Personal Archive (I wrote this 6 years ago)

After the General Meeting (pictured above) the rest of my first day in Elan blended into a gray haze. I guess that is how your mind reacts when put into an environment so foreign and strange. It just seemed to shut-off, as if its only goal was the self-preservation of my sanity. I never thought a place like The Elan School was even possible.

I went to sleep in the "dorms" with my Big Brother still inches away from me. My plan was to fake sleep to see if there was a chance to slip through the house's security net. But even at 3am, I could hear my BB scribbling away on a notepad. At one point he even whispered to me "I know you're awake, its okay, every new resident tries that trick".

I had a dream I was at home with my high school friends and my parents and Elan was the figment of my imagination. Until I woke up, or better yet, was woken up. Every morning in Elan, at 8am, someone comes into your dorm, of six, and screams HOUSE WAKE UP at the top of their lungs.

Upon awakening, my Big Brother was already by my bed as if he had never left.

Between 8am and 9am:

• I had to make my bed, in a very particular way, with the corners set into "hospital corners" and so tight that a coin would bounce on the sheet. This was very difficult because the beds were military bunker style and there was no real place to tuck things.
• I had to go into the bathroom and I only was allowed one trip, to brush my teeth, wash my face, shave (not optional), use the bathroom, etc... This was with 30 other guys and lines for the 3 sinks, 3 toilets. I had to shower the night before, in under 3 minutes, timed. Showering in the morning was considered a privilege to be earned.
• I was given a "bed-box" which was about 4 inches deep, about a foot long, and 6 inches wide (like 2 shoe boxes end-to-end). Everything I owned had to fit inside of it. Everything else had to be thrown away. And the bed-box had to be organized every day.
• I had a drawer. One drawer. All of my clothes had to be rolled up as tight as possible. This was okay because all of my clothes had been confiscated by staff as being against code. They said they showed too much of an "image" and so I was given multiple yellow shirts and pink shorts to wear.
• Each dorm had to be swept, dusted, beds moved from one side of the room to the other, mopped. Cleaned. Spotlessly.

The mornings in the dorms were insane, from the moment HOUSE WAKE UP was screamed everyone would be up frantically dressing, moving, organizing, running to the bathroom, all like chickens with their heads cut off. I was lucky because I had my Big Brother to help me, everyone else was on their own.

At 8:55 we all had to be lined up in front of the door to the hallway. At 9am someone yelled HOUSE IN THE DINING ROOM and we all marched into the dining room AKA "the floor". Someone was already screaming at us as we entered the room. "Dan move faster!" "Mike, sit down." "Carrie, stop talking to Christy, I don't care Christy, shut-it!"

We all sat, completely still, facing forward, so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Only then was "Headcounts" read. All of our names were read off one by one and you had to say "here". This was another piece of information I filed into the "security" folder in my mind. For me, running away from Elan was not an option, it was the ONLY option. By the end of the day, Headcounts were read around 12 times.

On each table was 2 small cereal boxes, 2 milks, and silverware. The resident who was addressing the house told us that the "MEAL KICKS" and everyone ripped open their boxes and began eating like there was no tomorrow. And it suddenly got loud.

"Be aware", I heard a skinny kid with brown hair ask at my table.

"Okay", a tall boy at the table answered.

"Hey Joe", the skinny kid started. I looked up, wondering how this kid even knew my name. He continued, "Whats it like man? Out there?"

"Out there?" I asked back. Not knowing what he meant at all.

Suddenly the tall boy snapped "I am not being aware of this."

Then the skinny boy started whining "C'mon, c'mon, I just want to know what its like. The music, whats going on, TV..."

"Stop being sideways Jerry" another kid screamed from across the table. And within a few minutes an argument had started and three kids at the table were telling the skinny kid to shut the fuck up and eventually he did.

The tall kid stood up, and called a boy with a clipboard over.

"I would like to book Jerry", the boy started scribbling on the clipboard, "for being sideways with the new resident, attempting to form a contract".

I wasn't even finished the first tiny box of cereal when I noticed a hush run across the dining room and the man from yesterday's General Meeting strolled into the dining room. He got in front of the house and nobody was even eating anymore.

"Who is in Men's dorm three?" A number of people raised their hands, including my Big Brother who motioned for me to do the same. "Come with me, NOW!"

"But I am not done eating..." I started and my Big Brother quickly hushed me and we all went back to the dorm. When I got there the man was standing holding his finger out. I didn't know what he was doing until I saw him brush another finger against the top part of a window sill, collecting a bit of dust.

He then started lifting up the small comforters on the bed and then violently ripping off the sheets and letting them pool on the floor.

"This dorm is FUCKING disgusting. Pull out your bed-boxes"

One by one he dumped out the contents of the bed-boxes and by the time he left, our entire dorm looked like a tornado had gone through it. None of the guys said a thing and we began to collect our stuff and remake everything. Someone got a sponge and we cleaned the top of the window sill and someone stood on the top bunk and dusted the light covers again. We did this all in maybe 4 minutes. Everything in Elan seemed stuck on fast-forward.

When we went back into the dining room, the workers were throwing the contents of the tables into trashcans. I asked my BB when I could eat and all he said was "Hurry up and start sweeping, we have a General Meeting to go into."