The Truth About Captain Marvel 2 Casting Henry Cavill (VIDEO SCRIPT)

*Huffs* Guys... Come on...

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Readers, have you ever just looked at something and just knew straight off the top thanks to your own personal level of common sense that it was incredibly stupid

Only to turn around to see just...a SLEW of people who saw the same exact stupidity that YOU JUST WITNESSED and think that same stupidity had an ounce of legitimacy to it?

Y’know, something that just makes you wanna look at the rest of humanity and ask “Why are y’all like this?”

Well, I felt this way, when over the course of 2020’s leap year weekend I saw “news reports” regarding a rumor about Superman and Witcher star Henry Cavill being tapped on the shoulder to not only star in Marvel Studios’ upcoming phase 5 Captain Marvel Studio

/But that along with Rogue apparently, it will apparently be the movie that’ll introduce mutants into the MCU. And that the one he’ll be playing is everyone else’s favorite cigar smokin’ knuckle-bladed bub, Wolverine./

*Takes a minute before huffing with a distressed look on his face* I’m so tired...

So if you’re wondering why I’m currently channeling my inner Squidward, it’s rather simple.

Now, I completely understand that this is a rumor. And like most rumors -- especially when it comes to superhero movies -- they should be taken with a grain of salt. Especially when the sources of said rumor come from people or places that have been constantly wrong in the past.

But at the end of the day -- regardless of if it was reliable -- those grains of salt in question had to have came from somewhere.

This grain of salt however seemed to have just...manifested from the ether, because I guarantee you that only like...3 people on the face of this plane knew where to look for this thing!

So (clasps hands) here’s a quick summary of the REVERSE journey this rumor went on to get to where it is now.

*Takes a breath as if he’s about to give a lengthy explanation* CosmicBook.News

More specifically, CosmicBook.News citing a video made based on an “article” on a gossip site called Just Jared I guess?

And I put the word “article” in quotes, *begins to laugh* because the thing is only like, less than 200 words long. WHAT???

THAT website’s reference is ANOTHER website called “The Digital Weekly, and I legit believe I lost brain cells trying to read it

You wanna know how badly this article was formed? Well, are you a fan of Game Grumps, Readers?

Do you remember the article Danny read out loud called “Does Bruno Mars Is Gay?”

Picture THAT...but written slightly better.

Don’t believe me? Here’s an excerpt.

/Henry Cavill To Play Wolverine In Brie Larson’s Captain Marvel 2? Breakdown Of The Viral Rumor/

I just want the record to show that what I just said is also the TITLE of the article. So this was ACTUALLY written twice.

/Sources have claimed that Henry Cavill is in talks to play the role of Wolverine in Brie Larson’s Captain Marvel 2. It is rumored that Cavill will be introduced as Wolverine at the MCU./

AT the MCU. Jesus...

/Marvel, since acquiring Fox Studios, was looking for a way to add some X-MEN characters into the MCU. Marvel acquired all the rights to X-MEN after buying Fox, chomping them a bit to introduce the MCU./

*Nodding with smile on my face* CHOMPING. *Takes a deep breath*

Now more than likely, considering what I just...read

The only reason I assume why this ridiculousness was allowed to go on as far as it has is because someone made a video on this article which was later cited by CosmicNews.Net. The most RELIABLE source of comic book movie information. Right up there with Heroic Hollywood; just the best.

Oh, what’s that? You’re wondering who made the video? Oh, I can tell you. It was a racist, sexist homophobic ComicsGate neckbearded fuckhead (pauses). So there’s that.

Now, in order to give myself at least SOME faith in humanity, I had to take into consideration how people were initially reacting to this rumor.

And from what I’ve seen, the majority of the people who were reacting to it were pretty much talking about Cavill’s height because they’d prefer the MCU version of Logan actually be 5’3” like he is in the comics

And if you’re having trouble picturing someone 5’3”, think Kevin Hart, but white, Canadian and less homophobic.

As far as THIS is concerned, while I understand that not EVERY superhero movie rumor has to have a legit source or insider behind it in order for people to wonder about its legitimacy

It just pays to do a bit of digging to see if entertaining the thing is even worth your time.

For example. I’m about to start a rumor right now. Idris Elba will portray Blue Marvel in Phase 17 of the MCU.

Yep. Signed the contract and everything. Filming will start after the premature heat death of the planet *laughs*

But I digress, Readers; your homework assignment for the day

Write in the comment section below how long you entertained the rumor of Henry Cavill playing Wolverine in Captain Marvel 2 if you heard about it over the weekend.

Or, if you feel like sharing with the rest of the class, if this was your first time hearing about it, what you did during the weekend instead?

Did you get some grocery shopping done? Eat your body weight in nachos? Be careful doing that, though; that much cheese’ll kill ya.

Then again, we’re here for a GOOD time, not a LONG time. So, whatever. Do you, boo-boo