May I Enjoy My Life, Entry 23

Entry 28, Day 59

Sometimes, you see it coming when life kicks you in the nuts. Other times, it blind sides you, even when you probably could have and should have seen it coming. We woke up at 9:00 am after our failed date, expecting to be needed at the hospital in an hour for a shift. Instead, we had a notice from Kal’tsit that we were to keep low for the day. They were analyzing the security risk still it seemed.

“Great, now what do we do?” I sighed. “We’re trapped in the apartment all day.”

“Well, I can cook something for breakfast, then we’ll just have to find a way to entertain ourselves,” Sussurro said, and flicked me with her tail. I growled at her and reached for her, only for there to be a knock at the door. 

I opened the door, expecting to see Texas and Exusiai. They were there, apparently having taken over some time for Kroos and Fang, but it wasn’t them who’d done the knocking. 

“Ah, good morning, Dr. Bones,” the Doctor said, tilting their head to one side. As always, they were dressed in a heavy hood and jacket. Beside them was Kal’tsit, who looked rather irritated. 

Well, I say that, she had on the same utterly neutral expression as always. Something about her body posture and tilt of her head told me she wasn’t in the best mood, though. 

“Uh, good morning. You, er, wanna come in for breakfast?” I said, opening the door a little wider. Sussurro and I were both dressed already, so it wasn’t an issue.

The Doctor held up a nondescript paper box and said, “How about donuts? I got a few flavors, not sure what you like.”

“Sure…I like donuts,” I said, stepping aside. 

“No, no, we’re going for a walk. Just you and me,” Doctor said, motioning me out of the door. 

“James, who is- Oh! Doctor, Director, please, won’t you come in?” Sussurro said, coming over from the kitchen and wiping her hands on her apron.

“Bones and I were just going to have a chat and a donut or two, take a bit of a walk,” Doctor repeated, gesturing with the box. 

“I’ll get my hat,” Sussurro said, and vanished towards the bedroom.

“I was thinking just the two of us…” Doctor said, but then I shook my head. 

“No, where I go, she goes,” I said firmly. I wasn’t getting separated from Sussurro if I could help it. More fool I. 

“This is really a private sort of conversation,” Doctor said, sounding a bit awkward. 

“I have already made it clear that I will be present for any such conversation, and it is not to take place on the landship. James is perfectly correct to request Lucia be present as well. There is no arguing this point,” Kal’tsit said firmly. 

“We’re coming too,” Exusiai added. “For protection and stuff. No offense, Leader, but you couldn’t fight your way out of a paper bag, and James isn’t much better.”

Doctor glanced around. “It might be best if I talk to Bones first, then we-”

“I’m coming,” Lucia said, putting a ball cap on and shoving her feet into her sneakers. “I’m not letting James out of my sight lest he try and cure an injured purrbeast and end up killing himself.”

I knew they would call cats something stupid. 

Doctor sighed and looked at me. “You sure you want this, Bones?”

“Positive,” I said. “I don’t have any secrets from my friends.”

Oh, how wrong I was. 

We all ended up in an armored vehicle with Kal’tsit driving. Doctor ended up in the middle seat with me, while Texas and Sussurro sat in the back. 

“Should have gotten more donuts,” they mused. “I only got a dozen.”

“It’s fine, I brought some cheese, fruit, and hot coffee,” Sussurro said. She’d brought two thermos full, along with milk and sugar. When it had been made clear this wasn’t an emergency, she’d insisted on packing a full basket. 

Rhodes Island was passing through some wooded foothills, weaving through valleys. We ended up climbing to the top of a knoll, where there was a stand of green leafy trees. They looked a bit like elm, but I’m not an arborist. 

We set out our food and sat down to watch, Rhodes Island trundling along the wide valley below us. I briefly wondered where she was going, but decided it didn’t matter. 

Doctor started things off by grabbing a jelly donut and a scalding hot cup of coffee. Then tilting their head back, jammed the donut into the slot on the hood, and then poured the coffee down. I watched in abject horror and amazement. Everyone else sort of just ignored the behavior. When Doctor lowered their head, they wiped off a bit of jam and steam, then I got the impression they smiled at me. “Most efficient way to eat.”

“Do you even taste your food?” I asked, feeling very perplexed. 

They shrugged. “Sure. Donuts aren’t my favorite, though.”

“Then why’d you get them!?” 

“Most people like donuts, and I wanted to lure you out on your own. However…”

“Hey, I love donuts. No way I was missing out!” Exusiai said eagerly, taking a maple-glazed donut and a sticky bun. I took a bearclaw myself and had a cup of coffee. I’m not huge on breakfast, and while I like donuts as much as the next guy, not my favorite thing to eat first thing in the morning. 

“So, you insisted you had some dire revelation for us, Doctor. Please, now that we are away from the landship, enlighten us all,” Kal’tsit said, leaning against a tree with a cup of coffee in her hands. 

Sussurro sat next to me on the grass, attacking an apple fritter, but she was eyeing the Doctor speculatively. Texas was prowling around the edge of the forest, apparently uninterested in breakfast. Though I did note that Exusiai was standing where she would be able to command long sight lines and an easy kill field up the slope towards us. Maybe she wasn’t as on break as she was acting. 

Doctor carefully wiped their fingers on a napkin, then reached into one of the pockets of their jacket and pulled out-

“My phone!” I said, half rising. “I thought it was broken! They said it had half melted!”

“It did,” Doctor confirmed as Kal’tsit hurried over, peering at the device in Doctor’s hands. 

“I should have known…when did you get it from Closure? She was under orders not to allow anyone access to the device and to alert me if she found anything. Her last report indicated she had given up…so I suppose she passed it on to you.” Kal’tsit said as Doctor booted the phone up. 

“Yeah, she couldn’t figure it out, so I took a look at it. Took me a whole three days to learn the new programming languages. It’s fascinating, like nothing I’ve ever seen before, and yet…strangely familiar,” Doctor mused. 

Oh, huh. Yeah, that would make sense. Terran electronics are functionally very similar to what I’m used to, but they’re built from the ground up on different hardware and entirely different code. But, somehow, Doctor had still been able to crack it…

“Do you need me to unlock the phone?” I asked. 

Doctor shook their head. “Oh no, I already got everything on here. There were some pretty obvious holes in the security I exploited. Plus, your password is your birthday. Not that hard to guess.”

Sussurro gave me an amused look, and I sighed heavily. “Yeah, OK, maybe not the most secure password…wait, when you say everything, you mean…you found Arknights?!”

“I did,” Doctor said, and took out a second device, which they handed over to Kal’tsit. “Don’t worry, that one’s not tethered to any of our networks, especially since it uses a similar OS to Bone’s phone. I put a virtual copy of all the files, plus the transcripts and images I extracted. Though, ah, we’ll need to talk about some of those images. Sort of why I wanted Bones out here privately but-”

No. No no no. No. “But I deleted those!” I blurted. 

All eyes turned to me. Even Texas stopped her prowling. Kal’tsit frowned briefly, then her eyes went wide, and she said, “James!” in a warning tone, right before Sussurro said, “James, what do you mean, you deleted them?”

“James, do not-” Kal’tsit repeated, but it was much, much too late. Doctor was looking distinctly uncomfortable, but my eyes were fixed on Sussurro and her sudden look of suspicion. 

“I…um, well…Doctor found my homework folder,” I admitted. 

“James, cease immediately, we will discuss-” Kal’tsit began, but Sussurro whirled on her. 

“Director, SHUT UP!” she spun back to me, her expression stormy. “I know a guilty conscience when I hear it. James, what is this homework folder?!”

“In his defense, he did delete it,” Doctor said, but no one was paying attention. 

“It’s…it’s my porn folder,” I admitted. 

Sussurro looked at me for a moment, then relaxed visibly. “Oh. Well, I know perfectly well most men have one, and you were single before we met. I’ve looked at pornography myself and-”

“It had pictures of you,” I blurted, and Kal’stit groaned and closed her eyes as Doctor shook their head. 

Sussurro’s tail slowly stiffened and bushed out, a look of panic hurt on her face, so I continued on, trying to repair the damage. Honestly, I should have just shut up. 

“It had pictures of…of all of you! I, well, most of my porn, I got it from arknuts and a couple of subscriptions to pixiv artists who did Arknights rule 34, that’s the rule that if it exists, there’s porn of it, and, um, well, I had a couple of gigs-”

“It was 5.4 gigabytes,” Doctor said in a VERY UNHELPFUL way. 

“-that, and, um, it had you, and Exusiai, and Texas, and Kal’tsit, even Doctor, but there was no loli porn, I’m not into that, and, uh, nothing super weird like vore or-”

And then Sussurro slapped me. Then she turned around and stormed off towards the woods, her hands balled into fists, her tail rigid. I extended my hand towards her…

Which was when I saw Texas blurring towards me, swords out, pointed right at me. I screamed like a little girl, even as Sussurro gasped and leaped at Texas, far too slow.

And then there was the sharp bark of a pistol, and I yelped as a bullet hit me in the ass. Not a rubber one. A real, live round. Exusiai had actually, factually, shot me in the ass. 

“Oh relax, Texas, if I wanted him dead, he’d be dead,” I heard her grumble as Texas stood over me and growled, swords out. “Lex te perdat. You want a go, Lucia?”

“I’ll consider it later,” Lucia said. “He’s not in any mortal danger?”

“Pff, no. I’m a good shot, he’ll be fine, if sore.”

“Good. I’m walking back to Rhodes Island.”

“You want some company?”

“That would be fine.”

I heard footsteps, and I tried to force myself. “L-Lucia, I-”

“Not now, James,” Kal’tsit said, and pushed me back down. She dug out a healing wand, and started going to work on my…sigh. Flesh wound. “Texas, you do not wish to extract some sort of vengeance?”

I looked up at Texas, who was frowning at me, squatting beside me. She cocked her head to one side, then asked, “Do you have pictures of Sora?”

I groaned, closed my eyes, and nodded.

“May I have them?”

I looked up, and I shit you not, her tail was wagging. And, it was small, but she was smiling.  I spluttered a bit, then managed, “But…but I have pictures of your girlfriend! And you!”

“You do not. You have fictional illustrations of characters who bear a resemblance to myself and Sora. Exusiai and Sussurro are being unreasonable. You are an isekai. You cannot be blamed for enjoying naked pictures of Sora. I enjoy naked pictures of Sora. She has sent me several.” She paused, then added. “They are private, however, and I will not share them.”

“Uh, yeah,” I moaned, the pain was slowly fading.

“There. I have treated you as best I can,” Kal’tsit said, holstering her healing wand. “You will be tender for several days, and should avoid walking long distances or running. Sitting will be uncomfortable for a week or two, but not excruciatingly so.” She turned to the Doctor. “I apologize.  You certainly should have taken James aside privately and discussed this with him.”

“I just wanted to know what the hell was wrong with people on his world. That many pictures of me and Amiya…she’s like a daughter to me. The ones with you…they’re almost worse.”

“Ah.” Kal’tsit considered, then said, “James, do not take this the wrong way.”

“Huh?”

Then she slapped my freshly healed ass, and I screamed. 

“I understand I was merely a fictional character on your homeworld. I grasp that you had no malice behind this. However…I am still a woman, and deeply offended. You are certain you do not wish to do the same, Cellenia?”

“You are being irrational. James has done nothing wrong. Besides, there are already a number of pornographic images of myself, Exusia, and Croissant. Not of Sora, however, I have checked.”

“There…there are?” I gasped, tears filling my eyes from the pain. That had SMARTED. Though the fact that I hadn’t been pulverized probably meant the Old Well had held back. 

“Mostly soft core. Penguin Logistics sells a yearly pinup calendar as a part of a charity event,” Texas informed me. She hesitated, then added, “Bison has posed as well. I do not find his pictures very interesting. Boss’s are…odd.” 

I managed to push myself up, and Texas helped me to my feet. I was tender, but I could hobble along. Exusiai had only gotten my left glute. She really is an amazing shot. 

“Please tell me you deleted all that again. How did you even find it?” I groaned. 

“Well, just because you delete something doesn’t mean it’s gone. The data was still there. I can see you deleted it the same day you met Dr. Sussurro and Dr. Gavial, though,” Doctor said. 

I blinked at them. “Can…can I call you Doktah? There are too many MDs running around, then there’s you. Are you an MD?”

“You do hold a number of medical degrees, I believe,” Kal’tsit sighed when Doktah turned to her. 

They shrugged, then nodded. “Sounds a bit weird, but sure. Sort of like a Yanese accent. Chinese, I take it? I noticed it was spelled a bit funny in your meme compilation.”

“Er, yes,” I said.

“Hmm, interesting. Anyway, just so you know, I don’t have sex organs. Used to wonder about that a lot, actually. No testes, no mammaries that I can tell, no nipples at all. Anything internal I should know about, Kal?”

She hesitated, then sighed and shook her head. “As per your medical exams, you lack primary or secondary sexual characteristics, though you do have a small organ for urinating that resembles a penis, but is not one. You have no prostate, no ovaries, no womb. I have…wondered…about this myself.”

“I think I got some answers, though,” Doctor held up the phone. “I’m an alien too, it seems. I had suspected as much, but…well. This confirms a lot. A few of my memories have come back, but I hadn’t realized a lot of things. This was…very illuminating. Especially those Integrated Strategies endings. Alternative futures, from what I can tell.”

“Uh, none but the first ending is canon for any of them, I think,” I said, and Doktah nodded, while Kal’tsit looked down at her tablet curiously. “So, er, do you know about-”

Kal’tsit’s eyes flashed up, an angry expression on her face. “James! Speak no further!”

“Kal…” Doktah sighed heavily, then straightened and turned to her. They put a hand on her shoulder, and she flinched, ever so slightly. “I choose you.”

She stiffened. “If you mean in that vile sexual fashion-”

“No, Kal. I mean, I choose Terra. Not the Precursors. I think that’s the choice you made, isn’t it? You’re worried they’ll come back. Probably Priestess, unless I very much miss my guess. I did some snooping. I think I know where she is. She’s on the Landship, isn’t she?”

“I…” Kal cleared her throat. “I suspect so. You…you are not…? You would not prevaricate with me, would you Or-...Doktah?” She very deliberately used the same intonation I did. Huh.

“No, Kal.” Doktah awkwardly hugged her, a bit stiffly, really. “Like I said. I choose you.”

She gingerly hugged him, then she closed her eyes, and I heard her whisper, very faintly. “Thank you. Father.”

Holy shit, Priestess was on the landship!? Well, fuck. That explained the rumors about Rhodes Island getting destroyed. I cleared my throat, and they separated and turned to me. 

“Sorry, Bones. I really did want to privately talk to you about this first. But…well, Kal here caught wind of it, then the ladies insisted they come…thanks for being understanding, Texas.”

“Di niente,” she said with a shrug. For a woman, Texas really is a good bro. 

“I’m not giving you those pictures of Sora, though,” Doktah said firmly, and Kal’tsit nodded emphatically. 

Texas looked disappointed, but shrugged and nodded. “Fine.”

“I’m also…sigh…not deleting them. As disgusting as they are, there’s unfortunately a lot we could potentially learn, and this is important enough I’ll wade through sewage to find even a single tiny pearl,” Doktah said with a shake of their head. 

“You and myself will be the only ones to view them. Carefully,” Kal’stit said. “We do not know what Priestess can see and hear. She could be completely unaware. But I will not take such a risk.”

“Which is why neither of these will ever be connected to a network, and I did most of my work up on the roof, where surveillance should be minimal,” Doktah said with a nod. “That said… I think you and I will need to take a few trips. Probably with Bones in tow. Not immediately, don’t want to make her suspicious, but soon.”

“You would take him from the landship? That is an enormous risk,” Kal’tsit said, folding her arms and frowning slightly. Doktah really did bring out the emotion in her. “It would need to be weighed extremely carefully. On the landship, it is far easier to limit contact, not to mention the research we can do upon his abilities, and the good that comes not just from his ability to cure oripathy, but also his abilities to near miraculously heal any wound.”

“I’ve considered that. If Priestess does make a move, he’s a sitting duck. Not any information on that here. You know something, Bones?”

I briefly explained the rumors I had heard, and Doktah nodded. “That settles it. I’m going to be heading to Iberia soon. That’s not a good place for you. Kal, you should take them to Carnival, in Nuova Volsinii.”

She frowned. “Iberia, why…the Seaborn?! The Seaborn are-”

“I’ll handle it. You’ll see, we got the news report on the future here,” Doktah said, holding up the phone. “We’ll also need to send Gavial to go save those poor durins. She’ll enjoy that.”

“Oh, you uh, you read up on the future events?” I said, feeling nervous at the thought.

Doktah shrugged. “It’s useful info, but will become less so since we’re going to act on it and not just sit on our hands. Especially since you’ve changed things already.  Best I can tell, it’s only a year or two at most. But it’s helpful.”

Texas leaned in towards me as the other two talked. “Nuova Volsinii? Does that… involve me?”

“Yes, sort of. Though…that ones more about… you know. Lappland,” I admitted. 

I’m not sure what I expected. Rage? Getting shot in the ass again, somehow?

Instead, Texas grimaced and nodded. “I see.” 

“We don’t need to act immediately,” Doktah was saying. “And I’ll discuss it all with you. But Bones needs to be kept away from the seaborn at all costs.”

“On that much, we agree. I would not like to see you fall to them either, however…I suppose you would be the best to handle such a situation if I cannot be there myself. Who will you take?”

“We’ll figure it out, but the Abyssal Hunters are already in Iberia, so I’ll hook up with them. Not much time though, I think it starts soon.”

“Very good. We will discuss it now, then. Cellenia, drive James back to the landship. Doktah and I will be quiet well here. There should be few threats, and what little there are, I can deal with myself,” Kal’tsit ordered. 

“On it,” Texas agreed, and we started to hobble towards the vehicle. 

“A moment.” Kal’tsit approached, then sighed and brushed off my dirty clothes. “James, allow me to bequeath you some advice. It is correct to say you cannot be blamed for having pornagraphic images of the residents of Rhodes Island, for at the time, we were nought but fantasy to you. However, simply because something is correct does not make it true.”

“Uh, OK,” I said, nodding slowly. “I think I follow.”

“Good. Lucia…will need some space. Cellenia, take him to my quarters. He can stay there for now. Give Lucia and Lumuel some space, James. They are grieviously hurt that a man they love has so betrayed them, especially in such an intimate fashion.”

“I…I think I might have ruined everything I had with Lucia,” I said, and I started to cry in earnest.

“Do not be overdramatic. You love her, do you not? Well, I can say with some surety that she loves you. Love may not be able to overcome all, but it will overcome this. It may take some time, perhaps days, perhaps weeks, even months, though that I doubt. But it will be overcome. When it is, apologize, but listen. That is most important. Validate her feelings, apologize, and do not attempt to explain yourself. Say you were wrong, even if you were not. Promise to never do such a thing, or betray her in such a way ever again. Then, make passionate love to her, for you will have been apart for-”

“Ok, that’s a little much,” I coughed, trying to force a smile on my face. 

“Perhaps. But I know that she is everything to you, and I do not want you to lose hope, James. She will process her feelings in time, and return to you. And when she does-”

“I know, I know. Apologize. Don’t explain. I…I’ll try, Kal’tsit.”

“Very good. Cellenia, do not spread word of this.”

She nodded quietly. 

“Give Exusiai some space, but see her today and let her vent to you. Do not be shocked by what she says. Only listen. I will see to it that others guard James in that time. Now go, and get some rest. It is not every day one is shot in the posterior.”

I gingerly levered myself into the passenger seat, while Texas sat in the driver’s seat. She started the engine, and we peeled away. Before long, we saw Exusiai and Sussurro. Texas rolled the vehicle to a stop and peered down at them as they walked along. “Need a ride?” 

Sussuro glared over at me, and Exusiai folded her arms over her chest. “We’re fine. You haul him back to the med bay before I shoot him somewhere more painful than his ass.”

Texas nodded and rolled the window back up, trundling along. I slumped in my seat, feeling about as low as is possible. “I’m such an idiot. What if I lose her, Texas? She…she means everything to me.”

“Director Kal’tsit seems to think you will not.”

“What if she’s wrong?! What if I lose her anyway!?”

“Mmm,” Texas said. She considered. “You should write a poem. And get flowers.”

“Write… a poem?” I said, blinking. 

“When Sora gets mad at me, I write her a poem. When she reads them, she is not as mad,” Texas explained. “As for the flowers, I was trained that when you wish to woo a woman, you purchase flowers. I have explained the language of flowers to you before. Sussurro almost certainly understands the basics. With a poem, and flowers, she will not be as angry, and will forgive you more quickly.”

“You seem pretty confident she will,” I said, still feeling miserable.

Texas shrugged. “I do not understand love completely. But I think Lucia loves you. She will be angry at you, but only because she is hurt. When she stops being irrational, she will remember she loves you.”

“You…you really think so?”

Texas glanced at me and frowned slightly, but didn’t say anything. She’s not terribly fond of repeating herself I’ve found.

Texas took me to a flower garden run by Verdant, who explained we needed “Emergency Flowers.” 

“Got Lucia angry at you, huh?” he asked with a chuckle. “Nah, don’t feel the need to tell me about it. Myrtle’s pretty happy go lucky sometimes, but when she gets pissed, hoo boy. Lucia’s Siracusian, they’re just like that. We got some flowers, yeah.”

“I will pick them,” Texas stated, and showed me what to get. 

“White tulips for forgiveness. Purple hyacinths to express deep regret and sorrow. Red camella to show faithfulness. And white roses, to ask for a fresh start,” Texas said, expertly cutting the flowers and putting them into a vase with water. 

We took those back, and I put them on the table in the kitchen. Lucia didn’t seem to be back  yet, so I quickly took out a pen. I didn’t write a poem. I don’t know crap about poetry. I just wrote a quick note. 

Lucia, 

I can’t express how much I regret that I’ve hurt you. I was wrong, please forgive me. You mean more to me than life itself. Whatever I can do to make this right and show how much I love you, I will. 

Forever yours,

James

Then I went with Texas to Kal’tsit’s room. She wasn’t back either, so we just sat around.

“Got any hobbies?” I asked Texas as I lay on the Director’s couch, bored. Face down, of course. My ass hurt. 

“Fighting. Wine. Cooking. Anime.” 

“Any good action shows or something?” I said, sitting up slightly. 

“I am fond of Blade Spirits. It is a shonen anime from several years back about a school of exorcists who use talking swords. The animation is very good, and the choreography is surprisingly accurate and well done.”

“Sounds good to me,” I said, and Texas put it on. Kal’tsit came back after a few hours, saw what we were watching, and silently put a couple of boxes of take out from the cafeteria on the table, then sat down in an armchair and read quietly. The anime was good, I just…

I missed Lucia. Would she really forgive me? I tried to not think about it, but it was hard. I’d had break ups before. I’d had fights. But this time…this time, I really, really cared. I don’t know what I will do if she hates me now. Go down to the O Ward and see how many people I can cure before I turn into pure originium? 

No. Not that. It’s just…this HURT. More than oripathy. More than anything. 

I’m such a damn moron.