Patreon, R&P Q&A #273
Added 2024-06-12 20:57:32 +0000 UTCVideo by tomorrow.
Comments
Anything is possible. Was the Indian chick you smashed in the hotel the same chick that gave you head with a condom on?
Validation Junkie
2024-06-13 20:07:27 +0000 UTCSame issue with supervisor at my job. The saving grace for me is the Supervisors rotate on a semi-annual basis and sometimes(most of the time)sooner. The Strategy with all of the supervisors I've had is they will be gone before I am however since they rotate its not uncommon to see them again. Treat him like an acquaintance that I see ever so often. Ask his advice on expectations on how a productive department would run if he had his way. Similar to the defective female (in all of us) they can't wait to impress you with their know how... The last thing for myself is when it comes down to his job or mine, what's the chances of my job security to be picked over his, by him. I'm for sure not putting his bucket on my head to find out.
bruce dunn
2024-06-13 19:12:00 +0000 UTCField report. Felt and heard a pop. Yikes!!!(during the warm-up) Utilizing the tools learned from WISNIFG.NMMNG(on myself for frame development) 44 6’ 209 lbs Bench (135lbs) Squat 185lbs D. Lift 185lbs Press (45lbs) Row 95lbs In the quest to become more fuckable, had a set back last week when I heard and felt a pop in my left shoulder area while I did a stretch before the Squat set of the 5x5. Immediately dropped the weight and stopped the workout. Instantly got down on myself and started to beat myself up for being a little bitch for not toughening it out and doing the workout. That’s when a connection happened to what the ego’s job was and how it had worked in my life. Feel embarrassed or shamed about something that I felt I should’ve controlled, then beat myself up about it and then feel guilty about allowing all of what happened to determine the rest of my day ,month and this ultimately mapped to My Life. Continued to beat myself up as I left the gym. After I got outside I made a decision to walk around to let some of the pre-workout out of my system that I had finished 10 minutes earlier. As I walked connection after connection came running through my head of countless times I allowed myself to get down on myself about a mistake that got made. But the difference this time was each time I got down on myself, there was a different red-pill Mental Model that played behind the thought about the situation. Then an inner monologue started. The questions asked to myself were: If you have the right to be the judge of your own behavior, thoughts and emotions and take responsibility for their initiations and consequences upon yourself, why shouldn’t you apply that to what just happened and viewed as a gift, how did that make what just happened different. What time are you coming to workout tomorrow? What exercises can get done around the potential injury. If you’re on a cut why not lift a weight that’s manageable and stay on a calorie deficit plan, how is that not what you should do presuming to become more fuckable is the goal… From there, made a plan of action and this is what I did: 100 pushups daily Became 40 knee pushups.(at least til pain went away) Replaced weights with bands for arm workouts or used very lite dumb bells. Worked on legs and core exercises. Next day. Got up did the knee pushups got up to 60. Had my morning coffee as I read from the substack. Grabbed my pre-workout drink and headed to the gym. At the gym did some band stretches I got from the YouTube channel Squat University that targeted the shoulder and lower lats. Workout Overhead press.(bar only 3x10) Bench press (bar only 3x10) Tried Bent over rows(bar only) did one, felt pain, stopped. Finished the set with 10 lbs dumbells. No pain felt.(3x10) Legs 1 leg hinge Squat off a platform 12 inches high to activate glutes(3x10 each leg) calf raiser.(90lbs 3x10) Kettle bell Squats(44lbs 3x10) Core. Kettle bell 1 arm carry (44lbs 3minutes each arm.) Plank 1 minute x3 Side plank 1 minute each side x3 Yoga ball circles 10 circles each direction x3 Walk for 15 minutes. The rest of the week repeated those work outs switching some of the core exercises for variety. Saturday morning did some yoga focused on shoulder area. What I learned. If I don’t try then how can I expect to get to my goal. My first instinct after the pop was to go home and eat something because why not. The difference was in my head two things kept playing on repeat as I walked: you can handle it, no matter what you will handle it followed by your ego projects negativity and its job is to protect from shame, embarrassment or guilt. My goal then was to not let my ego drive my decision making the way it did and had done in the past. Did I want to be right or did I want to be happy. I learned that just because one part of my body perhaps may have been hurt didn’t mean give up, do nothing, go home and sulk, make excuses, eat food that pushed me further from my goal or at the least put me off track of hitting the goal I set. I learned that if I want something but something slows the progress didn’t mean all had been lost, it did mean find another way to get to what you wanted. I learned I don’t have to be perfect however, not being perfect, doesn’t excuse me from doing the work required to get what I want. All that from a pop and hearing as soon as that happens stop the workout immediately from a man who where’s Hawaiian shirts and hates $5 super-chats because of cuck articles. I know my gratitude is bullshit and without my effort to apply what I hear here to see how it works in my life is my job to do to get what I want but with that said, sincere appreciation goes out to Brian McKnight don’t know which song(s) did the damage needed to inspire a Canadian sailor to take his time that could get used for things way more important than talking to tards about relationships and their own dicks. Eventhough its ultimately on the person to do the work, heartfelt $5 appreciation goes to you Couch.
bruce dunn
2024-06-13 18:08:18 +0000 UTC@Validation Junkie, I think you're confusing my story with another poster's
Ban Mido
2024-06-13 17:51:26 +0000 UTCMaybe I missed something when I read this? Is the Indian chick you smashed in the hotel the same person as condom head girl?
Validation Junkie
2024-06-13 17:49:33 +0000 UTCFR: * Hey Couch, looks like you got a new listener! My dad picked up my copy of the WISNIFG book but wanted an audiobook. I had some issues setting up Audible on his phone and in the meantime he searched for that book on YouTube and found your sidebar explanation. Cheers! * Regarding the issue with my micromanaging manager, I have a hunch/gut feeling that there's some professional jealousy/insecurity on his part. In the team, I'm not the smartest or most hardworking engineer but I'm charismatic enough that I can work with people outside the team to move things forward. I also don't just blindly agree to anyone; I'll disagree if I think a certain direction or decision doesn't make sense (within reason). There were many times I've argued with my manager on some design decision and it's always tiring. My manager has a tell; whenever he's on the defensive he behaves extra nice/tries to make random small talk. I get the feeling he's shifty with his true intentions like a typical validation-seeking nice guy. How to deal with nice-guy managers? * Plate2 reached out when she was visiting near my place. We ended up smashing in her car in an empty parking lot. The Indian chick visited me over the weekend, I booked a hotel to get a night alone with her and we smashed that night and next morning. She gave a good blowjob (but only over the condom) and I complimented her skills. She said she practiced on her dildo. She also claimed she has a few different toys, including a vibrating anal plug. But I'm the first guy she had sex with? Is there an archetype for shy, good girls with huge sexual appetite but no sexual experience?
Ban Mido
2024-06-13 17:20:34 +0000 UTCWhat does BFE mean?
Validation Junkie
2024-06-13 16:13:45 +0000 UTCI agree with your analysis that she should have talked with you before she took the large amount of money. Did you tell her you expectations for large money movements? And how this will happen in the future…. Basically establish clear expectations.
Cousin Eddie
2024-06-13 15:39:29 +0000 UTCSpotted the walking on egg shells feeling. And changed your actions.
Cousin Eddie
2024-06-13 15:33:19 +0000 UTCIn this issue I like the way rsd (Owen) says it: your the shit because your the shit. Any improvement plan beyond just being the shit is validation seeking. And other people, especially women, have intuitive ways of sniffing this out fast. Point: improve, do things you want to do. Exclusively for yourself. And Live in the present. As you point out. Note: This includes feeling like you need to improve your sexual performance. (Which you have written about) Think Tom Lykis: when you’re done, throw a vibrator at her and flip on the tv. Lol
Cousin Eddie
2024-06-13 15:25:58 +0000 UTCFR #6, QnA 273 Workouts have been irregular, work load. Job - business - meetings - folks buying land under my name so weekends go into visiting hometown - less sleep. Changing my apartment to sort logistics. New place is 5 mins walking distance to my gym and my studio(my girls place) and 15 mins from my corporate job office. Will be moving there next month. Had a couple of dramatic events in relationship and with parents since my last field reports. But realised midway writing that my go to action usually becomes bitching here about how f'ed the situations are and how do I see if someone else is to be blamed, there's no one to be blamed, things just are how they are and can be changed only with actions. So decided not to post/writing anything in an emotional state. If I don't care about it after an hour or two does it really matter or I'm just being a bitch, the latter is true. Posting it here only makes it truer for me because I just borrow the opinions in replies and never form my own. So that seems to be working good for the last couple of weeks. Also I've told her it's a hard no for me that she mentions her feeling like killing herself stuff. Which she haven't since then. Cause I don't want to deal with that. I have my own shit to do. I'm still not smoking any pot and off social media. What I've noticed so far is less content consumption equals more solid thoughts, if that makes sense. I'm good on money front right now. My girl is not, but that's her problem. I have separated finance from the dailies. I now, only offer my plan and not money. And if my plan involves me spending money for us spending good time somewhere. That's fine cause I'm getting something out of it, for example having a nice dinner at a good restaurant. Or like I'm planning a trip to mountains before the rainy season starts. But I really want to go. She's been good. So I'm paying for her as well. I was gonna go anyway, and we've both been at it for a while in terms of work, seems only logical to take short trekking trip and let loose, or else the no relief frustration keeps penting up and I can't expect no drama, since we're both burnt out. So that's how I'm looking at at it. Things are gonna be the same for a while but I'm not getting these years back, so why not keep having fun every once in a while. I have a one year goal to upskill myself so that I can confidently switch jobs. Corporate environment helps as they have credit systems which lacked in my filmmaking background where CVs are not very helpful but more so your showreel and work done in past counts. But work done is of some quality and that costs money but no one wants to pay higher amounts even though they like the work. Hence my production house business is a side hustle at the moment. And having a job is essential. So yeah, one year, more skills, independence and security for now. At it. Not hurrying. If I'm slow right now then it's fine that my progress is also slow. But slow also seems doable and not overwhelming for someone like me(logistically packed and emotionally unstable).
Duke of the Dunes
2024-06-13 14:29:08 +0000 UTCI took control of the treasury. This was after I noticed a big money move to the business run by my wife and her family. I confronted her with that "Hey I have seen this big money move. Do you have liquidity difficulty in your business or something ?". She got all upset and said that it was mostly paid back. Just a confirmation that communication will lead nowhere here. I already decided it was time to take control of the treasury. So I opened a separate bank account. Asked HR at work to send my salary to the new account. I setup an automatic monthly payment to our common account. I matched what she contributes as a first approximation. I did that without saying anything: do don't tell. I expected a word or something at the end the month: "did you change job ? down-promoted at work ? or what happened with your salary". But nothing. We bleed a little bit of money every month because my approximation is low. But no comment. We still have money though, we are using what we saved. I had to wait 9 month to hear: "Hey, I just want to say regarding our finance. I have seen the change, that is fine, but I will get an additional bonus this month and we are getting low on money. So you could contribute also something more this month ?". I said "I will have a look and decide". I matched the bonus also. At one point she started manipulation tactics: Oh! this and that costs a lot. What you eat costs a lot. I just fogged every time and it stopped. Then some changes happened. She earns a little bit more now. I would guess her family decided to get her a raise, which she hasn't had since a long time. One month we received some money from her business: a one time payment. No notice, no word. Finally I got the answer. One day I hear "I have paid back all the money I took last year and there is nothing open anymore. I paid back everything". I replied "OK, that sounds good". After verification it seems to match. The story is "she took some of our private money for some investments/projects". Better that than spending money on some stupid shit. But I am not OK with the way it has been done. She could have said something along the line of "We have some projects at work that needs funding, it would like to take some our money for that...". Maybe we could have worked out a plan or something. I guess I should not expect my wife to be a man. After more than one year I am amazed at how much money I saved. That means we earn way more than what we spend (good). That leaves me also with the impression that something is fishy. After all those year we should have saved a lot more than what we have. I looked left and right, I didn't find something and have no explanation for that. I guess what is important is: I have control on my money, how much I save and spend. She could still misspend from our common account, but the amount is still low and I try not to be greedy: she may one time go for some lingerie. What I need to solve next is: our apartment needs some strong renewing. Where will the money come from for that ? I guess I will have to finance that as she may not have any side money left, even though my gut tells me she could do some finance engineering on her family business side and free some money.
Mac
2024-06-13 06:16:07 +0000 UTCIf someone can poke you into being insecure, they are right, you aren’t better, nor are you “better”. What validation seeking always amounts to is a lack of frame. You build skills like game because they get you closer to things you want. You get pussy because you like pussy not so that others can see you getting pussy. In fact it is that type of behavior that can diminish your sex life. A competitive nature isn’t always validation seeking. When you play a sport and you want to win, it can be because you want to put the other person down and lift yourself up. Or it could be because you have a competitive drive, and love to harness it. Competitiveness is masculine.
Op Sec
2024-06-13 04:35:29 +0000 UTCI wanted to play a game on my ps5 but worried about what my wife would think. This game features a scantily clad, female protagonist that looks good(stellar blade). As soon as I realized what was going through my head, it was I have to do the opposite just for the sake of killing the beta goblin. Funny enough, wife acted like she couldn’t give less of a shit, and normally she might make fun of a game I would play. Was feeling grumpy, didn’t have sex for a few days because of logistical reasons. Wife was giving me some lip in the kitchen. I left and went to another room. I didn’t say anything out loud. However, the communication was clear, “I’ve got better shit to do”. She muttered under her breath “leave then”, but came back later being submissive “I’m going to my studio if you want you can have the living room all to yourself”. I was heading out of town soon and that evening she blew me.
Op Sec
2024-06-13 04:17:48 +0000 UTCBFE 4 - Major Attachment to "Better" > ... Note any of the ways in which you seek approval. After letting go of the need to be perfect, I started to ask "What if I try for being better instead?". After thinking about it I realized that "better" makes sense for one-dimensional tasks, but does not make sense for evaluating people as a whole, including myself. It raises the question, why do I regard future "better" Dante in much higher regard than who I am at present, especially since present Dante is doing all of the work? "Better" Dante doesn't even exist. He's just a projection my head. Present Dante is the only one that's real, and I hate him because he's not "better". The only answer I have is that I've been trained to hate him, and have been hating him all my life. After everything I've been through the past two years, I really have no reason to hate him anymore and it's just a pattern of behavior. The other thing is that when "better" becomes your goal, you start to compare yourself to other people. But I've come to the same conclusion - there are only different people, not better or worse people. I hesitated to write this for several weeks, because this is my main attachment for BFE 4. I seek approval by showing other people that I've improved (i.e. better than I was yesterday), or that I'm better than other people at something. I can remember several childhood experiences where this was the case, and I certainly do this today. This attachment creates a huge vulnerability other people can exploit. People can provoke that insecurity when I'm not "better", even if inadvertently. People can also manipulate me into thinking that I have to compete even though I'm not that interested in doing so. I project in my mind that someone is "better" than me, and do what they do, thus making them the authority of my self-image instead of myself. If I decide to let this go, I can be free from all that pressure. In a weird way, I don't *have* to improve. I don't *have* to compete with others. It's a rough phrasing, and I don't know if the words are right, but I only have to be me, and decide what I want. I can decide for myself whether I'm content with where I'm at, or where I want to be someplace else. Not someplace better, someplace else. I don't have to play games I don't want to play. I don't have to look at someone, think they're better than me, and decide to try to be like them. And if I want to try something new, something different, I make that decision to go get it for myself.
Dante Panda
2024-06-13 00:12:39 +0000 UTC
