QNA #265
Added 2024-04-10 16:58:55 +0000 UTCI'm thinking I'll start using this space for the sidebar reading, so that every new member can see it for every post. see you thursday
Comments
Covert, that's great news. I have a couple concerns though. The first is I'm not a fan of medication when there is an alternative, because who knows what the long term side effects are. The second is if your weight was a reflection of other issues. For many people, they eat emotionally. If that's the case with you, is that dysfunction going to look for another outlet?
Dave
2024-04-11 19:57:21 +0000 UTCI agree!
Cocky_funny
2024-04-11 18:07:22 +0000 UTCThere is allot to work on here.
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-11 18:05:48 +0000 UTCInteresting. Looking forward to reports in distant future. Weight (should be viewed as lack of energy) is tricky
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-11 18:01:19 +0000 UTCYou are navigating plate spinning. Sounds like you might be mis marketing yourself. The girls should know you are not interested in playing house at this point in your life. Freshly divorced and already getting the death by a thousand cuts by weekend girl. She would be a weirdo if she did not mate guard. If she is expecting a serious relationship with you. ——-I’ve told her there are times during the day that I’m too busy to go through my texts so I might be silent for hours. ——- Do you need to explain your life to others? Deer. Does a women ever listen to logic? lol. Just don’t respond. Dog and bread mm. Also: personal note: two feet on the ground. Respect the knees like they are gods. Cut all hobbies that don’t follow those guide.
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-11 17:57:31 +0000 UTC- Age 30, - LRT – 6 Lifting – x2-3 a week, 70kg, Bench. Deadlift 140kg, Squat- Low (due to knee) - 3 years Martial arts (MMA, Kick/boxing/BJJ) x3-4 a week – Taking the sparing down a notch this year, too many injuries now. Striking is affecting my lifting (e.g. knees and wrist). - Work is going well. Earning 77k mid-level software engineer - Reading- Developing Assertiveness by Anni Townend (feminine point of view ) . Interesting this book and other assertiveness training courses often reference W.I.S.N.I.F.G. But okay-ish so far, it’s uses the “I am okay, you are okay” mental - Sex life is alright 6/10. This has gone done from a 8/10. - Goal of the next 2 months - leading my relationship - Relationship status – Engaged. (I think this is worth mentioning- My fiancée has some inheritance money (100k+) and has agreed that she is happy to use some of the that money to put a deposit down for a house after the wedding. A small part of me wonders if she will follow through. But I believe she will --------------------- 11-04-2024 - This week Context - I have worked and stayed as a mid-level software engineer for the past 3 years. - I have not put in the work to become senior or a lead. - I have helped start-up company build software that then became something and worth Millions for the past 4-5 years as a junior. Me coming home and telling my family, misses and friends use to make me feel good, but I never owned any slice of the pie. I used to tell people “I’m going to do this all by myself one day”. But I have not. I want to stop playing the game of being mandioca. In relation to me being great at my job, building a software company. One of the biggest problems that I have right now is self-leadership and discipline. I find it hard to lead myself and follow through with all the things that I say I am going to do. I find myself indulging in everything else apart from doing the things that I say I will do. I must admit since discovering the RP pill I have realised that I was a massive narcissist I loved telling people what I going to do and accomplished before I even did it. This worked 50% of the time, but not consistently. I don’t know what do about this. I have listed of the great things I can do, I have got all of the great books but never read them, one of first field report was creating a business plan, “because Rian said So”. I want to lead my own life before I can lead others and I don’t know what to do about it. When I look at my misses, I have come to an understand that she haves just like I do, if I don’t cook much during the week, she wont cook, If I go to bed late, wake up late, she will follow suit, when I work out hard she will also… I have to admit I have been thinking about what I means to be captain of my own life and the life of others and it does scare me that my behaviour is almost a direct reflection of my fiancée and I guess this will also be the same case for my kids. I’m glad that I have discovered this, but I don’t know how to get clarity and lead myself correctly and bring others with me in relation. My fiancée does look up to me and ask me for help and support in her business, but half of the time I’m just discovering things with her as I go along. But at the back of my head, I’m saying to myself, why am I not creating my own business and becoming a millionaire that I promised “her and others”. The video/text Rian sent “The last psychiatrist lecture on narcissism” made me realise this. But now what? Any help on this? --------------------- Field report from last week – Bit messy I have recently moved in with my fiancée mum’s house to save up 20k each for a wedding and a house. It’s been 2 months now. We had our own apartment before. The mum was just living by herself in a 3-bedroom house. Now ,1 room for her mum, 1 room for me and my fiancée and a room is being used as my office. Since moving in I have noticed that the power dynamic has changed 1. I apologised for something that I should not have. I have asked a question, which essentially questioned her character. My question made her upset. Me – During an argument “how do think you are helping me by saying you are trying to get me to manage my emotions when I am mad. Do you get me mad and get help me later”. Her - in front of her mum, “mum will a relationship work if you partner never apologises. Mum – “No”. Her – “It will never work”. Me – “I apologise for the way that you feel.” Then I walked out. I think I handled this kind of well enough. 2. I have noticed that her mum does a lot of cooking and the laundry for all three of us. From the day I met my fiancée I made it clear that love being with a woman that likes to cook ( I don’t even often ask my fiancée what she likes and dislikes, I’m really focused on myself. This is quite bad, I think. Is this me going Rambo). There have been times when I come home and find no food at home, and this makes me very mad and I don’t talk to her, I behave like a child. Its stupid having the arguments sometimes because I know she works from home, and she sometimes work long hours standing. Growing up food was seen a love language, sitting as a family and have a nice meal together. Possible Solutions - I have tried meal preparing, but I find it hard to stick to. I have asked my fiancée to meal prep, but this does not happen often. Just like many aspects of my relationship my fiancée often follows through when I initiate things (including sex). What I am think of now is stating what meals we are having for the day. 3. I really don’t like being a woman that is messy. It’s really a massive turn off. Since moving in my fiancée has been keeping the bedroom messy. I have told her to tidy it up, but she doesn’t seem to be listening. So last night I came in I didn’t event kiss or hug and I slept downstairs this didn’t feel good it. But I remembered N.M.M.MN.G. rule of doing something different. This helped me https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/346jvl/how_to_get_her_to_do_more_housework/ I did open my stupid mouth and expressed my annoyance of the messy room and the cooking. I did catch myself arguing. 20mins later I stopped. I wanted to express myself despite me not wanting to argue. I keep on saying I want to express and set my boundaries. I don’t want to encourage messiness. I don’t exactly know what to do from here. I’m thinking. But I do know I am not going to tolerate this.
Cocky_funny
2024-04-11 17:53:28 +0000 UTCGood catch. It does look like a DEER now as a I read it back to myself.
Ground Hog Day
2024-04-11 17:39:15 +0000 UTC——-“Call me a jerk if you want but I don't want to do anything for her. I have no desire to help her whatsoever. She can do her tasks by herself and I have my own shit to do. “——- Why did you add this paragraph? You are deering in your own writing. I sense anger phase all over this. I would use her as a practice to build frame. You might even find it changes the relationship. Note: after you separate you will repeat this relationship cycle if the validation seeking, anger…. Is not worked on. ——— When I arrived home; received no care or concern from my wife whatsoever (not a surprise, this is what I expected from her - just confirmation). ——-/. Another example. You still have covert contracts. Your frame is reactive to her actions. Math: you are a function of her. Keep working. Europe trip sounded productive. And I like the “I am closed for business”. Response. 😝
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-11 17:35:15 +0000 UTCAge old question of boob size. Is blue a better color than orange? 😝
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-11 17:31:01 +0000 UTCCongratulations on loosing weight by whatever means necessary. If you are getting hunger pains while dieting, my general recommendation to most people is to make your food as bland as possible. An overcooked plain chicken breast, is one of the most satiating foods by calorie that there is. Everyday we aren't afraid to forgo a little pleasure for long term gain. Except when it comes to food, eat a meal that doesn't taste great sounds horrific and the fatter you are the worse it sounds. It also means you aren't eating because you are hungry but for dopamine/entertainment/pleasure. When obese people are put on bland diets they loose weight without the negative effects of losing weight. That being said, you found a way to do it, and whatever side effects a pill might have, it is likely not as bad as the side effects of the weight you are loosing.
Op Sec
2024-04-11 17:27:22 +0000 UTCYou have abundance. So you are living like Chad. Where chads get hung up is their life revolve around being Chad. Think playboy. (Unless that is what you want… not a moralizing comment) Focus on your map. Being your point of origin. And let the plates drop until one truly (not passport seeking) wants to be in your world. Might be hard if you are moving away from the Philippians
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-11 17:26:50 +0000 UTCFR on Weight Loss Drugs for those ever considering: I’m down 25 lbs over the course of four months. The weight loss accelerated within the last 10 weeks. Specifically I’m using the Lean On/Go program, which is an online and app. I’ve chosen the compounded medication from reputable physician / pharmacist. They seem to source from different pharmacists depending on the jurisdiction so I’d recommend doing research on one they recommend. You can also go with the name brand Mojourna and Wegovy The medicine is about $300. The name brands are priced significantly higher with insurance covering. Other than being obese, I don’t have any markers that would get insurance to cover. Regarding the medication, what it’s done for me is significantly reduce my cravings and appetite, which has been my weakness. Before, when I reduced calorie intake by 250 to 500 cal I would have constant hunger pains. On the medication, it’s more a background noise I can very often just ignore. Interestingly, it also has significantly reduced my (psychological) craving for alcohol that was keeping me in the 260s and 270s. You’ve described in the past how you’re now usually good after one or two drinks. I didn’t have that experience. I would have trouble stopping at those points due to lack of discipline while inebriated. With the medication, I am not jonesing for a drink end of week or mid week when stressed out. More of a take it or leave it proposition. I also generally lose interest after one or two. Nevertheless, I’ve experienced side effects. Most experience nausea. I don’t get that. Primarily, I experience loose bowel movements and feelings of constipation and excessive bloating/fullness. Nothing life threatening but not normal. That arises from eating a fattier diet (think cheeses and fattier meats). When I refrain from cheese and cheese at more lean chicken, rice/bean combos, and avoid other dairy, my bowel movements are more normal. With weight reduction, blood pressure has obviously gone down. Affect on sex life is inconclusive (things feel like they’ve gotten worse yet that is as much me giving up on trying with her and focusing on getting weight down so I can move on). If I hear you give me shit that I’m burying the lede, I swear to god… I’ll super chat some $5 bullshit next few red mornings. On balance, I’ve found the good outweighing the side effects so far. Hopefully this doesn’t end up a phenfen situation or I get cancer later. But so far it’s been with it to me to address weight.
CovertContractAttorney
2024-04-11 17:13:58 +0000 UTCGreat use of closed communication with the rebound fn. in these engagements it is all emotion. Logic does not exist. As op sec points out as well. A “k”. Or. “I understand” (fog). Does more for you than. I xplaining your point of view. She already knows your prerogative… 😝 Fucking Casanova over here!!!!!
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-11 17:12:42 +0000 UTCYour prediction on having makeup sex after the shark week saga turned out to be true. All her anxiety and anger just fell away. Sex life has been really solid. Rarely getting turned down when I initiate and being more assertive in the bedroom. Told her I had a 10 minute break between work meetings on Monday and asked if she thought she’d be able to make it happen (BJ to completion)? She did. I also woke up randomly around 11pm on Tuesday and decided to initiate - she again obliged. Can’t recall the last time I was turned down but if I was, I know I wouldn’t be butt hurt like the past. This week I gave amused mastery a try on one of her jealousy asks - worked like a charm. We were driving home from an event at my daughter’s school and I got some weird, obviously spam text message…the provocative picture of a young Asian woman and “what are you up to?” kind. The wife saw me open it and asked who she was. “It’s obviously my new Asian girlfriend.” She flipped out and took a picture of it from her own phone and said she’d “get to the bottom of it.” I told her to report back on her findings by close of business. Later I said I was going to the grocery store and she brought it up. “Did you respond to your girl yet?” I told her not yet, I like to make them wait. When I got home I came in the kitchen out of breath…she asked what was going on. I jokingly responded, “you’re never gonna believe this, IT IS SIDEWAYS. (Joke that I fucked the asian).” She rolled her eyes and we moved right along. Good week. I’m enjoying testing things out and not being so susceptible to her emotions. I'm feeling like I'm seeing the matrix more and able to stay present. Also enjoyed catching up on the last 4 months of your Patreon streams.
RUIN
2024-04-11 17:01:15 +0000 UTCParagraph. 1. Great - health…. 2. You are in her frame “she” everywhere. 3. One big navel gazing future tense goal. Notes: Speak from past tense. I did this and this happened. “I made a business website for my startup…” Not sure journalling and meditating is helping. Allot of future and if -then…. She… naval gaze Stuff in this report,
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-11 17:00:31 +0000 UTCAkin to riding a bike. In the beginning you need to think it out. (Have a plan). But then. Throw it away… let instincts and whim improvise with the structure you established years ago. Ex: I basically have an idea of what/where we are going. Start in that rout and let the cards fall where they will. (But if I was running game I would be more strategic as stripper says)
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-11 16:52:37 +0000 UTCWhy did you write this? are you seeking validation? “Hey everyone, I am working. But nothing to report.”
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-11 16:45:39 +0000 UTCThere are two field note where there is an Emegency and the power structure needs to come together (captain…) When my kid broke her arm my wife turned into a puddle of usles emotions…crying…. I just lined up the step by step actions to rectify the situations. Exactly what you did. On the power outage I would try lightening up. She blew the circuit. Poke fun. “Well, I do enjoy a good camp out with no electricity.” “Don’t worry, at least we have half washed clothing. lol”. Mm: She is a teenager. The important part: closed communication. If you get angry it signals there is somthing really off. That you are not in control. Think of a plane pilot getting on the mic and saying… “we are going down!” Instead. “Just some turbulence. On your right is the Grand Canyon”.
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-11 16:42:17 +0000 UTCThis reads like a bunch of cope. Either you are expecting us to tell you you are doing fine, or to call you a faggot. I can't tell which one. Your frame sucks because you don't know what you want.
Op Sec
2024-04-11 16:34:13 +0000 UTCIn case you are curious that line originally comes from Juggler. You can find his book (juggler method) if you want to learn more. I've used that line quite a few times before and later instead would just physically put a finger under their chin and gently bring them closer to me. Yeah, you are going to have to drop that nice guy behavior and flake. Its really not a big deal and as long as you own it, it will be fine. You didn't swear to god that you would show up, it was probably like, yeah sounds good. Ok, now it sounds bad, it's not a big deal.
Op Sec
2024-04-11 16:30:52 +0000 UTCThe 3 comments above sun it up. I can only rephrase it: Your mental models are off. Burn your goals, your classifications (gamma.. beta..) Read nmmng. Anything you do that seeks validation in anyway kills your game. Even dressing better… tattoos…. Scheduling bar nights … Here you will learn to be your mental point of origin. Which means you will look in the mirror and ask , what do I want to do. (Not, how do I get girls, why am I not getting girls, … and all the navel gazing you are doing in your writing). Keep posting… read the correct books. Last note: men that are successful with their careers but still can not attract and get upset about it ——. Are everywhere. They have a covert contract that says: I am successful (or muscular…or dress nice). so she should like me. But the contract actually repulses women. It is transactional. Game works in reverse. Zero contract is incredibly attractive. Learning about closed communication. Emotion vs logical vibe/ communication.
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-11 16:20:01 +0000 UTCNope - it's a financial calculation: Guidance from my lawyer not to antagonize wife and family before the wedding, which *might* be positioned as a character flaw by opposing counsel, and be viewed negatively by the courts in my area, and be very bad for me financially. This is also consistent with Better Beta divorce guide. Alimony for LIFE is a confirmed risk for me by 3 different lawyers. I don't want to mess this up.
Ground Hog Day
2024-04-11 16:18:37 +0000 UTCFR: * Last Thursday went out with this white chick (27y/HB6) I matched with. I had taken a complete break from sourcing or going out as I'm busy with my existing 2 plates and other areas of my life but I got the itch from some fresh new poon. Standard logistics; bar -> ice cream -> home. She came to the date with a very low-cut blouse so I knew this was my game to lose. In the bar, after some banter I escalated, my hand feeling up her back and pulled a line from a reality show I saw once; I asked her "what would you rate your kissing skills as", she gave some number and asked mine, I said "why don't you find out" and pulled her in for the kiss. We made out in the bar a bit, got ice cream later and went back to my place. Escalated as usual and we smashed. She stayed over until 1AM, we smashed a second time, got her to squirt. Later booked her an Uber back home. * Not an eventful FR but I'm at the point now I'm only going out for fresh poon just because I have an itch for some variety. * Also on last week's FR I mentioned how I'm inclined to believe that Indian girl that she's inexperienced. I do have a Madonna-Whore complex when it comes to Indian girls, especially girls who grew up in India. I'm implicitly biased to believe all Indian girls are Madonnas while American girls (including American-Indians) are the whores. Which makes me want to treat them differently. I realize AWALT and I'm trying to change my thinking but it's definitely harder when it comes to chicks from where I grew up. * I have this thing where I over-commit to people and end up burning out trying to honor all of my commitments. I had the opposite problem growing up where I would drop my responsibilities if I'm over-whelmed and shut down. Now I feel bad whenever I disappoint people and work too hard trying to keep my word to others. For eg, I offered plate2 to join her for one of the hikes. But on Sunday I really wanted to stay home and relax; instead I went hiking to keep my commitment to her. This is a repeating pattern where I'm failing to be intentional with my time and efforts.
Ban Mido
2024-04-11 16:18:08 +0000 UTCFitness – Meh. The marathon training has gone off the rails. I have done two marathons and two Ironman races in my 30’s, but I’m now 48 and my fitness progression is a slower curve than it was before. I've had a number of setbacks and distractions (travel, runners knee, sickness). Last week I had a good crash on my bike and my shoulder and neck are messed up. I went for a run last night and it aggravated my neck. I’ll probably step down and do the half marathon instead. My weight training is messed up as well because my routine is off. The plan going forward (after early May) is to get my body better and then re-build and get back into a routine for lifting (3 times a week) and filling in the other days with running and biking. Diet – I usually gain a bit of mass in the Winter, partly when I lift harder. My fighting weight is about 210-215. I’ve been stuck at 222-225 since December and my waist is larger than normal. I plan to cut 10 pounds by end of May. I’m going to add another 24 hour fast per week and stop eating after 7pm. I think 1 pound per week is feasible, so I’ll hit my target end of May. Divorce – I have a settlement conference in early July. I still haven’t shared my financials, but I have a meeting with my lawyer next week to do so. Girlfriend – Still going well on the girlfriend front. I’ve had to deal with a number of jealousy issues. I have a number of female friends, including all the mountain bike chicks I had been hanging around with leading up to the Divorce. She gets jealous if I make plans or do things with other chicks. It’s the usual mate guarding stuff. I’m trying to establish what the boundaries should be. Having a chick at home for dinner is something I can agree would be out of bounds, so I’ve thrown her that bone. Going to yoga with another chick is something I continue to do. I think the line is still blurry though because I’m dealing with this ad hoc and it would probably be better to deal with it in one go. I had a mountain bike ride planned with a girl I'm looking to hire. She works in the same niche industry that I do and we know each other well because our expertise is small in number. My girl was jealous and thought it was inappropriate for me to ride with my colleague alone but I told her I'm doing it anyways and heard her concerns. The girl canceled because of something with her kids, but she'd still like to go for a ride. This girl was a potential plate for me leading up to the divorce but she had a boyfriend that since is breaking up with. She likes to receive a lot of attention from me. She wants to talk on the phone a lot and text during the day. I’ve told her there are times during the day that I’m too busy to go through my texts so I might be silent for hours. Likewise with phone calls at night, I tell her I’m going to do other things like spend an hour playing a video game and that we can talk before bed. I think I’ve done well in setting this boundary. We had a talk about her being concerned about only being the 'weekend girl' for me. She lives an hour away so we only see each other on the weekend. I like that balance right now. I told her that I'm in the middle of a divorce and I don't know where I will land when it's all done. So I can't make any commitments beyond that but I said if everything works out then at some point, obviously we could live together. But it's too early for any decisions or time commitments. I'm sure this will come up again to test my consistency. Overall, I’m leading the relationship in that she has entered into my frame. We do the things that I want to do for the most part and she’s happy for me to do that. As you can see with the anecdotes above, there are a lot of comfort issues. That's not a bad thing unto itself, it's how I respond to them. Back to the weight issue, I do think she subconsciously wants to fatten me up. She’s knows I’m healthy and eat strict, but she’ll bring me lots of snacks at night when we’re hanging out. Having a no eating past 7pm rule is going to solve that. The sex is good. As before, my problem is she’s wanting it all the time and at 48, that’s not the easiest thing to do.
Dave
2024-04-11 16:12:45 +0000 UTCTo add to what Stripper has said, read NMMNG and WISNIFG. I spent most of the last 3 decades with muscle and abs, but lacked any non-physical congruence, and it didn't mean shit. The moments I was able to fake it, and then later on fix the worst of my issues, was when I was actually started getting laid left and right. I had to learn how to stop snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.
Philanthpenist
2024-04-11 16:05:08 +0000 UTCFR#4 Had my DEXA scan Friday, and was a little annoyed as I thought I would be a little further ahead. Somehow gained .5 lbs of muscle, but only dropped 1% bf in the last 3 months. Still fairly lean, but not where I wanted to be. I know I had a few times where I said fuck it and indulged in desserts, but I recognize that I need to reduce calories a few hundred a day as it should have gone down 1% more by my estimates, even with the indulgences. I’ve been pretty consistent with morning Cardio, and started using a HR monitor to help me track the intensity. Weight workouts were changed up a bit, reducing the weight but doing more unilateral work, which I probably need after a few decades of mostly big compound lifts. Made some progress on my frame, by instituting a journaling practice of noting 2 things about the new chick that I don’t like, while recognizing 1 thing about her I do. Trying to find a balance of not idealizing her, while still recognizing the value she provides, and it seems to give me a bit of mental separation from the good feels she gives. Still playing on easy mode with her. She looks for opportunities to do things for me, asks to blow me, sometimes does it without asking, and is generally just pleasant to be around. Sex is good, and she is pretty submissive and open to whatever kinky shit I want to do. I did catch myself DEERing a couple of times, not during a shit test, but simple conversation where she was teasing me over the way I phrased something. Not sure if that is being autistic about the concept, but I’m watching it all the same as I was bad for it until recently. She remains a bit needy, probably codependent, and I need to do a better job of limiting my availability to her. This is partly gaming her, but also because I have shit to get done. I have declined her calls a few times when I was busy, which she handled well. The problem is more on my end, as she is really entertaining to bullshit with. Bullshitting with her for an hour or two over a call on the days we don’t see each other, is kind of like playing hours of video games or watching tv. While damn fun, it doesn’t get me further towards my goals. Meditation and journaling continues to provide some potential insights. Most recently I was faced with the question of whether I have an upper limit problem. Life is pretty good overall, making over 100k with great benefits at an interesting enough job, but I think I am engaging in some self sabotage to keep myself at “pretty good”. I put off my goal of making money from writing these last three weeks to work on my tendencies of oneitis and improve frame, but now I sit here and consider that I haven’t done jack shit towards being self-employed, time and location independent with a similar or greater standard of living. I’ve started working on a few different ideas, and continue to come up with others, but I think it’s more procrastination as I am starting more things than I finish. Question I have now is how to decide on what projects to focus on finishing, as none of them are sure things as far as how much income potential they might have. Looking at a few projects that will take longer, but are more interesting and exciting to me with a higher potential income, vs a few that I could bang out in the next month, that probably will only make me a small amount of money at most. Leaning towards the latter, just so I am actually finishing projects that would build momentum, but I recognize that is also a way people can get stuck doing piddly shit that doesn’t really move the needle, and to avoid doing things that really challenge them.
Philanthpenist
2024-04-11 16:00:26 +0000 UTCKeeping the peace and keeping appearances up until after my daughter's upcoming wedding.
Ground Hog Day
2024-04-11 15:41:38 +0000 UTCOh, this girl was 38. But her tits looked big haha
Dante Panda
2024-04-11 14:13:07 +0000 UTCField Report #6 2024-04-11 It was a very unusual 3 weeks: (1) I experienced an injury working out, (2) took a vacation to Europe (3) caught the flu, was bedridden for a few days, and am now recovering. Goals: Physical - Successfully adhered to my workout and diet plan for the first week, but put them on hold while on vacation (described below) and when sick. Still managed to lose 3 lbs - which brings me to 200 lbs – 27 down, and 33 to go. I experienced a mild shoulder injury that I need to be careful about. My trainer and I have adjusted the workouts to protect the shoulder and recover. NMMNG & WISNIFG: Same as last time – continuing to expose Covert Contracts, stop DEERING, and practice WISNIFG skills. I have been catching myself with the urge to DEER and then simply change it to an “I want statement” instead of DEER. In my business I do technology consulting and executive coaching. In the last 2 months I have assigned 3 of my executive coaching clients readings from WISNIFG to improve their assertiveness skills, and have run through 3 different sessions practicing fogging, broken record, and negative inquiry in a role-play with the clients to help them advocate for raises, new roles, and become more assertive on the job. I am getting a better grasp of the skills by teaching them and practicing them with the clients. Not much happening with the wife. We are living in the same house but living completely separate lives. She is dead to me - barely any communication beyond logistics. I don’t pay much attention to her. I am not trying to fuck her. At this point, I have urges for sex, but find my wife increasingly unattractive. If she initiated, I wouldn’t turn her away - I'd hate fuck her. There was one noteworthy interaction with wife: We were at my wife's mother's house on a Sunday evening after a family event. Several relatives were there. It was getting late, and I wanted to leave. Me: Announced I was leaving, said goodbye to the relatives. Wife: Oh – I have a bunch of things I need you to do when you get home. Come here and let me tell you what I need you to do. Me: Raise my hand like a stop sign - signaling her to stop talking. “No, sweetheart. I am not open to any requests at this time.” Wife: Oh, ok (looking stunned) Me: I turn, walk out, go home and take care of things I need to do. Call me a jerk if you want but I don't want to do anything for her. I have no desire to help her whatsoever. She can do her tasks by herself and I have my own shit to do. Vacation - I took a short trip to Europe with my son, and 4 of his twenty-something friends (I am in my late 50s). No wife - she was invited, but as expected, didn’t want to come. I did not worry about diets, macros, and workouts while on vacation, although I did get plenty of walking in with many days over 25,000 steps. I enjoyed the experience and connected well with the group. My improv learnings helped generate a number of laughs. I made it a point to talk to many people and practiced starting conversations, keeping conversations flowing, and maintaining eye contact. I spoke with a number of beautiful women. I had particularly enjoyable conversations with a classy latina woman at the gym who is about my age, a gorgeous tourist from Atlanta, a pretty mom from Florida, and also with a sexy french woman on the flight home. I was not gaming or catch & releasing - just having engaging conversations. Sick - Got sick with flu like symptoms on the last couple days of vacation that has extended into this week. When I arrived home; received no care or concern from my wife whatsoever (not a surprise, this is what I expected from her - just confirmation). Her first attempt to communicate with me was to task me with stuff to do around the house; I just told her No. She then asked that I sleep in the guest room so that I don’t get her or anyone else sick. I gladly agreed. I may stay in the guest room until I start divorce proceedings this summer. Anger report – My anger seems to have subsided quite a bit over the last 3 weeks. The vacation seemed to help. Anger seems to be replaced by excitement. I am starting to get excited about my future and have started to journal out what it is that I want and my vision for what I would like my life to look like post-marriage.
Ground Hog Day
2024-04-11 14:11:55 +0000 UTCAnother single mom/married woman I wanted to know if bigger tits were worth it. It turns out, they were not that big. So not only was the experience not worth it, I did not get an answer to my question. This time, my reaction to what happened was different. No guilt, no shame, not even anger. Just disappointment. The whole experience felt like a waste of effort. One thing I realized though was how committed she was to the kayfabe. But everything else she did basically meant we were going to do the deed. She sent me a bunch of cleavage and leg photos. We were talking dirty over text. No prior date, no coffee shop meet, I told her where I lived, she showed up, and after getting past a bunch of her kayfabe ("You promised me you'd behave", "I have a partner (not husband)", "I have two kids"), I fucked her. Would I do another married woman? It's hard to say. I took a big risk doing what I did. So far, women from unusual family situations (bad relationship with parents, single mom, divorced/separated) had emotions that were difficult to manage. Probably not worth it for me given that I also have to manage an LTR. I think the biggest takeaway for me was how different she was in contrast to my girl right now. I can tell what sets her apart from the other women I'm hitting up and seeing. It's a good reminder for me to trust my instincts that I picked someone I liked and that is good to me so far.
Dante Panda
2024-04-11 13:14:57 +0000 UTCFR 20 Home again. I’ve dated a variety of girls in the Philippines and encountered many of the usual archetypes you find in the West as well: - Single mom, entitled edition. Strong and independent, doesn’t need no man and knows her worth. Since there’s no welfare state in the Philippines, she has her family finance and look after her kid while she is out having fun. Just got fired from her last job, and in spite of being strong and independent still expected me to pay for the date. Not that I mind, it’s just funny. - Single mom, wistful edition. Realizes that she’s past her prime and can’t lock down a high value guy anymore. A bit melanchonic about it, but still wants to have fun. Fastest meet to fuck so far, about 30 minutes. - Epiphany phase girl. Isn’t like that anymore and treats the first date like a job interview to gauge long term mating potential. I made a whole lot of shit up and just had fun with it. No lay, too much work. - Catholic chick with hang ups. Wanted to lose her virginity, changed her mind last minute and gave me a sermon about how sex is reserved for holy matrimony. Was still fine with me fingering her asshole, though. I’ll take it. - Gold digger. Cooperated with local taxi drivers and bartenders to rip me off with prices 5 times the normal rate. In the bar, I just left her with the bill. - H*e phase girl. Didn’t want to talk, just wanted to fuck. Lots of fun, very uncomplicated. Probably my second favourite after Green Flag Girl. - Arrogant model. Expected me to carry the entire conversation during the entire date while finger-fucking her phone. Impatient and rude to wait staff, believes the world is her oyster and told me that guys were intimidated by her success. Almost zero verbal feedback during the date, still fun in bed. Wanted to see videos of me fucking other girls. I said no, those are private, that’s unfair to the other girls. She then proceeded to show me videos of her fucking other guys. Probably thought this was some sort of tit-for-tat and would turn me on. Needless to say, it did the exact opposite. Lost all attraction for her, even though she was just a fling. Intellectually, I know she’s fucking other guys, but don’t shove it in my face like that - it just triggers a visceral negative reaction. - Crazy chick. One of the most facially attractive girls I have had the pleasure of being with, more so than the model in my opinion. Spoke 6 languages, computer programmer, IQ off the charts, but totally messed up family. Depressive and schizophrenic episodes. Sex was amazing, but during the second date, I had to take my nail scissors away from her as she was staring into the bathroom mirror and holding them against her wrist. Ended it there. Not dealing with this even for a holiday fling. Generally, women are the same everywhere. That being said, on average, Philippina chicks will still treat men better on average. I’d say they are where the US was in the 90s. Stage 1 social cancer instead of stage 4. Still, feminist and woke propaganda is active there as well and working on accelerating the decline. Spent another week with Green Flag girl in the end. It was a very pleasant experience. More green flags, including: - Worked 3 jobs at the same time to support her family - Brought food to a work acquaintance that spent three days in jail for a minor offense. In the Philippines, they don’t feed you while you’re being detained, so if no one helps you, you’re screwed. She helped her work acquaintance although she herself was scared (rightfully so, Philippino jails are not fun). - Basic skills in: carpentry, tiling, drywalling, nursing/healthcare, cooking, cleaning. Taking pride in cooking and cleaning as well. - Impromptu 3 hour brainstorming session about my side hustle, she had some good ideas. - Super affectionate. Randomly showered me with kisses and hugs, hummed in my ear (out of tune) while nestling against me in bed, constantly telling me how awesome I am. Felt great, not gonna lie. - No jealousy whatsoever. H*e phase girl gave me a massive hickey and Green Flag Girl just ignored it. When packing my suitcase, she found Model Girl’s mascara and also just ignored it. Red flags - Occasional short commands in a firm voice. So far only for things I was going to do anyways, like throw a bottle into a trash can or things like that. But I can definitely see where this is going in the long term. - Nagging: Didn’t do it yet, but I could also see her doing it long term. That being said, in my experience, all girls start nagging at some point. It’s just a matter of how much, about what, and will they accept your boundaries when you enforce them. For example, when a girl nags about me being scatterbrained, she has a point and I’m working on it. However, when she nags about me spending to much time and effort on my side hustle, that’s been a deal breaker in the past. - The big one: Her laptop screen’s background was “All you need is love” with love crossed out and replaced with “a passport”. She said she only meant that her Philippines passport passport allowed her to travel, which is her favourite thing to do. Sure. I just made certain to flush all my condoms as I always do. Independently of this specific girl, though, does it matter if she loves you as long as she treats you right? Which this one definitely did. I told her she could always visit me back home as long as she pays for her own flight. Let’s see what she does, I could totally see her taking on another job to afford the flight. You said 1 in 30 women is relationship material. I think hoeflation has bumped that number up to at least 1 in 40. Part of me just doesn’t want to wade through another 40-80 single moms, gold diggers, and crazy chicks to find someone halfway suitable. It’s fun but it’s also tiring. Maybe that’s why I reacted so positively to Green Flag girl. However, it will be logistically impossible for me to plate her for a full year unless she gets a job here. And even then, she might change due to Western influence. Let’s see what happens. Either way, I’m sourcing more local girls at home now.
Hypergamous Best Option
2024-04-11 10:41:22 +0000 UTCYou are on a good trajectory. Yeah, don't talk talk about it, it is validation seeking which will fuck you up. Also it is unattractive. With yogurt girl, when she sends that text, "K" is the response, or nothing. It turned out fine, and your weird emotions are improving.
Op Sec
2024-04-10 23:12:18 +0000 UTCI was supposed to meet the yogurt girl from the last field report on Friday, but she called and bailed on me. Then she texted me this huuggee message which could boil down to “I am not sure if I feel comfortable if you sleep with other girls.” This triggered a lot of anxiety and shame for me. Feeling immoral. But I did not lie or commit to anything and just told her that it's too early for me to limit myself. She then just told me that she can not see me then, but was actually pretty cool about it. Which was a relief for me. I could have handled that better probably. I could have just told her that it is none of her business and she could have drawn her own conclusions. But I am actually pretty happy about how I handled that and how it turned out. Will probably continue to handle it the same way in the future if a girl is asking about exclusivity explicitly. Before the girl bailed on me, the herpes chick asked me if I was free that night, but I told her I had other plans. But after the above conversation I texted her that my plans changed and I would be free. She was like, “Wow, so I am the rebound?”. I started to explain myself, but then caught myself, deleted the text I was about to send and sent “No, my rebound also had no time” She then texted my “wwhhhaaattttt” and I kept going like “Then I called my mum but she hung up on me” and kept going with other ridiculous people I was trying to hang out before her like my neighbor, a bus driver and a panhandler. She was sending me laughing emojis during that. Reflecting on that, I am not sure if that wasn’t too self-deprecating, but she went out with me for cocktails and then back to my place, so I count that as a win. She jerked me off in the evening and we had sex in the morning. She just jerked me off in the evening, because she put up strong initial resistance at my place. Telling me she was not sure how she wanted to continue her life. Feeling like she was not careful enough with selecting people to sleep with. I guess that herpes thing really rattled her. As we still had sex I guess she was still attracted to me. And she shook her ass a lot for me, which I love and she told me it was her favorite part about the morning. Seems like she likes to please me. Am I swiss watching it here? She pleases me, that's good, if she likes it does not matter I guess. On Saturday I saw the girl that wanted to keep her pants on last time again. This time we went to her place and had sex, so another win. She was very quiet, but also active, got on top and sucked my dick, better than her quiet demeanor would imply. But after we finished, I noticed her vagina started to smell fishy. I am kinda paranoid since the herpes thing, so I am unsure how to proceed. I wore a condom of course, so I guess I should be fine. One last thing: I should really learn how to keep my mouth shut about my sex life with my friends and colleagues. I think that’s some kind of validation seeking, „look at me, I fuck!“ I already am a smug fuck, and I am not even that successful. Should just say “it is going well” and don’t talk about it without being prompted.
Am I red yet
2024-04-10 21:52:07 +0000 UTCPlanned to see the eclipse in totality. The day before, Wife came into my office to talk about plans(there’s a park, or a lake or something). I was too busy enjoying watching my cat beating up on her dog to listen. “Are you listening”, “No, are you seeing this?”. “Fine! I’m leaving”. This made me sad because the dog left with her so the cat v dog fight stopped(this is tongue in cheek you autists). The dog had mild diarrhea all night, and the weather sucked. She asked if we’re going, “I’m proceeding as if we’re going”. Later, “Are we taking the dog?”. Me, “No”. Her, “Why not?”, Me, “I don’t want to”, her: “That’s it, that’s your reason”, me: “yup”. She didn’t talk to me for the first 30 minutes of the drive, and I enjoyed the meditative quietness of being behind the wheel. Overall though, we had a good time, figuring out details on the way. I got her to acknowledge that taking the dog would have been a bad idea and, now that I write this, I see the validation seeking behavior there. When one first learns not to DEER, there’s still that internal monologue of DEERing. You make a decision and then have to convince yourself. This time, I didn’t even bother, Gronk wouldn’t bother, it felt like a waste of energy. I might be some phd math whiz, but that’s my day job, my internal monologue is increasingly Gronk. I said my reason was that I didn’t want to because I refused to think through this any further than that and trust my instincts. “It takes a lot of planning to be spontaneous”. That's something I read/heard from Rian. Is that supposed to be training wheels? I got in a car, took some food and lawn chairs and went. I never needed the lawn chairs. Maybe that was the planning, maybe I’m good at (not) thinking on my feet, maybe not every rule is for everyone, there’s plenty of things I don’t get to do that successful people do, maybe this is one of those other things. In general, I have found things work better if I don’t plan.
Op Sec
2024-04-10 21:51:03 +0000 UTC4weeks and nothing new to report. Everything is going good 👍
xXanthonyXx
2024-04-10 21:50:31 +0000 UTCWell, you see where you fucked up DEERing, but then you double fucked up by apologizing. "I don't like the way you talked to me", the response is "K" or "I can see why you wouldn't like that".
Op Sec
2024-04-10 21:36:48 +0000 UTCNone of this is helping you. In answer to your question. https://rianstone.substack.com/p/how-exactly-do-you-take-the-red-pill?utm_source=profile&utm_medium=reader2 and you can learn to write a proper report. https://substack.com/profile/25233713-rian-stone/note/c-51667044 Stop talking about what you are going to do. Write in the past tense.
Op Sec
2024-04-10 18:22:25 +0000 UTCField Report #11 Down to 197 this week. Dropped to the mid 190s I am starting to see the physical changes a lot more in the mirror. Started my second read through Dread This past week was a mix of apathy towards wife, confidence in my ability to take the lead and getting a second option on me. My attraction towards my wife has been slowing in the recent weeks and really hit its peak this week where I didn’t want to initiate sex from a place of desire. She is not taking care of herself physically and the frump level is the worst it’s been in our relationship and it’s been a turnoff. Even my libido not thinking about her felt suppressed and didn’t have the desire to jerk off even. Through reading I know this is typical and will probably pass. By mid week I got a call from her that our daughter fell from the jungle gym and was favoring her arm and complaining of pain. When I got home it was clearly broken so I took her to the ED. X rays confirmed it was broken and required surgery. We needed to be transferred to a pediatric hospital a few hours away. I called my wife and she started to melt down. I told her to focus on two things: lining up someone to watch our other daughter so we could both go down to the pediatric hospital and packing our bags for the trip, I would handle everything else. She listened and had everything lined up by the time I got home with our youngest. Surgery was successful and spent a night in the hospital together. The morning after we get back from surgery a big storm rolls in and we lose power. So I hook up the generator. Meanwhile our dog is lethargic and not eating or drinking. He has a habit of eating anything including remotes. I take him to the emergency vet and he has a nerf dart clogging his lower intestine and surgery is required. Dog surgery is expensive, would not recommend. He has to stay overnight so I head to the office to get some work done before I leave the next morning for a 5 day work trip. At the office I get a call from the wife that the house lost power but the generator is still running. I asked her what she tried running and after she danced around it she said she ran the dryer and the lights turned off. I got pissed at her on the phone because before left I told her to not run anything big, she said she forgot. Got home and fixed it but I am still pissed. She confronts me and says she doesn’t like how I talked to her on the phone. I started to DEER and started to give her a reason why I lashed out at her. She started to argue back, I caught myself and said I am sorry the way I talked to you hurt your feelings. I am fucking pissed, let me be pissed. Not from a asking permission standpoint but from a owning my emotional state and not apologizing for it. I left it at that and didn’t try to defend my feelings or justify them. Left the next morning for a work trip out of state. Cruised a few bars when I got in and used it as an opportunity to strike up conversation with whoever I was sitting next to. Got asked for my number by a chick at one bar. Moved to another bar and group of girls sat next to me and struck up conversation with them and started vibing with one. Throughout the night I escalated and got up to a point I wasn’t comfortable escalating further but clear I could have closed. You are right, the ring is no deterrent at all. She was literally touching it multiple times and making comments that her friends told her I was married. She asked for my number but I told her we could meet back up at the same bar a few nights later. I had a very strong pull to go back and meet her again but as I thought more about it I wanted to go because the validation felt good and I wanted more. It has moved from me wanting to get a second opinion playing catch and release to validation seeking. I chose not to go back and meet her again and just enjoy the moment for what it was and move on.
Amos_Durden
2024-04-10 18:17:30 +0000 UTCSINGLE NAVY DUDE 5’7/163lbs Weights 4xWeek + Cardio 5xWeek TO START WITH THE BAD NEWS: Certified Gamma. Secret King. (Narcissism, self-aggrandizement, conflict aversion, being a braggart, being rattled by perceived challenges to my status and blowouts in my nightgame sets, etc.) I think, breathe, live in Loser Talk, only being able to “act the part” and execute kayfabe and be charming and aloof when I know the attraction is already there and the notch is essentially a layup. Every nightgame rejection is because I’m not tall enough, big enough, etc. It’s probably a miracle I was able to string together a fair amount of lays using the apps over the past year while exuding this kind of energy. My identity relies on the following covert contract: “If I work really hard at X, my friends and colleagues will respect me and women will be attracted to me…” While X is whatever bullshit I decide sounds pretty ALPHA the given month usually to include a high level of competence in my extremely specific career field in the Navy. Falsified perfection at all the wrong things. I became useful, but I still wasn’t attractive, charming, or impressive as a man. That led to being taken advantage of and offered nothing in return save a couple positive evaluations and opportunities to progress in a career field that, while I really enjoy, isn’t going to help get me laid. THE BRIGHT SIDE: Things are not lost. I have a decent social circle of married and single men who are not gammas (they are still pussies about talking to women though). I can and have done longer stretches of cold approaches, going out alone, general extrovert activities. I’m not supplicating women or doing any of the obviously blue pill bullshit. WHAT’S NEXT: Building Power - Most of the unattractive personality traits can be mitigated by shutting the fuck up. - Not gonna sperg to you about nutrition or workouts, down 20lbs in 3 weeks. I’m going to keep cutting until I see abs. - Invested in new clothes, a new haircut, new cologne, new skincare, and started on that tattoo sleeve I’ve been talking about for weeks. Once this is all in place, photography sessions to re-engineer the dating profiles and social media for passive optionality paired with going out to the bars 3-4 times a week to continue working on nightgame. What additional resources are there for defeating this old mindset and “graduating gamma”/developing a better, more attractive identity beyond just focusing on being more attractive and trying to stack wins?
Lance Narcissus
2024-04-10 17:45:02 +0000 UTC
