Patreon, R&P Q&A #288
Added 2024-10-09 18:21:04 +0000 UTC
Comments
Thanks for the advice but, Just to know. Most of the parties in that town are organised or have something to do with medschool students. Trying to pick up girls with the “I’m a doctor” thing is pointless and I am very aware of that.
Brandy
2024-10-11 15:41:21 +0000 UTCmaybe you don't have this, but writing this down just in case - don't expect the profession to be a panty dropper. Girls go after guys that are hot and make them feel good (game). They use the profession as reputation management with their friends - "my boyfriend is a doctor, isn't that great?" She really is saying, "I'm fucking this guy because he's attractive and makes me feel tingly, and I need to have a reason to justify it so I don't feel like a slut." you worked hard to get into med school - good job, but there's still residency, junior attending, etc. progression BS, and there is less overlap in how this translates with desire from girls (outside of the medical field) then you may think. For the spinning plates side - it's about sourcing, game, and gym
lemon
2024-10-11 15:35:17 +0000 UTCGeneral mental model for girls is that they want to be with someone who they FEEL is better than them and on the same team. Whenever you see the hot chick with the ugly fat guy it's because the guy has done a great job making her feel that way. Same thing describes scenarios with the girl that divorce "perfect" guys like Tom Brady - because the wife feels they are better and/or not on the same team as the husband. When you become neurotic checking the phone slowly your wife will pick up on those vibes and slowly move herself in the position where she's questioning if you're better or not and whether your on the same team (she has no idea about the thoughts in your head, she just picks up on vibes from your behavior and actions). Checking the phone gives you information but also increases your neuroticism. You already have enough information, you need to decrease you neuroticism and kill checking the phone. It sucks not getting that information, but it will increase the stability of the relationship.
lemon
2024-10-11 15:23:52 +0000 UTCWhat is poor behavior from wife. This is very unspecific. Never talk about divorce again, keep your cards close to your chest. You don't have to listen to her feelings, why are you? ok 1/3rds rule, you did a thing, it's a start. sleep in your own bed, let her move out.
Op Sec
2024-10-10 18:05:55 +0000 UTCI've noticed it too. The only funny ones I know are HB4s that had to develop a personality. Looks like you gotta have a disadvantage in the sexual market to bother developing a personality and sense of humor.
Ban Mido
2024-10-10 18:02:22 +0000 UTCWife wanted to go on the pill(for non birth control reasons), I voiced a concern about weight gain. This triggered her and she started frame shifting and starting asking questions and wanting to talk about it. her: “what are you saying?” me: “I said all I wanted to say” Here I couldn’t think of anything to say that would benefit me, or how in any way continuing on would help me in any way. Perhaps “I don’t want a fat wife”, her: continues to be emotional, “why did you say that” me: “I said all I wanted to say” her: “I need more” me: “ok” her: “It makes it hard to have a relationship” me: “yeah” … me: “I need to meditate before my next meeting”, put on my headphones and started clearing my head. She left. Later that day, before sex, silent treatment. Good time to practice holding a conversation. Some time after, sex, I got behind her, and felt her up. her: “You like me?”. Interesting, me holding a boundary, increased her need for comfort. Wife hasn’t gone on the pill yet and has been eating less.
Op Sec
2024-10-10 17:59:58 +0000 UTCCovert contracts need work. You don’t own her.. you are only a renter. Shrinks? Lol
Cousin Eddie
2024-10-10 17:59:44 +0000 UTCDropping the divorce card is negotiating love. That never ends well. I understand the goal is to move beyond stfu. But for now, you need to stfu.
Cousin Eddie
2024-10-10 17:54:24 +0000 UTCThis is just a general question. Why are women rarely funny? My wife has picked up A/A and Cocky funny from me, and try’s to use it from time to time. It rarely comes across as funny. Crickets, then she looks at me like I am the asshole hahaha.
Validation Junkie
2024-10-10 17:50:25 +0000 UTCGood. Cut down your words. You are still deering. Try: “ I'm not talking about this anymore.” instead of “Look, I'm not talking about this anymore. I'll just leave you alone till you get over it. I want to get some rest before I go to work again!” Her.. you don’t care. You: I am here, caring. Also Try no answer at all. Stfu. It is a great off speed pitch.
Cousin Eddie
2024-10-10 17:25:46 +0000 UTC1-2 good friends is good. Alls you need. Red ocean is general population. Ex: a bar, a fair, Blue ocean is a niche. Ex: comic con, film festival Parenting: life has consequences. Simply put… you are late you take the bus.. nice
Cousin Eddie
2024-10-10 17:18:16 +0000 UTCAll future tense. Ooda , past tense. Describe how nmmng is being applied. Don’t bother with Rollie writing yet
Cousin Eddie
2024-10-10 17:15:18 +0000 UTCBuilding, driving, chilling in your fun bus should be your focus. Anything outside of that is amusing…. The way this is written is a reaction to others. Not from your point of origin.
Cousin Eddie
2024-10-10 17:11:57 +0000 UTC“ Positive masculine energy” is called a bucket term. Be more specific. (You do clarify this later). 1.you were honest. (Being late). 2. You owned the consequences (“I’m late… let’s get to it). I find I map rp and mental models back and forth from rule zero, work, health, parenting. Rooting through the trash (the ex) Note: Your memory will highlight good times and repress bad times., If you do proceed with that she must come to you. And start as a plate and work her way up.
Cousin Eddie
2024-10-10 17:05:53 +0000 UTC"You went back to a soy diet and soy habits. Now you are soy." This is why I love you guys :D True. Last 8-9 months have been a test of my frame and I can see now how my frame started getting chipped away until at some point it collapsed completely. I gave up from the stress and got comfortable just doing stuff for others
Ban Mido
2024-10-10 16:48:35 +0000 UTCSo you made some decisions and they had consequences. Your game fell off, and it will take some time to jump back on it. Most of this reads very normal. As you get back into the swing of things, it should improve and get better than you were before. The choreplay argument, that was negotiating desire and you should know better. As well as some of the digging through the trash. Parents, are great at testing your frame. You went back to a soy diet and soy habits. Now you are soy. You can see how this works. What would have happened if you didn't let your dad live with you? Ate a high protein diet with him around? brought chicks home?
Op Sec
2024-10-10 16:13:51 +0000 UTCMemory of a goldfish. Never bring up a past fight. Game her and try to fuck her instead.
Op Sec
2024-10-10 16:06:51 +0000 UTCGirls will manufacture an excuse when they are ready to move on. This is what happened here.
Op Sec
2024-10-10 16:04:31 +0000 UTCok, so you are tracking location for a non-neurotic reason. Makes sense, but it sounds like you can't handle it, because you keep looking at it. Figure out a way to stop looking at the location app. Allow yourself to feel the anxiety, it won't hurt you, learn to be comfortable with that little bit of discomfort. Then when you've had enough go to the gym.
Op Sec
2024-10-10 16:02:15 +0000 UTCYeah I guess that’s where Riane and I differ but that’s cool. I would just let her sit in silence for as long as it took haha. But that’s just me. I hope it worked for you.
Validation Junkie
2024-10-10 15:36:37 +0000 UTCHowdy gentlemen! It's been a while. Hope everyone's doing well. * I had my dad stay with me for four months and that restricted my lifestyle quite a bit; switched to a vegetarian/low-protein diet, no bringing girls home, limited dating, less personal time, traveling a lot, eating out more. When I couple this with the first four months of the year spent spinning plates, skipping gym, not prioritizing sleep and gaining fat, I feel bad at having wasted almost a year making no progress on my goals. I know it's nobody else's fault than my own and I have to own upto the fact that I lived a life of no frame/boundaries the last 8-9 months. I've noticed a "beta-backslide" in my mental thoughts and behaviors after staying with my dad for so long; eg: I'm running away from asserting boundaries with the Indian longdistance chick (below). She wants to do video calls everyday and instead of telling her No clearly I've been making excuses saying I'm busy with work and still giving into her eventually. I feel like I'm operating out of a scarcity mentality * I still kept in touch with the Indian chick (30y/HB6) from Canada (recap: met her last year in a party and she got my number this year from a mutual friend. We started dating but she lives in Canada while I'm in the US). I've been entertaining this long-distance fling with her but haven't made it exclusive even though she's been pushing me for exclusivity since July. I told her we can talk about this in Oct after my dad leaves and now we have a trip to Hawaii with her friends planned. She wants to have this conversation during that trip and I need to figure this out before that * I'm trying to figure out if I want to be exclusive with this girl; she has some of the qualities I like in a girl like fitness-oriented, smart enough to land and keep a good job, dresses well. But there are things I don't like in her; major being the long-distance and lack of sexual chemistry. I've never been able to get her to orgasm and she says she doesn't orgasm and thinks she's asexual. When I told her I like a consistent sex schedule, like 1x/week, she brings up stupid feminist talking points about choreplay and communication. Granted I've gained weight (~8-10lbs) this year and it's understandable if I'm physically unattractive and I also know I can shed that fat gain if I lock-in for 3-months without distractions. Another problem is that she wants to stay in Canada to get the Canadian PR and citizenship and asks me if I'm ok with doing longdistance. I've been ok with the longdistance so far because we were non-exclusive and I could spin plates/sleep around locally while keeping her as a backup girl when I want to settle down in the future but I don't think I can be exclusive and essentially an "incel" * My first plate from earlier in the year had some other qualities that I really liked; mainly sexual chemistry and a good sense of humour. Her personality actually made her go from HB4 to HB5 as I enjoyed her company a lot. Just before we split, she left a letter between my books on my table telling me how much she's glad she met me. She's got a bf now so I not trying to get back with her. She's been a great plate and friend so I wish her well. But it's hard finding a girl who's hot, has sexual chemistry and a good sense of humour * I tried dating again after dad left and my experience has been mostly shit. I did bring a chick home and escalate to get a titjob but she ghosted me for the second hangout. And I barely get any replies on online dating these days. I've been noticing this cute girl in my gym since last year and once I started getting back into the gym this year, I approached her once in August. The first time made some small talk and left; but I didn't see her after that. This week saw her again and tried to see if she'd make eye contact but she avoided making eye contact with me * Oh, also met up with my ex in NY while taking my dad to visit Niagara falls and NYC. We started flirting over texts and she wanted to meet me again (she's separating from her husband). Like an idiot I wanted to fuck her again and arranged my travel plans to meet her while in her state. In the end, I didn't escalate properly and we didn't hook up. I tried to suggest another trip but she declined saying she wants to focus on her separation with her husband. Lesson learnt; my ex is not the person I remember from my happy times with her. Stop rooting through the trash
Ban Mido
2024-10-10 15:24:32 +0000 UTCStop sharing locations. Makes you neurotic. Consider catch and release to build an abundance mindset. I think it’s also a part of the anger phase. Once we learn that we have been acting like a beta bitch and start to add alpha behaviors, we realize she probably considered jumping ship or having an affair at one point. That can crank the neurotisim up. That’s why developing the mental model “she’s not yours, it’s just your turn” helps.
Validation Junkie
2024-10-10 14:45:21 +0000 UTCRun game all the time. You will get better at it and less rejections as you get less awkward and the smv goes up. Build report, break report. Just takes reps. This will help with scarcity.
Validation Junkie
2024-10-10 14:32:50 +0000 UTCIt’s become a recurring theme. We get in these stalemates, no speaking, coldness in the home, the kids feel it, they drag on for days and days. Previously Rian suggested approaching and setting the narrative, which is what I did. Letting her know an apology isn’t coming, I have zero regrets, and she’s gotta get her act together. It’s a form of “teaching that bitch a lesson”, but my goal was to set the correct narrative before I left town.
RUIN
2024-10-10 14:30:46 +0000 UTCProtect her from what? A girl verbal altercation? Something tells me your girl is no stranger to those. Take it as a gift, you got a glimpse into what you have to look forward to. A standard of mine is that my girl can act politely in public.
Validation Junkie
2024-10-10 14:29:25 +0000 UTCWhat were you wanting to solve by bringing the argument back up? You did good holding frame. The second part reads like you wanted another chance to teach that bitch a lesson. Which by doing so you actually showed her the beta quality.
Validation Junkie
2024-10-10 14:24:10 +0000 UTCYou've mentioned it often, but I'm seeing this have an impact in other areas of my life. First it was with my parents, now it's with work. I'm being recruited by the top company in my industry and was told yesterday "an offer is coming." Should we come to terms, I'll really stick it to my current company and boss (who I love) by leaving. They've sent a ton of money my way with no strings attached and I've given them less than a year of service. In the past I likely wouldn't have even started the process or would have been lazy to self sabotage and avoid a tough decision. Instead, I've gone after it 100%. I know that it's just business and I have to do it if the money is right, but still will be a tough day when I burn the bridge with my boss and say bye to the team I built from scratch. My current boss is one of the best I've ever had and my team is great as well, but the company is going nowhere. The other company is growing fast and an instant resume builder. I'll be entering with the unknowns of boss and team. How do you think about these life changing decisions? On the home front... Saturday morning we all take off down the road to meet my parents for what should have been a nice brunch. Kids are watching their show in the back, wife starts nagging at me up front. I ignore the first 2 comments, but the 3rd was about the kids: "how would you know, you have no clue what's even happening with them!" I asked "are you done?" and kept on driving. 30 seconds later the complaints of "why'd you go this way?" start in. After the 2nd (5 total) - I respond: "If you don't knock this off, I'm taking you home." "Good, I can just do what I want there anyway!" First uturn I find I flip around and head back toward the house. Pick up the phone and call my dad to tell him I'm running a little late. She amps it up. "you're such an asshole, how dare you talk to me this way, I'm not going to be the reason you're late! Just drop me off at a gas station." Find the first one and pull over. She opens the door and gets out. I drive off. The text messages started immediately - "the place you dropped me at is closed", "there's a man in a white van staring at me", "you put my life in danger", "I'll never forgive you or forget this", "what you did will forever scar our children" etc. I ignored them and had a great time with the kids and my parents. She started sleeping upstairs that night and we haven't spoken more than 4 words to each other since. I'm leaving town for a boys trip today through Sunday, so yesterday I attempted to break the ice. "We're going to discuss what happened on Saturday before I leave." Her: "I have nothing to say to you." Me: "Well, that's fine, but I get the sense you're expecting an apology and you should know that's not happening." Her: Screaming, yelling, how dare you leave me, you put my life in danger, I'll never forgive you, I could have been raped, I could have died, I could have gotten heat exhaustion." Me: You were out of line and I'd do it again in a second. I hope you remember this next time you can't control your mouth. Her: My mom can't believe you! What if your daughter's boyfriend had done this to her? Me: Was she nagging him to death? Then I'd take his side. Her: I have nothing to say to you, I'M DONE" I walked out and went back to my office. 10 Minutes later the text: Her: "Please do not talk to me again until you’re ready to apologize. You will really throw me over the edge. All you do is bring me down, never lift up or have my back. Yes, you work hard but so do I and I am NEVER off and NEVER get taken out or go out with friends -let alone just take off for the weekend leaving you at home. I did not deserve getting left on the side of the road like a piece of trash. And “you wanted me to remember” you accomplished that. I am truly traumatized! No need to respond" Me: "I’m not concerned with your “edge” and I’ll talk when I damn well please. No need to respond." Haven't spoke since, I'm leaving this morning and I'm gonna go have an amazing time with the boys and forget all about this. Dropping a long one here, it's been awhile and I feel like I'm regressing but would love your view. This strikes me as a standard battle for frame. Your reason for diving into this content has stuck with me "I never wanted to feel like I was being taken for granted again." That's exactly how I feel right now. I'm being taken for granted and I'm at the end of my rope...I'd rather lose her all together than allow that feeling to persist. Looking forward to hearing your take. I'll try to join live today!
RUIN
2024-10-10 12:18:16 +0000 UTCI think the cause of your anxiety is that deep down, you know your girl will get lots of attention from other men and can hook up with any of them without you ever finding out, if she wants to. Good news is that if she’s having regular sex with you, it’s unlikely that she will want to look outside, coz of hypergamy. Bad news is that you believe that you don’t have the ability to do what she can. Which gives her power over you. She can hurt you anytime she wants but you can’t. and this makes you uncomfortable One way to get over this feeling is to make yourself believe that you can do it too, by gaming other women. If you are as attractive as you say you are, it should not be very difficult to have flirty conversations with other women, which will give you confidence to not ponder over your wife’s whereabouts
Goten
2024-10-10 07:07:29 +0000 UTCIs it my job to defend my lady? Was in an small elevator with one of my plates. Another couple enters. My girl sarcastically says to me “why can’t people see the place is already packed before barging in”. The other girl got mad hearing this and said “why don’t you guys walk out then”. Both of them started shouting and the dude joined in the fight. in between the fight,my girl kept looking at me expecting i’d say something. I just gave her the look”what do you want me to do?” and kept my mouth shut After we got off, my girl got angry at me saying Her: “why didn’t you support me there”. Me: “do you really think they were too much for you to handle?” Her: “of course not but I expect you to defend me like a man” me: “sure, i’ll pack my wrestling gear next time we go out “ Her : “whatever” (I resisted the urge to say that fight was your fault and im not gonna jump off the bridge with you) 1week update: she stopped answering calls, guess im not gonna see her again Thinking what I could have done different: - join in on the fight - tell my girl to shutup and I apologise to the other couple - cocky funny response that could deescalate the situation (i cant think of one!) My question is “is it my job to pull my girl out of stupid situations if she decides to get into one?” If I ask myself what’s in it for me if I join the fight? : - maybe if i jump in to protect her, she’ll see me as an alpha male - covert contract - I can practice being confrontational about something I don’t care about Any of you guys dealt with similar situations?
Goten
2024-10-10 06:18:12 +0000 UTCI have been in the two year dancing monkey improvement program Even though I have improved many things, I’m physically fit, never miss the gym, the revenue in my business had been growing every year, I have switched from a dead bedroom for years to a 1 or 2 times a week I thought I had developed a solid frame but I have to admit that I have been codependent validation seeking I can’t pass one day without feeling the need to compliment my wife on how beautiful and sexy she is nor can say no when she asks me for something On the last months I have been complete anxiety mess, Every time she lefts the house by herself I dread that she is having an affair I have checked her phone, never found the evidence of an infidelity All the members of the family share an app that tracks our location in real time, we do this because of the insecurity in Mexico, I track her every time she leaves the house and she goes exactly where she says But the anxiety makes me think she is still hiding something, but she is too god about it I have confronted her about it, we had fight, not proud of this The last week I started to look professional help for this problem. I’m going whit a psychologist to see if he can help me suit the anxiety besides the work on this group So my goal for the next week 1)Not checking her phone or her location when she leaves, 2)Not giving compliments or validation for free, only when she does something nice for me first 3)Suit my Anxiety when I start to feel it Any suggestion is always welcome
Txane Murillo
2024-10-10 06:02:19 +0000 UTCYou answered your own dilemma regarding jealousy with your ex. Go workout and talk to other women. Get busy and focus on other things. Stay busy.
Joker43
2024-10-10 05:26:26 +0000 UTCRelationship wise, slow uneventful week til yesterday morning. Poor behavior from wife so I told her that I didnt care for it and sparked a conversation. Finally said I have been contemplating divorce if things do not improve. She starts talking about her feelings, a lot about the past, which I realize are bullshit its in the past and say so and that I am concentrating on the now and future. This was received cordially and the rest of the day wife was affectionate but I keep thinking it'll last a couple days so I start to get irritated, covert contract on my part, and this morning I get an I love you to which I say thanks (implementing the 1/3 guideline) which dissapoints her. I may have messed up cause she says she'll keep working on herself to which I reply I am still doing the same when I probly should have just left for work. Tonight I did give her an I love you after I got one as she was being affectionate again, however, got rejected when I went for "it" so I'm just gonna sleep elswhere (couch not the cabin I'm beat). In context to me sleeping on the couch, we live in her family's house on the ranch so I usually go sleep at an old hired man house a couple hundred yards away from our house. I just don't want to be around her if I keep getting rejected. Affectionate is nice but its not sex. When I stay at the cabin (to remove attention/time/affection) and come back, wife behaves better but it only lasts a couple days to a couple weeks so this is aggravating. I figure its like having a decent cow dog, once every couple months you have to boot him in the guts to check his attitude when he starts acting like a shithead at work. I've still got work to do with my own behavior like covert contracts and being assertive. Finished WISNIFG and am getting better at fogging, AA, but need to start implementing negative inquiry and disclosure among other tools gone over in the book. Still doing office work in the shop (not in home office) to keep space during the day. I'm turning down more trucking work these days as we have taken on more cows on the ranch and I need to focus on fall work. I get pressure from clients for more work but its known in the neighborhood that I've got my hands full and ranch takes priority so I let them know that and I am shameless about this but I take on what I can trucking-wise.
Joker43
2024-10-10 05:13:49 +0000 UTCSo I have a cough that has been going on for a while. My wife thinks it's pneumonia despite me already talking to a doctor and confirming that it's not. But I told her I'll get a general check up in person as it was overdue. She panics about it by showing me something about "walking pneumonia" where you're asymptomatic and could drop dead at any moment apparently. Upon hearing that, I decided to mess with her by telling her no over and over again about asking the doctor and "punished" her for keep suggesting it by smacking her on the butt saying that she's being bad. Her: Stop babe I'm getting irritated! Meanwhile I'm laughing my butt off about how funny it is that she thinks I might have this insta-death pneumonia. She starts whining too much for my liking so I tell her to stop talking about what I ought to do about my little cough. Me: Be quiet. I'm going to get a check-up Her: Are you going to ask the doctor about pneumonia? Me: No. no no no no no! Her: Babe please! I hate it when you don't listen to me! I tell her to be quiet again and she starts raising her voice and chewing me out. I immediately get up and leave rather than let that happen. Removing myself from her didnt work too much as she followed me around the house and yes I DEER'd a bit about why I didnt want to talk to her anymore in that moment. I kind of just kept telling her to go away and leave me alone. I did leave the house early for work though amidst her crying and everything. While I'm at work I get a wall of text from her and just leave it on read till I get back to the house. I pretty much get on with my day like normal and I decided to lay down next to her to rest a little bit and that's when she wants to bring it up again Her: babe did you read my text? Me: sort of Her: what did you read? Me: something about your rights being intruded upon or something? Her: can you understand how I feel? Me: I can understand how you could feel that way (fogging). but I'm pretty much over it. we're good. Her: well I'm not. At this point she starts telling me what the matter was calmly this time rather than getting heated about it like before. I also wanted to take the time to be honest with her about how I'm free to not be in the mood to talk and that I'm not forced to engage with her if I don't want to, and that making things bigger than they actually are was a bad habit of hers (like having such a big problem with being told to be quiet). when she started getting more emotional again I wanted to have more fun with it this time rather than leaving by calling her adorable and saying things like "no one's ever told you to be quiet before? Is it that big of a deal?" "I didn't even tell you to shut up this time, all I said was be quiet!" In this scenario, instead of continuing to have a talk about this non-issue. I adjusted and stayed amused with her the rest of the way through. Apparently, that was enough for her to start packing some items and leave for my moms house. Her: Babe I'm leaving and you don't even care?! Me: No I don't. I tell her I love her as she's leaving the door as another carefree gesture. I love how my mom called me about this on the phone about how awful I'm being. I didn't explain myself to her and told her that my wife would get over it when she's over her house. I think the first go around when I simply left for work early was me owning my assertive right not to justify my actions only to come back from work and let her judge me still by participating in a talk about it. I'd like to say that I salvaged the interaction with amused mastery and letting her be "right" about how much of an asshole I am. And if it is true, then that is a part of me she'll have to accept. I did get a call from her when she was at my mom's house telling me to come over so that we could resolve this "problem" of me being a big meanie toward her with my father in-law and mother on a phone call. I said no, fogged her, and told her I can maybe be little nicer next time and ended the call soon after. Of course during the evening when we're both together again it's brought up again. I gotta say this is some really odd behavior just from me telling her to be quiet. Her: So this is how it's going to be? Me: What? Her: You're not gonna seek reconciliation with you're upset wife? Me: Look, I'm not talking about this anymore. I'll just leave you alone till you get over it. I want to get some rest before I go to work again! That shut her up at least. Still the texts keep on coming. This time with a link to some couples counseling and instagram videos on how to communicate with your partner. Jeez. I recognize how she's trying to set the narrative though. Trying to make me think I really am immature and need to grow. I didn't even bother watching any of them. I have a hunch that entertaining them is to assume that she's right about me. I leave for work and make her get up to give me a kiss. She tries to make me come to her but I insist that she comes to me and complies. I get a kiss on the cheek but it was enough to show her who has the power here. Rian was right about it getting worse before it gets better in terms of having a dominant frame. So far I think I'm doing fine by just doing my thing and letting all this be her problem to solve. That's one assertive right I'm holding up at least.
Enock
2024-10-10 05:08:23 +0000 UTCWhy are you rooting through the trash? Iron rule #7. If you talk to your ex it’s like going to talk therapy, you are only going to pull up painful memories which leaves you more neurotic. You next months goal should be no contact bro! You are a onites junkie and your ex is herion. Get off the junk!
Validation Junkie
2024-10-10 02:25:44 +0000 UTCField Report #17 Been focusing on weight loss. I have been doing one meal a day every other day and then two meals a day on the off days. I am down 5 lbs and sitting at 199. Been keeping like a mini daily field report of my food eating habits. Writing it with I statement has made me more aware of my poor eating habits and triggers. Made a budget and eating out only once each time I am home. I have been wanting to finish a motorcycle project that I have been putting off for about a year now. I made plans with a fabrication shop to weld the hardtail on, got a trailer and took it over there. For some reason I have just put this off and finally had enough. My wife talked to me about her paying off her student loans. I listened while she talked about different ideas she had for jobs. I told her that I don’t really care what she does as long as the youngest boys are taken care of until school starts for them. She told me something to the effect, she didn’t like that I didn’t want to have any part of her decision. I said that I just don’t really care. It’s your choice what job you want to get. My wife has never stuck with any one job or career path, I find it useless to waste my time helping her. She’s a big girl and can figure it out on her own. I do want her to stay home until the boys are in school and will pay the minimum amount until then. I had her make a list of the different monthly luxuries she is going to give up to make up for the minimum monthly payment. It’s a trade I am willing to make since I pay for about $250 or so of her monthly luxury items. It’s basically a straight off trade and will keep the payment out of collections. Once she gets employment the total amount is hers. My daughter was late to school again this morning. She woke up late and decided to do her make up. I told my wife that we are done taking her to school for the next couple of weeks and she need to ride the bus. My wife tried to give me a bunch of excuses and bring in other things that other kids have done and she doesn’t mind taking her. I told her that if she is going to be late she can ride the bus. The rest of the morning my wife was acting wounded, I ignored her and just went on with my day, gym, jiu jitsu and about lunch time she was happy again so I went back to nice card. I can tell it’s that time of the month, I can’t wait to switch back to my other work schedule. I will be gone for about 90% of them then haha. Yes it’s great sparring at times, yet it gets old coming for two weeks and month and one of those weeks is her being neurotic and moody. Sex is spot on, frequent and freaky. I got advice the other week to work on vision and future, red oceans and blue oceans, friends and something else. My vision is solid and wife is on board with it. Don’t know what blue oceans vs read oceans is so may need that explained. Friends are hit and miss, to be frank I am gone for two weeks working with a ton of dudes and really don’t have a huge drive to expand my friend group beyond 1-2 dudes. I got to jiu jitsu and the gym, I am sociable and never been a loner. My main focus if getting my motorcycle built, and getting down to 10% body fat. Maybe I am driving with a huge blind spot.
Validation Junkie
2024-10-10 02:17:17 +0000 UTCI didn’t write any field reports in a while as I wanted to go over some books(no more mr nice guy, frame and rollo’s book’s, the first one and the preventative medicine one, now I read into “when I say no, I feel guilty) and actually apply the things. Some info as last time you didn’t have a context: I am 22, 75kg, 2nd year medstudent leaving in eastern europe(I don’t think the country is relevant) the guy with 4 girls and a mess of a reposted first report. Goals -Work on eliminating covert contracts -Be more asertive and focus more on taking action. Work Be consistent in the gym Start talking to girls more often and get over any anxieties. Study hard for my exams so I have time to enjoy life on the side. In september I felt very lost and stressed because I realised that I did a lot of things out of a covert contract and towords my family. I want to go into the medical profession but I want to choose my speciality with no influence from anyone. Some Progress I started going to the gym 3 times a week with the exeption of last week when a student festival(big college party pretty much) was held. It’s not the first time I started lifting but the I changed the aproach I have towards it. I started to focus more on, I do this to feel good and looking good is a good side effect( I do this because If I focus on the looks department I tend to stop after a while). My confidence had a bit of a increase and I’am not as stressed as back in september. Now the days I sent that attempt at field report was in a very stressful period but things settled down a bit. I found out that the path I wanted to take was not for me and it was huge ego hit. In the relationship with my family I am a bit more distant, by that I mean, I don’t go home that much as that really places me in their frame of reference. I still talk to them once every 2 days. I’ve met some new people, I was worried because my last friend group scattered it will be hard to meet new ones. About that festival, I decided that it’s a great opportunity to be more proactive in the girl department and I had some moderate results. I’ve gotten rejected a few times and that hit my confidence, but after a girl that I’ve talked with on a random class came to me things went well, I’ve got her ig and flirted a bit. Another girl I’ve actually managed to get her home we talked a bit after as well, we will go on some dates. A third one gave me some glances and rlly liked to flirt and talk to me (got the ig as well) but I was busy with the one I managed to go home with to push an further then and there. Now I need to mention that I still have a bit of a scarcity mentality and that might take a while to fix. Even though lifting helps with emotions, I still overthink a bit and dramatize when I am alone. When I am in social settings things tend to be better as a lot of the bullshit clears away. I try to focus more on starting whatever it is(conversation or work…) and the then adapting to the stiuation, usually is not as bad as I think. I’ve came to this conclusion before but now I try to monitor it so I have a good image of what’s going on. I need to go home this weekend and I will have to stay with my family, this could be a good test to see how things go when I’m with them in person not just talking on the phone. I hope this one is a bit better and It might be of some use.
Brandy
2024-10-09 22:42:47 +0000 UTCStarted looking at jobs about a month ago, had my first interview a couple weeks after. I might be segwaying into a specialty field, which at I hadn’t considered when I first heard about the option, but now actually seems potentially cool. I’m happy with my gym progress so far and am seeing better muscle development. Going into cutting phase now since the body fat percentage is bothering me. Set up plans to head out to social events for this weekend. The good stuff in my life is good, but usually don’t write them up in the field reports since I’m trying to focus on the issues I want to fix and get additional perspectives from. Had a paranoid moment about my ex. We made some small talk and then quickly she started saying things that got me paranoid and jealous. It was my fault – I was a fucking idiot and listened because of curiosity, but I should have just left. What I did after the moment happened was call my friends. It helped, but it felt like pain killers – the neurotic thoughts went away for a little bit, but came back full force afterwards. Then, I focused on recalling mental models to use in this situation. - I shouldn’t try to analyze what she said because I’m going to be wrong. I don’t know what’s actually happening, and I should just focus on the now and on me. - I feel this way because of my circumstances, and the next best move is to focus on changing those circumstances instead of handling potential drama. This means focusing on building my value via career, looks, other girls, etc. - Forgive and let go of the resentment. Me being mad doesn’t do shit to others but it does decrease my focus from pursuing things that actually matter. - It’s normal to care, but realize my brain is lying to me about how important any of this is. - All of this is just part of the game – incels who aren’t willing to take the risk of relationship backlash don’t get pussy. Shut up, go after what you want, make mistakes, and find the fun in the process. It sucks that I still actually care, and I wish I was handling this a lot better. But I will say I’m definitely handling it a lot better than how I was before. Key Thoughts - Working on the career, gym, and consistently going out to social events – feeling satisfied with my progress in those areas. - Had a paranoid moment about the ex. Focused on employing mental models to not be neurotic about her story and generally build up a better way of approaching similar situations in the future.
lemon
2024-10-09 19:14:37 +0000 UTCI am witnessing the effect of positive masculine energy on my coworkers in a powerful way. … but let me start with my ugliest issue…women. Women - grocery Asian is continuing to want to see me. I banged her again at her house this week and while there she asked me to help her finish tying the binding on these notebooks she was making for her students. It was probably too much….as she mentioned how much she enjoyed that night like 3 times since. I think shes starting to get starry eyed with me (literally sent me a picture of the moon and stars). I have another chick who I’m going on a second date with tonight, a jujitsu instructor I met at a bar this past weekend. I am noticing things this week are inducing me to consider going back to see my ex. First, it was my successes at work. Next it was reading more WISNIFG and reflecting. I’ve been ambivalent with this girl since the day I met her. I am stopping myself when I notice as best I can. I think additionally my no-contact, and recently disconnecting myself from an app we had been ‘connected’ on, is inducing fear of loss or desire for validation that she still wants me. I miss her My answer to this Monday and Tuesday has been to workout more because I figure it’s neuroticism. I’m wondering if I have a covert contract going where I subconsciously think that I get to have a problem free life with her if I become the perfect ‘red pilled’ man. Work - Emergency production shutdowns have given me a boost of productivity. I noticed hiding the badness, fear of failure, and fear of judgement before this happened during routine daily tasks but emergencies tend to keep me moving. Everyone, including managers of the site quality, ops, Eng are taking my lead on the issue. The quality manager tried to make a private teams chat between himself and his technician and me to report issues directly to me. I am instead addressing every issue in an open communication channel with everyone involved, from line operators to site leaders. My intention is to quash a few things for myself: 1. Hiding the badness - display my mistakes openly. Monday I was late to work, and in the past, when I was at my most avoidant and toxically shameful, I would have tried to pretend I was already there by leaving my bag in my car and entering the building through the back, then not say anything about it. This time I walked straight into the morning meeting with my backpack then updated my slides right in front of everyone and stated ‘I am late today, top issues are this and I’ll get back to you this morning on next steps.’ This felt amazing. 2. Fear of failure/judgement - lead by example. I called for a meeting to review status and arrived prepared with work and a large data analysis of work I had performed on the line on Friday evening. This was important because my theme here is ALWAYS PROVIDE VALUE. I then was deriving actions and creating a daily tracker for holding the team accountable but thinking about it from the standpoint of holding myself accountable publicly to create trust. After the brainstorming session where the team all said their very *smart, but often not useful* ideas, I pulled the useful things and announced, ‘I’m going to assign individual action owners to be responsible now.’ Then put my name on the first two most challenging tasks (1 I knew I could complete within 24 hours). When I arrived at a particular action I asked the quality manager ‘who will be responsible for this?’. He said, ‘just put down quality in general’. I said ‘I am looking for a direct owner’. He said ‘okay, put my name’. Afterward he found me on the line working on that task and completely supplicated to me with DEERing and uncertainty, telling me he pulled product back from internal distribution. I just told him ‘why did you do that? The evidence does not show that product is an issue, trust the data we are collecting here, that’s how we make decisions.’ He gave me more FUD on it and I responded. ‘I’m going to find out what the cause is on this manufacturing line, and I’m going to do it quickly. The quality and design teams have to complete the actions we wrote on this list today and then we have a complete solution, trust the process.’ I felt like his dad, this revealed to me his lack of experience and insecurities. He can hide behind me if he wants to. I’ll be quality and manufacturing. Maybe he should be reporting to me?
babykiller
2024-10-09 18:40:39 +0000 UTC
