AUDIO ROLEPLAY - She Dumped You and Stole Everything, but She Left You with Me - A Fish Called Dave

When your ex is terrible, does that make you the good one by default?

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Christmas with no furniture, no fridge, and no ex? Sounds like the perfect time for me to confess my feelings, doesn’t it?

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• Event: So your ex dumped you, nicked everything but the goldfish, and left you in an apartment emptier than my patience for her. Naturally, I showed up to rescue you (and Dave… I mean, Steve) with a plan that definitely didn’t include confessing my undying love.

• Setting: Your barren, ex-cleared flat at Christmastime—equal parts tragic and comedy gold. Spoiler alert: my hoodie and my flat are way cosier.

• Mood: Equal parts sarky and heartfelt, with just enough holiday magic to warm even Steve’s little fishy heart.

• Characters: Me, your best friend, part-time saviour, and full-time master of sarcasm. You, the heartbroken listener who just realised the goldfish isn’t the only one in love with you.

• Theme: Sometimes the best Christmas presents don’t come in wrapping paper; they come in the form of a best friend who refuses to let you stay in an empty flat with a hoodie and a heart full of what-ifs.

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[F4A] A Fish Called Dave [Friends to Lovers][Best Friend Roleplay][Love Confession][Warm][Tender][Comfort and Care][Mutual Pining][Romantic][Comedy][the Sofa Saga][Vulnerability][Protective Best Friend][Playful][Awkward AF][an Empty Apartment][Being Dumped][Orange Flags][Clothing Procurement][Comfort][Dave Is Actually Steve][Christmas][There’s Something About You Staying Here in an Empty Flat That Just Doesn’t Sit Right With Me][You Know, I Didn’t Like Her Because I Wanted to Be Her. That’s the Truth][She Dumped You at Christmas and Took the Fridge? Well, I Guess You’re Stuck With My Cooking Now]