Personal Post

For weeks (almost months) I haven't written a personal post. The stress just blocks my ability to share… Another part that blocks me is the fear it might be too negative, too critical, too personal, too complex, too…. This blockage might just indicate me being overworked… Whatever it is, yesterday night I was watching Brené Brown’s show on Netflix about Courage and Vulnerability* and this gave me the motivation to try to share about what was going on inside of me. To step out of my comfort zone and address problems….one core message from Brené’s lecture that struck me, was the benefit of jumping in the “arena” ( full quote at the end of this post).

Choose to have difficult conversations.

Choose to be bold and out there.

Choose vulnerability.

To step up & be prepared to fail and my ass being kicked from time to time, but rewarded with true possibilities to learn and grow.

To pioneer through courage.

To propel change and progress into the world.

Doing S+ Festivals in these times was courageous but also meant a constant brainfuck... Navigating between too much and too little rules, the opinion of others, the constantly changing legal aspects, writing hygiene concepts, ...even dealing with some police investigations who were led under false accusations! Between the second and third event, I realized I overestimated myself: the pressure and responsibility to open up such spaces during an ongoing Pandemic was affecting my mental health. The wish to hide, to hide under a blanket, to just lay in bed, masturbate and watch Netflix, became very pressing. However, I still had my biggest event yet still coming up … so I pushed through, neglecting self-care…

When I started my Events in the beginning of July it was more an experiment and the wish to offer the s+ community a place to meet and slowly reconnect.

Through these first experiments, I became aware that self-responsibility and self-expression during a Pandemic are complex. The shared responsibility as a group and also the responsibility towards our society, in general, is something that is modelled by the Organizers. Peer pressure is inevitably created, the fear of missing out is real - especially in these times - and combined with skin-hunger, loneliness and mental impact, it can lead to lowering or not respecting your risk assessment and boundaries, as well as those of others... When these aspects are not addressed clearly, It can lead to risks not only for the involved individuals but for whole communities and possibly the society.

I am happy I tried it under these special conditions but I am also glad it’s over and I do feel still overwhelmed and didn’t have time to process all these emotions and the fact that it could have gone wrong - or would have to face severe legal consequences…

However, I do realize more than ever that people truly need community events to nurture connection and togetherness. I believe we can’t give up on organising sex-positive spaces, but we have to learn our lessons we gather from this as quick as possible to implement them in future community events. Yet, if we watch current infection data, this second wave might be even worse, and makes me personally think we should try to focus on s+ spaces where we share and talk about sex-positive topics and find common grounds currently on a more theoretical level.

Currently I am still fighting with myself to process and learn from it…. not losing myself in the netflix imaginäry world or falling victim to fear … and try to focus on how to make plans while still having this very uncertain and confusing future….

In the meantimeI I'll be publishing more content again on Patreon and Onlyfans so if you want to support me have a look on www.patreon.com/janina_vivianne

* https://www.netflix.com/title/81010166

The nice Quote mentioned in the Movie: “Call to Courage”

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt, the Man in the Arena. //