I doubt it's that difficult to everyone else. Feeling broken beyond repair is awful. Being thrown back is a valid excuse but... failing all my life at basics, no matter how much I practice, I can't help but feel I have no physical way of growing better. Maybe that's it. Maybe doodling ponies is my lifetime cap. It's not the only thing I do, of course. But I would never dare upload my miserable attempts at human anatomy or architecture... Maybe I do want too much. Maybe entering top-1-million artists who can actually draw something and not feel ashamed of it is an insolent wish no genie would grant. I know I'm annoying with my whining. But, you know... on my end it's not an episode, it's a tragedy of a life as a failure. Of witnessing every bit of love and care and support I ever got going to waste no matter how hard I struggle. As if I was a scripted character and my book is long finished. Pointless attempts to change the letters that spell out my destiny drives me nuts.
Eri's story is different but... yeah, she is my mirror character. Another soul failing at her best attempts. And even when succeeding, knowing it was a borrowed skill. A bit of luck and a huge chunk of copying what already exists. Moving rocks... Humiliating.
Annual venting, sorry. Keep browsing.
Runoratsu
2023-04-29 07:59:46 +0000 UTCTradley
2023-04-29 05:59:12 +0000 UTC