🚫 INTERNET STATUS: EX-INTERNET 🚫

It brings me no joy to inform you that my internet is, officially and unequivocally... dead.
Not pining. Not resting. Not having a little lie-down.

Dead.

This is not a temporary outage. This is not a "have you tried turning it off and on again?" situation.
This is an Ex-Internet. It has ceased to be. It has shuffled off this digital coil and joined the choir invisible. It is, in short, bereft of signal, pushing up the bandwidth daisies. It is no more.

How bad is it?
So bad that I willingly and consciously spent an hour on the phone with Customer Disservices.
An hour. Speaking to a human. On purpose.
I aged. I saw things. I heard the hold music in my dreams.

That said, my plans for Quiz Night shall not be denied.
They may be delayed.
They may be rescheduled.
They may arrive wearing a slightly scorched cape and the expression of someone who’s been fighting a sentient router.

But they will happen.

You may have guessed this would happen. I do have a certain... reputation for spectacular derailment. In that respect, at least, I am terribly reliable.

Quiz Night has been moved to the 31st of July.
Please adjust your calendars, prophecies, or engraved villainous invitations accordingly.

As ever, I apologise for being an utter mess, and I thank you, from the bottom of my tangled cables, for your frankly unbelievable patience.

Now, I shall push my luck entirely and ask you to send your warmest wishes, protective spells, or small ritual offerings for the Banshee. He has been without internet for so long he has begun climbing the walls, questioning his existence, and rearranging the kitchen. He is Not Well.

More soon. Assuming I survive the next phone call.

With polite desperation,
Wayward
Breaker of Coffee Mugs, Slayer of Signal, Very Nearly a Wi-Fi Myth