XaiJu
sherwoodwhisper
sherwoodwhisper

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One more time

I doubt it's that difficult to everyone else. Feeling broken beyond repair is awful. Being thrown back is a valid excuse but... failing all my life at basics, no matter how much I practice, I can't help but feel I have no physical way of growing better. Maybe that's it. Maybe doodling ponies is my lifetime cap. It's not the only thing I do, of course. But I would never dare upload my miserable attempts at human anatomy or architecture... Maybe I do want too much. Maybe entering top-1-million artists who can actually draw something and not feel ashamed of it is an insolent wish no genie would grant. I know I'm annoying with my whining. But, you know... on my end it's not an episode, it's a tragedy of a life as a failure. Of witnessing every bit of love and care and support I ever got going to waste no matter how hard I struggle. As if I was a scripted character and my book is long finished. Pointless attempts to change the letters that spell out my destiny drives me nuts. 

Eri's story is different but... yeah, she is my mirror character. Another soul failing at her best attempts. And even when succeeding, knowing it was a borrowed skill. A bit of luck and a huge chunk of copying what already exists. Moving rocks... Humiliating.

Annual venting, sorry. Keep browsing.

One more time

Comments

These are just a few rendering tricks. I need construction, perspective and anatomy. Hatching and outlining is just a cherry on the cake. And all I have is a plate with a lonely cherry. The colossal gap between these skills of mine make me look even sillier. Competent artists probably notice right away how refined is this "mechanical skill" of mine and how it doesn't fit the rest. As if I never did anything but hatching. But I did! I spent so much time on all the variety of basics and overall progress! "But I dreamed about an island, and all I've got's a bucket of sand..." (c) E. John.

Well, don't confuse what I consider excellent and what I consider sufficient. Surely I'd love to have the skills of Aaron Blaise or Don Bluth. It's not like I want to be a copy of someone else. But rather all artists of decent skill have these basics that are way too simple to fail. So when I fail them I feel like junk. I make 1 tiny step away from what I repeated a 100 times and I fail. Art becomes chains that deny me any changes from what already exists. It shouldn't work like that. Shouldn't I be able to create anything at all and it would be different, not wrong? The universe says "nope". It's difficult to explain... You probably drive. Imagine you need to make a turn that you never did before. You always did 90 degrees but now you need to do 180. You know what to do. You turn the wheel and... boom! The car turns upside down and catches fire. Why? I dunno, I guess you had to repeat that 180-turn 10,000 times to be able to perform it without exploding. Why would it explode?! Dunno. Just does. That's how ridiculous my situation is. You don't want to be Michael Schumacher. You just want what SHOULD work to work without fail. I don't ask the universe to make me Don Bluth overnight. Even though I'm sure after 30 years he was a million times better than what I am now. I just need some, any way I could go forward. Not hit an invisible wall that makes no sense. Hey, maybe I'm crazy, who knows... Maybe I imagine myself drawing when I'm actually scratching a wall with my fingers. I just don't see how investing even more time would work. I would take 5 years to learn each basic shape. I can't afford to go that slowly. Nobody else does. Maybe what I'm saying doesn't make sense. Sorry...

I still absolutely ADORE your art. It’s always hard to be content with your own creations, but really, your skill is amazing. Few people can produce such clean, flawless pencil work, and the threedimensionality and expressions are spot on as well. I think for humans or architecture, you’d just need a teacher who points out a couple areas to improve upon (if any, I haven’t seen those drawings after all) and I’m pretty sure you’d get over your problems with those easily as well. You definitely have the eye and “mechanical skill”.

Runoratsu

What's an example of art that you see as excellent? What piece of art do you hope to replicate in terms of quality?

Tradley


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