C!!7: 3-13
Added 2023-04-29 15:08:02 +0000 UTCContent warning: Hints to pedophilia
Title song: PRBLM - Friday Pilots Club
About this update:
Hello everyone! I'm slowly coming out of the update pause for you guys! Public updates on Tapas and Webtoon will go on a hiatus but I worked on the chapter and am getting to the point where I can post the first pages to Patreon, so I hope that's good news for you!
I'm not doing too well, head-health-wise, so I will not promise super speed tho, but I'm doing what I can :-)!
Storywise we are starting SEASON 3/Volume 3 now, with a Carter POV, and in this with another flashback to his childhood. After the flashback (it's about 30 pages long) we're heading back to the present and pretty much the exact time where we left him off in the Scott POV before.
About my web shop and book 2:
Still no news, I did not get to it yet :'(
About the last update (chapter 6):
I had a lot of anxiety, honestly, I felt horrible, about the finale of chapter 6.
I don't know if you even noticed, but I wanna come forth and inform you that I reworked the last few pages a bit and also switched out the content in the tapas episodes.
Essentially what I did was shorten the sex scene between Carter and that stranger. Result is that a few panels and dialogues are missing or appear even more censored, and the whole scene became 2 pages shorter.
Why? I was uncomfortable and feared that my goal for the scene would be misunderstood.
I wanted to show 2 things:
A) How Carter copes badly with sex. That him getting drunk and calling a random guy over to get fucked is essentially a form of self-harm because he later feels self-disgust and triggers himself with that (but that is an effect not yet shown in the scene). He purposely brings himself into risky and potentially rape situations and looks out for people who will not question if this is a 100% with clear mind made consensual situation, to just give himself away.
B) Scott not caring for all of that and finding himself obsessing and sexually attracted to that voyeurism situation.
I did not want
C) that the scene looks sexually gratifying for the readers.
(Which is a problem, because Scott's POV is essentially the reader's POV, because it's the story through his lense. So these two perspectives could EASILY be mistaken)
There are sex scene about to come (further into this comic) that are supposed to be nice, sexy, cute, whatever for the reader, but this one was not one of these. It was supposed to be uncomfortable. I felt like I did not the best job with that and it became too graphic for that purpose, so I tried to kick out as much visuals as possible! Hope that makes sense and explains the disappearing pages!
Thanks for putting up with my indecisive mind :')
Comments
thanks for clarifying the last chapter! i love how much you care about respecting both the characters and the audience — i know that’s a tough line to manage!! it comes through though, and your writing and care is so good. thanks for the update!!! ❤️
astr.ii
2023-05-29 20:46:48 +0000 UTCahhhh i forgot how adorable baby carter’s design and language is ahhhh 😭
astr.ii
2023-05-29 20:44:29 +0000 UTCI am actually really happy you talked about the intent of the ending of the last season as I was definitely perceiving it wrong, but now I totally see what you were going for
Kamryn Hernandez
2023-05-10 12:07:16 +0000 UTCThis scene is already making me feel uneasy. Btw I think there is a typo on page 7 (instinct?).
Nicole Wolf
2023-05-07 06:47:31 +0000 UTCOH GOD I DONT LIKE THAT SMILE
Cloudedskiez
2023-05-04 23:57:27 +0000 UTCNot to be dramatic or anything, but as someone who used to cope the same way as Crush (and again I’m probably biased for saying this) I really understood what you tried to get across. By “making and therefore owning” that sort of choice, it’s like convincing yourself that you’re past the trauma, when in fact, that is the trauma taking form. I also hope that Scott can change for the better, especially after tommy…. (I read and was up to date with the old Crushed on tapas years ago) so I hope that my favorite carrot top won’t make too many of the same mistakes with Carter again🥺😭 but thank you author! I’ve always loved how you were able to keep such a heartfelt story fun and silly even in the darkest moments!
TheBlackRabbitMayra
2023-05-02 21:01:15 +0000 UTCOddset! SJ! How very...Swedish?!
Tom G
2023-04-29 19:47:23 +0000 UTCI love this story so much because I can understand the character, their experiences and perspectives are something I commonly encounter in life so I very much so understood the gravity and message behind the chapter 6 finale. Scott's perspectives was highly impact full to me because I see him as most similar to me. Thank you for telling the story unfiltered as such. I read the pantron version because I prefer uncensored stories.
KingBronxcyc
2023-04-29 18:40:49 +0000 UTCI appreciate you changing the last chapter. I understood how it was meant to be read but a part of me wondered if that was due to me having read the original and understanding the context a little better. I don't KNOW how a broader audience may have perceived it but the way that you care so deeply about it is what I care so much about. It means a lot that you care about your characters like this and care how other ppl perceive your story
Shep Hildebrand
2023-04-29 18:11:05 +0000 UTCI hate that lance gets more screen time now. I don’t wanna see his face :( But also, baby carter is adorbs
Aniratac
2023-04-29 17:58:04 +0000 UTCYou're doing a really wonderful job telling the stories of all these very complex characters. It's hard not to worry, but your intent is very clear — chapter 6 definitely gave the vibes you were going for! We're all proud to read your work and so appreciate you sharing this glimpse into your process. Be well and take care of yourself first 🌻
Nik
2023-04-29 17:47:54 +0000 UTCI mean, I felt all sorts of emotions at the end of chapter 6 but gratuity was certainly not one of them. Will read the revised version tho to see if it makes me fee even more grossed out
Aniratac
2023-04-29 16:57:36 +0000 UTCI understand the change and I agree, I want to feel good for the next sex scenes, this one has to be clear that it is self harm
Diego P
2023-04-29 16:41:56 +0000 UTCas for your note: please take your time and take care of yourself! writing/drawing content about these topics can take a toll on people. and i think the end of the last chapter portrayed what you were trying to portray, but from one storyteller to another, i fully understand that feeling of “oh no, what if they misunderstand!” especially when you’re writing what is a ‘BL’ story which is already a very sexualized genre and therefore ripe for the opportunity of people only seeing it as erotic, even if it’s in dark context. as for this chapter: CARTER. child. you made multiple mistakes here!!! not only saying that you’re alone, but that no one know where you are AND saying your address… he hit all the marks for what NOT to say to strangers 😭
aerifia
2023-04-29 16:28:46 +0000 UTCFor almost all the pages he almost seems like a regular and caring adult, but I think you nailed it with the final pages. Very good work, as always. As for the ending of chapter 6, I think you achieved the intended goal, at least from my perspective. The empty eyes of Carter speak for themselves of what is really going on, and the way Scott tries to justify himself to watch his friend having sex is very well presented as well. With such delicate situations it is hard to find the perfect tone and presentation, but I believe your work was optimal, and you should not mortify yourself. And don't worry about us. Your health must always come first
F. Casanova
2023-04-29 16:02:36 +0000 UTCI think you handled the chapter 6 ending pretty well, and the lack of nudity did a good job of not oversexualizing what is supposed to be a demonstration of the impact of Crushes method of coping with his trauma. I appreciate you retooling it to be better understood by a broader audience, that kind of attention to detail is what makes me (and presumably others) adore the work you put out. Best of luck with your headspace, we might love the comic updates but we care about you and your wellbeing far more, so take all the time you need!
Time
2023-04-29 15:57:52 +0000 UTChanding over all the important information in existence
Yaa
2023-04-29 15:54:48 +0000 UTCI'm happy to finally be able to read more but the most important thing here is your health don't worry too much about us, we still love your work :)
Emelie Höbel
2023-04-29 15:53:33 +0000 UTCCrush - no telling strangers your address right away!
ollisnake
2023-04-29 15:53:05 +0000 UTCOkay, I agree with the other comments that the end of the last section came across to me the way you intended, but I actually want to say something else. You mention that you haven't been doing great head-health wise. I just wanted to let you know that a lot of your readers have been through similar times and all of us understand if you need to slow down and take a break at any point. Your well-being is part of why we are patrons, at least it is for me. Is there anything we can do to be helpful? It's okay if the answer is no, but just remember that we care about you and want you to be well!
Noah R.
2023-04-29 15:48:52 +0000 UTCThank you for the clarification on the scenes! Also I totally understood it as a reader. Looking forward to more content, but mental health is super important! Take care of yourself first and foremost!
Jamie Giessen
2023-04-29 15:47:42 +0000 UTCUgh, this Lance guy gives me the heebie jeebies. That means you are doing a great job portraying the type of character we all know he is. I can already feel my skin crawl with what's to come (it's uncomfortable but I am so looking forward to it - that's good storytelling).
artsy_amusing
2023-04-29 15:34:58 +0000 UTCthank you ;3;! And I'm glad when the scene already came across as I wanted! But then making extra sure does no harm XD
Yaa
2023-04-29 15:24:27 +0000 UTCalways, for every panel!
Yaa
2023-04-29 15:23:57 +0000 UTCI'm very happy when people already got it like that!! But I just wanna be very clear about my intentions in this comic and especially younger readers need a bit more simply to understand morals?.... idk how to say it without sounding like I wanna make comics for only dumb naive kids...... but I kindof learned with that scene where my trust in best faith readers ends, haha! XD
Yaa
2023-04-29 15:23:08 +0000 UTCLance deserves a punch in the face
Kenny Crager
2023-04-29 15:20:17 +0000 UTCHonestly that is the message I received from this... I won't lie, it was sexy... But also disturbing in the way you intended. Don't beat yourself up about it. The underlying phycological issues they each face, and use of unsafe sexual acts to mask/cope were evident to me. Love your work!
Patrick Highers
2023-04-29 15:15:25 +0000 UTCBefore I read the pages, I just wanted to let you know that I interpreted that whole scene as you intended. I’m sorry you’re in a poor headspace altogether, and I hope you find better space soon! 💕💕
Kenny Crager
2023-04-29 15:15:23 +0000 UTC
