Avengers: Endgame - Teaser Trailer (VIDEO SCRIPT)

(Stops video. Pauses. Deep and exasperated sigh)

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Readers, before I start today’s Readus Reacts, I just have to ask one thing. How many of us called it?

No, no, no, I’m not talking about the fact this trailer only consists of like, 3 scenes; I’m talking about the bitch actually being called ENDGAME

Dude. Do you know how many times people were properly guesstimating that the subtitle was Endgame?

I can. Because I was amongst them. And I don’t even care about the shit like y’all.

And what makes this even funnier, is that the reason why some of y’all second-guessed yourselves, is that the directors said that you were wrong.

How do I know this? /Because during late spring of 2018, the cinematographer of Avengers 4 -- along with various other Marvel Studios projects -- was being a bit proactive with his personal website and updated it to say that he did work on the fourth Avengers movie, called ENDGAME/ Avengers 4 - Comicbook

/It wasn’t until the following month that during an interview that the Russo’s had with Uproxx that they said that not only has the subtitle for Avengers 4 NOT been said in Infinity War, but that it was stated its rooted in the narrative that - and I quote - “we have been following throughout the MCU.”/ Avengers 4 - Comicbook

So while technically they DID tell the truth...they also lied at the same time. And they just thought that shit was just gonna cancel each other out?

Because I don’t know about you, but the roots involving THIS line (We’re in the endgame now), those bitches are deep.

And not to sound like I’m better than anyone else Readers, but when it was finally revealed that I was right, I immediately became this kid looking at everyone who didn’t see Quicksilver coming. I mean dying. I mean coming.

Why? Because when it comes to denying plot points and obvious twists, I don’t believe a word that come out of directors or actors mouths

I mean, come on! How obvious was it that Marion Cotillard was gonna play Talia Al Ghul in The Dark Knight Rises, even when she stood there and lied with her WHOLE ass face that she wasn’t playing Talia

EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS

And she stood by the lie even when this picture came out! Bitch, who the fuck in Gotham you think dress like this? Vicki Vale??

But yeah, the movie -- like I figured -- is called Avengers: Endgame, and everyone for the most part is just...sad.

/Tony’s sad, though he has every right to be sad; he’s about to die stranded in space. Steve is sad, y-you can tell by the one solitary tear rolling down his cheek./

/Bruce Banner is sad because apparently there’s a rumor that in that clip he found out Betty Ross got snapped,/ which would imply that at this point there’s someone in Marvel Studios that still cares about Betty Ross

/Thor’s sad, and in retrospect, he SHOULD be; him playing with his food is kinda the reason why we’re in this mess to begin with.../

(You should’ve went for the head clip)

And I know I’m forgetting one specific character in this situation, and I’m gonna explain why.

That’s because Scott Lang is me.

Because my interpretation -- my HOT TAKE on this trailer

Is that everyone that ISN’T Scott Lang are all of the fans and casual movie-goers that’ve been following this 10-year narrative

They’re all the ones who got mad at the snappening and seeing all their favorite characters get turned to dust, even though they knew they were gonna get turned to dust...

They’re all the grown ass adults who were legit mad in the theatre when the Pym/Van Dyne family got snapped during the mid-credit scene of Ant-Man and the Wasp while their kids -- while also aware of the gravity of the situation -- were more mature and calm than THEY were (true story, by the way)

Me on the other hand -- the Scott Lang in this situation -- I’m smiling, I’m laughing, I’m enjoying life and waving hello at these fucks. I’m offering my assistance in their time of need

Because while I’ll be there watching the movie and offering my input in discussions, I am not emotionally connected to any of this shit at all, and that causes me to finely age like unproblematic white celebrities.

...Paul Rudd! Imagine that.

But, I digress Readers, your homework assignment for the day: Write in the comment section below what you thought of the teaser trailer for Avengers 4: The Russo Brothers Lied To You