Take me back to the start
Added 2022-09-10 14:30:28 +0000 UTCI was in love once, long ago. It was tumultuous, passionate, toxic. If I had only known about attachment theory back then...him avoidant/dismissive, myself anxious/preoccupied.
He had a pattern. Infatuation and lust, then he would grow distant, I would question it and he would break it off. I would spend a couple months devasted and heartbroken, then just as I was starting to scrape myself back off the ground he would reappear. And apologize and profess his love again. I fell back in every time.
He did this 7 times. I let him do this to me 7 times.
I was working at a bodega in Detroit, the very place I first met him. One day, months after a split, he appeared in the shop again. My stomach dropped as he walked in the door. He leaned against the wooden platform that sat in the windows, backlit and hazy. He said he was in a coffee shop and heard that song. I came up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry, you don't know how lovely you are. I had to find you, tell you I need you...tell you I set you apart.
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start
The last time was this day 5 years ago.
Comments
Funny coincidence. I'm anxious/preoccupied, and my last relationship (several of them, truth be told) was with an avoidant/dismissive (though my therapist suspects it's a bit more than that, leaning into the 'ole Axis B personality disorder territory...I don't want to spout any overused terms, though; her diagnosis isn't my business anymore). She told me two years ago last night that "this is finished", after having not spoken to me for 10 days. She waited until the day before my therapy appointment, because she's such a champ. Can't say I hadn't seen it coming, but that didn't cushion the blow much, if at all. Haven't been with anyone since, and frankly still a bit slow to decide if I'm ready, though the pangs don't get much better. Therapy has been good. Lexapro is a hell of a drug. Anyway, thank you for sharing. Happy anniversary to us! Cheers!
Patrick Delaney
2022-09-11 10:53:58 +0000 UTCWe’re complex creatures, we humans. Sometimes it seems like we can’t do another day, sometimes we stand with the fullness of hope and enthusiasm for the future. It seems like the shitty times happen to provide a contrast with the magical times, and sometimes the magic times become the shitty times. Thank you for sharing, Erin, I’m cheering you on from afar.
Matt Austin
2022-09-10 23:00:11 +0000 UTC
