Patreon, R&P Q&A #290
Added 2024-10-23 19:41:02 +0000 UTC
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FR: * Nothing big to report; been hitting the gym 3x/week, getting good sleep, eating enough healthy fats. Got a new PR at the gym on Monday (incline bench press 145lbs * 7 reps), feeling amazing, even started getting morning woods. Fell a little sick on Tue and Wed but still trying to be consistent with my diet atleast * Does anyone have experience using a wand/vibrator on a girl if she's unable to orgasm? The Indian chick has never been able to orgasm and I figured I could try a vibrator to see if that helps
Ban Mido
2024-10-24 17:27:22 +0000 UTCI’m This focuses on pua type of strategy. Which is a good skill set and it seems you are having success. Personally I would round this out with hanging with guys…. That do things outside of pua-istry. Work on some social circles with no outcome dependence (no goal of picking up girls). You might be surprised on what floats your way.
Cousin Eddie
2024-10-24 17:05:40 +0000 UTCA woman gets turned on by being desired, it is validation. You aren't just freely giving away that validation and thus diminishing its value. So yeah, now, doggy style is hot.
Op Sec
2024-10-24 10:31:58 +0000 UTCKeep the focus on building attraction. Yes, learning emotional vs logical (Closed vs open) communication. And finding mm that create positive ooda loops is very attractive.
Cousin Eddie
2024-10-24 05:54:04 +0000 UTC65 covert contract, social animal, weight,clothing Watching hours of real live divorce/ family court cases online. Learning what to expect if things came to that. Rp: de thawing the fear of divorce covert contract. It appears Splitting up a family busness is where the real pain would be. Social animal ‘Worked the room’ at a school fundraiser. It was at a skating rink. Opened 50 + (and many kids) Kids are a great leads to moms. Eventually moms open me: “did you tell my kid to eat dust? (Aka:her kid is slow)” (she smiles) Me, smirk “maybe, why? You challenging me to a race…” (she laughs… continue bantering…) Skated with the moms. Escalated conversations when appropriate. Plenty of iois. Some sneaky fucker game: “let’s get the kids together, what’s your number… “ Ex: verbal escalation 1.General statement: what’s that dark corner where the kids are hanging out? (Isolated corner of the rink) (old man opener) Her… 2.You statement: I am sure you know what goes on there. 😂. (Sexualize) Her… 3.We statement: glad I am a fast skater. I would not want to get stuck there with you! (Implies she is into me, I am the prize, man to woman) Rp: Jumbotron rule, wife gets turned on by this behavior, grenade not sniper, social approval leads to more social approval. Knowing where you are on the verbal escalation… Working on weight: Started a journal. Has helped. I do really well, then i get hit with pain and massive fatigue and need quick calories. (Carbs) I am starting to be able to have caffeine which helps ramp up energy without eating. Very frustrating for me. None the less I am stable, albeit 20 lbs over weight. Clothing Been doing my second pass through of tanner. I am the king of comfort. Tanner does not like comfort and I understand why. Got my sowing machine working to do simple hems.
Cousin Eddie
2024-10-24 05:43:36 +0000 UTCTook family a couple hours to another town a couple hours away to wife's aunts for the weekend as daughter plays in a sports club she was recruited for. Plan was to drop kids that evening and go out together alone but her grown brother who lives there too wants to go along. I hesitate but decide why not? We go to a swanky bar and have a good time. I kid the waitress by asking what the heck some of the menu items are cause I genuinely did not know and she giggles and explains she doesn't even know some of them. Wife kids me about it and I say I just want to know what I'm gonna eat before I order. Anyway, the evening at the bar was light and fun for everyone which I enjoy I like to be out talking to different people when given the chance. We go back to aunt's house, tuck kids in and wife jumps me in the hallway saying she doesn't know why she's been so attracted to me lately. Closest secluded place is the washroom so I push her in there and get it on for awhile. I do stuff to her I haven't in years. Finish up and she's still wound up so go to the room we're staying in and she turns around for doggy style, which she knows I like but she "doesn't" but she wants me to cause she knows I like it. I even go down on her which I've tried in the past but she would "never" let me (probly cause I've been dropping hints at it for months). No action this week cause of aunt flow visiting right after we got home. Gotta roundup cows tomorrow and I've been working on corrals for shipping this week and haven't been downtown for a beer so its been on my mind all day. Played with 3 of the 4 kids this evening as wife took the other to town for sports practice. When she gets home she asks for the plan tomorrow I say 830 and she nags me bout how early it is since one of us takes kids to the bus around 730. I say thats the plan live with it we've done it before. To be fair I've been setting a later time (9am the last couple times we met at corrals to start) but I want to start earlier cause I've got more work to get done tomorrow after we roundup. Say I'm gonna head downtown for a beer at the end of the conversation so I went down for a couple and got home around 930 cause I gotta be in good shape for tomorrow and I wanted to post here tonight since I won't be able to tomorrow. An observation: last week we went to my daughter's ballgame. We wanted to go by ourselves but when we pulled up to the house her mom was there and I suggested she come with us since we haven't included her much lately. Had a fun evening at the game together. After the game at home wife had jumped me similar to what happened at aunts house. Didn't get it on as there was a kid hanging around every corner. I decided to include her family in both instances preceding the jumping. Maybe I seem more attractive because of this I'm not sure I did it without expecting anything from her I didn't care.
Joker43
2024-10-24 05:37:17 +0000 UTCSomeone correct me if I'm wrong
Joker43
2024-10-24 04:41:12 +0000 UTCAgree with OpSec, your first response was on. Your contemplated response would have been along the lines of DEERING if I'm right.
Joker43
2024-10-24 04:40:39 +0000 UTCClose enough assessment. Appreciate the perspective.
Apollo
2024-10-24 04:15:34 +0000 UTCBJ-retention behaviors. Best guess is your SMV is way higher than hers. She may not know how to keep you and feeling a lot of anxiety about that.
Validation Junkie
2024-10-24 04:11:55 +0000 UTCYou basically had it right in the beginning of this FP. You told us you wanted to go home to sleep because you work “x” time. But something kept you from making that decision right when you wanted to. Kill that covert contract or whatever it is that kept you from deciding that earlier in the day. I am guessing you knew she would react this way and you wanted to postpone that as long as possible. Nice guy behavior. You fell into her frame and rewarded shitty behavior. Frame STFU Don’t reward shitty behavior. She said what she did in that text because she doesn’t want the provisions to leave, not because you were so alpha. Herion drip to keep the junkie coming back.
Validation Junkie
2024-10-24 04:05:41 +0000 UTCField Report #19 Pretty quite week. Focused on fitness and nutrition. Continued with learning Spanish. I am three months in and more focused on building the habit. Can comprehend much more now than in the last three months. So the daily work I am doing is producing the results I am happy with. Last week I mistook my wife’s gripe about me kissing her ass during sex as something different and went autistic. I definitely see where i went wrong. I see that next time I should just toss some alpha on it, slapped her ass and went back to pound town. Had a lapse in frame where I went and pouted under the guise of “red pill” mental model. I was irritated with her response, at first I thought I was responding with abundance/don’t phone in the sex, but after reflecting back on it I realized that I just rationalized my own butt hurt feelings of her not being 100 percent into me kissing her ass. I should of came from the frame of “oh you didn’t like the kiss, too bad we are still fucking.” Less autism, more fucking. My cue should been when I saw how negatively affected she was by the rejection, which makes sense why she was so compliant to fuck later that day. It was never about her not wanting to fuck. Long story short I see how my ego got in the way of my dick. I have made a mental note to adjust and be non reactive to things like that in the future.
Validation Junkie
2024-10-24 03:52:42 +0000 UTCWhen I met her in 2014, her son was 1, and her daughter was 4.I had a daughter from a previous relationship too. She would say I'm, "Not the stepfather, but the father who stepped up" kinda deal. I think it's cause in her eyes, subconsciously, there's a danger of me leaving her, and it'd be just her and the kids again. They see their dad every other weekend, and he's a prick. I was just getting ready to leave for work, and she was cuddly, then crying, then saying she didn't feel sexy, and that I could have someone way better then her if I wanted to. I told her maybe I could, but I wanted her. A few minutes later she was blowing me in the bathroom while the kids were chillin in the living room. I think the wheels are turning.
Apollo
2024-10-24 01:26:00 +0000 UTCThis report is having trouble focusing. It tells me you are still fumbling around. Often you repeat stuff. Often you fail to write what happened: “… sure I failed some. I won some to…”. I would write more. Get specific. Your writing reflects your behavior. In general: stfu (at this point) is what you need to do. You are starting to understand that she uses verbal puke to process. Learn wisnifg and give us simple clear ooda loops.
Cousin Eddie
2024-10-24 01:12:13 +0000 UTC… “ you are the best thing that ever happened to me and my family…”. Are you supporting ‘her’ family? Why would she phrase it like that? Somthing about it is over the top.
Cousin Eddie
2024-10-24 01:01:51 +0000 UTCThe ugly ones are ugly on the inside too. They don’t love themselves enough not to be fat.
Op Sec
2024-10-24 00:46:46 +0000 UTCFR 30 I dated a lot in the summer, some weeks up to seven dates. They all ended up as a short term plates or I just wasn’t interested. I’ve noticed after dating so much that it’s such a huge time investment for me, that my standards have gone up substantially. Before I would hookup with anything just to add another notch, but now if she’s not younger and hot, I’m probably not going to skip the gym that night. I also did a lot of partying in the summer and I ended up paying for it in the by the end, I gained weight and lost a lot of gains. I’ve been back in the gym now for six weeks and tracking macros, focusing on a recomp. A tale of two plates. I’m writing this in an attempt to understand Plate 1’s actions, however maybe there is nothing to understand. Plate 1 - ex girlfriend from last winter, broke up in April, she stayed on as a plate. Smv 4-5, overweight, covered in tattoos, single mom of two. Plate 2 - long term plate since May. Smv 6-7, fit blonde, no tattoos, no kids. For the past five months I’ve had these two plates in my roster, hanging out and hooking up with each at least once per week. In July when I was posted on “Are we dating the same guy” Facebook group, both of them posted nasty comments, I obviously pulled attention from them and they both came back shortly after. I have been very transparent that I’m casually dating and we’re not exclusive, this was made even more clear when I was outed by multiple women on Facebook. So a few weeks ago Plate 1 finds out that I’m still seeing Plate 2, and calls up Plate 2 in a frantic rage. Then she proceeded to call me multiple times, leaving threatening voicemails, her and Plate 2 even left me a voicemail together reminding me what a “piece of shit” I am. Side note, at the time while my phone was blowing up from the other two plates, I was with another woman at her place. The amount of phone notifications and me ignoring the calls made her want to fuck me even more, we headed straight to the bedroom. So Plate 1, blocked me on everything and never wants to see me again, fine I’m tired of her drama anyways, she’s not worth it. What I’m trying to understand is why did it bother her so much? She seems delusional. Do women typically have trouble going backwards, from girlfriend, back down to non-exclusive plate? With Plate 2, she has never tried harder, she started making me dinners, cookies, and is on the blow job apology tour. This makes sense to me, preselection, competition anxiety, etc. Confusing to me though, she is the hotter of the two, I would’ve thought the roles would be reversed and the lower Smv would be the one to sick around and try harder. Why do I feel the need to reach out to someone who says she fucking hates me? This has been a tough one for me. I’ve dropped a lot of plates in the past, but I’ve known Plate 1 for almost two years now. Something that’s not mentioned much in plate theory is that it will mess with your emotions, short term plates not so much, but I formed a connection with the long term ones and it’s not as easy to lose them as I thought.
ErikTheRed
2024-10-24 00:28:33 +0000 UTCHad a fight with my wife Saturday. It involved being at a campground with family, and me leaving to go back home when everyone went to bed, because I work 3rd shift, and would be up while everyone was asleep. The short version is that I wasn't clear about whether or not I was staying, and she got mad that I didn't communicate with her, (a common complaint). Everyone else went to bed, and we stayed up at the fire and she went off. I usually just shut down, shut the fuck up, and let her rant, but I have a bad habbit of being more like a stone than an oak. My guess is I should have just pulled my attention and left, OR I should've just made a decision on whether or not I was staying, and done it, regardless of how she felt about it, but after 9 years of marriage she knows the buttons to push. Her rant ranged from asking why I was even with her, to saying she didn't even know anything about me, to bringing up stuff from years ago. I said she was reaching for anything she could, and reminded her that I am extremely good to her, which made things worse. Her berrating eventually had us both emotional, and because of sleeping arrangements, she said let's just go home, that she would come back in the morning. The car ride home was silent, and when we went to bed, I held her, which she didn't oppose, though this was probably rewarding bad behavior. I woke up to a message from her saying, "I am so sorry for everything. I hate feeling and acting the way I do. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and my family and I know I am selfish and demanding. I don't want to ever lose you. I love you." The rest of the day went fine, these are how are fights go a lot of the time. There seemed to me to be some dread in what she said, but a lot of me being the punching bag too. If you couldn't tell, she's a very anxious person, and I'm a recovering nice guy, type 2 captain. I'm being patient, I know it's still early on in the process.
Apollo
2024-10-23 23:23:43 +0000 UTCI came back from a trip. During that trip for some reason, I get a ton of attention from females, e.g. the female uber driver tried to number close me, the barrista was wanting to remake my latte for no reason. So chatting with wife. her: "What do you do on your computer all day?" me: "I talk to hot chicks online" her: "That wasn't necessary!" all pissed off or something. me: "k" A few minutes later she was blowing me. Had sex on another day. It was meh, I didn't validate it in anyway. She's been crying more often for no reason.
Op Sec
2024-10-23 23:09:02 +0000 UTCAhhh, calibration! Thanks for the tip man. 👍🏻
Diego Verga
2024-10-23 22:57:01 +0000 UTC"I'm not answering that question." is perfect. That line you thought about saying, not so much.
Op Sec
2024-10-23 22:47:16 +0000 UTCHey Rian, Haven't written in a little over a month, because I decided to re-read NMMNG again. I also read The Three Types of Dysfunctional Captains, and re-read #2 cause that's the one you and other guys said I was. I got some great insights from that short read, but the important one is NMMNG. I re-read it three times since. Thank god for audiobooks. From the first read-through, I realized I never had actually finished the damn book, and I missed out on a lot of great concepts. I realized from the first proper read of it that I was missing out on a lot of concepts. I resolved to not write in to the locker room until I have had applied the concepts of it. One example from the book stood out to me: the one where the wife of a guy comes back from work pissed and quiet and the guy tries to fix her emotions. Basically that was me if you can recall (I'm the guy with the girlfriend who's 9 years younger, and I was afraid of her emotions if that rings a bell). Anyway, I decided to start by enforcing some small boundaries and I figured if she tried to pick a fight again, I knew (in theory) what to do. She tried to knitpick at me in a few instances. I think I responded pretty good, despite the fact that acting different than what I usually do made me feel uncomfortable. An example of one of these knitpicks is that she has the habit of every now and then she will as something about the ex. Something like "did your exes do (X thing that I do for you now)?" In the past, I'd answer like a dumbass and she'd use that to feel upset, then she'd get in her feelings and I would try to coddle her. And I knew that she would ask another stupid question like that eventually, so I was determined to not take the bait the next time it would happen. I changed my approach. Next time she asked me another one of those stupid questions, I finally was able to catch on to it quick enough to run an OODA loop quick enough to control my reaction. I just looked her in the eye, waited a couple of seconds, and told her "I'm not answering that question." and let the silence hang for a few excruciating seconds until she just changed the subject. Fucking finally. But I think that what changed is that inside I was genuinely tired of these stupid questions. I delivered it in that neutral way, but I think I should have said it how I really wanted to say it ("Fuck that shit. You know what you're doing, and I'm not gonna answer these bullshit bait questions"). Next time I should do that… Anyway, long story short is that, I've been getting little bait thrown at me from her here and there and I just don't have the patience for it anymore, so I don't grab it. Yes it still makes me feel uncomfortable to do so, but I now realize that I need to "get the reps in" so to say, so that I can continue to put my way first. I knew that we were due for another big fight. So these little wins made me feel more confident to tackle her next attempt at a fight. The big one came about two weeks ago, where again, she was over my apartment for the weekend. We were having good conversation and drinks, chilling. I'm hoping to fuck. We start talking about something that makes her sad, and when she gets sad, before crying, she will go silent and non-verbal. I recognized this as the usual pattern of her trying to start some shit over nothing and displaying negative emotions, cause she knows that usually I'd try to coddle her, she'd throw it back at me and we'd have a fight that I didn't want. But this time, I literally felt fed up inside. And also, I was able to recall that example from NMMNG that I mentioned above about the wife coming home in a mood and the guy just shuts up and lets her process her shit. I thought to myself "ugh again with this shit? If I'm not fucking, then I'm not gonna deal with this shit." So, I resisted my urge to coddle her and I let her be moody and non-verbal on the couch. I grabbed another drink, and I turned on the TV and started watching some stuff with her sitting next to me being moody. We didn't speak for like 3 hours. It felt weird cause the whole time I was resisting the urge to fix her emotions, but also it felt good cause I really just am tired of dealing with this shit. I even fell asleep on the couch for a bit. I wake up, and she's sitting on the one-seater fingering her phone. She notices that I woke up, and comes over to the couch to me without saying a word. Finally I just say "Hey" and we start some chit chat. I start getting frisky, things escalate sexually, and we fucked. Hard. I think this is a big win for me because I got the outcome that I wanted. She wanted to start some shit, but I didn't take the bait, and we fucked. Felt good that the biggest issue that I had is that she complained about sore tits and the marks on her neck being visible, but I fixed that by taking her to get a turtleneck. It's still a bit too warm where we live for that, but fuck it, she has a curvy body and I always wanted her to wear one, so I got her one and she put it on without complaint. So, sure I failed some of the smaller ones too. But I won some, and when it came to her next attempt at starting shit, I decided I didn't want to deal with it, and we fucked anyway. I'll admit, it was tough. But at least I'm getting more and more of the outcomes that I wanted. My main focus now will be on repetition, calibrating myself, and making sure I don't slide back on old approval-seeking behaviors. I'm sure I will on occasion, but if I can catch myself on time, I can stop that shit right away.
Diego Verga
2024-10-23 22:09:22 +0000 UTCFR 23 Cold approaches going well, doing minimum 20 a week. Switched from daily approaches to two 90-120 minute sets per week because doing it daily was just not compatible with my work life. Approach anxiety down to almost zero, even with really hot girls. Two-sets are still hard on my own. So are girls on the phone and girls in shops. The rest is generally not a problem. Also, most rejections don’t bother me at all. Barely feel them anymore. I just keep going. Average Stats at the moment: 20 approaches a week 3 phone numbers a week 1 date every 14 days (from cold approach, not counting online) Sets are getting longer, can keep her interest longer if things go well. Sometimes, I might still be too high energy and enthusiastic and talk too much. On the one hand, I’m glad about my general progress, on the other hand, I’m really mad at myself for wasting all these years because the door has been open THIS ENTIRE FUCKING TIME. Question: James Tusk recommends not texting a girl for 24-48 hours after a date (even if you fucked, but also when you didn’t). Reasoning: you’re the prize, make her miss you etc. Also: always double the time she takes to answer you when texting. Texting back too early after a date may be the breaking point between ONS and plate. Tried a 32 hour radio silence with one girl after a date, didn’t work out. Obviously, this is not a big enough sample size and it could have been for any number of reasons. Any experiences/best practices for when to text a girl back after a date? Also, made a new friend. He saw me cold approaching in the city and asked if I wanted to wing with him. We’ve been out together a few times, and it’s fun. We see eye to eye on a lot of stuff other than dating. Not a lot of progressives in the daygame scene, it turns out.
Hypergamous Best Option
2024-10-23 22:01:50 +0000 UTC
