May I Enjoy My Life: Entry 26

1100/7/19

I woke up early and gave Texas a goodbye hug. She’s not much of a hugger, but she gave me one anyway. My poor autistic lupo tries her best! I appreciated the hug, and tried to hide my tears. It felt like I was being exiled, which really wasn’t a fun feeling. Not that it wasn’t familiar, but it brought back memories I tried to keep locked in the deepest, darkest part of my soul.

Which was seeing an unfortunate amount of daylight lately. But that’s OK, because I was going to a fun Durin waterpark where I’d get to relax, chill, and heal up! 

“You keep Bones and Sussurro safe, you hear? I’ll be back before you know it!” I told Texas, giving her a big grin. It’s important to always be smiling! My mom always told me that my smile brightened the room and made her day, and that I could chase rainclouds off her halo. So I smiled, even at her funeral. I did the same for Lemuen when she was sad, and now I do it for Texas, Bones, and Sussurro!

Only, I’m being sent away. Who will smile for them now? I’ll just have to come back. Because Bones is going to save the world, and I’m going to be there for it. This all has to mean something. All according to the Word of the Law, right? 

“I will. Gavial will watch your back. You cover her and Eunectes,” Texas said seriously.

“None better! But this should be easy, right? The briefing said we’re just evacuating, this is barely a combat op!” I said with a laugh.  And seriously, I wasn’t worried. A bunch of durins? I was in more danger of alcohol poisoning than I was those guys. 

“Mmm. Just take care. I’m….worried. About you,” Texas said, her expression serious as always. 

“Nah, I’ll be fine! Promise!” I said with a wink. Then I grabbed my duffel, which had two changes of clothes, my swimsuit, and seven guns. 

Look, even for a short trip, a girl has to accessorize! On my back, I had my most important gun, the one I had been given when I turned twelve. It was my Vector, Viktor. Hehe, it’s always funny when I tell people his name! A girl’s first will always have a special place in her heart; even if she has other loves, she can always come back to her patron. 

In the bag were my two Blacksteel BSW-92s, Scaredy and Katt, named after my favorite crybaby feline who’d gotten them for me! They’re reliable in close quarters, and I’ve gotten pretty good at dual-wielding. It’s harder than it looks to hit two separate targets with pistols, but I can manage it most of the time. Then of course, is my Columbian M4 Carbine Infinite Justice. Look, I got her when I was 16, and I was going through a bit of a phase. But she’s very reliable! Then there’s my Victorian Polar Combat M110, for when I want to reach out and touch someone. I call him the Earl of Headshot. Or just Earl to his friends. For when people bring friends, is my LHK 416 assault rifle, which I named Lenord Harvy Kristoff. Last but not least, is my UVD from Ursus, which is for when they bring the big guys! I call him Sasha. He’s a friendly guy, but he doesn’t stop for anything short of two centimeters of armor plate!

Oh, and a dozen grenades. For if we’re going to have a really fun party! I don’t think the Durin’s do that sort of partying, but if they get rowdy, this girl is ready to rock and roll!

I jogged down to the lower levels, not saying my goodbyes to Bones and Sussurro. They’re probably sleeping, or better yet, still making up, and besides, I didn’t know what to say to them. I’d said goodbye last night, and well…

I did shoot Bones in the ass. I felt sorta bad about that. I mean, he didn’t know me before he got those weird porn pictures of me. It’s just…I felt so violated. Especially after him telling me I was really a Sarkaz. I wanted to say that was a lie, but it just…it made sense. It all did. What happened to Mostima, all the things I’d seen…

Plus, there were people like Oda. He’s just…a chill dude, you know? He doesn’t like me, or at least, he doesn’t like Sankta, but he tries to be friendly! He’s one of those types that keeps his anger balled up and smiles at you even when he’s mad. I can relate, honestly. 

Down at the lower level, there were a lot of busy people. Everyone was loading into caravan vehicles. We were taking a full dozen, full of relief supplies. 

Only, when I looked…there were a lot of ammo crates being loaded on. Oh, sure, they were painted with red crosses and had “relief supplies” written on them…but I know how ammo crates look and sound when they’re loaded. And they’d just painted over the top of them. I began to feel uneasy. Was there something they weren’t telling us? 

Then I saw that Leader and Amiya were directing the loading. That was…weird. Not that Leader doesn’t go help on relief missions, they do! It’s just…normally, when you deploy the Ghost of Babel…it’s because something serious is going on. And Amiya…well, if her and Leader are going…hmmm. 

While I was mulling that over, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and I whirled. A nun was coming up behind me, dressed in the habit of the Iberian branch of the Lateran church. She smiled at me, and I saw a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth. 

“Sister,” I said, bowing my head, but not moving my eyes from her. An Aegir nun? That was…odd. They weren’t treated well by the Iberian Church, and I’d heard some really nasty comments about them from Iberian Sankta. 

“Hehe, are you coming with us, little bullet? Oh, under the sea, they make such wonderful toys! Will you find one, I wonder?” the sister cackled, and there was madness in her red eyes. 

“Quiet, Specter. This is a relief mission to Sargon,” a tall Aegir woman said, coming to stand beside the nun. 

“Yes, yes, what a relief! To be relieved of all pain, all suffering! To grant joy unto the wicked masses!” the nun cackled. She rubbed her hands together, her teeth bared in a vicious mockery of a smile. “Yessss. Soon! Ah, it calls, can you not hear it, dear Skadi?”

“Just keep quiet and pull your hood up,” Skadi said. She glared at me. “Say nothing.”

“Of course, Inquisitor. I’m a faithful daughter of the church,” I said, bowing my head. Skadi was dressed like a bounty hunter in black slacks, a tall black hat with a blue brim, and a long overcoat that she wore on her back like a cloak. But if there was one religious wacko, there were probably two.

Her lip curled at me. “I am not one of your landwalker- never mind. Just keep your mouth shut.”

I watched the nun and the…not Inquisitor? She gave off the vibes of an Iberian Inquisitor, and she was Aegir, so…hrm. This was getting seriously weird. 

With a bit of searching, I found Gavial directing the loading of some actual medical supplies into a convoy truck. 

“Heya, Gavial. Nice day for a seaside trip!” I said casually, sidling up to her. 

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Can’t believe I’m headed home,” Gavial chuckled. I relaxed slightly. There was Eunechtes and some engineers. You know, the sort of people who actually go on an aid mission. 

But then I caught sight of the two Aegir, who were climbing into a truck where the ammo crates were. Was that Blaze getting in with them? And Surtr, Ch’en, Mudrock…oh.

Oh no. 

I kept my mouth shut, of course, and got into the vehicle I was directed to. I chatted happily with Surtr and Ch’en. Surtr’s got as much of a sweet tooth as I do when it comes to ice cream, so we swapped stories of our favorite confections as we headed out just after dawn. 

For the whole day, we traveled West, which made sense. That night, we drew the vehicles into a protective circle. We were still in Victoria and the roads were pretty safe, but this journey would take weeks. Sargon was a long ways away, and even I had rarely been that far. Plus, we were going to Acahualla, which is dense jungle. Not many good roads, so it would be slow going. 

However, an all-hands meeting was called, and we gathered up. I think I knew what was coming, but I kept quiet. 

Leader was taking charge, Amiya standing beside them. A map had been stuck to the side of a truck with magnets, and it didn’t show Sargon. As I feared, it showed Iberia. 

“Tomorrow morning, we’re splitting up,” Leader said, and everyone grew completely silent. No one even shifted. Everyone was laser-focused on Leader’s words, their dark hood concealing their expression in the light of the LED’s that had been strung up. 

“Two trucks are continuing on to Sargon. Dr. Gavial is leading that expedition, and they are going to relieve the Durin city of Zeruertza. However, as I am sure many of you have guessed, we didn’t bring our elite operators and all this gear to go evacuate a peaceful city,” Leader said. 

I nodded, biting my lip, and a lot of heads turned towards Skadi and Specter, who were standing to the side of Leader and Amiya. Specter was humming to herself and swaying, while Skadi had her hat tipped down to hide her face, leaning against the truck with her arms folded over her chest and a scowl visible on her lips. 

“This is Skadi and Specter. They’re both members of the Abyssal Hunters,” Leader continued. 

I frowned. Abyssal Hunters? Was that a merc unit? I’m pretty well read and very widely traveled, but I’d never heard of them. 

However, Thorns, who was Iberian, let out a startled gasp and muttered, “Sálvanos del Marnacido.”

Marnacido? Sea Born? My blood ran cold. Those, I had heard of. Wait, were these two related to the Profound Silence? The All-consuming Deep?

“Nosotros no somos los demonios, caminante de la tierra. Somos nosotros quienes los cazamos,” Skadi said with a sneer. They weren’t demons, but the ones who hunted demons? This was getting spicy.

“Yes, yes!” Specter cackled, a mad gleam in her eye as she twirled about like a dancer. “We go back to the shore, back to where they call to us! To create a sea of our own, a black sea of endless delight!”

Thorns stepped forward, a scowl on his face. “Forgive me, Doctor. But these two, they claim to be from the Abyssal Hunters? That is a myth, a legend. What proof have you?”

“All the proof you need, little brother,” Skadi snorted. “If you’re too scared of the sea to continue, go back to your dry little nest and hide from the monsters. We will protect you all the same, as we always have the landwalkers.”

“We have received intel. Intel I trust,” Leader said, face turned towards Thorns. “And, the medical department has examined both Skadi and Specter. They’re Abyssal Hunters, from Aegir.”

My eyes went wide. Aegir? The legendary land beneath the waves? I’d thought it was just a myth, and did my best not to think of the Seaborn. That was…not something I wanted to consider. 

“This is a vital assignment. One that the very fate of Terra hangs in the balance upon,” Amiya said quietly. “We’re going to be meeting up with Mizuki, who traveled ahead of us to make contact with the rest of the Abyssal Hunters, and a certain member of the Inquisition we have reason to think we can trust.”

Thorns made a face. “Señora Amiya, no offense, but if you think you can trust the Inquisition…I am afraid you are mistaken. I am from Iberia myself, and I barely escaped their grasp for studying nothing more than history. They see spies and traitors everywhere, and would purge us all for simply being seen with…with individuals such as these two.”

“So you would turn back? Then go!” Skadi snarled, stepping up to Thorns and glaring up at him. 

He regarded her calmly. “I consider myself an alchemist, Senora Skadi. If it is the Demons of the Sea we face, then you will need me, I think. Nor would I abandon my homeland. I will stay, thank you. But to inform the Inquisition…it is unwise, I think.”

“That’s exactly what we’re going up against. We’ll be briefing all of you on the Seaborn, and the nature of the threat they are. We’ve brought our best,” Leader said, and I swear, they met my eye, and my resolve stiffened. They’d chosen me! Me, just a messenger, for this mission? To save Terra from the Horrors of the Sea? I squared my shoulders and puffed out my chest, spreading my wings a little farther. I wouldn’t disappoint them!

“This is an incredibly perilous mission. The intel we have gives us an edge, but we’re going to be facing one of the greatest threats in existence,” Leader said, and we all quieted again. “Amiya and I are here to lead you, but it’s no guarantee of safety. What comes next…it could determine the fate of not just Iberia, but all life on Terra. We cannot afford to have doubters with us. And Thorns, while I recognize your reservations, we will need the Inquisition. While there are those we can trust, and those we cannot, I need you to believe in my ability to determine which is which.”

Thorns bowed his head. “Of course, Commander. I will follow your lead, Doctor. My skills as an Alchemist are at your disposal.”

“Good. Now, here is what we know,” Leader said, and began to lay things out. 

The tale they wove was of the Last Lighthouse, a lost Iberian Battleship, and the legendary Aegir making contact with the surface world is a desperate bid to ward off being consumed by the Devouring Deeps. I held my breath; I was so enraptured. This? This was going to be so awesome! Forget relaxing with durins by the pool, I was going to get to see myths come to life before my eyes! Then shoot them! What more could a girl ask for!? 

Well, I mean, aside from a hot sankta boyfriend I could share Empathy with and get a good dicking. Holy Law I needed that. The Empathy, mostly, but also, damn, I was jealous of Sussurro. I half regretted not tripping Bones into my own bed. But they were so cute together, and Lucia loved Bones. I was just really horny. 

Plus, if I’d done that, I wouldn’t be on a road trip to go bag me some sea monsters! See, this is why I left Laterano! They never let you do anything fun, like kill an ancient horror that drives humanity to madness! 

I was so amped after the meeting, I couldn’t go to bed, so I stayed up and gave my Vector Viktor a good cleaning, humming happily to myself. 

“Well, you’re in a good mood,” Surtr said, grinning at me from her own seat on a rock outside of our shared tent. “So, you looking to kill a god, too?”

“I might need a bigger gun, but I am willing to try!” I said, answering her grin.

“Hmm. Dangerous. The Earth weeps,” Mudrock said from where she was sitting cross legged on the ground, her eyes closed, palms pressed to the stoney earth beneath her. 

“Well then, we’ll just bash whatever’s in our way!” Surtr laughed, fingering Laevatein, her massive sword. 

“Yeah, this will be fun! At least I’ll get to hang out with other Sarkaz and have some fun!” I said brightly, my mind going to how much this would improve relations between our people. 

I was so preoccupied, I missed the awkward silence for several seconds as I cleaned Viktor. I froze, then looked up. Mudrock’s eyes were opened, her head tilted slightly to one side as she regarded me quizzically. Surtr had a disgusted look on her face, which she schooled to neutrality. 

“Look, Exusiai, I like you. For a Sankta, you’re ok. But where the fuck do you get off on this ‘other Sarkaz’ thing? Bitch, I barely tolerate Sankta. You? You’re mostly fine, but fuck off with that noise.”

“Surtr, she is not our enemy,” Mudrock said, slowly getting to her feet. “The Earth feels joy at her tread.”

“Piss off, Gargoyle. The holier-than-thou angel wants to be one of us, she can learn what it means to suffer,” Surtr growled, then stomped off and crawled into the tent. 

Slowly, I got up, then went over to where Mudrock was, and sat down on the ground. Mudrock sat with me, regarding me with interest. I continued to clean Viktor, stripping him again and reassembling him by reflex. I didn’t know what to do, what to say. 

After a moment, Mudrock sat back down. “You are troubled.”

“Oh, you know, never fought an ancient evil fish monster before. Maybe I get jangly nerves at the thought,” I said with a forced laugh. 

“Mmm,” Mudrock said. She closed her eyes, and pressed her hands back to the stone. “Breathe. Touch the stone. Feel the bones of the Earth.”

Slowly, I set Viktor aside and copied Mudrock. I just felt dirt, and rock. I mean, I know Gargoyles commune with the rocks and stone, and I had seen Mudrock shape stone into living constructs as easily as she breathed, but…I couldn’t do that. I guess it’s like when I touch a gun? To me, they’re alive. I can hear them, feel them, speak to them, as they speak to me. So, I understood this. Sort of. 

“Tell me, Child of Traitors, why do you call yourself Sarkaz?” Mudrock said.

My throat went dry, and my eyes snapped open. But Mudrock’s eyes were shut, her breathing even and regular. 

“I, I just…I think…Sankta and Sarkaz…we, we’re like…siblings. Like the sisters, Abell and Canna, from the Book of the Law.”

“I have read your Law. Did not Canna kill Abell, and was cursed and fallen for it?”

Shit. I’d fucked up. I never paid enough attention in Sunday School…

“Well, um, yes…but, they were still sisters! And, and Canna was still Sankta! It’s just…Canna…”

“Returned to her blood.” Yeah. Canna is called the First Fallen in the Church’s lore. She murdered her sister with her Patron Firearm and was cursed, losing her halo and wings, as well as her Patron. 

I leaned back, my heart racing. I took a steadying breath, then forced myself to lean in, touching the same stone Mudrock did. “Do you…do you know…”

“Gargoyles are connected to the stone of the Earth. The Earth does not forget. Terra does not forget. We sense the blood of our kin in you, Sankta. We would call you Canna, for you have been cursed, and turned your back upon your blood.”

Tears welled up in my eyes, and I felt sick. “We’re not…we’re not cursed! The Law is a blessing it, it just-”

“It gave you this,” Mudrock said, and touched Viktor. Part of me, a very vicious, vile part of me, wanted to tell her to keep her filthy devil hands off of my precious Patron. Instead…instead I handed it to her. She took it gravely, with reverence. She was delicate with Viktor, treating him like I would: like a beloved child, one that you wished to preserve with all your heart. “This was not the first curse, but it was how you used the blood of my people, of our people, to water the fields. The stones remember, and they cry out, Exusiai. Can you not hear them?”

I imagined I could, and I didn’t have to imagine Viktor killing Sarkaz. I’d fought Reunion. I’d mowed down whole squads of Sarkaz with him in particular. I felt like throwing up as I took Viktor back and cradled him to my chest. “I…I can. I’m sorry! I…I didn’t know…”

“Tell me, who lifted the scales from your eyes?” Mudrock asked me gently. 

I squeezed my eyes shut. I shouldn’t tell her, but… “James…Dr. James McCoy. Bones.”

“Ah. The one they call The Savior.” 

I winced, but I’d heard that name before. “He…he’s just a man, Mudrock.”

“I am Behemot. Of the Gargoyles.”

“And…and I am Lemuel Exusiai, of…of the Sankta.”

“Well met, Sister,” Mudrock said gravely. She held out a hand to me, stained with the earth.

I looked at it. Then I set Viktor aside and hugged her. “Sisters don’t shake hands,” I told her. 

She smiled, and hugged me back. Gently, thankfully. I could sense the power in her arms, and I knew she could crush me like a dirt clod. 

“So. We have reconciled, but it will not be so easy for others,” Mudrock told me as we continued to sit under the endless sea of stars. I looked up, knowing they were fake, but I didn’t care. They were still beautiful. 

“We have to reconcile, though. I mean, Sankta, and Sarkaz. We can’t…we can’t let hate continue to consume our people. It’s just…wrong.”

“Mmm,” Mudrock considered that, then nodded. “Yours is a noble cause, Sister Lemuen. Should you ever need Sanctuary, the Gargoyles will welcome you. Here.”

She reached down, and picked up a stone. Using her fingers and arts, she carved it into a disk, upon which were written ancient Sarkaz words that I couldn’t read, but I did recognize the image of what I would have called a demon on the reverse: a gargoyle. “This marks you as a friend of the Gargoyles. Not all Sarkaz will recognize it, but the wise will.”

“You give it to me so freely. But, but I still haven’t even done anything,” I whispered.

Mudrock slowly stood, extending a hand down to me. “You have let go of your hate. That is enough.”

I took her hand, and she pulled me into another embrace. I cried, a lot. When I was done, Behemot gave me a hankie and I blew my nose and dabbed at my eyes.

“Thanks. It’s good to know that…that at least the two of us are willing to make peace.”

“Let us pray to the Earth and your Law that we will not be the only two. I can pledge my people to such an endeavor, but only the Gargoyles. The others must make up their own minds.”

“You…you’re that important to the Gargoyles?” I asked curiously. 

Mudrock nodded somberly. “My mother, and my mother’s mother, and her mother’s mother, and their mother’s mother before them, were the Speaker of the Earth and the Shaper of Stones. So am I. My people are scattered. Divided. But the time of reforging is soon at hand. Come. Let us rest. In the morning, we go to slay a god.”

I nodded and followed her into the tent. Surtr was already snoring, rather loudly, actually, but that didn’t bother me. I lay down and for the first time in a long time, I felt at peace. There was still that gnawing part of my soul that craved Empathy, that longed to be with my people. To know what it was to be loved again. 

But I told myself I was. And for tonight, at least, I can rest easy.