May I Enjoy My Life, Entry 10

Entry 13, Day 31

There was one casualty of our time in Leithania that I will eternally mourn. 

My phone. I don’t know exactly when, but at some point in the frantic madness, it got smashed to hell and gone. I don’t just mean the screen cracked, I mean the thing took a hit from arts and damn near melted. 

I guess I should feel less bad about that then the thousands of people who died in that insane terrorist attack, which Sussurro and Exusiai both tell me wasn’t my fault but I can’t shake the feeling was, but also…well, that was a bit of home, you know? 

Also, bit of an unfortunate thing because now we can’t datamine all the events on there to dig up things my illiterate ass doesn’t know. 

They did give me a replacement, namely the tablet they gave me that I’m typing this up on. I’ve reconstructed the entries I wrote earlier to the best of my abilities. Not like I’ve got anything better to do, I guess.

Right, that’s because I’m stuck in a hospital bed, and will be for the foreseeable future. 

I wish I had some dramatic story about my arrival on Rhodes Island. Truth is, I was out cold. By the time I came to, they had me ensconced in the medical department, hooked up to an IV and all that jazz. For a brief moment, I thought I was back on Earth. That this had all been a bad dream, and I’d woken up in the hospital. 

Frankly, I panicked a bit then. I hadn’t realized it, but I was really starting to care for Sussurro, Exusiai, Gavial, Andrey, Texas…all of them. These were real people, who had walked through the fire and the flames for my ignorant ass. 

After my initial shock wore off, however, I spotted a now familiar glow in the corner of the room. Exusiai was snoring and drooling, slumped in a chair with her guns cradled in her arms. Seeing my Guardian Angel, I relaxed and lay back. I had no idea how long I'd been out, but I was still exhausted. The only thing was that my mouth and throat were sore, though the IV in my arm had me hydrated.

Before I could think too hard about that, the door hissed open, and a white haired woman in a black lab coat stepped inside the room.

Immediately, I recognized Warfarin. As usual, her clothes were more practical and less sexy than Arknights would lead you to believe, with standard white scrubs on under the black lab coat. She looked, well, young. No older than I was, with flawless alabaster skin and bright red eyes.

She also had on glasses, which she was peering at a chart through. How could Hypergryph hide this fantastic meganekko from us?! This was surely sacrilege!

She looked up at me and smiled, which revealed a pair of sharp fangs. “Ah, so, you are awake.”

As soon as Warfarin spoke, Exusiai let out a gasp and jerked upright, her head snapping around and gun pointed right at Warfarin.

“Put that away, little Sankta. I'd hate to have to clip your wings,” Warfarin said without so much as glancing at Exusiai while she checked my fluid levels and vitals.

“Just as long as you promise not to suck any of James’ blood, vampire,” Exusiai said, sounding a lot grumpier than usual.

Baring her fangs, Warfarin put on a manic grin, and held up a vial. “But, that is what I am here for! I heard we have blood of the rarest kind here, and I needed a snack!”

I coughed, and managed. “Uh, FYI, I'm Infected. So, er, no drinky blood.”

Sighing dramatically, Warfarin lowered the vial. “Darn. Well, I guess I'll just have to draw it the boring way. We need to run some more labs. It's been about 72 hours since you first checked in, so we need to do a comparison to your first results.”

“I was out for three days?” I said, feeling sick to my stomach. Not from the blood draw, that was fine as long as it wasn't done via the jugular.

“Yes, and this poor little Sankta has barely left your side. I had to strap down that annoying lupo and my idiot former intern to get them to accept treatment and stop trying to bother you.”

I looked to Exusiai, who was still eyeing Warfarin suspiciously. “You're alright? No lingering after effects from…you know.”

My mind went back to Exusiai dying in my arms, which had led to me overdosing on arts and nearly killing myself.

“Just a little sore throat, I'm fine,” Exusiai said with a nod. “Texas, though…she's in bad shape. Sussurro is mostly OK, just coming down from arts overdose like you.”

I blinked. I hadn't even noticed that Sussurro had overdone it on the healing arts, but I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. She’d been going as hard on healing as many wounded as she could as I had. 

“Yes, but shockingly, Lucy managed to not exacerbate her condition. In fact, her BOCD is down to .22 u/L. Funny, that. I don’t suppose you had anything to do with it, did you Mr. McCoy?”

“Honestly, I have no clue,” I sighed, closing my eyes and leaning back on my pillow. “Maybe? I thought oripathy was a made up disease until a month ago.”

“You really are a talker, aren’t you? Well, lucky for you I’m actually someone you can spill your guts to and it won’t cause an international incident. But do try to be more cautious,” Warfarin said. “Here.”

I opened my eyes, and found her proffering a glass of water with a straw in it. She held it for me as I sipped at it gratefully. “Hungry?”

“Starving, actually. But if I’ve been out for three days, it’s probably the clear liquid diet. I don’t suppose you have strawberry jello?”

“We’ll see how you handle the water, but I’ll have a nurse come by with some fowlbeast broth if you can keep it down,” Warfarin told me. She frowned down at me, tapping her arm, and I felt sweat break out on my brow. 

“Did you really tell Kal to keep it to twenty words or less?” Warfarin finally demanded. 

I let out the breath I’d been holding and laughed nervously. “Um, I was a bit out of my mind at that moment. But, uh…”

“He totally did,” Exusiai said, her grin slipping back into place. “It was hilarious. There we are, in a Bolivarian Standoff with the Black Empress herself, and Bones here actually tells Kal’tsit to shut up! Can you even imagine?!” 

“Frankly, I’ve dreamt about it for the past decade. I don’t know who you are, but I like your style, kid. Even if you’re not the wunderkind Lucy thinks you are, you’ve already made my day.”

“So, does that mean I can still apply for my residency here?” I asked hopefully. 

“Haha! As if you have a choice. Don’t worry, I’ve whipped dumber interns than you into shape. Just ask Lucy how thoroughly I chewed out her hide when she was a resident. I even had to put that dope Gavial in her place a time or two. Do try not to die though; I’ve got so many wonderful tests planned for you and your delicious blood.”

With that frankly disturbing parting shot, Warfarin sauntered out of the room. 

Exusiai scooted her chair closer, looking worried. “You OK, Bones? I mean, really. You were acting pretty wacky there towards the end.”

“Fine, I guess. Everyone make it out OK?”

Exusiai nodded, her expression still worried. “Yeah, Ch’en and Gavial are alright, so are Hibiscus and Czerny. Once the Horn Followers figured out they weren’t the one they were after they left them alone. Svetla and the kids are OK too, they’re settling into Rhodes Island from what I heard. Actually, there was a big party for Svetla! She helped a lot of people escape from Ursus, and they were all really happy to see her! Shame about her husband, but…well, like I said. Sometimes you lose packages, so just count the ones you do save.”

“Yeah. I guess…I guess you have to,” I sighed. 

We sat there for a while. I was still exhausted, and Exusiai set about cleaning her guns. I must have dozed off for a bit, but then I asked her for another glass of water, which she got happily enough.

When I’d sipped a bit, Exusiai asked. “So…uh, how much do you know about me, really?”

I considered that question. “A bit. Not your whole life’s story. But you were my first 6*.”

Exusiai gave me a baffled look. “I assume that’s not some weird sex thing?” 

“What?! No, um, I, I mean, in the game, you were my first SSR. Er, you were the most powerful unit I had, the first one. I rerolled specifically to get you, actually. Took me four tries.”

“That’s really fuckin’ weird, James.”

“In my defense, at the time, I thought you were a fictional character, Lemuel.”

“Hmm, I guess.” She fidgeted some more. “So, like, that’s all?”

I sighed. “Well…I know you have an older sister, who’s in a wheelchair. And…well. I know about Mostima.”

“Yeah?” Exusiai wasn’t looking at me anymore, instead fixated on her pistol, which she was disassembling and then reassembling at lightning speed. 

“All I know is that Mostima is a Fallen who reverted to Sarkaz, she was your childhood buddy, and you blame yourself for her being Fallen, I think, and the same incident that caused her to Fall resulted in your sister, Lemuen, losing the use of her legs.”

Exusiai sniffed, and shrugged. “Not a lot of people know all that.”

“Yeah. Sorry. I wasn’t trying to, you know. Perv on you or something.”

“Mmm.” Exusiai put her gun back together one time, sighted down it, then spun it through her fingers, back and forth, back and forth. “So what’s this about reverting to Sarkaz?”

I opened my mouth, then closed it. “Uh, I know this is a lot coming from me…but are you sure you want to know? What I have is, frankly, maybe not all that reliable. I wasn’t a lorehound who read everything, and well, who knows? That was a game, this is obviously real.”

“Yeah, but you know about all kinds of stuff. And, well…you’re not wrong about what you said about me,” Exusiai said. She let the pistol fall into her hand, then looked down at it. “So. What do you mean by ‘return to Sarkaz’?”

“Again…this is some speculation because not all the lore is out yet, but…have you ever heard of Teekaz?” 

“Yeah, it’s an old name for Kazdel,” Exusiai said, nodding and wrinkling her forehead. 

“No, I mean, the race. The people who, well…originated on Terra.”

Exusiai glanced around, then leaned forward. “You mean like…Sarkaz origination theory? But that’s like…fringe stuff.” 

“I really wish I knew more. But, basically…there’s two types of races. Ancients, and Teekaz. Ancients are the animal people. You know, like vulpo, perro, felines, all those ones.”

“Ok,” Exusiai said with a nod. 

“And the others, they’re Teekaz descended, like-”

The door hissed open, and an ominous shadow fell over the both of us.

“What,” growled Kal’tsit, her shadow growing claws and menacing green eyes. “Are you doing.”

Exusiai and I sprang apart like we’d been caught playing tongue hockey by her mother. That actually happened to me, Sophomore Year in high school. Wasn’t allowed over at Maria’s house after that. 

“Uh, talking?” I managed. 

“Just keeping an eye on the package, Director, ma’am!” Exusiai said brightly. What were we even doing? We were adults!

Kal’stit came to loom over both of us, which is pretty impressive for someone six inches shorter than I am. “I have been informed of your propensity for dispensing knowledge that would be best left retained, Dr. McCoy. I see now that what I was told was nothing but a shadow of the true levels of folly you are capable of. Simply because one has a secret, Dr. McCoy, does not mean that one should share it. Indeed, by sharing it, one violates the very nature of a secret. 

“Additionally, one should always carefully weigh one's words before one speaks. The wise man considers full well the consequences of every word that passes from his lips. The fool allows words to dribble away, like a hole in a leaky casket. So, Dr. McCoy, what are you? The fool who wastes away the fortune of knowledge that he contains, or the wise man that carefully considers the impact of what he says, and in doing so, oft remains silent.”

I regarded Kal’stit for a moment. Then, I decided, fuck it. 

“You are a verbose old biddy, aren’t you?”

I think I saw Exusiai’s soul leave her body at that point. I don’t know if she resigned herself to die by the talons of Monst3r, or if was just going to let me suffer the consequences of my own actions. 

“I see my words failed to leave an impact. Perhaps harsher measures are required,” Kal’tsit said, her eyes flashing a dangerous green. Exusiai actually leaned away, raising her hands up in the air. 

“She’s kinda cute for a…what would she even be? Decem milia genarian? Don’t you think?” I commented to Exusiai. 

“I just remembered, I don’t want to die today. Director,” Exusiai said, and scrambled away and out the door. 

Kal kept her eyes locked on me, and I gave her my very best shit eating grin. The kind that always got me in trouble, especially if I’d been running my mouth. 

“I have been given to understand that you seek to complete your residency at my hospital, Dr. McCoy,” Kal’tsit said in what felt like a complete change of topic. 

“Uh, yeah, I suppose so?” 

“In that case, I regret to inform you that I require the smallest modicum of discretion and humility from my residents. Someone who not only seeks to antagonize their senior attending with petty insults, but additionally spills forth secrets I have labored for millenia to protect, is not worthy of being called a physician of Rhodes Island.”

“Uh…”

“So, Dr. McCoy, you may choose. Either you shall learn to curb your tongue and your…we shall be generous and call them ‘witticisms,’ and be welcomed amongst the ranks of the medical staff, or I shall lock you away on the deepest sub-level and wring what use I can from your remarkable ability while minimizing the harm your wagging tongue could inflict.”

I was sweating now, and feeling like a proper idiot. I cringed as Kal’tsit leaned over me. “Let me be succinct: You will either learn to keep a civil tongue in your head, or you will be left rotting in the dungeon. That was twenty words. Was it short enough for you to parse, Mr. McCoy?”

“Yes ma’am,” I gasped, shrinking back on my bed. 

“Good.” Kal’stit stood back up, regarding me. “I will save my lecture on the folly of mindless self sacrifice for another time. As it is…I take it that your primary coping mechanism when confronted with emotional trauma is to blurt out whatever comes to mind?”

“I…” I blinked. “Um, that’s…that’s actually a reasonable assessment, I guess? I mean, I don’t really know, but…I do tend to run my mouth when I’m stressed.”

“I see.” Kal’tsit rested a hand on my shoulder, and I flinched, until I felt how gentle it was. “You need not fear me, James McCoy. Not unless you insist on being a rude child. I know what it is to be cast adrift from all you know, and to wander a cold world alone. You have been ripped away from all you know and love. It is alright for you to cry. It is alright for you to feel pain. Let yourself feel that pain, Dr. McCoy. Do not revel in it, but do not deny it. Mourn. Grieve. You are human. Not a machine.”

“I…” tears misted my eyes, and Kal’tsit gave my shoulder a squeeze before withdrawing her hand. 

“I am not the one you will look to for solace, Dr. McCoy. Nor should I be. However, I leave you now in the hands of those you should.”

“Huh?” I blinked away the tears, just in time for the door to hiss open, and Gavial and Sussurro stride in, followed by a nervous looking Exusiai. Huh. I’d seen Exusiai face down hordes of cultists, an Emperors Blade, and even the Black Empress with a smile on her face. 

Maybe pissing off Kal’tsit was a bad idea. 

“Heya, Director! Not being too hard on my new resident, are ya?” Gavial said cheerily. 

“Merely instructing a young man in the way he should go,” Kal’tsit replied. She nodded to Sussurro. “I will trust your judgement, Dr. Sussurro, in not allowing this young man to say more than is wise.”

“I'll do my best, Director,” Sussurro said. “As long as you promise to let me strangle him the next time he calls you an ‘old biddy.’” 

“Permission denied. My ego is not so fragile as to require you to avenge it. Though I will trust you will not let Dr. McCoy’s head swell too large simply because he can do the impossible.”

“We’ll let the excess air out, Director, don’t you worry about it!” Gavial laughed. 

Kal’tsit nodded, then departed through the door.

Gavial continued smiling, then said, “You wanna smack him, or should I?”

“We don’t want to give James a concussion, so…” Sussurro dope slapped me. Gently. “James! You do not call the Director an Old Biddy!” 

“Even if she is one,” Gavial said, folding her arms over her chest and giving me a stern look.

“Gavial! You are going to give poor Lemuel a heart attack!” Sussurro huffed. 

Exusiai did look about as pale as a ghost. She took a shuddering breath. “Bones, there is brave, and there is stupid. Do you have ANY idea how scary that woman is!? Like, she can make Boss back down! And he’s immortal! Trust me, I’ve checked! He’s died at least ten times, but even he dims his halo and bows his head when Kal’tsit snaps at him!” 

“Though I have to know, kid. Did you really tell her to keep her speeches to twenty words or less?” Gavial asked, leaning in towards me and lowering her voice.

I nodded sheepishly. “I was sort of out of my mind at that particular point in time, but-”

“HAHAHA!” Gavial slapped her leg, a wide grin on her face. “That’s priceless! Do you have any idea how often I’ve wanted to say the same thing to her, but never had the balls to do it? And here you are, an R1, and you’re mouthing off to the mother of modern medicine herself!” 

“I, ah, I may have gotten written up for similar behavior a time or two before,” I admitted. 

“Well, don’t make a habit of it. Kal’tsit is actually as scary as she looks, or scarier, depending on how dumb you are. She’s actually pretty chill when you get to know her, but don’t set her off just for funsies. Save that for Warfarin. When you wind her up, the results are always hilarious. Just make sure you’re OK with waking up with an extra nose or a pint of blood missing.”

“Lege nos a malis Sarkaz,” Exusia muttered.

“Hey Lucia, dope slap Lemuel for me,” I said. 

“Hey!” Exusia gasped when Sussurro obliged.

“No racism. Racism bad,” I told her.

“You don't even know what I said!” Exusiai protested.

“I do, James is right,” Sussurro said. “Warfarin is perfectly pleasant. She just revels in making people like you squirm.”

“And the mad science! Don't forget the mad science,” Gavial pointed out.

“Oooo,” Exusiai shivered to an exaggerated degree and rapped her knuckles on the side of her head. “Sorry if it’s racist, but vampires give me the heebie jeebies. I know Warfarin isn’t, you know, as blood thirsty as some, but….”

“Just…maybe tone down the anti Sarkaz sentiment,” I said, trying to smile. If the rumors I’d heard were true…then Exusiai and all Sankta WERE Sarkaz. But…

Maybe I should talk to Kal’tsit before I started dropping lore bombs. See? Even a brain damaged dog can learn some new tricks. If you beat them up enough. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Exusiai said, letting out a heavy sigh. “Anyway, you seem like you’re feeling better at least. With these two here, I’m going to go grab some grub and proper rack time.”

“You don’t have to watch me 24 hours a day, you know. We don’t have to be joined at the hip,” I said. 

“Sorry! I am now,” Exusiai said with a wink. “You’re not gettin’ rid of me that easy, Bones! Salve!”

She wandered off, and Sussurro produced some broth in a warm thermos. “Now you’re only to sip at this. It’s just fowlbeast broth. Clear, and with some nutrients, but you were out for a long time.”

I gratefully accepted the broth and took small sips, sighing happily. “Thanks, that’s good stuff. Reminds me of my mother’s chicken soup.”

Sussurro beamed and blushed slightly, and Gavial elbowed her. “Were you going to tell him you made it yourself?” 

“No! Shut up,” Sussurro mumbled. “I’m on a restricted diet too, and I'm a better cook than the rest of the hospital staff.”

“Ha! Well, you’re not wrong about the cooking part. I can heat up an MRE with the best but that’s about it. The less said about Kal’tsit’s cooking the better. You’d think she’d learn to cook well in the million years she’s lived, but I’ve seen her eat ration bars and cup noodles for weeks. Her and the Doctor both.”

I froze, my hands gripping the sheets. The Doctor. He was the player character in Arknights, for a given value of that. But what I did know about him…he was either a clown, or the most horrifying war criminal in history. 

“So, you know something about Doctor, huh? Well, maybe keep it to yourself for now,” Gavial said.

“No, it’s fine. I actually don’t really have a clue, aside from the fact that Doctor is supposed to be some sort of tactical genius. He’s…well, if you play Arknights, he’s you,” I explained. 

Sussurro seemed thoughtful at that. Gavial just looked baffled. “Game? You’re the Doctor? Kid, you might be a doctor, but you’re not THE Doctor.”

“Yeah, forgot my sonic screwdriver at home,” I said deadpan.

“Well, if you want one of those, someone in engineering probably has an extra,” Gavial told me, which threw me for a bit of a loop. “Right now though, you’re on bedrest. Sussurro has appointed herself your attending now that she’s back on duty, and Warfarin and the Director both signed off on it.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I sighed. “I’ll try not to be a complete pain in the ass as a patient.”

“Good, because I’ve got a lot of catching up to do. Sussurro, you do the write up on Bones, you spent the most time with him,” Gavial said. “Have fun, you two!”

With a nod, she wandered off, and Sussurro took out a tablet, asking me some basic questions like my date of birth, blood type, all that stuff. I helpfully provided my standard vitals as a baseline, as well as what human normals were. 

“Doc from Team Rainbow gave us those already, but it’s good to have someone else verify it. You’re not too far off of average for Terran norms,” Sussurro commented as she typed it all up. 

“I have to ask, are homo sapiens total weaklings? Because from what I’ve seen, people like Gavial and Texas are outright freaks compared to us. I don’t think even a peak Earthican athlete can do what they do.”

“So that’s an interesting question,” Sussurro said, pulling a few files up. “Physically, you are on the low end of the tests. The exception is in endurance: the Team Rainbow operatives performed in the 80th percentile. Not as much endurance as a minos or a vouivre, but you beat out felines, perro, liberi, cautus, and definitely vulpo. About the level of a kuranta.”

“What about someone like a pegasus like Maria Nearl, or a hippogryph like Hellagur?” I asked curiously. 

Sussurro laughed. “James, we don’t even compare the rest of us to the elder races. Oh, we’re all human, but elder races are something more. Same with Sarkaz. Their baseline physical abilities are so far beyond what Ancient races possess it’s simply not worth comparing them.”

“Huh. I guess not all men are created equal. Too bad you didn’t have Sam Colt,” I mused. 

“Sam Colt?” Sussurro asked curiously. 

“‘God made man. Sam Colt made him equal.’ He wasn’t the inventor of the modern gunpowder weapon, but he did mass manufacture them. He’s sort of a…mythological? Yeah, mythological figure in my homeland's historical narrative, though he was definitely a real person. I shot a colt revolver with my brother once,” I explained. 

“Ah, he sounds like Velos to Vulpo,” Sussurro said with a nod. “In Minoan mythology, Velos was a cunning and skilled warrior, who showed the larger, stronger races that despite our smaller stature, we Vulpo make up for it with our speed and quick wits. Speaking of physical traits, Vulpo do tend towards faster reflexes, better dexterity, and, well, if I do say so myself, being smarter than the average perro.”

“Well, you’re obviously smarter than I am, so I can’t argue with that. Cuter too,” I mused, then mentally kicked myself. There I went with my big stupid mouth running away again. 

However, Sussurro’s tail swished back and forth a few times and her ears pricked up, which I think means she didn’t mind too much. “Well, then hopefully you listen to me a little more often. Right, you need some rest. We’ve talked long enough. I’ll leave you with this tablet, I know your other one was destroyed, so it’ll give you something to do. You were rather faithful with your journaling.”

“Thanks,” I said, accepting the tablet. “Hey, this has games!” 

“Yes, I put a smattering of them on there. You mentioned liking tactical games, and tower defense? Well, Wintermaul Wars is a tactical tower defense I rather enjoy. See if you can beat my high score.”

The sparkle in Sussurro’s eyes made me suspect that might not be so easy. “You’re on! I was pretty damn good at Arknights. Maybe not a world class player, but I cleared Glory of Humanity,  Crazelyseon Sentinel, AND Holy City with-”

I cut myself off, and Sussurro looked worried. “James?”

I fidgeted with my sheets. “Lucia…what if…what if you knew something. Something important. But…but it might hurt a friend, if it got out. It could also hurt them if it didn’t get out. What…what would you do?”

She took my hand in hers, and gave it a squeeze. “That’s…a hard position. No, don’t tell me. I think…I think you should talk to Director Kal’tsit about this, James. It’s some of that weird alien knowledge of yours, isn’t it?” 

I nodded, feeling miserable. “Well, talk to her, really. Yes, she’s scary. But she’s kind too. Be honest with her, go to her privately, and lay it all out. Then listen, actually listen, to what she tells you.”

“I…yeah. Thanks. I’ll do that,” I said, then stifled a yawn. 

“Get to bed. You’re safe here,” Sussurro told me. “Good night, James.”

“Night,” I said, and lay back, closing my eyes. 

And tried not to dream of fallen angels.