R&P Q&A #276
Added 2024-07-24 22:05:26 +0000 UTC
Comments
https://www.amazon.com.au/Allen-Carrs-Easy-Emotional-Eating/dp/1789500044 The book helped me by explaining in detail how sugar and starchy carbs is an addiction. He explains the addiction trap from his work with Tabacco, alcohol and drugs. Overlaying the same technique onto our eating habits. Might seem silly to compare sugar and drugs, until you think about deeper. Normally when people try to give up/Quit there is a tug of war between their Willpower (conscious mind) and their Desire's (instinctive/subconscious mind). Willpower is like the hare and Desire the tortoise. Desire is the slow unstoppable force, you can run but you will never rest! the book teaches you how to aim those desires in a constructive direction.
will zill
2024-07-26 00:16:31 +0000 UTCWhat I have done this week Gym – x3 times a week MMA – Four sessions a week (BJJ, Kick/boxing). I have dropped MMA for now too many injuries Work – Is going ok. This is one of the areas that I will now be focusing on moving forward. LTR- 6 years (Age 30 both of us, no kids - engaged) Goal: 1. Work of Deciding and Acting. 2. Make life happen and not letting life happen to be 3. Improve my assertiveness both as work and my relationship 4. Work I one of the biggest areas that I know I need to work. One of the chapters that hit me the most was the What have I tried from my last field report I did mention that I was going to have a dedicated notebook for my OODA. I have not done that yet. But what I have done when I was journalling 3 weeks ago, is introduced two daily questions “what do I need to let go off?” and “What am I avoiding?”. For the first time in 3 weeks, I had 1 argument with my Fiancée. This was such a massive improvement as we argued every single week. One of the biggest by freeing statements that I wrote was stop resenting {insert name here} and learn to let go when she pisses you of. The next one was don’t hold grudges. The argument was based on chore play. I called her out on her convert contract in a very “retard’ed” manner over washing dishes. - Some dishes were left in the sink, my fiancée washed her hair tools over the dirty dishes - Me: I had my dinner, left my plat by the side of the kitchen. - Her: Are you going to wash your plate - Me: Yes, I going to shower first. o This was a little bit of a covert contract, as I expecting her to wash the current dirty dishes in the sink I finished showing, went to the bedroom with the intention of going to sleep. - Her: Don’t forget to wash your plate - Me: Feeling but hurt as I didn’t want to go downstairs to wash up. I went down - when I went done, I saw a load of dirty dishes was there waiting for me to wash it all. This pissed me off. I choose to wash all of the dishes. When I went upstairs, I decided to call her out of her manipulation by say why would you wash your hair tools and leave all of the dishes there. - Her: I only told you to only wash your dish. That you said you were going to wash - Me: You know we don’t do that and I wouldn’t just wash 1 dish. “You set me up”. This then set off a massive argument. “I was the guy that was saying how can she slap” (How can you set me up like this). The argument that got resolved 3 days later, this monday gone. I avoided resolving the matter by trying the “Memory of the goldfish” and STFU, but I didn’t have success using these tools/holding pattern. It took us over 4 hours in total before we solved the issue. FFS what a waste of time then I think about it. Lesson learnt The biggest takeaway from this was that I am still being an avoidant person. I hold grudges Goal: Working of Deciding and Acting. The last chapter for NMMNG seems the most relevant to me right now. I am currently just costing with my job, earning belove average salary for someone with my years of experience. I am software engineer with 8 year’s experience on £73k. Sex: Question: Since I don’t do as much cardio I have noticed that I don’t last as long in bed. I use to go for 8-15mins average, but not its like 2mins. I have stopped jerking off as I feel silly when I do it, my fiancée states that she likes it. But I was thinking last night maybe I should just let one out before having sex. Thoughts on this.
Cocky_funny
2024-07-25 18:03:30 +0000 UTCStill rocking fitness plan all good there. Continue to review wisnifg. Super interesting exchange this week. Been about 3 weeks since a good smash. I’m getting cranky but keeping it cool. Still lots of innuendo. Everything sexualized This is fairly common with us as she does also. Several comments midweek like “damn your Horny!”. Me. I know right, let’s go over to the woods over there right now where no one is (while we are at a kids ballgame) All 4 kids leave for camp Friday and we are solo. First hour in I approach and hit with several soft no’s. I give up and start to do something else. She comes back and says fine but you have 5 minutes with me till we have to go. (We were going to concert with friends). I was like sounds good. She lays down, starfishes. I start do move in but then she starts bitching about some unrelated topic and I just lost all desire. I was pulled back and said let’s just regroup later. No big deal. Holy fuck that rocked the boat. I know it’s been said to use this cautiously but she really just turned me off @ the moment. Whole way to concert her hamster was running hard saying she was so confused etc. I just ket saying no big deal it’s nothing against her I was just not feeling it. She kept trying to instigate more conversation, but I was broken recording. She just said I simply don’t have as high of a drive as you and I said that’s understandable. I am in my prime and like to smash alot. She said she takes all of my sexual innuendo as passive, aggressive comments. I find it the opposite, I find it to be assertive moving towards what I want. Next morning I asked her if she was game for a Bj. She looked at me like I had 3 heads. Later that afternoon before we left to grab the 5 year old from camp she said she was open to smash real quick. She joked about was I going to turn her down again. Lol. Smash was great. Go figure.
Volare Alto
2024-07-25 17:49:35 +0000 UTC1. Approach anyway. What do you care if they use you as a flex or not? You made some sort of new years resolution about saturday but it's not in the report. Going to assume you didn't go. Are you always looking for the easy way out? You can't loose weight so you take a pill with whatever side effects. You've got a drinking problem. What's your deadlift like? You are good at lawyering so you lean into that, but are just hiding by being a pussy. https://www.inoveryourhead.net/2010/12/03/maybe-you-should-just-stop-being-a-fucking-pussy/ Your exhaustion and ED may very well be related.
Op Sec
2024-07-25 17:46:26 +0000 UTC1. The other week, I went to the local watering hole to sarge. It was dead that night. One large party of mature women not worth being the flex for. I chatted up the bartender as usual to remain on first name bases and talked sports with a couple dudes. Bartender suggested Saturday night was better. B. Dealt with my father’s situate the following wee. Social work scared my mom about losing government coverage. I get told on a Saturday morning at 7 am. I am obviously excapperated by all my work and life responsibilities and let out a long sigh. My mom freaks out more and I tell her I’m exhausted, Give me a minute. Old me would have done something more Nice Guy ish. I call her back later and begin to address. Get a lawyer consult and next business day the social worker is singing a different tune. Situation solved. Three. My wife returned from her trip but started shark week on the day back. I escalate but get a hard no. So I tease and carry on. Still push and pull. She’s being a lot more affectionate in the week back. I’m doing some skin care the other morning and she complains about not kissing. Others actually being slightly physical and forward. Then, Yesterday morning with shark week barely over, I manhandle her a la sex god method and smash. IV. Relatedly, the last few times we’ve smashed, I’ve had issues keeping it up. A reoccurrence of performance anxiety or age/health related. During my wife’s absence, I obtained an ED drug prescription. Generic cialis, which isn’t supposed to be time sensitive. I’ve been taking them for a few days. No performance issue yesterday morning. Will continue to monitor, and if there no anxiety I’m going to go get my T checked. Actually, writing that done I will just get it tested anyways to monitor.
CovertContractAttorney
2024-07-25 17:19:23 +0000 UTCWoman never forget how you act during times of hardship. This is a once in a lifetime event, you might want her to remember you as being emotionally supportive during this time. The right ratio of alpha to beta is a fine line to walk, but I don’t think this is the best time to be macho alpha. You can be charming, funny, and supportive without being a doormat.
ErikTheRed
2024-07-25 16:22:07 +0000 UTCwork on your reading comprehension.
Op Sec
2024-07-25 15:34:03 +0000 UTCYou're right, looking on back on the last week I've been trying to rush things. Not just with the weights either. I need to slow down and focus on the fundamentals of what I'm trying to accomplish and not worry too much with any results for now.
CJ
2024-07-25 15:33:28 +0000 UTCNce one Eric, makes sense,
So Woke da Wookie
2024-07-25 14:56:55 +0000 UTCWhat age are yours Strip, I remember them been younger than mine. Mine are 11(f), 14(f) and 18(m) and I am cool with the reduce time now. My son, will end up basically living with me nearly all summers and holidays. Completely obvious that's what his up to. The difficult part is figuring our bring chick to mine when he's here alot more.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-07-25 14:56:38 +0000 UTCDunno, about the first part. The jacking yourself off around the wife seems like mashing all the buttons and hoping things will work. The whole post read like that to me.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-07-25 14:53:10 +0000 UTCIt's flash fiction Bruh ; )
So Woke da Wookie
2024-07-25 14:52:39 +0000 UTCMy wife is pregnant now. I’m tempted to say to myself that this changes nothing in terms of standing up for myself and keeping things in my frame. Although I’m changing things up a bit by helping more around the house and what not. Wife is telling me that she wants to be picked up out of the bed. Me: Get up lady! (Playfully) She gets up just fine A little later… Her: Baby, I wanted some affection Me: I put a baby in you that’s affection enough. I’ve been with her long enough to know that any time I use some cocky funny response she wants to suddenly cry about what I said. Her: why are you so rough with me?! You need to be more gentle! I’m hurting! I’m pregnant! Me: you’re throwing a lot of words around right now. Her: I just wanted you to hug me and kiss me. Me: Well here I am. She gets up and does something else for a while but I don’t apologize. When she was finished she gets into the bed next to me and forgot about it. Glad I didn’t bring it up at all. I also undid a different covert contract of hers by changing my mind about it. Strange that it didn’t turn into an argument. I kind of just saw her raise her eyebrows and mutter to herself but it otherwise wasn’t protested. I’ll take that as a good sign. It’s only the first trimester so I’m treating her mostly the same as if she were not pregnant. However I do realize that a pregnant woman can become an even worse roller coaster of emotions and right now I have a bad track record of assertively coping with them. Not to mention how to even prepare for fatherhood. I’m not exactly nervous about it because it’s still hard to believe it’s actually happening, but the one thing I’m resolute about is being my own man while being a father and a husband. Some RP resources on the subject would be greatly appreciated.
Enock
2024-07-25 14:35:02 +0000 UTCNow that you say the grams of protein out loud I see what you mean. Pretty lean. I will up my protein intake starting today.
Validation Junkie
2024-07-25 14:19:38 +0000 UTCPretty sure 5x5 prescribes to start with just the bar on all weights. Your form is already breaking down on your first workout? Start with the bar, practice the movements, ingrain those mechanical cues into your CNS, and then add weight. It’s a marathon and your focus should always be injury prevention, not adding weight.
ErikTheRed
2024-07-25 14:02:08 +0000 UTCTry not to make New Year’s resolutions. Tell us after you’ve gone sugar free for a week.
ErikTheRed
2024-07-25 13:58:05 +0000 UTCTry not to “leave” the upper body to recover. If you can switch to isolation or machines for upper body, go super super light and focus on the mind to muscle connection. Lift with the intention of moving blood to the affected area, hopefully it will speed up recovery.
ErikTheRed
2024-07-25 13:54:08 +0000 UTCOne meal a day with 6-8 oz of meat? So you’re getting 50g of protein per day? I’ve been there, crash dieting, but if you’re going to cut out carbs you need to raise your other macros or you’re just going to fail. Try to get 150-200g of protein per day, it won’t make you fat. Protein is the building block for muscle, you’re wasting your time weightlifting without it.
ErikTheRed
2024-07-25 13:48:48 +0000 UTCI should’ve clarified, physically wrong referring to stds. I’ve noticed it’s a common shaming tactic, that if I’m dating it “should” be with one girl at a time. The funny thing is most of them also say I’m the only person they’re seeing if we’re having sex on a regular basis, but I’m not sure I believe that.
ErikTheRed
2024-07-25 13:41:55 +0000 UTCJust try new shit, don't wait, this is a covert contract "2-3 times a week, but always the usual positions. I’m postponing dealing with this because I think I’m physically too unatractive, but that might just be me being scared to do it."
So Woke da Wookie
2024-07-25 13:25:39 +0000 UTCDunno, about the first part. The jacking yourself off around the wife seems like mashing all the buttons and hoping things will work. The whole post read like that to me.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-07-25 13:21:50 +0000 UTCYeah, Strip. Wrote to mark a turning point.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-07-25 11:32:54 +0000 UTC> I’ve been conscious of not leaving my things scattered around the house, with good results (don’t be sloppy and unatractive). This sounds almost like a covert contract. The only reason to not be sloppy is because you don't want to be sloppy, not as some sort of validation seeking.
Op Sec
2024-07-25 11:29:11 +0000 UTC"Sometimes I’m lonely and want a girlfriend" That's a big part of your issue, you expect a girl to make you feel less lonely. A girlfriend isn't going to be your mommy wifu. I got a room mate when I was single. It improved my game because I wasn't in need of companionship, just sex. Realize that the need to not be lonely can be fulfilled in many ways.
Op Sec
2024-07-25 11:26:24 +0000 UTC"Do you love me?" does not sound shitty but more of a normal comfort test.
Op Sec
2024-07-25 11:21:40 +0000 UTCI had sex with my wife. It was meh. I hammed it up like I was really enjoying myself. Afterwards, why the fuck would do that?! Why have I been doing that? The first girl I had sex with, taught me to do that, I was 16, and now 28 years later. Next time, when we got in bed, it was also meh, I pulled out the lube, and pumped away. She started crying. At first I thought, every unhappy wife is a rape victim, but then she started pulling me to her and grabbing me. I finished with little fanfare. She told me she was insecure, she felt bad about her performance and that’s why she was crying. me: “I’m not worried about that”. Wife said she had felt bad all day. I notice that giving her Vitamin D(ick), puts everyone in a better mood. I have purposefully filled my life with shit I want to do. It takes effort at times to find shit, but I make it a point to live life. I was leaving, but noticed something was up. “Hey what’s up”, well she had a hard time spitting it out. I started to leave, “Hey, give me a chance”, She kept talking. I looked at the time, realized I was close to being late and left. I got her all wound up and ready to emote and then left because I didn’t give a shit. Funny thing happened after yoga class. The female yoga instructor. “oh I studied Judo at the shotokan in Japan”, me: “That’s pretty impressive”, her: “oh really it’s not, just means I did Judo in Japan, everyplace has that”, me: “oh you didn’t have to tell me that second part, I would have stayed impressed”, her: “heeey, I’m not trying to impress you”, “k”. Nobody ever teases this autistic bitch, I was amused. In general I no longer get left alone. I figured I had an hour to kill between classes(yoga and judo) and brought some reading and headphones. Never got to do that, someone always chatting me up. After class I got invited to a meal because it was someone’s birthday. When I did finally come home, to absolutely no surprise, wife was neurotic. “I’ve made all these changes but all it has seemed to do is make me tolerable, the only time you pay attention to me is for sex”, and the irony of the next statement was not lost on me, “other than yesterday, I haven’t had any time with you”. me: “yeah, sex is going to get my attention, sounds like you don’t know how to get my attention in other ways”. She didn’t really like that, but that doesn’t matter, effectiveness does. The next day. Wife brought up some things we could do together, things that I had already mentioned in conversation that I was thinking of doing. She started to get dressed, “Is that a new top?”, “yeah, it’s a crop top, I don’t think I’ll wear it”, me: “Wear it, I like seeing your skin”. She delightfully wore it. We went out and did cool stuff. When we got home, we separated into our own areas, cooled off, had lunch, and then came back out to have sex. I got blown. I could physically feel her cum harder than I’ve ever felt any woman cum. The push/pull is what was effective, it wasn’t on purpose but a result of living the life I wanted to live, not being phased by emotions and showing the hamster a way out. There’s also the 1000ft tow rope where embracing the idea of myself as the prize(last report) has really started to go into effect.
Op Sec
2024-07-25 11:16:15 +0000 UTC"my frame is shit, because I don’t know what I want" Go sort that out "normally I would lie to plate 1 when I’m with plate 2, but I can’t do that anymore, I’ve been constantly called out for being a liar." Lying is an issue! Do you know why its an issue? Why didnt you catch this earlier?
will zill
2024-07-25 07:29:03 +0000 UTCLike you said the main issue you are having is plates talking to each other. Consider how you want to solve that issue. Asking us the morality behind it is the last place to ask. Our morality doesn’t matter, only yours. The point of spinning plates is to let the cream rise to the top and sometimes plates fall off because they aren’t worth the drama.
Validation Junkie
2024-07-25 06:35:06 +0000 UTCBut seriously Validation Junkie, I know you know the “theory” as well as I do, but have you had two plates who know and talk to each other and still share you? still fuck you, knowing the other girl fucked you the night before? Why don’t you tell me from experience?
ErikTheRed
2024-07-25 05:44:10 +0000 UTCAnd yeah my frame is shit, because I don’t know what I want, even after years. Sometimes I’m lonely and want a girlfriend, sometime they piss me off and I want to be single, sometimes I think if I don’t get too close to any of them I’ll eventually meet the right one that I want to have a relationship with, but then I’m just half invested in good ones that could’ve been the right one.
ErikTheRed
2024-07-25 05:36:46 +0000 UTCHonestly I’m not “ready” yet. I’ve been at this for an over year and I’m still trying to figure it out. Every time I think I have it figured out, it blows up in my face, or maybe that’s how plate theory works; fuck up, drop all the plates and restart again. The main issue I’m having now is that the plates talk behind my back. So normally I would lie to plate 1 when I’m with plate 2, but I can’t do that anymore, I’ve been constantly called out for being a liar. I’m going to try just telling plate 1 I’m with plate 2 and see how that goes over lol.
ErikTheRed
2024-07-25 05:29:15 +0000 UTCYou define your frame and those who are ok with it will enter. If you think it’s cool to be a playboy with a long term. Then yes it is ok. “Am I not acting alpha enough” that’s the issue, it’s still acting. Think inner game. Plus them wanting to lock you down is explanation enough to your alpha condition. Chicks would rather share an alpha than get saddled with a beta. Decide what level of there anxiety are you willing to deal with. If you are running into issues you don’t want to deal with, and or ready to deal with then the answer maybe “I’m not ready yet”
Validation Junkie
2024-07-25 05:00:58 +0000 UTCThere are a lot of she statements. Which reads like you are stuck in her frame. Deering is an ego investment-“I told you I was going to text you when I finished” translation I told you so it’s not my fault and now you can’t be mad at me. I am not to blame. Next time you can use fogging. “Yeah shit happens” anywho how was the doctors? When writing try shifting to your frame like this: I talked to my partner about a doctors appointment my son had recently. I don’t think there is enough being done for him. Instead of leaving this up to someone else, I decided to explore other treatment options. If you are met shitty behavior, you don’t reward shitty behavior with validation. Entering a room after a person has been angry and crying and asking “still feeling a bit upset” is opening the door for another possible fight. Yeah it went fine this time, it can go the other way. You landed the plane and got a bj so alls well that ends well. Just food for thought.
Validation Junkie
2024-07-25 04:52:52 +0000 UTCFR 28 So the Facebook group posts have grown legs. So many shit posts, old plates contacting me, to tell me what a price of shit I am. Some of them have figured out that I’ve notched 20+ in 6 months outside of having a gf. A lot of hate mail and it’s starting to wear on me. Something I’ve found, my most recent plates were all talking to each other and they will make me sound like a monster to the other plates, just so they can swoop in and have me to themselves. They would send the nastiest lies about me to the other plates meanwhile claiming girl power and girls stick together, but in the background trying to ask me to be exclusive lol. There’s no such thing as bad PR. I’ve never got so many random texts from past plates. One night I was out with friends at a concert, long Uber to my place. An old plate texted me out of nowhere. She still lived downtown, cheap Uber, quick fuck, and a place for the night. She even drove me back to my car in the morning, now that’s service, even after shit posting about me. It’s been difficult for me to read between the lines and not get caught up in the drama, focus on what’s actually happening not what’s being said. If anyone wants a test of frame, this is a doozy, and honestly I wasn’t perfect. I still have two plates after the dust settled, however they are both pushing hard to be exclusive. Ones my ex, who I have an amazing connection with, but I don’t think I could be exclusive with her again, it didn’t work the first time, too much bpsd. The other is the hottest girl I’ve been with, and has minimal red flags. I’m probably going to date her exclusively while this internet bullshit blows over. I’ve grow very tired of dating, I dialled it back to one first date per week and it’s still a chore for some reason, they’re all starting to blend together. My questions this week… I’ve basically been called every name in the book lately, apparently most girls don’t sleep around as much as I do, I know I’m my own judge, but I need to live and operate in society, is hooking up with new girls every couple weeks while keeping some long term, morally wrong? Physically wrong? Am I doing plate theory wrong? Going too hard meeting too many? Why do they all want to be exclusive? Am I not acting alpha enough?
ErikTheRed
2024-07-25 04:47:29 +0000 UTCoh shit! I see your point. I see it as a push pull. Definitely ham-fisted. How I see the days is below. Can you help spot the ego in it? Monday - asserted myself, dropped it as soon as it was finished, help her get over it. Tuesday - She made a mistake and was shitty about it. Thats good behavior to me I reward her with validation (she is deathly afraid of making mistakes, to the point of freezing). I took responsibility away from her to take the son for treatment, let her have her emotions, then show her how to get back on track.
will zill
2024-07-25 03:52:55 +0000 UTC"Working on the basics (NMMNG, WISNIFG, FRAME+DREAD), reading through them all a second time and summarizing to internalize the material." YESSSSSS finally someone gets it!!! read on repeat. "Will go sugar free for the next week to improve that." Allen Carr's book "Easy way to quit emotional eating" helped me a ton, he has tobacco and alcohol too. "Any advice on working against the instinct of DEERing? How to stop that automatic response?" Your already following the advice. Its all-typical nice guy stuff, 1. Seeking Validation 2. Conflict Avoidant 3. Taking responsibility over her emotions 4. Not being your ultimate judge At the heart of it all is the fear of abandonment. Having a young family it's no coincident your here. You are now in a situation you can't easily escape from and need to learn new strategies to deal with life and conflict.
will zill
2024-07-25 03:24:55 +0000 UTCThis is some actionable shit! Awesome, I was having an internal battle on how to go about handling the texting portion. Good to know about the gas pedal, full throttle saloon. 👍
Validation Junkie
2024-07-25 03:20:44 +0000 UTCThis reads like you are going Rambo, uncalibrated. Going from shut the fuck up one day to deering the next. Why are you asking her what’s wrong? Like as in what do you want out of it? Either you want to hear how you being an asshole made her feel bad. Or you acted like an asshole and now you feel bad for it. Women rarely ask the same questions men do at doctors appointments. Consider omitting telling her to solve a problem you have. I am going to say you are in the anger phase. A tad Rambo.
Validation Junkie
2024-07-25 03:15:00 +0000 UTCField Report #2 Work/relationship------------ Youngest kid got in trouble, wife asked me to call her when I was free. She said " I told him you were going to handle it so I'll let you deal with it, he's going to he grounded and it's not going to be for a short time" When I walked in she told me he was in his room. I said ok, sat down ate supper then went into the room talked about what he had done and gave him his punishment. I'm not sure why, but her saying "I'll let you deal with it" and then telling me "he's going to be grounded, and not for a short time" irritated me. Kept my mouth shut and just dealt with the situation, looking back I think it more of how she said it, not what she actually said that irritated me. Told my oldest son (12) he needed to clean his room. Later on he told me he was done, when I checked I explained i wanted the floor picked up, vacuumed, messy desk cleaned up. While I was at work he asked my wife(his mom) to come look at the room to see if it was clean now. She looked and told him "I'm not sure what your dad wants, that's between younand him" When I got home she told me what she had said, I went to look. Desk was messy, candy wrappers under desk and the floor hadn't been vacuumed. Again, i was irritated not sure how to handle the situation I kept my mouth shut, had a talk with him and he cleaned his room properly. Looking back I should have pulled her to the side and explained that she may not have known exactly how I wanted it done but it was obvious by anyones standards that candy wrappers on the floor and a trashed desk needed attention. He knew this as well, and believe he was trying to use her as a get out of jail free card. Work - Customer called, asked me to quote a job. I told him i wasn't interested in the job, I don't typically take in those types of jobs and I didn't have enough time at the moment. (Realized this was me deering because I felt me just saying I didn't want to accept the job wasn't good enough) He asked if there was anyway I could take on the job because I'm the only guy he trust, I told him I appreciate that but I wasn't interested. He insisted again and told me it was ok if it took a few weeks because he has another vehicle he can drive while repairs are being done (deering opened me up to this) I told him I understand but I'm just not interested in the job, then recommended another shop that I trust and had 100% confidence they'd dona quality repair at a reasonable price. Customer ended up accepting that and I sent over the info. Typically I would cave in some of these situations and it was uncomforatble in the beginning of the convo but afterwards it felt great knowing I used broken record, I didn't take on a job I did not want and my customer was satisfied while not being angry with me. Fitness ---- Started 5x5 Bench - 95 lbs (easier than expected will increase some friday) Barbell row - 95 lbs (noticed trouble keeping proper form in the last few sets) Squat - 45 lbs (knee pains) Noticed knee pains about the 3rd set in while doing squats, it didn't feel right. Meeting a guy at the gym friday to go over proper form to see if it's something I was doing wrong or possibly something I need to have checked out. Weight - Shooting for 2600 calories and 125g of protien per day will adjust as needed.
CJ
2024-07-25 01:56:07 +0000 UTCFR #1 30yo, married 2y (together for 10), 1yo son. 5’7”, 174lbs (starting weight 180), 24% BF on last measure (4wks ago) Working on the basics (NMMNG, WISNIFG, FRAME+DREAD), reading through them all a second time and summarizing to internalize the material. Working out three times a week regularly, but weight loss has been slower than expected, since I’ve been eating too much sugar. Will go sugar free for the next week to improve that. I’ve been conscious of not leaving my things scattered around the house, with good results (don’t be sloppy and unatractive). I went after a teaching opportunity in the medical school in my city, since teaching is something I like. Wife is against it because I think she might be jealous of the contact with younger women. Fucked up and lied that it was offered to me, and also DEER’ed saying it would be good for my carreer and etc, which is true but I did it mainly because I like to do it. Any advice on working against the instinct of DEERing? How to stop that automatic response? Sex frequency has been reasonable, 2-3 times a week, but always the usual positions. I’m postponing dealing with this because I think I’m physically too unatractive, but that might just be me being scared to do it. Wife has been preocupied with my son’s anemia, caught myself trying to convince her it’s nothing to worry about. Since then I’ve been just listening without fixing her feelings, and agreeing with the principle. Objectives for next week is to keep daily caloric déficit and be conscious to avoid DEERing.
Hill364
2024-07-24 23:48:10 +0000 UTCGoal For 4 weeks write out “incidents” immediately after they happen. Why - By Thursday I have forgotten most of the details. Want a second pair of eyes. Dialing up the passive dread. Are there any blind spots, or incongruencies? Better strategies or mental models? Monday, After bringing kids back from an after-school session I explain that one of the water bottles is missing from school, partner interrupts and saying she saw one in the car. I cut her off with an aggravated “Shut the fuck up”. Then explain it again to her stunned and shitty face. I return downstairs to finish unpacking my stuff then back up for some dinner. I enter kitchen “is It steak”, I get silence, dopey look on my face “where the dinner”, she cracks a smirk tells me to “shove it up your ass” hands it to me. Shortly after its dropped and didn’t affect the evening. Tuesday, Partner comes to pick me up 60 mins early at wrong location. As she pulls up to the correct location and time I hop in, I tell her how the show went, she is silent and visibly upset. I laugh at her and ask, “what’s wrong with your face?”. She explains she is mad about going to the wrong place at the wrong time. She says a bunch of stuff and that it wasn’t my fault. I DEER response asking, “did I not tell you I was going to text when I was finished?". I then validate her feelings and reflect them back to her, short version – “you waited for X and Did Y and now you feel Z, yep that’s sucks, I have felt really annoyed at myself when I did similar in the past.” (Context - Partner is really scared of making mistakes. any attempt at taking the initiative is a win in my books) During the drive I ask about the son’s appointment with the physiotherapist that morning. She explains they did some exercises and put on some new treatment straps for him to wear. “so, she did some stretches and put on some stickers?” partner “yes” Me “did they give you any exercises to do with him to help his feet from regressing further?” Her “no” Me “so a few stretches, some stickers and tape is supposed to get him back on track?” Her “it was just this recent growth spurt; we haven’t had any problems till now” Me “his foot is the worst it has been for along time. She isn’t doing enough. You need to start looking for new treatment options.” Her getting emotional and crying “I don’t know what you want me to say” Me “What?.... actually never mind, I’ll have a look around and sort it out”(I figure I can’t trust her to do it to my standard, so ill take it over). Rest of the car ride was “uncomfortable” silence and short-tempered driving. She goes upstairs stars crying and caring on. I leave her to it and get some work done. 60 mins later I hear her in the kitchen getting dinner ready, I enter ask “hey whats up” , sniffels “nothing”, Me “Still feeling a bit upset” She nods, Me “you know what helps me feel better when im upset?” she looks up at me for a response, Me “Fucking my brains out” Slap on the arse, then I leave and go back to work. 1 hour later she is pulling out a bag of sausage from the freezer. “You look good with a hand full of sausage” Her “you’re an idiot” Me “what you doing (big shit eating grin)” Her “nothing much, just making dinner (she tries a shit eating grin) what did you want to do?” Me “blow me”, Her “I’m not sure.... do we have time?” (we had time) During I practiced lying back and just enjoying a BJ without worrying whether she is into it or not. Gave her some directions for her to follow, she complied. Wednesday, Gave some supplements to my partner that will make her vagina extra wet. Omegas 7,8,9 nothing fancy. This revealed some things to me. I waited a week “for the right time” and at the point of communicating my desires (giving the pills) “I had an attack of toxic shame”. Still digesting this. Any insight would be appreciated. Oh, partner was more an accommodating, made me feel a bit stupid about it TBH. I am aware of the possible covert contract. So, I made sure before I gave it, that I was ok for her to just throw them out straight away. Making the communication of my desires then goal, instead of them being fulfilled.
will zill
2024-07-24 23:18:24 +0000 UTCHow Life Changes **Family** My STBX has been on the warpath. It's all water off a duck's back, though. She wants the kids more. It's been 50/50 for over a year. I can have it either way I want now. Frankly, lately, the 50/50 has me feeling like a housewife. My daughters would like to try it. My son wants to stay at my place at least 50%. My son, will end up basically living with me during the summers, holidays and weekends in the medium term. The difficult part is figuring our bring chicks to mine when he's in the gaff. I am slowly in conceding this to the X, but that’s deliberate; let her feel like she has won. My takeaway for divorcing the Euro-Zone version: 1. Don’t move out. 2. Get the Ex back to work. 3. Weather the storm - her curated crisis. 4. Don’t rush the divorce. 5. Hope she moves out first. 6. Don’t facilitate that. Then the man can’t be deemed to have “deserted the family.” 7. Test drive the separation and child access. You won’t know your preference until you live 50/50 for a year. You’re probably more of a prick than you think. **A Chick** I have the blonde coming by tonight. If she flakes, it’s grand; plenty of other things to do. I have been very light on the texting with her… I just can’t even… She’s not a freak, and I’m not a boyfriend, so, meh! **EDIT** She just called, she is coming over. I'll miss the live stream because of that. I'll be pushing into to something a little less vanilla. If she doesn't go there...she's getting even less time. So while you're reading this I'll actually be ridin'g her. This patreon is hardcore Rule Zero, to be sure!!! **EDIT** There are a couple of parties this weekend, and I am going to go to them and open up some new prospects for plates. Need to get back to spinning; one is not enough. Well, actually, one is too much and not enough. **Culture** Finished And Now Finally for Some Good News, by Delicious Tacos. Loved it. I have William Gibson’s Burning Chrome, on the go, and I was wondering, would you go for Savage Spear of the Unicorn or Theft of Fire next? Making lots of new creative work and posting it to the ‘gram. That’s as far as I go. I would like to work the ‘gram more, but I’d need a good workflow and plan, and I have yet to find a system that would work for contemporary art and building an audience. So I post as a method of cataloging and having a light touch with the arts scene. **DNGAF** Like the family situation, in the Startup, I have done all the foundation laying and building I can do. The most important thing for me now is to work like an aristocrat. This leads me to a better quality of life and better decisions. We are promoting the Startup in earnest now, and the funders listed me as a founder. Should be good for networking and getting eyes on my professional profile. I see it as an opportunity to network for new options as much as to promote the startup. Actually, the real positive next strategic move is lining up too. Basically, if we get the capital we are due on a transaction, I would move to pay back the funders what they have invested so far and sit at the table as an equal shareholder. I know a lot of stakeholders want this, they have said it directly. If this were to go down, it’ll change everything. If it doesn’t, I will aim to complete vesting, stack the company with talent, and then leave to work on one of the other interests I am getting started. **Fitness** I had an injury but had seen a lot of gains. It’s on my right shoulder and arm. I have tried to work out and not tweak it, but it’s not recovering completely. I was thinking of just focusing on legs and cardio and leaving the upper body to recover, but the upper body was looking great. Don’t want to waste those gains.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-07-24 23:11:50 +0000 UTCField Report #9 Weight loss Eating one meal a day at lunch time. Lost 5 lbs in the last two weeks Weightlifting for 45min 20 min walk 5x a week Bjj at least 3x a week. Like I said before I am happy with my activity level. Focused on nutrition. The meal comprises mostly of a lean meat of some sort. 6-8oz. Side of cottage cheese or an apple, and veggies. No bread, no pasta. On Saturday I have a dessert. When I am home with the wife we go on walks after the kids are down. That usually lasts 30 minutes depending on the heat index. Even if I don’t drop a ton of weight I am happy eating a clean healthy way. I know that it is what is best for my body. Read the “Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck” Nothing revolutionary about it except I realized I have been chasing comfort, and happiness as a goal. Instead of choosing the way I want to suffer. So I always was looking to “enjoy” everything which lead me to escapism. If I get this job and make this money then I can cruise through life, problem free. Lie! Relationship I have noticed at the start of shark week there is a little cooling off between the sexual tension in my relationship. The last 3 months I have played around with letting my foot off the gas during this time. It’s nice because it even gives me a bit of a reset, and I don’t have to be on all the time. I use to attempt to keep the sexual tension all the time through text or escalating constantly. Instead I keep intimacy up like normal and take the win when it comes, and don’t force it. Then once shark week is over I ramp up the sexual tension with push pull and I am getting better results. Like I mentioned last week when shark week comes around I now disregard any life changing proclamations or emotional epiphanies that she makes during this time. While at work I received a text from her I’m having the life yips lol. It’s ok though, I know the cycle will make its way out.” I replied “it usually does” I skipped falling for the trap and asking a slew of probing questions. I used to do this and it usually didn’t end well. Probably because it seemed like an interrogation. Later that night I called and expected to hear something about the life crisis. To my surprise nothing, and I didn’t bring it up. I have also started to pay more attention to the 2/3rds rule. I got a text “I miss and love you so much”. I decided to let it go and not text back. Several hours later I get another text “I didn’t even get an I love yah 🥺” I think this is womenese for “hey you didn’t say I love and miss you back and validate me like you always do.” I texted back about 10 minutes later “hey busy, I’ll call later” I look back and I let her off the hook a little quicker than I wanted. I would have omitted the last text and just called when I got time. I am naturally a little difficult to get a hold of at work due to the nature of my profession, yet when I able, I go right to my phone and text back instantly. Even if I should go do something for myself first. Like eat or shower, workout ect. “Give them the gift of missing you” Continued through the week to apply 2/3rd rule and then I received this text. Her: I need to tell you how much you mean to me. I'm walking around outside. It's a beautiful day, and I'm just so grateful. I'm so grateful to have you as my husband, and I'm grateful for the things that you have given us. I cannot wait to see you in a week. The time that we spend part absolutely intensifies my yearning for you. You are my king. And I love you very much, I hope you're sleeping well. Me: Thanks, love you too. In the past I would have felt compelled to emote something back such as; “I am so lucky to have you too, you are the best, my love, my sunshine….” You get the picture. Over time when I shed more of my nice guy indoctrination I may shorten it to a simple “thank you”. For now sending back when I did was a step forward. I also apply this in my work and personal life with others. They give compliment, I say thank you. I am going to add a cocky/funny “I know” as a reply when applicable this coming week. My natural tendency is to play the false humble card, and self deprecate, and not always in the good way either.
Validation Junkie
2024-07-24 22:46:37 +0000 UTCSHITTY COMFORT TESTS: DEALING WITH THEM I have been abroad for some time now and I am going to return next week. My girl has been throwing out a bunch of shitty comfort tests like “Do you love me?” and asking for even more comfort than usual. I have been responding with AA “Of course not, you’re the person I most hate in this world”. She deserves that I pass them, but I don’t want to incentivise these shitty ones and am unsure if I’m using the right tools. Maybe nuking is a good way to go, specially since I am getting tired of it. — — — DIET: CHOCOLATE CEREALS BINGE I’ve been cutting for a month and a half now and have lost around 5kg. I’ve been consistent with the macros and one thing that has helped is not having shit at home, apart from cereals. I had been always buying Cheerios with no problem, but the other day I bought some chocolate cereals and they were too tasty - ended up overeating. So I did not buy cereals for a week and, when I did, I stuck only to the Cheerios, which are good, but not too tasty for me in a way that would make me overeat them. — — — CONTROLLING OTHERS: NO POINT IN TRYING I wanted to play YuGiOh with a friend. He tried to crack the game because he didn’t want to spend money. We couldn’t play together because the crack would not allow it. I felt compelled to try to convince him to buy the game but knew it would only make him want it less, so I went and enjoyed playing by myself. Me having fun playing it without trying to convince him actually made him find a solution for it. That wasn’t my goal. So, I cannot control others, but can influence them in a way that they think that what they’re doing is entirely their idea, if I want to. A lot of parallel with game stuff. — — — ROOM-MATE: “SHIT-TALKING” (MALE BANTER AND SELF-ENTERTAINMENT) One of my roommates sometimes tries to make me qualify to him, by asking why I do certain things for example. I thought this was a kind of “shit-testing” to see if I’d buckle, but came to realize he only does it when he’s bored. So basically he’s throwing shit to entertain himself, just like so many times I do. Realising this allowed me to stop getting irritated and just AA and AM whatever he says and, above all, have fun with it (basic guy banter). — — — SLEEP: WAKING UP AFTER A COUPLE HOURS OF SLEEP I would fall asleep easily but always wake up after a couple hours, suspected it was the heat. Tried melatonin, did both make a big difference. Eventually tried a cold shower before bed and sleeping with a fan very close and pointing to me. It worked and I got my beauty sleep back on track. — — — GOOD BOYS AND BAD BOYS: FEMALE CATEGORISATION OF GUYS I was at a party and a girl who for the longest had a crush on me presented me to her now boyfriend as “the jerk” and my friend as a “good guy”. Funny to see a girl overtly saying her categorisation of guys. Also, on the Kiss, Marry, Kill games, the girls who always showed the most IOIs said they would kill me, marry some guy because he “was nice” (in their words, unlike me) and kiss some other guy “on the forehead”. One actually said that she had to kill me or we would “have too much fun”. This, of course, accompanied by IOIs including the “following me to the balcony” one - AWALT. — — — I’M NOT OBLIGED TO ANYTHING: MENTAL MODEL PROCESSING & REINFORCEMENT A lot of dinners, parties and social events coming up, and I caught myself stressing of how that would affect my cut - which right now is more important to me than those. “Oh I gotta go to that person’s party” or do xyz with someone or whatever. Not true. I don’t have to do shit. I can stay at home all day, go to the gym and talk to nobody if I want to. Now, there are always consequences for action/inaction, and I don’t have to throw the baby with the bath water and can calibrate. But that’s something I take into account before doing or not doing something and has nothing to do with “obligations” Everything is opt-in. — — — COLLEGE: ASSERTIVITY TRAINING Next year I’ll do practical stages and there is a random draw of the places where each person goes, according to their preference list. A bunch of people tried to manipulate me into changing my preferences in order to “help everyone” (bullshit, help them). I broken record and self-disclosure: “I prefer to go to place x” and they gave up. — — — PS: I read “Alchemy” by Rory Sutherland and it is has so many crossroads with shit we talk about here
Owning My Shit
2024-07-24 22:05:58 +0000 UTC
