ASMR Let's talk about dating ๐
Added 2023-05-09 18:16:39 +0000 UTCThis is just fun facts about dating. All my opinions are very personal so don't take them personally and share your opinion! would love to read!
Comments
"All my opinions are very personal so don't take them personally and share your opinion! would love to read!" Nope, taking them very personally in the hopes of meeting a woman like you. :P "Please tell me that it's not okay to say that?" Nah, that's nonsense. There's charm in a coffee catchup date, sure. But outside of that skipping food is ridiculous. As for who should pay... I'm happy to pay, but I'm also happy to split if she is willing to. Or man gets the meal, lady gets the drinks. It's nice to see... willingness to be equal? Meeting in the Office? My parents met in the office, and I know a couple my age in another division at work who met there and got married this year. I like the idea, but of course if you break up, you still have to be professional with them. Body language mirroring is either a deliberate thing (which is a bit awkward), or a subconscious rapport. I sometimes notice I'm doing it and try to ignore that I'm aware of it. An exciting first date sounds interesting but there's generally only so many places in your area that would suffice. Probably depends how adventurous both parties are. And I don't really have much to say about dating other than.. commenting on your questions. Chronic depression will do that. I don't use dating apps. I probably should start. But I have read they can be a negative feedback loop and Motaz covers their issues far more eloquently than I was going to. I don't have the confidence to just walk up to women in social venues and hope I'm not interfering with their evening. And I'm rarely in social venues to even consider the attempt. I unfortunately do not have female friends outside of a few coworkers and I do not expect introductions along that angle. Oh well, life goes on. Anyway, that was an interesting piece and your neighbours were not very intrusive. Thanks :)
Just some Fish
2023-05-14 00:23:06 +0000 UTCthank you for this message :) I agree that nowdays there's a huge shift in the way we view relationships, communication and dating too... and a rather negative shift...
MissASMR
2023-05-12 10:55:46 +0000 UTCI'm neither for, nor against dating apps. I had a given it a brief try many years ago, and everyone is bound to have their unique experiences, yet I can't help not see the trickling effect of the systems they created on our psychology and attitude towards relationships.. about a month ago, I was waiting for a friend at a restaurant, and i overheard what had to be a first date at the table right next to me. The conversation seemed awkward at first as they both seemed to struggle to get a good flow going, but much later on, they seemed much more engaged in discussion, touching hands and showing affection. I went to the bathroom, and the guy on the date walked in, and before he started looking in the mirror next to me, to my surprise he whipped out his phone and had Tinder open, swiping left and right, then I went back to my table, and he went back to his a few minutes later and ended the date abruptly and called it a night, and she had this pure wtf look on her face and just like that he was moving on to the next option available to him at just the click of a button. And i think that summed up how I viewed online dating for as long as I engaged in it many years ago.. Maybe I'm a bit out of touch, but I thought that was very cruel, and i asked myself, "Is that really what dating is like now?" where we just swipe human beings left or right, discarding and approving potential mates, ghosting this one, escaping that one, ignoring, not showing up, and even disappearing suddenly a week or month into the relationship, sprinkled with hostile and inappropriate messaging here and there and interactions devoid of empathy, on this quest to lasting romance or a one night stand or a hookup or whatever?. It affected my confidence personally tbh and clouded my judgement regarding how much of myself I'm willing to give to someone, and I thought "no thank you I do not wish to subscribe to this". Not to mention I met so many people with the IQ of a raisin. I'm generally just not a fan of how the dating culture has evolved as a whole, and I feel like our psychology towards love, connection and relationships has shifted in accordance with our technologies and the systems they created, and the shitty game you gotta play in order to stand out and have any chance of success, but thats not necessarily a move for the better or in any way conducive to more satisfying relationships. I guess I also started to understand whats going on behind the scenes of Tinder and similar apps, which arrived with a simple premise, you open up the app and you're greeted with multiple options for a potential mate, a huge picture and a tiny description about Mr. God himself or Miss Scottie too Hottie right in your face, and all you had to do was swipe right if you were interested and left if you weren't, and if two people swiped right on each other. Boom, they matched and they could start a conversation Even with just this basic understanding of how dating apps work before getting into the algorithm, it shows how much we've managed to turn people into a commodity.. This swiping feature isn't much different than flipping through products of a carousel ad you might see on Facebook or Instagram.. Think about it, you're looking for someone to be intimate and vulnerable with, while being conditioned to present ourselves like a flavour of ice cream. As for the algorithm, many of those card based dating apps use a desirability score.. The more you match with people you swipe right on, the more desirable you're considered, and the app then pushes your profile to more people.. This process has little to do with making a match. The real goal is to keep people on the platform by dangling desirable individuals in front of them.. The more attractive people you see, the more likely you are to feel hope that "the one" is somewhere out there and you won't delete the app. It's similar to how lotteries lure you in with bigger jackpots. Even though the odds are still next to Impossible, the increasing pile of money keeps you hopeful, when despair should really be the more appropriate response. When someone ranks higher, it doesn't make them more likely to be good in a relationship. It just means that the people found them attractive based on superficial criteria. Putting more of these people in your set of cards does nothing to increase your odds of finding love, it just increases the odds of you staying on the platform.. Those with lower scores are shown less often, which gives them two options: either give up or pay to have their profile boosted.. This common feature among the apps exploits people who don't present well for a profit.. Being able to boost your profile just gets you back to a more level playing field that you shouldn't have been denied in the first place. So i guess the worst thing about it all is that we're ultimately commodifying love, and that can change the way we view it, expect it, experience it and even the way we give it. When we're attracted to someone our brain releases dopamine as a reward response.. Online dating apps train us to constantly seek this dopamine hit from attraction or lust when we're with someone from whom we're no longer getting the desired level of attraction. We know it can easily be found on an app in our pocket, and all we have to do is ghost, deceive, or abruptly break up with someone in order to get it again, because even just looking at an attractive person on your app will give you a hit of dopamine, making loyalty to a lover much less appealing.. You get hooked into a reward cycle and it becomes addictive, and just like you get some joy from a like on a social media post, you get a hit of dopamine from a match on Tinder. It keeps you coming back even if you have found someone worth keeping Most of us have been with someone we loved, and still questioned whether there was someone better out there? .. Apps like Tinder exploit this feeling.. They overwhelm you with choice, making you feel like you're never making the right one, and so you move on back to the phone, back to the dopamine hits so readily available, and as you go on dates and start relationships the app is always dangling that shinier object or human being right in front of you, because it was that easy in the first place. So as far as im concerned, to end my rant, if there isnt at least a minimum level of familiarity or shared experience with a person, or factors that make you choose that specific person prior to dating, other than "we were matched by an app", chances of it lasting are relatively low.
Motaz
2023-05-11 14:25:00 +0000 UTC
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