Happy Halloween + Checking In

Hi friends.

I hope you had a great weekend and have a Happy Halloween today :)

Trigger warning ED

Just wanted to keep you posted as the long form is coming but I needed to make some adjustments to the format and want to explain.

So for the last week or so I’ve been having a sort of health crisis. I say sort of cos I don’t know what is wrong exactly. I have an apt this Tuesday for blood work and Thursday to see my dr. Hoping I will get some answers or at least pointed in the right direction. The not knowing what is going on is causing me to have pretty intense anxiety attacks.

Since the summer I’ve been experiencing a lot more stress than usual. My grandfather’s illness and passing, family stress, the toll traveling takes, feeling behind on work and the constant catch up game. (Should clarify when I say work I don’t mean it in a laborious way, I love what I am able to call my work and it bring me great joy.)

About a week ago I had a really sad and stressful situation with my son. He is ok! It wasn’t anything dangerous with him, just a really sad situation and it was what feels might have been the straw that finally broke.

Since the summer I have been struggling to take care of myself. Specifically feed myself. The stress the traveling, the schedule- it all added up and I was skipping meals which turned into having less appetite. Before I knew it I was having a hard time getting enough calories, I lost a little weight, and now I’m working on recovering from a stress induced eating disorder.

My eating has always fluctuated at times such as: when I start a new job, when a big change happens, when I travel, relationships (getting into and out of relationships). So I figured it would correct itself like it always does after about a week. But this time it’s gotten worse and worse. I think being isolated plays a huge part too. For whatever reason I don’t feel as hungry when I’m alone.

I’m now tracking everything I eat and making sure I get enough calories. I’m dedicated to breaking out of that downward spiral. And I’m working with my dr and looking for a naturopathic dr as well. Health is wealth and I’m happy to say I’ve had some “breakthroughs” in the last few days and even last night; a deeper connection to the importance of caring for myself. Also just to mention, my bmi and weight is all in the “normal” range so I’m not underweight- though with some time it might have been headed there.

So last week, after the super sad and stressful thing happened that caused me to break down that day I developed these issues with my circulation and it hasn’t gone away. I’m not in any pain, but I’m having almost daily anxiety attacks cos I can see and feel something is different and doesn’t seem like a good thing. I don’t know it this is from stress, or a vitamin deficiency, or what. It’s really hard to say but I’m freaked out and really struggle when I get hit with the fear of not knowing.

All that said, it’s hard for me to stand or sit for long periods of time at the moment. So the long form has been something I’ve been putting off till I can stand for the time. And also for when I feel less stressed and in-my-head about it.

Laughing a little cos I have a long form series I really want to get started, but I think the next one will be a standing pov long form (as in my usual style and not laying down). I know it’s probably confusing cos I need to stand for those too, but its easier to start and stop should I need to with the standing pov/regular style, and also my arms are typically raised in that position which feels much better, vs the laying down where my arms are more directed downward.

I know you care about my health (mental, physical, emotional) and I care about you. These sessions mean a lot to me. You mean a lot to me. I don’t want to let anyone down. I also don’t want to complain to you about my problems lol. Or make anyone feel sorry for me. I guess I just put off taking care of myself and didn’t notice how bad it was - my body is sending me a wake up call here.

Woof thanks for reading. If you have any Qs I am happy to answer. I’m not rushing or forcing things but I’m still creating because I love it and it means a lot to me. Now that I have the “standing long form” session idea I’m feeling a lot more ease about it. :) So things are coming. I’ve got the dynamic thought book and pages written up to share with you, and other ideas.

Thank you for patience with me when I need it. I really can’t express my gratitude enough. You are earth angels in my eyes, and I would bet the eyes of many in your lives.

Sending you big hugs and love with a heart full of gratitude and warmth.

Xoxoxo

Jillian