Backyard Dungeon 2 Chapter 2

I pulled into the driveway of my double wide trailer and looked at the shiny, new blue Audi parked on the street right in front of my house. As happy as I was to see Jay, I could feel a tense knot forming in my stomach because I hadn’t told him anything about Ibseth, Amrila, or the tunnel in the backyard.

“Who is that?” Ibseth asked as she looked over her shoulder at the blue sedan.

Jay was stepping out of his car with a wide smile on his smooth face. Jason Hoffman was about a foot shorter than me, and he had the slender but soft build of a man who spent most of his time working at a desk. The dark-haired man wore pressed and tailored slacks, along with a seafoam green button up shirt that had a European cut to it, and Rayban Aviators covered his blue eyes.

Jay had always been stylish.

“That’s my best friend,” I sighed as I stepped out of the truck and offered Ibseth my hand to help her out. “Just, uh, let me do the talking.”

Jay was heading up the driveway and was still grinning as he opened his mouth to say something, but then he stopped short as he watched the blue-skinned Elven woman take my hand and step down from the truck cab. Then Amrila stepped out of the passenger side, and Jay’s jaw dropped as he looked back and forth between the Night Elf and the Zencfarri.

“Hey, Jay!” I said in a cheerful tone to cover up the awkward moment of silence. “What a great surprise! We were about to cook up some steaks and have a beer.”

I walked down the drive to meet him with Ibseth holding my arm, and her heart shaped face was practically glowing with excitement to meet the friend I’d told her so much about.

“Hey, Eddie,” the blue-eyed man said with a smile as he composed himself. “Is this, uh, your new girlfriend?”

“Yeah,” I replied as I remembered he’d heard Ibseth’s voice over the phone when she had first come to stay with me, but then I saw Ibseth frown out of the corner of my eyes, and the next words came out of my mouth unbidden. “Well actually, this is Ibseth, my wife. And over there is Amrila.”

Amrila waved from next to the truck, and then she started to unload groceries from the tuck bed.

Jay just stood and stammered for a moment, and I couldn’t blame him. I hadn’t really intended to tell him I got married, but I didn’t want to upset Ibseth by downplaying our relationship. Besides, the love I felt for her was real, and I didn’t need some paper from the state of Ohio to tell me that.

I just hoped my best friend would understand, and I swallowed past my suddenly dry throat.

“Y-Your wife?” Jay finally repeated in a surprised tone. “Uhhh, mazel tov. That’s great, I guess. Who’s Amrila, then?”

“Oh,” Ibseth said in a sweet tone. “She will be Eddie’s second wife, once she stops being so stubborn.”

The dark-haired man’s eyebrows shot up as he looked at me, and I laughed nervously as my heart skipped a beat.

“Uhhhhhh… Why don’t you come in?” I grabbed onto his arm. “The ladies can start getting stuff ready while we get the grill started and catch up.”

Then I turned and led the way into the house, and Jay followed closely behind.

“Yeah,” my best friend chuckled. “It sounds like you’ve been pretty busy.”

Amrila and Ibseth were happy to bring in the groceries and get the food ready for the grill, while Jay and I grabbed a couple beers and went into the backyard.

“I’m sure you have a lot of questions,” I said over my shoulder as I pulled the bag of charcoal out of the shed.

“I wouldn’t even know where to start,” Jay laughed lightly befores he took a sip of beer, and he offered his hand to hold my beer while I got the grill ready. “What the fuck man? Married? How? When? Why wasn’t I invited?”

“Uhhh…” I let out a long sigh. “She’s not from around here, and--”

“No shit, man,” he snickered. “Is this something to get her a green card? I don’t think you should--”

“It’s not like that,” I cut him off. “It’s… complicated. We aren’t actually married yet, but we want to be.”

“Are you happy?”

“Yeah.” I smiled as I opened up the hood of the grill and started to pour in the charcoal. “I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.”

“What the deal with--” The blue-eyed man paused as he thought how best to phrase his question. “I mean, is the skin, the horns, and the ears all makeup? That seems like a lot of effort for a weekday.”

“They’re really into it,” I replied. “It’s all permanent. I know it seems weird, but they’re both really incredible women when you get to know them.”

“Are you really with both of them?” Jay whispered with a devilish grin as he sat down on one of the lawn chairs next to the back porch.

“I-I don’t know.” I shrugged as I lit the grill with a long lighter. “It’s complicated. I know I keep saying that, but it is.”

Then I walked over to join my friend, and Jay handed me back my beer as I sat down in a chair next to him.

“It doesn’t have to be,” the blue-eyed man said philosophically, and he took another pull from his beer. “I mean, as a lawyer I would advise you to only legally marry one of them. But how you live your life and who you spend your time with is your business. Lots of people are choosing to go for throuples nowadays.”

“I thought I was going to get a lecture about moving too fast,” I snorted. “Or biting off more than I can chew.”

“Nah,” Jay chuckled as he looked down at the grass. “As long as you’re happy, that’s what matters to me. And if it does ever blow up in your face, you’ve got me to represent you in court.”

“I don’t think I’ll need that.” I grinned. “But I appreciate the thought.”

Amrila and Ibseth came out just then, and they were both carrying plates of raw meat to put on the grill.

The afternoon turned into evening, and the four of us gorged ourselves on steak and grilled vegetables. Jay told me how things had been going at his law firm, and he mentioned he’d also started seeing a nice Jewish girl his sister set him up with, but it wasn’t serious enough for him to introduce her to his mother.

But when my friend asked me how things had been going at my job, I just shrugged and said it was going really well.

I wasn’t usually the kind of person to lie, but I wasn’t ready to tell anyone about The Gloom yet. Not even my closest friend. Jay was the kind of guy who would only believe it if he saw the subterranean world for himself, and things were just too dangerous down there at the moment.

I wanted to tell Jay everything. But until Ursenger, Ibseth’s psychotic half brother was taken care of, I’d have to keep my secret a while longer. Last time I was down there, I found out there was a bounty on my head, and I had to fight an army of Night Elves to get out alive, so I wasn’t going to throw Jay into the middle of all that.

Eventually, it started to get late, and Jay mentioned he had work in the morning.

“It was nice meeting you both,” the dark-haired man said as he shook Ibseth and Amrila’s hands. “It’s good to know Eddie’s got you both looking out for him, too.”

“I enjoyed meeting you as well,” Ibseth replied with a friendly smile.

Jay and I left the ladies in the backyard, and I walked him to his car.

“You were right.” My friend smiled. “They do seem pretty great. You’re a lucky man.”

“I like to think so,” I chuckled.

“I know this is weird to say,” Jay said as he started to open his car door. “But I’m really proud of you, Eddie. You seem like you’re doing really well. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so happy, or confident. You’re like a whole new man, and it suits you.”

“Thanks, Jay,” I said as I shook my best friend’s hand goodbye. “That means a lot coming from you.”

“Take care now.” Jay smiled as he slid into the front seat of his Audi.

“You too,” I replied. “Next time bring your girlfriend. If hanging out with your crazy artist friend with his LARPer girlfriends doesn’t scare her off, you know she’s a keeper.”

Jay and I laughed together, and then he pulled away and drove off out of the cul de sac.

I helped Ibseth and Amrila clean up the backyard and put the grill away, and then we all sat down to watch some TV together before going to bed. It was a great day, and I was glad Jay had stopped by like he had. I’d been wondering about the best way to tell him about Ibseth, and how to explain her and Amrila’s appearance. But Jay just showing up the way he had was like ripping off a bandaid. I felt relieved, and it was another thing I could tick off my mental “to-do” list.

The next day, I found myself bustling around the house and the backyard as I took care of some chores I’d been putting off the last couple of days since I had gotten back from The Gloom.

I didn’t realize what I was doing until my wife pointed it out to me. I was walking around the shed and pulling the weeds that were growing around the corners by hand when Ibseth came outside with a glass of ice tea for me.

“My love,” the violet-eyed woman said as she handed me the cold glas that had begun to sweat in the summer heat. “You seem restless.”

Today, the blue-skinned woman was wearing one of her new dresses. The rose colored, strapless dress fell several inches above her knees, and her long white hair hung in a tumbled mass around her smooth shoulders.

I took a long drink of the refreshing tea, then I looked at my wife and sighed.

“I think you’re right.” I grinned. “I’m running out of weeds to pull. What would you say to us taking a drive or something?”

“The furniture you ordered is supposed to be here before long,” the Elven woman said with a mischievous grin. “But I could wait here for the delivery, and you could take Amrila for a drive.”

“You’re just trying to get me to spend some time alone with her.” I narrowed my eyes at her.

“She is a warrior,” Ibseth replied with the same sweet little smirk, “so you should take her to do something a warrior would like. Maybe you could go hunting?”

That actually sounded like a lot of fun, but it was too early in the year for deer hunting. Only small game were in season, like rabbits and squirrels.

But I had another idea.

“Maybe I could take her to the Army Surplus store in town,” I said, and then I finished the last of the tea in the glass. “The guy who runs the place gave me a good deal on the AK, and I’ve been thinking about getting a new rifle.”

“I think that sounds like a wonderful idea.” My wife smiled as she took the empty glass.

Then, like she was satisfied her plan had worked, the blue-skinned woman stood up on her tiptoes, kissed me warmly, and headed back into the house with a little skip in her step.

The devious minx.

I finished cleaning up the mess I’d made weeding around the shed, and then I went into the house, cleaned myself up, and started making a list in my head of things I wanted to look for at the army surplus store. When I came out of the bathroom, Ibseth was cleaning up in the kitchen, while the Zencarri woman was sitting on the couch looking over her prized sword and smoothing out knicks in the blade with a whetstone.

The horned woman was wearing a low cut, crimson halter top that perfectly cupped her perky breasts and the form fitting black daisy dukes she’d gotten the day before. The halter was several shades darker than Amrila’s skin, but the effect of the tone on tone was highly alluring. As she ran the stone down the length of the blade, she bent over the sword, and her slight cleavage was shown off to its full advantage.

Fuck. She was sexy as hell.

“Hey,” I said to the red-skinned woman as I walked into the living room. “I was thinking about picking up a new gun, maybe a few other things. Weapons and equipment and stuff. Do you want to come with me?”

“Just me?” Amrila raised an eyebrow as she looked up from the sword. “Ibseth is not coming?”

“I asked her,” I replied with a shrug. “But she said she wants to wait here for the furniture to be delivered.”

“Then I will come along,” the black-eyed woman said as she laid her sword to the side. “It would be interesting to see a shop where they sell such weapons.”

“We could get you a rifle, too,” I suggested as I watched the red-skinned woman pull on her new knee high boots. “Or a pistol if you prefer.”

“They are very powerful weapons,” Amrila said with a thoughtful expression, and she zipped up the back of her left boot. “Obviously, there are many advantages to your guns, but they are so loud. I think I prefer a weapon I can silently run through the ribs of my enemy, before they can call out for help. Though it could be useful to have something like your pistol, for the times when stealth is not an option.”

“We can look around and see if you find something you like,” I said as we headed out of the front door.

Then we got into my truck and drove to the other side of Westherst where Nathan’s Army Surplus and Arms. The name of the shop was a bit of a pun, since Nathan, the owner and proprietor, was missing one of his arms just like the Simpsons character. The sign of the front of the store had a caricature of the owner painted on it, with one sleeve of his shirt rolled up and pinned in place, while the cartoon Nathan gave a thumbs up with his other hand.

Nathan was a character, to say the least.

Inside of Nathan’s was like an army vet’s art project. The eccentric owner had decorated the entire shop with olive drab netting, mannequins dressed and posed as soldiers, and fake foliage. It was all very creative and gave the store the feeling of an outdoor space.

As Amrila and I entered the shop, I was expecting the usual stares and questions that stemmed from hanging out with a half-demon or an Elf in the surface world. But to Nathan’s credit, there was only the briefest raise of his eyebrow as he saw Amrila, and that was it.

“Nice to see you back-- Eddie, right?” the wild haired man asked by way of greeting.

Nathan Pearson still looked like he’d not combed his sandy blond hair in a day or two, and he was dressed in an off white henley and a camo vest.

“Yeah.” I nodded as I smiled. “And this is Amrila. We thought we’d stop by and see what you have on hand. I was thinking about upgrading my rifle.”

“Well, let’s see what we got,” the man in the camo vest said as he pulled out the massive keyring for the gun cases. “Are you looking to customize the old Bulgarian AK I sold you, or do you want to look at something new?”

“I’m not entirely sure yet.” I felt a little rush as I walked up to the counter and looked over the rifles in the display cases. I’d spent a fair amount of money yesterday, and Meyer had warned me not to go too crazy showing off my wealth. But a modest upgrade in a rifle, maybe a Glock, and some odds and ends wouldn’t break the bank.

“Let’s see here,” Nathan said as he affectionately looked over his inventory. “I did get some ARs in, but last time you were in here you said you worried about getting it dirty?”

“Yeah. I think I said that.”

“Those AR’s can be more accurate, but if you get anything under that cover, you gotta stop what you’re doing and take care of it. That’s why I recommended the AK to you. You wanna stick with that pattern?”

I thought about The Gloom and the amount of time I spent crawling around in confined tunnels and the general grit and grime that came with traveling underground.

“Yeah, I think I’d like to stick with an AK type rifle,” I decided. “But maybe a newer model. The Bulgarian AK has done really well for me, and I’ve put a bunch of rounds through it, but it’s been around the block, if you know what I mean, and I have more money now.”

“What is your budget like?” he asked with a wide smile. “Seems like you might be turning into a shooter.”

“Uhh…” I cleared my throat and glanced around the empty store. “What’s the nicest one you have?”

“I got just the thing.” The wild haired man grinned, ducked under the counter, and came back up with a long, black rifle case. “Now, these are a bit hard to get… And it’s a definite step up from the Bulgarian… but ohhh boy. I think you’ll like it.”

With his one hand, Nathan smoothly unzipped the black case to reveal a beautiful AK style rifle. I looked it over in the case, and it appeared brand new. Either it had never been fired, or someone had taken very good care of it.

“May I?” I asked as I reached toward the rifle with a wide grin.

“Help yourself,” the man in the camo vest said. “This is the IWI Galil Ace, second generation. It’s an Isreali make. Those Israelites have a way with weapons, and they’ve sent a lot of time perfecting this one. It’s top of the line without going custom, and the nice part about this rifle is it uses the same magazines as the one you already have. Charging handle is also on the left, so you don’t have to reach around with your hand like you do with your current AK.”

“Nice,” I said as I nodded my approval as I pulled back the bolt and looked down the barrel to make sure it was clear. “I mean, it looks like it’s brand new. How much?”

“It is brand new,” Nathan replied. “So two thousand. But that includes the case and two mags. And I know you’re probably going to buy a few more things while you’re here, so I’ll throw in a box of ammo with that.”

“Perfect,” I said as I laid the Galil back in its case. “What do you have for handguns right now? I don’t suppose you have any Glocks?”

“I think I have a couple of 17’s kicking around,” Nathan replied as he thoughtfully stroked his chin. “Most people like the smaller 19s better, but your hands look big enough for the 17, and the 17 is where Glock got started. They’d be about five hundred a piece.”

“I’d be interested in buying one of those, too,” I said before I gestured at the red-skinned woman at my side. “We’re going to look around, but I’m definitely getting this new AK.”

“Fantastic,” the blond man replied. “I’ll start the paperwork.”

“Shall we?” I smiled at the horned woman, who had been watching and listening to the exchange as she stood next to me.

“Of course.” Amirla smiled back, and her sharp canines poked out of her lips in an expression that was equal parts adorable and devilish.

Then we walked around the surplus store and looked at what was on offer. You never knew what you’d find in a place like this, and I picked up some decent binoculars, a head lamp, and a couple of spare pairs of basic protective earmuffs. I’d already done a bunch of research and decided to order a few nice pairs of Sordin Supreme Pro X LED noise activated headphones online for when we went back into the Gloom, but it would take a couple of days to get them, and I wanted to take the ladies shooting later today.

I wanted both Ibseth and Amrila to at least learn the basics, and the four rules of gun safety, since they’d be around all of my guns. Even if they didn’t choose to use the guns, they should know how they work and fire them off a couple times.

“Is there anything you’d like?” I asked the red-skinned woman as she looked over the combat knives in a locked case at the back of the store.

“No,” Amrila said as she looked up with a startled expression. “I do not need anything.”

“I didn’t ask you if you needed anything,” I snorted. “I asked if you wanted anything. I get you’re not completely sold on the idea of using guns yet. That’s fine. I’d like you to have one, just in case, but I also know how good you are with those swords of yours. But if there’s anything you want, it’s yours if you ask.”

Amrila stared at me with a serious expression and then glanced back down at the display case, but the red-skinned woman seemed to be looking past the display of knives, rather than at them.

“I have never had anyone offer to just give me something,” the horned woman murmured so quietly I barely heard her. “Whenever anything had been offered before, it always came with a price tag, so I just made due by myself. The problem is, now that I have met you, and you have proven you expect nothing in return, I do not know how to respond to it.”

“We’re friends,” I said as I put a reassuring hand on the black-eyed woman’s shoulder. “No. More than that. We’re partners. Right? That’s what you kept calling me.”

“Yeah, partner.” She smiled at me.

“So, I have your back, and you have mine. So there can’t be any debts between us, because when you need me, I’ll be there. Just like how I know you’ll be there when I need you.”

“Thank you… partner.” Amrila breathed as she looked up at me from under her lashes. “But there is no need to buy me anything to prove your words. You have your new gun, so if you have no other use for it, I can use the old one. Though I think I will still favor my swords. I have been fighting with them all my life, and I’m very fond of them.”

“Fair enough.” I grinned. “Come on, let’s pay for all this and then see if the furniture has arrived. After that, we can all go out in the woods and shoot some guns. Maybe have a picnic after.”

“I think Ibseth with like the picnic part,” Amrila laughed. “For a princess, she certainly loves to eat outside.”

The horned woman and I went back up to the front counter where Nathan had the Galil all ready to go, and he’d pulled out one of his Glock 17 Gens for me to look at.

“This feels great in my hand,” I said as I picked it up and pulled back the slide to make sure there wasn’t one in the chamber. There was no magazine in the Glock, and Nathan seemed very careful about that sort of thing, but my first instinct was to always check and double check. Everything else seemed in good shape, so I laid it on the counter and grinned. “I’ll take it.”

I also grabbed a few more boxes of ammo on top of the Galil, Glock, binoculars, cheap earmuffs, and the headlamp.

“The new rifle will need to be sighted in, since it’s new,” Nathan said. “I sighted your old one in since I was selling it used.”

“Ohhh…” I cleared my throat. “How do I do that?”

“You go to the range, set up the target at twelve-ish yards,” he started. “Keep the rifle prone on a bag or in a vise, there should be one at the range. Then aim and shoot at the target. Your first bullet probably won’t hit exactly what you are aiming at, so you adjust your front sight to go left and right and your rear sight to go up and down until you are hitting exactly where you aim. There is a manual in the case that will give you directions.”

“Okay…” I said as I glanced skeptically at the case. “How long should it take?”

“Maybe half an hour if it’s your first time,” he said. “Then back the target out to twenty-five or fifty yards. Do the same thing to make sure you are really hitting where you are aiming. You got them binoculars, so that will make it a bit easier. Especially if your girlfriend can look through it and tell you how off you are in either direction.”

“I was just going to go out to the wilderness and shoot,” I said. “I have a spot I used to go with some friends when I was younger.”

“Then get some of these targets,” Nathan said as he reached behind him to the shelf, grabbed a plastic pack of black circle papers, and set them on the table. “When you hit in the circle, it will make a bright neon paint color where the bullet tore through. Tape or nail it to a piece of plywood and stand it up against a sandy hill so the bullets won’t bounce off anything. Don’t be shooting at trees, and remember your safety steps. Be careful of what’s behind what you are shooting. Also, it won’t hurt to lie on your stomach when you are shooting so the rifle is braced. Less chance of your arm twitching when you are trying to aim.”

“Got it,” I said.

“After you zero in your iron sights on your new rifle, then you gotta do the same with your red dot.” Nathan glanced at the table and then looked around in confusion. “You want a red dot?”

“Red dot?” I asked with a furrowed brow. “I think I’ve played a few video games where they were attached to the rifle, but I’ve never used one. Can I get one on this new rifle?”

“Yep. It’s like a scope.” Nathan reached under the counter and put a box on the table. “But it just has a simple red dot on the glass that is always on target where you are aiming, well, as long as you zero it in correctly. Makes it real easy to acquire your target. Most guys like ‘em. Your old AK didn’t have a picatinny rail, but your new one does, so this will attach right on top real easy.”

“Cool,” I said as I looked at the box. It said “Holosun HS510-C” on the side and the picture looked like a mini window with a red circle and dot on it. “How much?”

“That one is three-hundred and thirty bucks. Holosun is a good value brand. Will take a beating and still work just fine. Battery will also last forever, too. It will turn off when you aren’t moving the rifle around. Cheaper red dots will work fine at the range, but if you are out hunting or whatever, and you drop it, the thing might break. I can also order you more expensive ones with better glass and magnification, but this Holosun will get you out to two-hundred yards with that Galli ACE with enough practice. It will be you, and not the rifle or the sight, that is the weak point of the equation, if you know what I mean.”

“I’ll take it,” I said. “Also, I think I need a strap for the rifle, a holster for the Glock 17, and some mags for it.”

Nathan nodded and grabbed me a nice looking strap, then he showed me how to attach it to my new rifle. Then he got me a holster for my new Glock and two extra mags before he rang me up. The whole deal ended up being just shy of four-grand, but instead of freaking out about the cost, I just handed him my debit card with a big smile on my face.

“It’s been a pleasure, as always,” Nathan said as he reached out to shake my hand.

Amrila had gotten bored while the wild haired man was ringing everything up, and she was wandering around the store waiting for me to be finished. I looked around to check where she was, and then I leaned in toward the man in the camo vest.

“Thanks for not asking a bunch of questions about my friend,” I whispered. “I’m sure she gets tired of explaining how she looks to people.”

“Don’t think I’m not curious,” Nathan snorted. “But as a man of unique appearance myself, I know the burden of being the swan among the ducks.”

I smiled at the eccentric man, said goodbye, and promised to come back soon.

Then Amrila and I got back into the truck and headed home.

As soon as we pulled in, my beautiful wife came bounding out of the house with an exuberant smile on her face, and she ran right up to the passenger side door of the truck and swung it open before the Zencarri woman could get out.

“It came!” the Elven woman squealed. “Your bed came, and I have it all set up for you, sweet sister.”

Ibseth grabbed the horned woman by the hand and nearly dragged her into the house. Amrila protested a little, but the white-haired woman didn’t pay her any mind.

I chuckled to myself as I watched the two women run into the house, and then I fetched my new rifle and the bags from the surplus store from the back of the truck before I followed them.

But as I turned back toward the house, I saw a movement out of the corner of my eye.

I looked back at the largest house in the cul de sac, the one that belonged to Brock Stanton, and saw him coming out onto his porch. The thick, bald man stopped at the edge of his porch and blatantly stared in my direction, and I felt a little dread in the pit of my stomach.

At least he wasn’t trying to hide the fact he was spying on us anymore, but I couldn’t understand why he was so obsessed with me. I kept the place much nicer than my grandpa had, and while I did have two very unusual looking women living with me, we kept to ourselves.

I lifted my hand in a friendly wave and forced a smile toward Brock. The bald man waved back, but I couldn’t tell if he was smiling. There was just something about the type A nutjob I didn’t like, and I was sure he didn’t like me either. The dread in my stomach didn’t let go, and I had a feeling something bad was going to happen sooner rather than later.

But for now, I turned back toward the house and tried to put my nosey neighbor out of my mind.

I set down the bags in the living room and followed the sound of Ibseth’s giggles into the hallway and toward the spare bedroom. Well, Amrila’s room now, I guess. The town women were sitting on the queen sized bed, which took up most of the floor space in the small room, and the blue-skinned woman had made the bed and everything for friend.

The comforter set that Amrila had picked was a black on red pattern of fleur de lis, which matched the black metal bed frame and the solid black chest of drawers.

I looked over at the women, both of whom were smiling.

“Do you like it?” I asked Amrila.

“I really do, partner,” the red-skinned woman said, and her broad grin showed the slightest hints of her sharp canine teeth.

I felt a warmth in my chest at seeing the strong, serious woman’s guard come down, even that little bit.

“You should get your shoes on,” the red-skinned woman said with a sly smile to Ibseth. “Eddie wants to take us to the woods and show us how to use the guns.”

Amrila’s smile was broad, and she practically bounced with excitement, but Ibseth looked up at me with timid eyes.

“Aren’t guns dangerous?” she asked in a small voice.

“They can be,” I replied. “But that’s why you need to learn how to use them safely. Even if you never have to use any of the guns in the house, you’ve got to know the basics of gun safety.”

“If that’s what you want me to do,” the white-haired woman said in a meek tone.

“It’s okay,” I chuckled as I saw the concern on my wife’s face. “It’s perfectly safe as long as you understand the correct way to use them. It’s actually really fun. I think you’re gonna love it.”

“They are very loud,” Amrila added. “But Eddie acquired ear protection for all of us. I think it will be great fun.”

“You’ll both want to change before we go, too,” I pointed out. “You’ll want sturdy shoes and pants that cover your legs, since we’ll have to do a bit of hiking to get where we’re going.”

With that, I got my old AK and Hi-Point pistol and checked them over while the ladies backed up some food and drinks in the cooler. Once I had made sure both the rifle and the hand gun were in working order, I spent some time on Youtube watching videos about sighting in my new rifle and red dot. It all seemed pretty easy, so as soon as I felt like I somewhat knew what I was doing, we all loaded up into the car and headed out into the country.

One of the best parts of living in Ohio was all the wilderness. Despite being a small, well populated state, we had an incredible amount of woods, farmland, and hilly wilderness to get lost in. I knew a spot an hour or so away where my buddies and I used to go shooting when we were in high school. There was even a makeshift shooting range made out of two by fours and old plywood where we would set up cans, bottles, and all sorts of targets to practice on.

It was far enough away from people that I wasn’t worried about anyone hearing us as we practiced, and there were no houses for miles, so it would be safe.

We headed down some winding back roads until I found the dead end where my buddies and I had always parked when we came out here, and then I stopped the truck.

“We have to walk from here,” I said as I got out and started to unload the rifle bags. “It’s not far though.”

Ibseth and Amrila both got out of the truck and helped me unload the cooler, the spare ammo, some folding lawn chairs, and so on.

Then we walked through the warm, buzzing forest for a few minutes, and I could hear the sounds of wildlife everywhere. Years of hunting in woods like these had taught me how to pick up on the signs of game, and I knew from the way some of the undergrowth was matted down that a group of deer came and rested here on a regular basis.

When I looked around at the trees, I could see signs that a large buck made this his territory, from places where he had scraped off the bark with antlers. These woods felt as much like home as my double wide, and I loved it here.

When we came to the cobbled together range I’d set up with my friends six or more years ago, I started to set out the guns and made sure the magazines were full and ready to go while the ladies set up the chairs and then came over to watch what I was doing.

“Now,” I said as I stood with the Bulgarian AK in my hands, with the barrel pointed safely down and away. “The rules of gun safety. One: Always treat guns as if they’re loaded, even if you’re sure they’re not. Two: Never point a gun at anything you don’t want to destroy or kill. Three: Never put your finger on the trigger unless you have your target in your sights and have made up your mind to shoot. And four: Always be aware of what is behind your target. If your bullet goes through your target, whatever is on the other side might get destroyed or killed, too. So always be certain of what’s behind your target before you shoot.”

The women nodded solemnly, and I handed them their ear protection and put mine on, too. Then we went up to the range, and I set some pine cones and a few of the rusting cans that were laying around from other people’s shoot practice. Once it was all set up, I handed the AK to Amrila and showed her how to hold it properly and how to set her feet so she wouldn’t be pushed back by the recoil.

“Great!” I nearly shouted so the red-skinned woman could hear me through the earmuffs. “Now, pull back the charging handle-- this thing here-- and you’ll feel the click as the bullet slides into place.”

The Zencarri woman patiently followed my instructions with a deep concentration.

“Good!” I said loud enough for her to hear through her ear protection. “Now, take a deep breath in, and on the exhale, slowly squeeze the trigger. Don’t pull it.”

The horned woman breathed in, and as she let her breath go she squeezed the trigger. A single bullet went flying from the barrel and hit the plywood at the back of the makeshift range, but all the pinecones and cans remained standing.

“Son of a greased pig!” the black-eyed woman growled.

“It’s okay.” I grinned. “That was only your first time. You can try again.”

I worked with Amrila until she was able to hit most of the shots. The AK jumped a lot when she fired, but we were shooting targets only thirty yards away, which was well within an ideal range for the thirty year old weapon.

Next was Ibseth’s turn. It took a little longer to talk the Elven woman through the process, because she was more nervous than the Zencarri woman had been. But when my wife finally pulled the trigger and almost managed to hit a can on her first try, she looked up at me with a radiant smile.

“It is so powerful!” Ibseth said loudly enough for me to hear. “I have never felt anything like this.”

We set the guns down and then put up the cool new targets Nathan had sold me. These ones weren’t quite as fun as shooting at the cans or pine cones, but the black targets lit up bright yellow when the bullet hit them, and we could go through a whole magazine without changing the target.

After we’d all fired the old Bulgarian AK a few more times, I took out the Galil while the girls set up a new target.

And holy shit.

I could feel the difference right away with the new rifle. The action of the bolt was smoother, the rifle was waaaaay lighter, and the trigger was more sensitive. I felt like I barely had to touch it after being used to the old AK.

I followed Nathan’s instructions and moved back twelve or so yards, lay down on my stomach, and aimed at the red bullseye of the target. My first shot was a tiny bit to the right, so I used the wrench tool to tweak my front sight just a hair.

My second shot was perfectly in the middle of the bulls eye, and so were my next two, so I backed up till I guessed I was at fifty yards and repeated the same process.

Now my shots were a bit low, so I followed the instruction manual that came with the gun to adjust my rear sight. Then I was soon getting everything on the bullseye, and I couldn’t help but smile with each smooth action of the trigger. This new rifle was so much nicer than my old one that I almost couldn’t believe it, and I couldn’t wait to take it down to the Gloom.

“Let’s try this guy.” I opened up the Holosun red dot box, figured out how to get the battery in, and attached it to the rail on top of the rifle just like I saw on one of the YouTube videos. The sight was perfectly set at eye level when I aimed down it, but the dot was way off, so I just repeated the earlier steps I had with the iron sights on the red dot by spinning the side switches with the included screw driver tool. Five minutes and some six bullets later, I was putting the bullet into the bullseye with ease at fifty yards, and I was blown away by how easy it was to just put the red dot on the target and light it up. It felt as if I was aiming ten times faster with the red dot than with the iron sights, and I was super grateful Nathan had brought it up at the store, or I never would have thought about buying one.

I let the ladies each try the Galil so they could feel the difference, and they both commented how easy it was to use with the dot. Once we’d all fired a few more magazines, I went over the pistols, which both of the women found easy to hold to use but harder to aim.

It was a blast, no pun intended.

Once we’d all fired off the Glock and the Hi-Point several times each, we sat down and ate the sandwiches Ibseth had packed. Then we talked and joked until the sky started to turn pink along the horizon. It had been another wonderful day, and I was becoming fonder of our little family with every passing moment.

On the ride home, Ibseth sat next to me and fell asleep with her head on my arm, and I looked over at Amrila and caught her eye as she was staring over at the beautiful Elven woman.

Then the Zencarri woman and I smiled at each other over Ibseth’s head, and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so happy.

It was getting dark by the time we got back to Westherst. Ibseth woke up as the truck came to a stop, and she looked around at the Zencarri woman and me.

“Did I sleep the whole way?” the white-haired woman asked, and her violet eyes were wide and embarrassed. “I didn’t snore, did I?”

“You sounded like a wild hog in the Gloom Growth,” Amrila teased the Elven woman with a play grin.

“I did not,” Ibseth protested, but she was giggling at the same time.

“You did not,” the horned woman agreed with a throaty laugh. “You looked like a water fairy, sleeping in her lily.”

I smiled at the ladies as they bantered back and forth, and then I opened the driver’s side door to get out and saw Mr. Brock Stanton as he crossed the cul de sac and headed toward us.

Fucking great.

The end to a perfect day.

“You ladies go ahead inside,” I said as I turned back to them. “I’ll carry everything in.”

I didn’t have to tell Ibseth twice. The blue-skinned woman headed inside without a word. She hated Brock after he’d made a comment the other day when she was bringing in a package from outside. Brock had shouted across the street that his son owned a bigger house than I did, if she ever wanted to trade up, and while his comments annoyed me, they particularly pissed off my Elven wife. She’d almost been ready to march across the street and give Brock a piece of her mind, but I managed to grab her at the last second and just told her to ignore him.

Brock could say what he wanted about me. I was the man with two hot women living in my home and an endless wealth of gold at my disposal, and he was just a nosey, jealous asshole.

Amrila hated Brock, too, but she was also a lot feistier than Ibseth and less obedient, so the red-skinned woman lingered next to the side of the truck a minute as I got out.

“Don’t worry, partner.” I smiled at the horned woman. “I got this.”

“We could always stab him,” the black-eyed woman joked, but she also bared her sharp teeth slightly.

“Go on inside,” I snorted. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

The Zencarri woman shot one last death glare at Stanton before she followed the Night Elf woman inside. Then I turned and waited for Brock to finish crossing the asphalt so I could see what the fuck he wanted.

“Hill,” the thick man said as he thrust out a beefy hand at me. “Doing alright?”

“Yeah,” I said as I forced a friendly smile. “How’ve you been?”

“Just got a contract with a grocery chain in Cleveland,” Brock bragged. “So I can’t complain. Gonna make a bunch of money.”

Stanton ran a security consulting firm, but the bald man also headed up the local neighborhood watch and had essentially appointed himself the sheriff of the cul de sac. The only thing he hated more than me, it seemed, were the two teenage boys who lived next to him and had a terrible metal band that practiced in their mom’s garage.

Frequently.

“I couldn’t help but notice your new fence,” Brock continued. “Looks great.”

But there was something in his face that told me he wasn’t actually happy about it.

“Thanks,” I replied as I ignored the tone. “I noticed it needed a lot of work. Made more sense to just replace most of it than try to patch it up.”

“I don’t remember seeing a new build permit posted anywhere on your property while you were putting it up,” Brock said with mock concern. “You really gotta remember to post those clearly. The fines for not having one are no joke.”

“I’ll keep that in mind in the future.” I plastered on a stiff smile, and then I started to turn to leave.

“I heard what sounded like some light construction work after you put up the fence,” Stanton hammered on. “But I’m sure you got a permit for that, too.”

“Was there anything you needed, Brock?” I asked, and I was starting to sound a little annoyed now.

This asshole was wearing on my last nerve, which was a difficult thing to do. I tried to get along with everyone, but Brock was quickly approaching a line he didn’t want to cross with me.

“No.” The beefy man shook his head and slapped on a big, phoney smile. “Just wanting to welcome you and your mail-order wives to the neighborhood.”

“What?” My tone was suddenly deadly cold.

“Ahh, come on,” Brock said as his smirk widened. “I’m just joking around. I’m sure they’re here legally, right? Say, where are they from? I can never quite place their accents.”

“I think you left your business over there, Brock.” I pointed to his gaudy, large house. “You should probably go mind it.”

Brock’s eyes narrowed at me, and his smirk started to look more like a snarl.

“You have a good night, Eddie,” Stanton said, and he somehow made the statement hover on the edge of a threat.

“You too, Brock,” I replied with a wink and grin.

Stanton turned and stomped away, and I could tell by how red the back of his big neck was that he was pissed he hadn’t been able to intimidate me.

I turned and headed back to the house as I took deep breaths, because I wasn’t about to let the nosy goon ruin the rest of the night. Luckily, as I came up to the porch, there was an Amazon package sitting in the corner that the ladies must have missed when they were taking in the groceries, and my mood instantly improved as I realized it was the sweet-ass Sordin Supreme Pro X LED headphones. I couldn’t wait to try them out, so I quickly forgot about my run in with Brock as I scooped the box up.

I got back into the house with all the gear, I could hear the shower running, and I found Amrila sitting on the couch looking through the options on a streaming service to find something to watch. Ibseth and the horned woman had started to pick up on the English alphabet, but reading in English was still difficult for them both, so they partly relied on voice command features and video previews when working the TV.

I took a deep breath and tried to clear my head as I sat down next to Amrila.

“Is Ibseth in the shower?” I asked as the red-skinned woman selected a reality show we all enjoyed watching together.

“Yes,” Amrila said as she settled in. “She said she smelled of guns. What do you have there?”

“My new noise canceling headphones for shooting,” I chuckled. “I got a pair for you too. Ibseth probably means she smells like gunpowder. It’s what’s in the bullet casing that causes the explosion, which then perpells the bullet from the gun.”

“You sound like Dirgin the dwarf when he tries to explain his forge to me,” Amrila laughed. “What did the asshat want?”

I couldn’t help but snort with laughter. Both the ladies had started to pick up modern phrases from watching TV, but without a greater cultural context, they would just come out at random and catch me off guard.

“Just to be an asshat,” I replied. “He can go fuck himself.”

“I imagine he has, too,” the Zencarri woman said in a casual tone. “Who else would?”

“Let’s see these things,” I said as I opened up the Amazon box. From the hour or so of research I’d done online, the Sordin Supreme PRO X headsets were pretty much the best noise canceling shooting headset you could buy, and I’d ordered three of them in various camo patterns with the upgraded gel ear cups.

“They are nicer than the ones we wore earlier today when we shot?” Amrila asked as I passed her one of them.

“Yeah,” I said. “They dampen the sound of the gunshots and then make other noises louder. They should help us when sneaking around in the Gloom.”

“Magic, then.” The beautiful woman nodded.

“Well, not quite,” I laughed as I opened up one of the boxes and started to figure out how to put the batteries in. As soon as I’d set up my headset, I put the batteries in Amrila’s, and then we both put them on.

“The switch is here,” I said as I showed her how to adjust the volume on the side with the buttons.

“They are much more comfortable than the ones we wore earlier today,” the horned woman said, but then she gasped and adjusted her volume. “It made my own voice loud in my head!”

“Yeah,” I chuckled as I realized I could hear Ibseth’s feet squeak in the bathtub from where we sat on the couch. “They are really sensitive. Wow. They are totally awesome. Let me try this.”

I raised my hands in front of us, and then I clapped as hard as I could. Sure enough, I felt the impact of my palms coming together, but I didn’t hear the slapping sound.

“Ohhhh…” Amrila’s dark eyes opened wide, and she let out a laugh as she clapped a few times. “Very strong magic. I can hear much better, but I can’t hear these loud clapping. I can see how this will be very useful when you are shooting your guns. Is this one really for me?”

“Yeah,” I said as I took off my headset. “You need to wear it when you are with me so my gunshots don’t damage your ears.”

“Thank you…” Amrila said softly, and then she took the headset off, glanced down at them, and ran her fingers along the soft parts of the ear pad. “These are… very nice… You are very nice to me… partner.”

“No problem,” I said as I smiled at her. “We’ll both take care of each other. Okay?”

“Okay.” She nodded. “Still, you should let me stab Brock. Then he won’t bother us anymore. That will be me taking care of us.”

We both laughed for a moment and then settled into watching the reality show. There was a voting ceremony about to happen, but I hadn’t been following closely enough to care which contestant got voted off next.

“Eddie,” the horned woman said after a moment. “Uhhh… Partner… I want you to know I am very happy here.”

There was a note to her rich voice that let me know there was going to be more to her statement.

“I’m happy having you here,” I replied as I turned to face her. “Butttt…?”

I left the word hanging as I looked at the gorgeous Zencarri.

“But I am starting to feel restless,” the black-eyed woman said bluntly. “Also, if I keep sitting around here, I will grow fat. I simply cannot have that.”

“I’m feeling a little restless, too,” I laugh. “And I’ve been thinking about the fact that Urgenger is still after Ibseth. I don’t want to wait around and just hope he and his men never figure out how to get to the surface.”

“Then I think it is about time we go back to the Gloom, partner,” Amrila said with a fierce smile. “We should try out these new headsets and your new weapons.”