π ANNOUNCEMENT FROM YOUR SUPREME OVERLORD (OF QUESTIONABLE PRIORITIES) π
Added 2025-07-20 16:18:46 +0000 UTCEsteemed Henchcuties,
A message from your ever-regretfully-in-charge Supreme Overlord of Adorable Chaos, Breaker of Coffee Mugs, Wielder of the Glitter Pen, Patron Saint of Poor Decisions, Mistress of the Unfiled Paperwork, Snugglelord of the Soft Rebellion, CEO of Mild Mayhem, Commander of the Henchcuties, She Who Forgets the Plan Mid-Sentence, Mother of Gremlins, High Duchess of Blanket Fort Strategy, and Unwilling Face of the League of Evil,
Wayward.
Let me introduce you to our latest... operatives.
Or as they refer to themselves, with great confidence and zero situational awareness:
The Wayward Tomato Corpsβ’.
At present, they remain in training. They are green.
Inexperienced.
NaΓ―ve.
Still a bit wobbly on their stalks.
They dwell in the Leagueβs Special Training Polytunnel, where they are nurtured with the utmost care, lightly threatened with PowerPoint slides, and occasionally sung to (for morale).
They believe they are destined to take over the world.
They believe they are growing strong, waiting for their moment to rise.
They believe in their mission.
They are wrong.
Their fate is far darker.
They are destined for...
DEATH.
BY.
NOM NOMS.
That is to say, I am going to eat them.
Possibly with cheese. Possibly in triumph. Possibly while crying and watching emotionally confusing television. That is between me and the fridge.
We do not tell them.
It is important they dream big before the reckoning.
Thank you for attending this highly classified horticultural briefing.
Further updates to follow.
With affection and a suspicious pair golden murder scissors,
Wayward
Mother of Tomatoes (Briefly)
P.S.
Yes, they are all different varieties.
We believe in diversity here at the League of Evil, even in our soon-to-be-snacked-upon recruits. Some are sweet. Some are sharp. One of them bit me. I respect that.
P.S.S.
Yes, this is less than half of the Corps. The others are currently engaged in top-secret stealth operations.
By which I mean they were at the back, and I am very short, and frankly I value my ankles too much to fight the tomato jungle today.
Comments
The wait for them to ripen is harrowing.
Some Random Wench
2025-07-20 17:07:10 +0000 UTCLiked the black variety, they almost looked purple.
Darren Crittall
2025-07-20 16:59:44 +0000 UTCBUT STABBY STABBY....
Some Random Wench
2025-07-20 16:32:57 +0000 UTCBut can you harvest these without stabbing them?
Bryan Bergman
2025-07-20 16:26:14 +0000 UTC
