal’tsit, we all have eyes and medical degrees and this is off the record, you had to know what putting originium into your system would do to you.”

I nodded reluctantly. “Yeah, OK, I did, it’s just…he was a kid, and he was going to die.”

Silence’s expression softened. “Dr. McCoy, I’m not just insulting you. You have my utmost respect. If I could do this for Iffy…I would. Granted, she’s my daughter, but still. No, I’m not asking you to do that…yet. But this is, essentially, a miracle. Warfarin, have you made any progress whatsoever on replicating the arts?”

“No,” Warfarin said, grimacing and shaking her head. “Not even slightly. We’re beginning to sort of understand the arts he uses to reknit bodies, but how he pulls the oripathy out? Not a chance. We’ve got our best arts experts on it, namely me and Kal, but so far we got nada.”

“Hard to blame you,” Celon said, tapping her lips with one finger. “This is indeed as close to a miracle as I have ever seen. It’s amazing, but…what’s the practical application?”

“Zher are several I can see, actually,” Wilhelm said, and all eyes turned to him. He raised three fingers. “First, zis use of hemodialysis…zher is potential. Vee have used it before, jah, but vhat if vee combine zhis therapy with zee new drugs? Ziz may allow for a reduction in the severity of cases. Not a cure, no, but zhis could prevent progression and greatly improve zee prognosis of our patients.”

He ticked off another point on his fingers. “Second, it should be possible to artificially draw out originium from infected organs. Vee half industrial equipment zhat can do this in ore, no? Vee have not considered zee application of such devices medically before, but…in mild cases? Perhaps zis could act as a cure. It vould need to be done carefully, perhaps only one organ at a time, but…vell, if not a cure, a great reduction when combined with other therapies, jah?”

“That’s entirely possible, and worth pursuing,” Dr. Arizona said with a nod. “And your last point?”

Whilhelm clasped his hands together, and I saw tears sparkle in his eyes. “Only zhis: Hope. I have…vell. I have been a doctor for forty years. Jah, not as long as Director Kal’tsit and Dr Warfarin, or Dr. Zivahar, who vas my mentor. But! In zhat time…zher vas no hope. You contracted oripathy, you died. Oh, zher vere talks of cures, of therapies, but zhey vent nowhere. Jah, ve have drugs zat improve zee prognosis, but zee side effects, and zey only slow the disease…but now? Now, ve have a cure. Jah, for now, only zhis young man can cure it. But! Vhat one man can do…science can replicate. Ve are doctors! Arts are no mystery to us. Ve analyze zhis. Ve study it. Maybe it takes five years, ten years, a century! But it does not matter. Zhis cure, it has been found. Now begins the true work. And ve can do zhis! If ve vork together, if ve can convince our political masters to only give us time, give us funding…zhen ve vill crack zhis code. I have already written zhee Twin Empresses expressing this. I urge you all to do zee same.”

“A-fuckin-men to that,” Silence growled, pounding the table with the flat of her hand. She grinned, her eyes sparkling. “Ladies and gentlemen…let’s get to work.”

Them a whole lot of people way smarter than I am, including Sussurro, started talking seriously about how to replicate what I did using both arts and machinery. They talked about that modified mining equipment, and about ways of using medicine to get a body to metabolize originium like a slug did, or more specifically, I did. I gave insight and comments where I could, but there’s a huge difference between knowing how to practice medicine as a first year resident and having decades of experience practicing medicine as well as the research background these doctors did. 

At some point, I had to excuse myself to go to the bathroom, and I shuffled over with the help of a cane. I hadn’t been in there long when the door opened. I thought it would be Texas, come to watch me piss, but instead, it was Dr. Zivahar. He walked up to the urinal next to mine, totally breaking bathroom etiquette, as there was an open one on the end he could have used.

“You are not from Terra.”

I blinked, then looked up at him. His eyes were fixed forward as he did his business, the sound of splashing liquid coming from both of us. “Uh, yeah, obviously I am. I mean, it just wouldn’t make sense otherwise, right?”

“It is the only thing that makes sense,” he said, eyes still forward. 

“Er, how do you figure that?”

He turned his head slowly, dark eyes meeting mine evenly. “You do not hate me.”

That was so wild, I actually jerked back. What the fuck? “Doctor, no offense, but I barely know you. Why would I hate you? From what I’ve seen, you’re a competent physician. Sure, you’re a cold fish, but that’s not like, a reason to think you’re an asshole.”

“That is not what I mean,” he said, turning back to his business to get the last few drops out. “You did not hate Eshara Veyth either.”

“She goes by Shara or Vigna now,” I said, feeling a flash of irritation.

A look of disgust flashed over Zivahar’s face. “Yes. A Columbian name. So many of our people hide their heritage by taking new names when they leave Kazdel. Even my kin. Many of us took Leithanian names. I did not. I am not ashamed to be a lich. To be Sarkaz.”

Ah. Now I thought I knew where this was going. I zipped my pants up clumsily; it’s still hard to do left-handed. “Just because I’m not a racist piece of shit doesn’t mean I’m not from Terra. Look at the people here on Rhodes Island! They’re not racist. Well, I mean, mostly. I’m sure there’s a few assholes.”

“You do not understand. You are not from Terra.” Zivahar shook his head and turned to go to the sink. “I trained Dr. Whilhelm forty years ago. Even as a young man, he tried to be fair to me. Tried to hide that bone-deep hatred. Protested it when he saw it in others. Married my daughter Dahmira, as a matter of fact. But you know something? When each of my grandchildren were born, the look of relief on Whilhelm’s face, and indeed, on Dahmira’s face, when they came out as Caprinae instead of Sarkaz? It was obvious. He knew, as their mother did, as I do, that if they had been Liches, if they had been Sarkaz…their lives would have been much harder.”

I went over to the sink and clumsily washed my hands, digesting this. I like to think I’m not racist. I grew up in Southern California. Went to public school. Granted, my neck of the woods was pretty white, but I had latino friends, black friends, asian friends, and dated Latina and asian girls. White girls too, if they’re hot I wasn’t picky, but you know. And, fuck, he was right. I did react slightly differently if I saw a big black guy walking towards me down the street than I did if he was a big white guy. I suppressed it, I tried not to let it show, ever, but a teeny, tiny part of me…fuck. 

What he was talking about was true: I had zero inborn racism against Sarkaz. Well, I mean, it’s probably cultural mostly, but to me, all Terrans are equally alien, and I’m cool with it. 

“You will cure other Sarkaz, won’t you?” Zivahar said, again not looking at me as he scrubbed his hands. 

“I mean, I hope so. Every cure could be my last one. This one went OK, but…I’ve nearly died from every other cure attempt I’ve done. It’s actually five, now.”

“Ah. Dr. Sussurro?” Zivahar asked, nodding. 

“Uh, yeah. Didn’t cure her all the way, but…”

“Good for you. I myself do not have oripathy, nor does my wife. But if she did, she would be the first one I cured,” he said. He used a towel to dry his hands, then turned to me. “Do not let the others convince you to forget the Sarkaz. I do not trust that maniac Qassirah and her desire for glory, nor do I forget the horrors the Ancient Witch has visited upon my people. So I beg you, Dr. McCoy: Do not forget the Sarkaz. Do not let us be trampled over by others. Do not let Eshara be the only child of Kazdel you cure.”

With that, he left, and I felt like I’d just been punched in the gut. I slumped back to my seat and sagged into it, my head hanging, feeling utterly exhausted. After a minute or two, Sussurro noticed. She was very engaged in the conversation, but she broke it off. “I’m sorry, but I think James needs rest. I’m going to take him back to our quarters and monitor his condition.”

The others nodded and smiled, save for Silence, who gave us a lecherous thumbs up. She’s…not what I expected? I dunno, just thought someone named Silence would be quieter. 

We went back to our rooms, where Sussurro checked my levels again, then lay down with me in the bed. I was too tired to do more than cuddle, but we did that for a long time. Not watching TV or gaming, just holding one another. I told her about what Zivahar had said, and she listened quietly. When I finished, she kissed me, and I could feel tears on her cheek. 

“It’s true, what he said. Not as bad in Leithanian because the Lateran church never got a foothold there, and the Liches were a part of the royal court for so long, but yes. It’s there. They’re still the Devils. I try so, so hard not to let it influence me, but…but it’s still there, at the back of my mind, in my subconscious, no matter how hard I try to suppress it. I guess you can’t understand that.”

“I can. Just, not for Sarkaz. There were different races on Earth. Well, I mean, it was really just skin color, but…”

“Skin color? You were racist against people because of their skin color? Surely there were other differences; it can’t just be that,” Sussurro said, clearly baffled. 

“I mean, a lot of it was nationalism, that sort of thing? But really it boiled down to skin color,” I admitted.

“That is the most stupido stronzo thing I have ever heard,” Sussurro laughed. Then she sobered. “I guess no world is perfect. And really, hating the Sarkaz, in the end, is just as stupid as hating someone because they’re blue or green.”

“Uh, no, it was just, you know, regular skin tone colors. Brown to pale tan.”

“That’s even dumber.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know.”

I thought for a bit about if anything would have changed if Vigna or Zivahar had been black. I decided that no, it wouldn’t have. Yeah, there’s that subconscious, kneejerk reaction, but I’ve never in my life done anything overtly racist, and never saw my parents do so either. We all have our prejudices. What matters is that we overcome them.