Predators of Denali - Page 4 Sketch
Added 2017-08-02 13:21:55 +0000 UTCFirst off, sorry for the delay in July for the comic. Reasons are many; health and IRL stress, Anthrocon, re-working this page SEVERAL times, but I don't want to use excuses a lot. Trying to get back on the two-page-per-month usual.
The reason this page was reworked at least 3 times in its entirety is the amount of dialogue and exposition presented. We formally name and introduce Kiga, head of the wolf tribe, his dilemma and reasons for coming. We get a hint of what is happening and a nod to the first comic's events that have obviously got around and are not isolated, or normal. Making it clear that typically predators and prey can co-exist but something is upsetting that balance and progress with the wolves, and they come to the bears of Denali for help.
The shots, dialogue, flow and text have changed several times like I said; I didn't save all of it, but I saved the second-most recent version, attached, if you're curious as to a peek of my thought process behind some of the tweaks. In the attached thumbnail, the first shot is an overhead table-wide view, which at first I thought looked better in my head, but the more I drew on it, the dull-er it seemed.
It made more sense to instead focus on Kiga and Tala. Tala's relationship with the rest of her pack has a lot to do with Kiga's ideas and goals, which will be explained further in page 5, and weighs greatly on Tala later in the story. Giving a face to Kiga, to the more dominant, violent wolves present in the pack, offers a further contrast that I hope emphasizes Tala's meek and submissive nature, in addition to 'smol' status.
I'm definitely not a prized writer; feel free to leave some comments, feedback, general comments like usual! I hope to make some tweaks and get this done by the time voting finishes for the pinup.
Comments
Good point, thanks! It didn't take quite as long as actual real evolution, but yeah.
FluffKevlar
2017-08-05 04:43:31 +0000 UTCThank you, I will try!
FluffKevlar
2017-08-05 04:40:36 +0000 UTCThanks, and it's good to know that worked a bit on the page!
FluffKevlar
2017-08-05 04:40:08 +0000 UTCWell, thank you! I do still try to make as much as I can though. and I love tea, I often forget I have it since I often have coffee first/instead
FluffKevlar
2017-08-05 04:39:53 +0000 UTCI have a strange feeling that Bailey is very close by for some reason...
Bionet
2017-08-03 05:57:03 +0000 UTCI feel that the time scale for learning language and developing a bi-pedal skeleton structure needs to be stated in something other than moons. Specifically, The side text where it says, " ...yes it has been many moons since..." needs a greater increment of time i.e. seasons, summers, eclipses, etc. In a fantasy setting one can define these uniquely when setting the scene. a season may be much longer than it is for us. A moon generally correlates to 26 days, or a month, and is not much time when you consider such evolution takes hundreds of thousands of years, and such social convention can take hundreds if not thousands to develop.
Stalizar
2017-08-02 23:50:34 +0000 UTCDon't sweat the stuff you can't help Fluff, we all have troubles in our lives at times as well. You can believe that we'll be understand and accepting of your situation. Because one way or another we've been down the same path. You're good to take the time you need when necessary. As for the comic, I find the concept of the story interesting. You shouldn't sell yourself short on your story ideas. I myself have done some in-depth world building. My opinion is that you've got a good story and an interesting world to explore. Remember to think outside the box, and think positively about your work, and you'll be able to make some amazing things.
Skellitor301
2017-08-02 20:15:02 +0000 UTCFluff don't apologize for looking after yourself. I'm sure those of us who have experienced the pressure of working long hours and under alot of pressure understand. Just remember this is your patreon and you decide how much you will produce per month, anyone who donates does so of their own freewill and speaking for myself I'm really happy with then work you've done. Perhaps some tea would do you some good!
CHRISTOPHER MICHAEL BOYLE
2017-08-02 19:26:49 +0000 UTCNo sweat Fluff. Take as much time as you need. I liked how you rewrote the dialogue and gave that guy above a stern, yet mad expression (getting rid of the top-view table scene to boot). It makes me feel more engaged and interested in reading the page.
2017-08-02 18:58:52 +0000 UTCI like it so far :) I definitely think you made the right choice in showing a contrast in natures to emphasize Tala's character.
Murphyslaw
2017-08-02 17:25:25 +0000 UTC
