Patreon, R&P Q&A #280
Added 2024-08-14 23:17:20 +0000 UTCVideo will be here before 2pm tomorrow
https://youtube.com/live/GVSDr6JRcxM?feature=share
Comments
Hey Strip, very astute advice. Being: "Forewarned is forearmed". "If you have no interest (which I wouldn't blame you), be aware that she may go down road one and that will present its own challenges" I have no interest and would not. I will be on high alert for Road One challenges now
So Woke da Wookie
2024-08-16 11:46:33 +0000 UTCI’m getting lunch packed in the morning and tell my wife she can have the prepped lunch she made me because it had a ton of Parmesan cheese on top. I get leftover rice and chicken to make a new meal then close the lid. Her: “Did you take the chicken from the container I made you to use it with your rice!?” Me (raising my voice and starting to DEER): no! I found plain chicken and added it to the rice I found. Her (cut me off before I kept talking) “Stop acting so defensive!” I paused and took a breath then calmly responded the way I should have. Me: “no, I added chicken I found to the rice and made a new container.” I go about getting ready and once we drop off our kid it’s like nothing happened. My thoughts: She has a point and I did start DEERing. Doesn’t matter how bitchy she came across when talking. I’m focusing on how she’s saying things like her tone. I’m also assuming she’s attacking me and my character when she’s not. This is a feminine way to think rather than focus on what she said and implied. It’s not as serious as I made it out to be. I assume my wife is still pissed off because it pissed me off. My wife was already off in her own world while I was overthinking the exchange. Even if my wife were pissed about this, it doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t be afraid of her emotions or let her feelings affect my mood. I’m Now aware that: There are probably hundreds of similar exchanges like this throughout the week that are making me unattractive. —- Below is repost from last week that wasn’t covered by Rian: Been making progress at work just being decisive and applying redpill concepts to my interactions. I never realized how much people talk about strategy, goals, growth, and potential opportunities all to just stroke their ego and push off doing the actual work. Sat through several meetings this past week that felt like a feel-good circle jerk that only resulted in a dopamine release for those getting a high off hearing their own voice. I also realized how much my co-workers DEER to even the slightest question of why a project wasn’t completed on time and how they emotionally react when even the smallest problem comes up. Guess it's an opportunity for me to get ahead. Recently got more responsibility and an employee to manage at work, no pay increase. Found out several coworkers are being paid $20-30K more than me and they handle a similar level of responsibility. Some also get a monthly commission, while I don’t get commission. I’m clearly leaving money on the table and have started tracking how much I’m growing the company in more detail to use when asking for a raise. Also started searching for other opportunities as back up or to leverage potential job offers to justify a substantial pay increase. Total debt of $90k. We’ve got a long way to go but I’m managing the finances now. I Revised our budget to cut all unnecessary expenses. My free time is focused on trying to get additional work on the side or improving my skill set to try and get a pay increase. My wife liked the idea of using a single credit card and says she’s on board to getting out of debt. Obviously her actions are what matters but she’s already picked up more hours each week to help. She’s also stopped buying random shit on Amazon since I’ve told her to stop. I have access to all of her other financial accounts including banking, retirement, and investing which I have been reviewing every week just to check. I've started cooking, grilling, and smoking meat more on the weekend as a fun activity and to save $$$. I’ve been meal prepping more and my wife has started doing it too. She actually has done it for me a few weekends which was nice. I found a great forest preserve park where we can walk with our kid and dogs as an outdoor activity and other free activities that don’t require me to drop $100+ every time we go out. The past few weeks my wife’s been looking at puppies (have 3 dogs already), looking at real estate listings for bigger homes (have a place already), new furniture, and new cars (got one in 2020) which I find pretty funny and amusing. Female nature at work always wanting more. I’ve been asking her about it as a means to humor her, practice bantering, and frame it as possible goals to work towards. Wife also brought up having another kid, I entertained the discussion and I concluded that while I’d want another, we are in no position to have one at this time. Realized I have the Madonna whore complex with my wife, but getting better at catching myself acting passive and at times submissive to her. Been practicing flirting and being intimate and I’m starting to feel less ashamed for wanting to have sex with her. Still slip in and out of the covert contract of wanting to have sex with her instead of giving her first crack, not sole custody. Wife tried negotiating desire two weeks ago: Her: So question for you Me: Yes Her: If we did it more often for like 2 1/2 weeks, would you be ok with not having it like during my period and like some days before and after. Like 1 1/2 weeks. That might change in terms of not having it might be less. Me: for me it’s not a matter of when we do something… it’s a matter of DO we do something and how often we do it. Her: okay but I don't want to do anything when on my periods. Me: There's still plenty we can do during your period that doesn’t involve your pussy but that's for you to work through. If you want to work through those barriers together I'm more than willing to help you. Outside of your period it's up to you. Her: alright. We have had sex once since then. So once again I’m just observing her actions and not caring about the words coming from her mouth. Lately my wife has increased the frequency that she’ll promise sex at a later time in the day if I initiate earlier in the day: Me: initiate Her: “not right now but we’re definitely doing something later tonight” or “I’m not in the mood but I was planning to do something later” Me: “can’t wait” or “oh great, I’m looking forward to it” with a smile but in my head assuming nothing will happen. As expected, sex doesn’t happen after initiating later in the afternoon or evening. Several times I wasn’t resentful or angry when this happened, others just disappointed. This happened again this past weekend, but I slipped back into my ways and let it get to me and just distanced myself from her the rest of the night which isn’t helping me practice being more attractive and fuckable. I’ve been practicing not DEERing, specifically to not react defensively. Been STFU and taking a few seconds pause, saying “hmm” or “give me a sec to think about that” before responding. Saved me numerous times from immediately seeking validation from the other person questioning me. Started seeing a therapist for my OCD. Been helping me not waste as much time stuck in compulsive loops. Helped me see additional ways I was seeking validation from people in my life. Been slowly progressing in the gym despite missing a few days the past weeks. I noticed missing workout sessions seems to kill my productivity the following day. I’ve also been prioritizing sleep and hot 7+ hours the past week which helps manage everything going on. Way better than the 4-5 I was getting.
Alligator_Snapping_Turtle
2024-08-15 17:57:45 +0000 UTCAll things on target. Things are overall well. Sex cadence decent. Could be better cadence. Great sessions however. If wife doesn’t feel like sex as often as husband, wouldn’t one expect her to address him in other ways like handy etc given she knows that’s all it really takes to keep him happy? Wouldn’t lack of same would indicate indifference or laziness? What about lack of intimacy without sex from wife? More dread needed?
Volare Alto
2024-08-15 17:56:36 +0000 UTCFirst, last week’s advice to review Early Frame Announcement from Practical Female Psychology was spot on. It led me to reading more from Human Sock Puppet, etc on this topic, especially about alpha fucks. It’s helpful to know that women who announce their traumatic pasts are doing so because it’s what they’re accustomed to; they don’t want to be saved and they want to be fucked the same way all women do. There’s no reason to try to comfort them or treat them any differently (I.e. stay in my frame). I applied this to another new girl. Picked her up, went to a movie, escalated, took her home, fucked her senseless. Went back the next night and did the same then again in the morning. The response to being treated like a normal woman who wants to get fucked by a strong dude is no surprise to anyone, but I did need the reminder. When in doubt, fuck her like she’s never been fucked before, both during the date and actually in the bedroom. I also went to see my second plate that night and she did her normal freaky shit (masochist things and just wanting to be completely dominated, which I oblige). I’ve kept it casual and so has she, but I’m starting to get signs she wants more. In response to “tell me a story about yourself” after I fucked her, I just made up some wild stuff that we both laughed about. This seems to work better than trying to reveal myself or whatever gay stuff would come out of my mouth if I took her seriously. Diet is going ok but less progress than I wanted. It’s weird how much of an influence hormones have on us. I’m on TRT and sometimes my weight can fluctuate despite being on a consistent caloric deficit. Estrogen has a massive impact on water weight. I dropped the HCG and will see how that plays out; so far it’s much better and I’m much calmer, acting and thinking less like a bitch.
Hillbillyheaven
2024-08-15 17:46:43 +0000 UTCThe good stuff first. Having solid workouts. Dropped a couple of pounds to a low of 193 this week (height 5’8”). Under 30 bmi. All the weight is around my midsection. Not perfect on my diet but doing well. Increasing protein and reducing carbs. I have done these bulk/cut diets many times. I am running in the mornings. Training for a half marathon in October. I can prep myself to jog it at 12 min miles pretty easily. I hired a running coach because I want to significantly improve my time from last year to 10 min miles or better. Judges 16:16 I thought you were somewhat bible read. So this is where Delila breaks Samson’s spirit. 16 With such nagging she prodded him day after day until he was sick to death of it. My wife’s bitching nagging complaining started getting out of hand in January. After the holidays, it became apparent that resolving the health issues with my Dad were going to take a while. I stfu and stayed focused on the problems at hand. We had a couple of phone calls with her completely losing her shit, yelling at me through the phone. This is very rare behavior for our decades-long marriage. Now that my Dads situation has improved. Her behavior hasn’t and it’s whatever is bothering her today to complain and bitch about. Last post - Why after not posting for a year did I decide to post last week? It was a realization of “What the fuck am I doing” because I know better and I did it anyway. I needed someone to hold me accountable. This week - Our kids came over for dinner early in the week. One of them mentioned they may do trivia night at a local bar later in the week. Honestly I wasn't sure if this was casual info or invitation. Our children are young adults. They schedule to do stuff together without us sometimes. No big deal to me, Wife gets butt hurt sometimes. I didn’t mention it to my wife, maybe intentionally but I didn’t give it much thought. She usually knows these things and I don’t. We’ve been to this same trivia deal before. My son sends me a text on the day of, that they are going. Does not mention anything about our other 2 children. I’m at work, a little busy. I sent a text to my wife. Me: Trivia tonight, Have you started dinner? Her: No,( haven't started dinner). Me: About to leave work. Workingout at 5pm. She knows when trivia starts and there will be food available. When I get home she says that she had planned to make something special / new for dinner. I asked can you make that tomorrow night?" She said Yes. In my mind the problem is solved. The whole family shows up for trivia and this should be a fun time. The short is that she is miffed that she didn’t know this was “planned”. Started complaining about it as soon as we sat down. I said other than our son I didn’t know who was coming and I didn’t ask. Neither did she ask who was coming to trivia. I asked her what she wanted to drink and she said wine and water. I was a little distracted interacting with my daughter and joking with the bartender. They didn’t have the wine she normally gets. I returned with a glass of wine but without the water. She makes a big deal out of it. I offered to go back since I forgot. Not good enough. I said “Well you can get your own water or do without.” My daughter offers to go get the water. My wife announces that I have been an asshole all day. The table got quiet. I looked at her and was silent for a few seconds and said “I have been at work and the gym all day today, I haven’t had time to be an asshole.” Then I turned my attention back to my daughter. The rest of the evening went ok. On the way home she started up again and said you made me look like a complete ass. And I said slowly with a smirk “ Who made you look like a complete ass?” She said “ YOU!” and began to pout. Focusing on diet, workout, and starting to redo room in the basement.
DifferentkindofHard
2024-08-15 17:09:49 +0000 UTC> If I tell her my weakness, she will no longer be attracted to me and I'll be alone. I think there's some truth to this. I was in a coffee shop the other day and I heard some very hot girls talk about guy one of them was dating. She brought up the fact that the guy had a CPAP and they burst out laughing. That got me down for a few hours. It still stings when I remember it. I think it's just a process for me. I've gotten over the fact that I'm not as tall as other guys here. I'll probably get over the fact that I have Sleep Apnea soon enough.
Dante Panda
2024-08-15 16:38:20 +0000 UTCDude you are not kidding, I woke up this morning to her babbling something how that might work on the other girls but not here. I just laughed and walked away. My wife is a neurotic mess. Which I am starting to see what they mean by the 1000yd tow rope. I am seeing my value bump up and up and hers isn’t really going anywhere. Now I am just seeing a chick with high neuroticism. Quality problem
Validation Junkie
2024-08-15 16:36:40 +0000 UTCShould have been half the cocky funny. Have had that shit bite me in the dick before too. Pun intended. Ok, seriously though- uncalibrated cocky funny. She took it serious and then you took it serious and that fucked it all up. Sounds like she was an anxious human.
Validation Junkie
2024-08-15 16:33:13 +0000 UTCLong time no see, couch! Copy from last week since it was missed. Graduated from spinning plates. I am just tired of logistics and was about to drop them all for some time. My main girl (4 years at this point) had a main event. Not even questioning if it was the one: all the usual suspects and some (including a new tattoo with my name and the nickname I gave her) while I was on a long vacation alone. She wanted to know if I was with someone there and where is she in my life. Told her it’s an in-person conversation and can wait until I am back. She asked me to become exclusive, my conditions for her to move in with me and etc. My answer is I am not planning to negotiate but I see myself with her long-term. There’s a period of an adjustment we agreed on but I don’t plan to change much on my side: the stay plan is the same as the leave one after all. One concern is my older daughter (11yo) but my main requirement is for the girl not be involved with parenting, just help me with the house and chores. She’ll pay the rent and have her own budget. Her parents could be another obstacle but this is outside of my control. I am in my mid 40s, she’s in her late 20s. The source of the anxiety for me nowadays is the turbulence in the tech market (both money and job). My solution is what I’ve learned from the sexual strategy: spinning plates. Reached out to a couple of recruiters I’ve been friendly with for the last few years and scheduled a couple of interviews. I love my current company and my role but just knowing I have demand and possibly a few roles already did wonders to make me feel much better. I’ve applied to a few way above my pay grade roles as well and getting the interviews was at least reassuring. Came up with a long-term plan. After kids are old enough and on their own (6-7 years from now), I plan to soft retire in a different country. Told my girl and she said she’d follow me anywhere (at least for now).
Omar
2024-08-15 16:25:05 +0000 UTCSometimes you got to fake it until you make it. Like Riane says “if the I tell you the moon is made out of cheese and that’s what gets you there, then the moon is Brie.” Paraphrasing I should say.
Validation Junkie
2024-08-15 15:48:22 +0000 UTCYou told her you were going to cheat and she said she would retaliate. Laugh it off. Don’t tell her you are going to outsource bjs . I would not have revisited the argument.
Cousin Eddie
2024-08-15 15:05:25 +0000 UTCThat’s a good point. I have considered playing catch and release to create more abundance in that arena.
Validation Junkie
2024-08-15 14:45:25 +0000 UTCThe girl and I had a good sex session. She jerked me in a break, but my dick was dry. Told her „Someone should get it wet“. (Not very dominant, I should've told her to put it in her mouth or just put it there, as that was what I wanted.) She asked, „Someone?“ I respond with „Maybe I’ll get someone off the street to do it“. She replied “I am going to bite it off, so there is nothing left to suck“. We went back and forth a bit. She said „what would you do if I bit it off?“ Made playful biting sounds around her ear and said „then I would bite something off of you“ she replied „No but what would happen? Would you have like half a dick?“ At that point I got weirded out and got up and dressed and went to the bathroom to pee. After she wanted to talk, I said I don’t appreciate being threatened with physical harm and she made me worried she would actually snap and do it after the third time she said it. She apologized for the joke but it’s crazy to think she could actually do it. Said ok, did and went laundry, showered and went for a walk. Made the decision to come back from the walk as if nothing happened and to enjoy the rest of the day. When I came home, she was cleaning my bathroom, with locked doors and headphones in, so I continued my day until she came out. We made food, ate and then she wanted to talk. Had a quick talk in which I communicated “I am over it” and “I don't think you are a bad person” until she was over it as well. In the end, all these shaningangs were caused by non-assertiveness and manipulation instead of going for what I wanted in an assertive way. I need to keep that in mind.
Am I red yet
2024-08-15 14:00:32 +0000 UTCNeighborhood friend brought her kids over to swim at our house and after a few white claws she said: "geez, you look great...what is this hot dad summer?" The wife really didn't react, and I just said "thank you." Later on she said I am getting "tech neck" and mocked my posture. I laughed it off and ignored. My gut tells me I'm not really needing or seeking HER validation, but definitely felt good to get it from another woman. I think I'm improving with not letting my wife's emotions impact how I respond in any given moment. Been looking at a gift for her and saved some pictures of watch options on my phone. Yesterday was the first day of school for our 1st grader and I took pictures of her before school. We drove together to drop her off at the room. During the drive home my wife asked to see my phone to look at the pictures and I said no. You can't look at my phone. She freaked: "oh, do you have other women on it?" I A&A'd: "Yep, lots of nudes coming in" She pushed. I said "it's not just a couple, there's like 7 different chicks" She pushed. Ended up DEER'ing by saying: "I'm not going to have you ruin a surprise by looking at my phone." It of course didn't work and she got more upset...accused me of all manner of shit. I told her to stop talking to me until she could get ahold of herself. About an hour later she was back to normal. We're heading on a vacation to the Bahamas the last week of August. I've noticed from being here this long that vacations have the tendency to bring out nice guy behaviors, covert contracts, and general beta for most guys. I'm going in with my mind right and going to have a great time in spite of likely anxiety and stress brought on by having the 2 toddlers in tow.
RUIN
2024-08-15 13:34:54 +0000 UTCHey All, So Plates. Had loads of fun with Stacey last weekend. Turned into a weekender - great fun but wrecked> Sharon, well she's always asking for meetups but she's just not that great in the sack. Therefore I always pick Stacey (cool chick). I hate texting but they love it. I know the 2/3 rule but is there a further minimum we've tested? I am about to enter a major work sprint - 6 weeks and family sprint - So I'll be in the wind - I want to keep them spinning during this period. Stacey is easily managed. But Sharon (normie chick), I don't want to drop my reserve plate ...but... it's like work with her. But i get super bored when I get what I want. Basically, I tend to smash plates and I am working on this tendency because the advantages of not been thirsty has such effects in sex but also all other areas of life. Also, with the kids, the reduce time is suiting me down to the ground. It makes it way much more easier to father 100% when they are with me. And, because they see me a little less they are more excited, make more of an effort to impress me and basically grow better IMO. Definitely all the toxic things the X says about me too them - which I don't DEER to - just A&A are translating into "Dad's a bit of a badboy, but he's cool". This is really a parenting strategy that's useful because you guide them to being good adults but because it comes from a "Bad man" they feel it's edgey. Super underrated. A strange dynamic is emerging with the new access arrangements she is mothering harder and taking on more logistically work - Back to school I' d be saddled with in the past and the X being more present and attentive with them. This is exactly what I wanted. This took a year of separate houses and 50/50 access to get here. If this continued I'd be happy with 80/20 and to pay for it. Good thing over here it's rational in terms of payments not like Canada or the USA. So no worries.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-08-15 12:55:49 +0000 UTCGave you a shitty comfort test, you recognized it and held to your guns. You also used the bill of rights and changed your mind about the covert contract. By holding her you rewarded shitty behavior. Though it seemed to work out in the end. Flip the script on her-you hold me. First go around you used agree and amplify instead of fogging. Shitty comfort test gets fogging or a nuke. You fogged and nuked it the second time which was a solid move. “I don’t have time for this.” All in all pretty solid work. You used the assertive bill of right, stayed in your frame, used the tools and let her sort out her own feelings.
Validation Junkie
2024-08-15 07:23:36 +0000 UTC61 WIsnIfg, Revisiting staff meeting from last week ----Wisnifg Failed: Renovation, knee deep in a pile of sheetrock ruble. Ring, Ring. Wife’s call interrupts my podcast listening. Some mundane logistic topics are hashed out then she asks me to bring a large piece of furniture over to the new house for the new tv she needed to have. Tired, I respond, “not going to happen today.” Her, “uh… I wanted it for … I was hoping you could…” Me “not today.” Her “Why? “ Me now getting upset, “I am not moving it today! I am tired…because this and that…” (deer,deer…) Her “You are yelling at me. You need to be nice… you always…” I stfu and ended the call. I realized in my tired state I got sucked into manipulation and beratement and I got angry. I just needed to say no. Pass: Mapped my mistake onto this: Picked up kid and her friend from camp. The friend alerts me she left her water bottle at camp and because we were only 3 minutes away; ‘could’ I turn around? I laugh “No.” She throws a fit and says how mean I am and how it was my fault. It is only 3 minutes away. Me Laughing “Are you still going on about your water bottle. LOL” her "I am going to tell my parents how mean you are. …" Me lol. “Yes we should do a thorough review. A court case!” lol I got back to this map with my wife on many other incidents that have come up while moving and renovating. She has not asked me “why” again. Yet. ---another ex ample from the staff meeting I wrote about last week. A crazy guy comes in our business sometimes. The employees (all girls) have turned this into an imagination gone wild shit show. “He stalks… he is going to kill…going to rape..” (all wildly false) There is no good option to deal with this as these same girls protested to neuter cops power over the last 4 years. The bottom line is “life is tuff, wear a hard hat.” I went through the list of what we have done and what to do, but this reminded me of when I told people about my illness and laid out graphs and labs.. No body fucking cares! I view them as embodied erratic emotions. SoI break corporate, conservative, logical frame and stepped on the emotion gas. Me: “Besides, I could take him in a fight!” wife laughs (shit test – perfect) “She questions my Cong Foo!, You all remember when I did a stakeout out. I set up a Tarot card booth out front. Waiting for him! I would have put him in a headlock.” (C/funny) They shit test my tarot card abilities. Me, “allot of Taurs, 9th node energy here!” (Group lol) ... Me: “Who got him locked up?" Staff mumbles: “You did…” Me: “and I’’ll do it again.” They all laugh. We move on. I understand Coverts (legal) position. I certainly understand Jumbo-tron rule. Legally I have a list that far exceed any other business, including getting the guy arrested. Point: If I don’t establish the tone, point of view, attitude (frame=this is reality) then a bunch of hysteric empowered girl employees will. I have seen logic completely fail, and this stuff snowball. P.S. I like the dog and bread story. Was not trying to be "flippant" last week.
Cousin Eddie
2024-08-15 05:33:35 +0000 UTCField Report #12 Quick re-cap Last week Thursday I told my wife that I didn’t want us yelling at this kids first thing in the morning. I was met with “yah I am going to keep doing what I am doing and I don’t have to respect what you say.” I agreed and let her know if that was the case I wouldn’t be having her around. I don’t want people in my life that are not going to respect my boundaries. I continued with broken record and boundary enforcement. I withdrew attention and affection over the next two days. I came and went as if I was a single father. Took care of the kids and brought them with me when I left the house. Every time my kids would ask her a question she would completely defer to me. “Go ask your dad.” It wasn’t in a sweet loving way either. Snide. I decided to be judge, jury and executioner. My mindset was “if you want to act like a child I will treat you like the children” While I was making lunch my son asked her, can I have some chocolate, she replied “go for it.” I quickly replied “no.” Her: “Why can’t he have some chocolate?” Me: “I said no.” Later that day I was resting on the couch, she came a grabbed my hand and we went to the bedroom. I had her sit on top, begin lame ass lifeless fucking, so I switched to caveman and busted a nut. That night she asked if we could talk. I told her not right now, I am busy. After I finished up working on my project I went told her I was done and we can talk now. The conversation consisted of a lot of her vomiting neurotic feelings. Taking in circles. I just waited it out. I would interject from time to time with a broken record, “I am not interested being those parents. I don’t want to wake up and yell at the kids, we aren’t those parents.” The conversation ended, about ten minutes later she asked if I wanted to go on a walk. I thought, ok nice card=nice card. I said ok and we headed out. About 10 minutes into the walk I could tell this wasn’t the walking company I wanted. I made a couple quick turns and headed back home. Her: whats up Me: heading back home Her: why Me: the lively conversation is just too much for me. Her: I am trying to move on Me: not hard enough. That night I set my alarm for early Got up with the kids Did everything as if I was a single dad Took them to the gym, bjj, did lunch and then taught their bjj classes. Came back around 6:30pm Cleaned up and put kids to bed. Honestly, I thought to myself welp, if this is the end of the road I won’t have a huge issue getting along. I can still get to all my daily activities, and still raise the kids without a lot of interruptions. I had a great time with the kids and it was stress free. Between getting home and putting the kids into bed my wife asked me what we were going to do that night I said “it depends” Her: depends on what? Me: you still moping around, I don’t want to hang out if you are going to be boring. Her: No reply Me: “ok, sounds like I am going to go on a hike.” Right before I was about to leave and she came up to me with some very fun plans. We ended up smashing so many times I lost count. Smash cut to falling asleep at 2:30 am. I woke up in the morning, we smashed, showered and took the family to the pool. Couple of days later I woke up in the morning started my day, wife jumped in the shower. I made breakfast got the kids ready to go to the gym. Myles wife didn’t show any interest in going to the gym, so I headed out. Got back had some normal conversation with her about the day. Got one word reply’s. Kid came up and asked a question. My wife said “ask Dad he’s the boss” I replied “yep, big boss hog.” An hour or so later driving out to my dad’s place to get it ready for him. Cut grass and weed wack, he’s been gone for two months and he is older. Driving mostly in silence my wife says, “I need help?” Me: yeah? Her: yeah I want to talk to your parents about watching the boys and get a part time job. I know what this is. She knows my stance on someone else raising our kids. I am cool with a job after all the kids are going to school. I want her raising the kids until then. Me: yeah why’s that? Her: goes into many different issues of why. Basic information is her hamster is on high speed. Me: I have zero interest in that and you know it. So if you want to work part time and put the kids in days care so you can be divorce mommy light you will do it full time and all on your own. And yes I am willing to die on this hill. More frame testing I broken record a couple of more times. Half way home the chick starts again, why can’t I do this, why can’t I do that, I am always the settler, you get to have boundaries and do whatever you want. I am just a little puppy. On and on. I replied with “you can do whatever you want to at least once.” I switched to a more direct approach. “Look if you want to be apart of this thing and have a solid relationship you know what is expected. When you are freaking out with anxiety you know how to come get comfort from me the right way, but if you want to get to do whatever you want to do you know where the door to freedom is, I won’t help you make that decision.” Rest of car ride is silent. Get home work on dirt bike until bedtime. I walk in to the bedroom, fake candles are on. My wife is lying there open and ready. Yes I put it to her like the hate fuck you always want to give. It was great! We smashed and smashed. After she layed on me. Next night we smash some more, after I listened to her talk about how great she felt. I told her I loved her and had a great time. I jokingly said “we should do this more often” she laughed too. Getting my frame tested, passing tests. Didn’t get a full on main event, definitely main event style testing though. I smashed them. My goal is to maintain my standard of living and who wants to contribute to that is more than welcome to stay.
Validation Junkie
2024-08-15 04:54:22 +0000 UTCMy friend hit me up again and said he wanted to hang out and I agreed to go the next day. I was thinking of some logistical conflicts that might get in the way and I told my wife we had to go take care of the laundry some other day instead of tomorrow. Her: Why? Me: I'm hanging out with my friend Her: With a woman? Me: I didnt ask him that. Her: You do this every time! you just break your promises! Me: It was a stupid promise, I take it back. Then my wife goes on a whole schpeel about how I was supposed to be proving my loyalty to her by limiting my social interactions with other women. I just broken record about how I changed my mind about abiding by that stupid covert contract. If I recall correctly from the feedback Rian gave me, I had to tell her how it is quite bluntly about how ridiculous behaving that way is now that I put myself in that bind. Me: Look, if I happen to be in the presence of a woman, Im not just gonna turn tail and run. Why are you making it about some girl instead of hanging out with my friend? Her: You're a Muslim man! You're not supposed to be around other women! Now clearly I know I'm my own judge at the end of the day. Besides, is it better to be manipulated into being more religious? How dishonest! Her: So you get to hang around women but I cant hang around men? Me: Yes! Thats exactly how it works! Her: You hurt me when you do this! I go cocky funny and tell an inside joke. Me: No you can't be hurt! Remember your warrior heritage! Her: I'm not talking to you! Me: Good! Her: You're weak and you're a fool! Me: You're married to a fool then! She didnt have much to say after that. I decide to take a nap before work and get up later to eat. I threw some food in the air fryer and waited to cook some other food until the air fryer was done. Lo and behold my wife was finishing up my food for me as I was taking a break! Now here comes round 2 of her telling me how awful I am while she's serving me food! It was low-key hilarious. I was completely disinterested the whole time just chewing my food and being nonchalant at her jabs at my character. Her: I almost divorced you over this remember?! Me: Our marriage is just hanging by a thread huh? She starts asking me questions about why I wasn't ensuring that women weren't going to be involved with me hanging out with my friend. I didnt fall for that DEERing trap. Me: I'm not in the mood for this. Her: I'm not in the the mood for this either! Me: Look I'm going and there's nothing you're going to do about that. I don't care. I see her start praying right in front of me Her: Please, if there are girls there make them ignore my husband and not even talk to him! Me: I think me and my friend are going to have a great time. I almost wanted to laugh in her face at that moment but I kept the nonchalant attitude. She leaves after a bit clearly seeing that I wasnt budging; continuing to complain about how I'm making her look crazy, etc, etc. I try to nap some more before work. A little while after she joins me in bed. Her: Hold me. I hold her no problem and listen to her tell me her explain underlying anxiety behind it all. Her: I just want to know if our marriage is safe. Me: Oh baby, I think were going to be married a long time! I realized that she was just trying to find a really shitty way of relieving that anxiety of hers. I guess a little reassurance was all it took rather than begging for her forgiveness and letting covert contracts trap me like before. I went to work and gave her a kiss goodbye. The next morning I'm preparing to go and yet again she tested me. I rinse and repeat what I said to her before with some more cocky funny. It began to get annoying so I went for a walk and when I came back, ahe apologized about going overboard. Her: I hope you have a good time. Me: Thank you babe. I hug her and kiss her as a reward and get on with my day. Proud of myself for this one. Bit by bit my frame is getting stronger and my wife's accepting it...until the next episode anyway.
Enock
2024-08-15 04:08:20 +0000 UTCStrippers points all good. Add: -less intellectualizing. -More fun, irrationality… -outcome independent No need to tell others you’re looking for a girl to set up a mock wing-man. Try; “See that girl over there, she keeps staring at me. 😂 I need help!” Movie theaters are more of a niche (blue ocean) than a club. — (general statement). what movie you seeing? — (Escalate:you) you look like someone that would go see that. … it’s your shoes… (fun- irrational) —-(escalate - you and me) Our tastes would clash, WE would probably fight over the remote!
Cousin Eddie
2024-08-15 02:31:03 +0000 UTCGrounding (earthing) mats stop sleep apnea. Lots of anecdotal stories of this. I posted this awhile ago on your feed. Did you look into it? If a girl is into you she will embrace the sleep apnea… and other flaws. Step into the frame… own it. Make fun of her for being jealous about your bed mask. as you get older more of these issues pop up.
Cousin Eddie
2024-08-15 02:16:09 +0000 UTCBFE 5 - Hiding the weakness > If you did not care what people thought of you, how would you live your life differently? If you were not concerned with getting the approval of women, how would your relationships with the opposite sex be different? I've been thinking about this for weeks. And I'm shocked to find I wouldn't change anything lifestyle-wise, at least not yet. Everything that might be called a "pain point" to me now, I have reasons for keeping. Ultimately, it's my choice. Turns out I've been "hiding the badness" from my girl the past months. She said she can tell I was down and angry a lot more. I was scared to let her know how affected by the Sleep Apnea diagnosis I was. I eventually told her. She understood. I didn't want to appear weak. Sometimes I use the tools (Amused Mastery, Agree and Amplify, etc.) as a way to change the topic or as a buffer for bringing up my limitations. Sometimes it's enough to recognize a limitation by stating it plainly and letting it go. If I didn't care what people thought of me, I wouldn't be trying to hide and compensate for my weaknesses and limitations so much. I do this because I think people won't love me if I have weaknesses. My girl proved me wrong. I still think it's important to work on them, but more from a position of wanting to achieve something, not because I want to appear like I have no weaknesses. I don't know if there's anything actionable here. Obviously going about voluntarily telling people my weaknesses is not what'll solve the problem. Maybe the first thing I'd do is assess what I'm doing in the moment and ask "Am I doing this so that other people won't think I'm weak? or am I doing this because I think I want to achieve or learn something?"
Dante Panda
2024-08-15 01:52:22 +0000 UTCWent to a bar that had billiards and a small dance floor. I watched the Annihilation Method and did my best to follow the advice in the videos for approaches. As soon as I entered, I made sure not to overtly scan the room and instead included myself into a small group of two girls and four guys who were already tipsy and loud and having a good time playing billiards. Talked and hung out with them for 15 minutes, but two of the guys who were standing close to the girls were quick to detach themselves and their girls after they finished their game. Afterwards, I headed to the dance area. There were multiple groups of people forming circles on the floor. One of the outer circles had a group of six girls and a few guys were eager to integrate themselves into the group, but I noticed after a song the girls started shutting the guys out. I decided not to try anything with them and instead focused on integrating myself in the biggest group in the center, which seemed to demonstrate the most social value. While I was dancing, I saw a girl a little further away start staring at me. I stared back for a little while then focused back on dancing. After song, she came on over with a friend to join our big circle of about a dozen people – I wanted to open her, but realized I didn’t know how to in this situation with her having a friend and her focused on the music. I didn’t have a wingman to occupy her friend, and I guess in my head my only option was to wait for her to get drinks and connect with her at that point. Reflecting, I think I could have waited for a couple songs then gone over to her and say – let’s go grab a drink and see if she would comply, which would give me my answer if there was any interest. We were all dancing in the big circle for maybe another half hour, before I headed over to the bar to get a drink and reassess the venue. I realized that the place had way more guys than girls, most of the girls were either in big groups or with another guy. I saw two different girls who arrived with guy friends/boyfriends look at me multiple times – wasn’t sure if I was overthinking it, but now I realized I should have approached the girls anyways because who cares – there isn’t a problem with me being interested and figuring out the situation. I saw one girl who was sitting by herself. It took me a minute from the point I saw her to me walking over to her. I came from the side, and there was a Jenga game next to her – I said, “let’s play a game of Jenga.” She shook her head, pushed the Jenga game to me, and looked away – then a friend of hers came on over with drinks. The girl who stared at me earlier was still enjoying herself dancing on the floor, and at this point I was feeling a little butthurt about the Jenga rejection. I debated on whether or not to stay to wait for the girl on the dance floor to head to the bar or leave for another venue – and ultimately decided to leave – it was still early - 11PM at the this point but the event started at 8PM, and I felt like anyone who was coming would have shown up by now. I knew of another bar event happening that night, but decided against it because I wasn’t feeling great about my experience so far. Instead, I decided to just go do something I was more personally interested in and went to a late night movie. I was waiting in a line – behind me were two girls. I started talking to the guys in front of me – the plan was to get in close with them and then bring the girls in. I actually had a good conversation with the guys, and one of them started trying to open up one of the girls behind me. But his opener was basically just complimenting the girl’s shirt without a follow-up. I had an opinion opener about billiards vs ping-pong that I was going to ask them, but I waited too long (it was maybe 2 minutes after the other guy tried opening) and the show attendants started letting the people in – at this point, I probably should have done a hail mary and told the girls that the two of them should sit with us four guys – but I wasn’t quick enough to adapt. Finished the show while talking with the dudes, then went back home. Key Thoughts - My plan was to integrate myself in a group and use that as social proofing for girls I was interested in. I think my biggest issue was adapting to the situation – if there was a girl who was by herself, I would just approach, but outside of that I overthink whether or not it is appropriate to approach. - I think the girls that had the best chance of success were the ones that came in a pair – but there was only one pair of girls and then a couple of girls that were with guy friends/boyfriends who looked at my way multiple times, but I wasn’t sure how to handle. - Having a wingman would have helped a lot here, and I could have invested time talking with a guy at the venue to wingman with me. Honestly, reflecting back on it, (not written above) later in the evening, I sat down next to two new guys that were there with their girlfriends that actually were cool with me. I think the best move that night would have been to just be honest with them and tell them I was looking to find a girl and ask if the girlfriends could help wing woman me. - General question – in the situation of being at the bar, if I feel I’ve exhausted the venue even if it’s relatively early (11 PM), should I stay longer because of a possible change in dynamics with people getting drunker?
lemon
2024-08-15 01:32:31 +0000 UTC
