5 Tips on Growing Your Confidence

Being confident is sexy inside and outside of the bedroom. It shows everyone you meet that you are comfortable with and respect yourself. Yet confidence is also elusive. Sometimes it feels like the least deserving people have all the self-esteem, while others who should be justifiably confident are not. If you don’t feel as self-assured as you would like to, it’s time for a change.

Where Confidence Comes From

There are a lot of conflicting opinions on where confidence comes from. Some people are from the “fake it till you make it” camp. However, simply acting confident without making inner changes may mean that you come off as arrogant. Worse yet, if you act more boldly without genuinely feeling more confident, rejections will continue to hurt you deeply, potentially taking you two steps back on your journey toward confidence.

It's much better to focus on accepting and loving yourself. Once you do that, your confidence will spring forth naturally. Here are five quick tips on growing your confidence.

1: Change Your Self-Talk

The way you talk to yourself matters. If you are critical, judgmental, and hateful in your self-talk, it’s no wonder that your confidence is taking a nose-dive.

Making small changes helps. You don’t have to ensure that every little thought that runs through your mind is a pick-me-up. Rather, set aside some time each day to look in the mirror and be nice to yourself. Maybe you’re wearing a color that really suits you, or perhaps you rocked a project at work. Even a quick “I’ve got this!” will help you remember that you’re strong and capable. Sometimes it’s helpful to picture yourself as a child and talk to the younger version of you with empathy and understanding for everything you’ve been through. Give yourself some kudos and keep your thoughts on your strengths rather than your weaknesses when you can.

2: Accept Compliments

Accepting compliments goes hand-in-hand with positive self-talk. Next time your boss, mentor, friend, or family member says something nice about you, internalize it! Trust that they are being honest with you. Say “thank you!” rather than minimizing your effort, ability, or input. The more you can take the people you love seriously when they tell you how great you are, the easier it will be to find confidence in moments when you’re feeling insecure.

3: Try New Things

Trying something new is an excellent confidence-builder. Why? Because it familiarizes you with the enemy, and in this case, the enemy is failure and insecurity. When you get acquainted with something that could undermine your confidence—like not being good at something or trying and failing—it doesn’t have the power to scare you anymore. Further, you just might find a new skill or hobby that you enjoy. And when you find something that you’re good at it, it’s easy to feel more confident since you’ll have accomplishments to point to.

Further, when you try new things, you often meet new people. So if you’re taking a class or joining a meet-up group for a hobby, you’ll get to know others who share your interests. Sometimes, meeting new people can stretch you just a little bit beyond your typical comfort zone. You’ll get practice being confident around people who don’t know you that well, and you might make some long-term friends along the way. Either way, you’ll get used to meeting new people and exercising your extrovert muscle.

4: Remember, Confidence Isn’t Permanent

Even after you’ve taken steps to build confidence, you won’t feel self-assured in every situation for the rest of your life. The most confident of people still have days where they feel badly about themselves or struggle to be confident. That’s okay—it happens to everyone, including me! It’s too much pressure to feel like you have to be confident all the time, and loving yourself even on your most insecure days is a great way to build lasting, resilient confidence in yourself. If you can allow yourself to have days where you feel insecure, the process will ebb and flow naturally, and you’ll be back to your confident self before you know it.

5: Know Why You Want Confidence

Wanting to feel more self-assured is a normal part of being human. But there’s often an underlying motivation. Maybe you want to be more confident so that you can ask someone on a date. Or maybe you’d like to have the confidence to ask your boss for a raise or set boundaries with someone who doesn't value your time.

After you’ve worked through the first few tips on how to build your confidence, make a list of goals and start taking action. If you’re having a conversation with someone you’re attracted to and you’re getting a positive response from them, ask to meet them for coffee! Start putting together a proposal for why you deserve a raise, and then give it to your boss at your next one-on-one meeting. The more practice you get being daring, the more chances you give yourself to succeed. And with a few successes under your belt, you’ll be feeling confident in no time.

Want More Tips on Growing Your Confidence?

Reach out to me at AliceLittle@TheAliceLittle.com, and you can book some of my time. I love to help people grow into the best version of themselves, and I’ve helped many others who struggle with confidence. I’m already looking forward to getting to know you!