Flavour Text - The Stationary Cupboard Incident - F4A - Romance - A Kiss We Don’t Talk About

INTERNAL MEMORANDUM
FROM: Human Resources
TO: All Staff
SUBJECT: Interpersonal Conduct and Ongoing Emotional Disruption in the Workplace

Dear Team,

It has come to our attention, once again, that unresolved emotional entanglements and rampant interpersonal tension are having a measurable impact on office productivity, hallway congestion, and general sanity.

The recent incident involving two employees being accidentally locked in the building overnight (yes, that one... the window, the chair, the vending machine, the awkwardness so thick it registered on the fire alarm) has unfortunately triggered what we in HR refer to as a "romantic contagion event". As such, we are seeing a sharp uptick in extended lunch breaks, suspiciously long meetings for "printer maintenance", and at least one person having what can only be described as a dramatic whisper-argument near the stairwell about "what happened at the Christmas party."

Let us be clear. We are not against love. What we are against is whatever this is: the pining, the denial, the slow-burn spirals taking up bandwidth meant for spreadsheets. If your feelings are so intense they’re disrupting the office Wi-Fi and making Steve from Finance cry in sympathy, it's time to get your act together.

We strongly encourage anyone currently involved in a will-they-won’t-they situation to move directly to will-they and save the rest of us from the emotional purgatory playing out at every copier and kettle.

If this epidemic of unspoken longing and hallway flirtation continues, we will be forced to initiate mandatory training on "Functioning as an Adult in Romantic Situations: A Step-by-Step Guide for the Emotionally Constipated". No one wants this. Least of all us.

We also remind you that the stationary cupboard is monitored. We are tired. Please stop.

Regards,
The HR Department