october rundown

Personal Health:

Would you believe this is the hardest part to write? I really gotta assess my mental health through 30 days...

It’s hard to put this in words; I’m better at speaking about my feelings than I am writing about them, which is the reason why I spend more time on voice calls than chatrooms.

However, I’m not really sure how I’m doing.

The rent in my place has gone up but I’ve been making the content I've been wanting to for a while which is focusing on my Characters.

I haven't been sleeping well as of late but I've used the time up to study fashion, street art, architecture, and animation.

I’m behind on my set plans and obligations for patreon but ...I don’t care.

Usually, I’m freaking out cause the last thing I wanna be known for is a liar, I gave you my word but...I just can’t pretend that all this hasn’t added on to the stress of my day today. My in-law hounding my wife for more and more money, the lack of motivation to workout or go outside, the self-isolation and need to keep my feelings of breaking down to myself out of fear of being abandoned, keeping my wife happy and secure, and keeping up with this wild ass fantasy of living off my art.

I felt...felt like quitting.

The older I get I start to look back at some of my past habits, self-worth in constant questioning, prioritizing others, and feeling like I’ll never get anywhere…Fuck That.

I mean I'm still that way but look, y'all came here for a reason, right? Was it fanart for a friend who happens to be in the bigger circles, some memes I did years ago? A fan character I made once, which people will still comment and message me asking when I will bring back even though I had no plans for her after the first set of pieces [she’s not coming, guys]?

Or was it for me?

Was it for my characters?

Was it for my skill and vision as a creator?

I don’t know, Like I honestly think the twitter algorithms got me fucked up, But some of you have talked to me and that touches me, man.

Asking about my process, my girl, my plans for the future...more than that, how I am.

I feel like I’ve been stuck in my head for so long the only voices of critique and interest are my own but...It really is some shit when a different voice echos out to let me know I’m not in here by myself.

Thank you, pyro, invisiblefan, sheepy, piilsud, all of you...Thanks for helping me keep my head straight.

...Ok sad dad time is over, let's get to work.

Plans:

Yeah, wasn’t kidding with that mandate for the Tori comic is gonna be a minute. I have started on page 1 but being that I’ve been studying up drafting and architecture, I’m gonna try to set my scenes better than my other Comics.

Seems like overkill, yes, but I tend to try to top myself with these and the practice could help me while I’m still brainstorming ideas for the next boxrush.

I’m not gonna put a time limit on this or anything for that matter, it’ll drop when it’s ready to drop.

Also gonna be focusing on my characters whether or not it's foundational development or for shits and giggles. Yes, I will still be working on rewards, as I said, taking time to get to work on what I’ve wanted to do has helped my mood as of late.

I hope seeing the recent art shows the enthusiasm I’ve been missing.

SketchStream:

[nothing to really change here so...]

The next sketch stream will start October 9th to October 10th, 7:30 pm (CST) U.S. central.

Due to some changes, however, we’re gonna try a new template for submitting requests through Google forum. https://forms.gle/jK91DiAqKvXV3HLD8 you can submit your requests here with images and links to help streamline the process.

As for the Theme, no need to vote cause we’re doing Music, wanna test out this new method as soon as possible so we have plenty of time to work out the kinks.

Click the link and submit your ideas!

Conclusion:

I apologize for the overwhelming amount of emotions in this, unprofessional as this is I don’t wanna leave any questions on how I’m feeling, I’m stressed but finding relief, I feel isolated but have great friends, I’m ...I don’t really know how to describe what I’m going through other than I’m depressed...but I’m working through it.

Even if it costs me a little, I gotta do more to keep myself together. I hope this doesn’t come off as selfish for doing that.