226: The Demons Within

Hours had passed since Vir, Cirayus, and Shan left Saunak’s tower. They’d each found the least uncomfortable positions atop the Automaton’s right shoulder. Cirayus stood, while Shan and Vir sat on its hard Imperium metal armor.

Unfortunately, Saunak hadn’t had time to retrofit the seats and cushions he’d mounted to his older unit, and as Vir soon found out, Imperium Metal did little to dampen vibrations.

Still, the journey was quite pleasant, all things considered. Or it would’ve been, were it not for the awkward silence that had settled upon the two.

Shan, sensing the rising tension, had sulked over to the Automaton’s neck and had snuggled up against it, out of the way. As if announcing he wanted no part of what was to come.

The only speech that came between them was when Cirayus called out direction changes to their path as Vir led them deeper into the Ash.

They hadn’t discussed their destination, nor even their plans. They’d just… set out, without a single word said between them, and as the hours dragged, the thick, heavy atmosphere only grew more and more oppressive between them.

Several times, Vir’s thoughts drifted off to Maiya. To the horrific scene he’d witnessed in the Ink of Clarity.

What’s she gotten herself into? Is she safe? If only I could help…

Vir shook off the thought, forcing himself back to the moment. They were moving rapidly through some of the deepest, most dangerous parts of the Ashen Realm. Even with all their advantages, it was no place to let one’s guard down.

Yet try as he might, after spending several hours on guard, Vir’s attention began to wane. Not only was he monitoring his surroundings, but he had to course-correct the Automaton frequently, which required precise prana inputs.

“Lad, I told you to turn slightly right, not left!”

Vir cursed under his breath and corrected.

“How about we rest here?” Cirayus suggested, somewhat stiffly.

Vir flanked up at the giant, but he refused to meet Vir’s gaze.

“Over there,” Cirayus said, pointing to a small valley nestled between the mountains they wove through. “It’ll be hard for anything to sneak up on us with all that open ground. Let’s make camp there.”

Cirayus moved in to scoop Vir up, but paused, awkwardly scratching the back of his head. “Er, maybe we oughta do this the normal way,” he said, jumping off.

Shan jumped onto Vir’s back, and together they followed. Cirayus fell gracefully, while Vir’s was less so, but they both made it down to the hard obsidian rock, covered over by soot.

The valley they stood might once have been a magma flow for the nearby volcanoes, but as with all else in this realm, it, too, was covered in innumerable layers of Ash.

Thanks to Balancer, Cirayus made short work of collecting firewood from the trees at the edge of the valley, and soon they had a small fire going. Enough to roast some oversized vegetables, but still small enough to stay hidden within the pit Vir had dug into the ash. Vir knew just how far fire light traveled—he’d made the pit to ensure no light leaked out.

Without the task of scanning for threats to occupy him, the thoughts threatening to overcome Vir finally burst through the dam he’d erected.

He lied to me! He lied! All those demons…

The thoughts felt childish even as he heard them echo in his head. And yet, the knot that formed in his chest refused to go away.

“I once had a student,” Cirayus said softly. “Prodigy, really. A Bairan girl by the name of Amlana. A giant, and strong, too. Talented, and she worked herself to the bone like you. Well,” Cirayus hesitated. “Maybe not as extreme as you. I trained her personally.”

Vir remained silent, staring into the fire. He supposed there was some lesson Cirayus was hoping to impart with this tale. In any other situation, Vir would’ve been interested in hearing it. Right now, though? He couldn’t feel it was anything other than a hollow attempt to cheer him up. Or worse—to justify his own lie.

He should be apologizing to me. Not narrating some tale from his past.

“Thing was, her parents… they were even more accomplished, you see. Renowned warriors, both of them. Expected great things from their daughter. Expected her to surpass them. To win in the Bairan Tournament the very first time she entered.”

Cirayus paused, but continued when Vir didn’t reply. “The thing about pressure is, while everyone responds differently, there is always a limit. Amlana? Well, unbeknownst to me, they trained her in secret. Above and beyond my own sessions. They pushed her hard. Too hard, and… she broke.”

Vir expected Cirayus to go on, but he didn’t, simply staring down into the fire like Vir. He looked so sad. So… old.

“What happened?” Vir asked, hoping Cirayus would continue. Hoping it’d help wipe that look of grief.

“She won the first round. And the second, but she’d pushed both her body and mind far too hard training her. In her third fight, she grew desperate. Her strikes grew wild, her timing off.”

“So… she lost.”

“The match, and her life.”

“She died?” Vir asked in surprise. “Does that happen often in that tournament?”

“Not often, but it’s not unheard of. To be honest, I can’t even bear a grudge against her opponent. He acted more in self defense than anything hostile. The way she snapped, lad… She was a different person in that fight. Possessed.”

“I’m… sorry,” Vir said softly.

“This was a tale of two centuries ago. Since then, I’ve trained hundreds, lad. Every demon has their breaking point. Every demon has their limits, both mental and physical. And, like the body, one does not expand those limits by breaking every bone in your body. The mind can be stretched, yes, but when taken too far, it shatters. Every. Single. Time. Few ever recover.”

“You’re saying I couldn’t handle the truth,” Vir said.

“Aye, that is exactly what I am saying. Your body nearly succumbed, acclimating to the Ash, and your mind had plenty duress already. You’d left behind the world you knew. You’d left behind the one you loved. And you were only just beginning to accept your status as the last Gargan Prince. Tell me true, lad. How would you have reacted if I told you then that the Chitrans united the entire Demon Realm against you? That they committed genocide against your clan, all to kill you?”

Vir opened his mouth to retort, but the words didn’t come. After all, hadn’t he nearly shirked the weight of all that Cirayus had told him back then? Hadn’t he felt he owed no loyalty to the Demon Realm? How this was all Cirayus’ wish, and how Vir wanted no part in this destiny?

“I might have run away,” Vir admitted, lowering his head in shame. “Honestly, I don’t know what I’d have done. I’d have panicked, probably.”

“You’re a kind soul, lad. Seeing you visibly distraught over the deaths of your parents and retainers tore me to pieces. You are our final hope, Prince Sarvaak. You are more precious than any demon in the entire realm. I knew I could not tell you this then. I could not risk it. Not until you were ready.”

“And when would that be, Cirayus? If it wasn’t for Saunak, I still wouldn’t know! Were you planning on waiting until we left the Ash? Were you going to wait until some demon mentioned it in passing?”

Cirayus’ face filled with shame. “Alas, that… was my blunder. I knew, after you came back from Mahādi. I knew you weren’t the same boy who’d just left. Your demeanor. Your power. I knew then you were ready. I should have told you under the tree. And yet I didn’t.”

Vir was about to ask why, but Cirayus preempted him.

“Because, it seems, even after four centuries of life, this old demon can’t help but try and protect those he loves,” Cirayus said, smiling wryly as a lone tear fell down his cheek. “The Gods know I’ve done a piss-poor job of it.

“When you fell through that Ash Gate, I nearly lost myself. I hadn’t felt such pure, crushing terror in, well, in centuries. The thought of losing you… And then you returned, safe and sound. My relief was the equal of my worry. I thanked all the gods for delivering you to me. I swore I would do better. I simply couldn’t bring myself to burden you with the truth. Not then. Not at that moment.”

Vir bit his lip. His feelings of indignation still raged within him, but they were overwhelmed by a wave of another, far more potent feeling. Empathy.

Hadn’t Cirayus sacrificed nearly two decades of his own life for him? Hadn’t he lost several of his family in the war against the other clans? Vir knew he was still grieving for them. That the scar of their loss still hadn’t healed.

What am I to him?

“You… think of me as one of your own, don’t you?” Vir asked.

Cirayus met his gaze, his face a mixture of anguish, pride, and determination. “Lad, I hold you more dear than my own sons.”

The response was immediate, and without a shred of uncertainty, leaving Vir at a loss for what to say.

What could he say? That Cirayus ought to have respected Vir’s mental fortitude more? That was Ash’va dung, and Vir knew it. His godfather was only thinking of his own wellbeing, and what’s more, he had ample qualification in that domain to back it up. This wasn’t just some old doting parent being overprotective of their child. Cirayus had used consulted his centuries of experience and judged that telling Vir would’ve done more harm than good.

Yes, he could’ve told him before they’d met Saunak… but could Vir really hold that against him?

Of course not. Not after all he’s done.

“I… understand,” Vir said at last. “Why you did what you did. I get it. It’d be a lie to say I’m not a little angry, but I figure that’s nothing I can’t work out with a fight or two.”

Seeing Vir’s grin, the tension seemed to dissipate from Cirayus. His shoulders slackened, and his expression turned from one of worry to that of gratitude.

Not the gratitude a retainer would have of being forgiven by their master, but that of a loved one.

And yet, Cirayus’ feelings were only one part of the puzzle. Seeing Vir’s mood darken once again, the giant laid a hand on his shoulder.

“But?” he asked gently.

“But… It doesn’t change the facts. Saunak was right, Cirayus. It wasn’t just the Chitrans I need to watch out for. They allied all the clans to kill me. What awaits me in the Demon Realm, if not a world full of people who’d love nothing more than to murder me in cold blood?”

“Which is why we’ll disguise you, lad.”

“That’s not the point. I mean, how am I supposed to unite demonkind—grak, how am I supposed to even help my clan when everyone hates my existence? Forget the Chitrans. The Aindri, the Panav, the Iksana, the Bairans… and even Garga. Yes. The Garga. If this is all true, they lost their independence because of me. And where have I been, all these years? Missing. Presumed dead. What happens when I announce myself to the world, Cirayus? You think they’ll welcome me with open arms? No. They’ll scorn me. They’ll ask where I’ve been, and why I didn’t save them earlier. They’ll hate me more than the other clans.”

Cirayus had remained silent through Vir’s tirade, and when he spoke, it wasn’t in the argumentative tone Vir had expected.

“And you know all of this, do you?” Cirayus said softly.

Vir scowled. “It’s what I’d feel if I were in their shoes. Grak, it’s what I feel even now. A part of me hates myself for having abandoned them. Even knowing that I had no knowledge of who I really was. That I couldn’t possibly have known. And even if I had, I couldn’t have done anything about it. They won’t see it that way. They won’t care. Y’know? My old instructor taught me that excuses never bring back the dead. He was wrong about a lot of things… but he got that right, at least.”

“Aye. Excuses and apologies won’t bring back the dead, lad. Would that it could. Truly, I’d never have guessed that someone of your years would see reality with such clarity. I’d once feared that you’d react in the opposite way—full of entitlement because of your status as Prince. As the Akh Nara. You are right that some will fear you, lad. Some will, unfortunately, hate you. But what I said to you under that tree remains as true now as it did on that day. The Gargans have been downtrodden, and a people can remain angry only for so long. Especially when they are subjected to tyranny, as I fear they will be.”

“You’re saying they’ll just forget about it all?”

Cirayus shook his head. “Not forget, no. But they’ll be yearning for a return to better days, lad. Mark my words. They’ll be desperate to cling onto whatever thread of hope they can find.”

“You sound so sure…” Vir said. “How do you know? You haven’t even seen what things are like.”

Cirayus laughed sadly. “I’ve seen a lot of war in my life. As well as what comes after. Demons never change.”

He said no more, but he didn’t have to. Vir didn’t want to imagine the horrors he’d been through, to have gained such insight into such matters.

“Even if what you say is true, what about the other clans? My own father couldn’t fight them off, and he had the backing of Garga at full strength. He also had Aspect of the Demon God, and I’m guessing other tattoos as well.”

It feels so impossible.

“One brick at a time, lad. First, we make the Demon Realm. Once there, you may gauge the situation for yourself. Then, we can chip away. No city was built in a day. No kingdom in a year. No realm in a decade. The only question is, what will you do now? Will you make for the Demon Realm? Or do you wish to spend more time in here, training?”

Vir stared deeply into the fire, feeling its heat, but it didn’t reach his body. He felt empty inside. Cold. All he saw were the lives of all those who’d perished for his sake.

He knew it was bad to feel this way. It wasn’t as if he asked those people to die for him. He’d been an infant. And yet, that knowledge did nothing to erase the fact that so many had perished. Thousands? Tens of thousands?

“No,” Vir replied.

“No? You mean to abandon your people?” Cirayus asked, concern, and a bit of sadness in his voice. “After what you said?”

Vir glared at him. “You have no right to force me into this,” he said. “But that wasn’t what I meant. I’m not strong enough. Not nearly.”

Clenching his fists, Vir saw the Ash prana roaring through his body. It was so thick—eighty times denser than when he’d first arrived. It wasn’t enough.

“We train. We train like we never have. Because if I’m to take on the entire Demon Realm, I need to be stronger. Strong enough… to defeat you,” Vir said, pointing a finger at Cirayus. “Chakras, combat technique, prana manipulation… I want it all. And then, once that’s done,” Vir pointed to the sitting demon, “you’ll honor your promise.”

“Promise?” Cirayus asked, raising a brow.

“You promised to duel me when I was ready. I’m not yet ready. But one day soon, I will be. And when I am, we fight.”

The giant cracked his neck and grinned. “Aye, lad, we will. We certainly will.”

Vir braced himself for the trials ahead. He couldn’t say what his future held. Likely pain, suffering, and many, many battles. But come what may, he’d brave it. He’d be reforged in the flames of this realm, and when he finally emerged, he’ll have gained something precious.

The strength to protect everything.