My Only One. Part 30. Out of my league (wallpaper )

The part 30 is finally out! 🎉💜To draw 14 illustrated pages within a month was really an achievement for me 😭🏆

This part's drawings are more realistic cause I wanted this flashback to be really vivid with moments that JK remembers about Tae: since the moment they were little and how grew up, and then fell in love and then how his heart was broke... 💔

These moments are very important as they help to rebuild their past and see a general picture of their break up, it's like the missing puzzles are complete and now we understand JK even better.

I really want to comment each drawing because I know you guys certainly have many questions and I will gladly reply to all of them cause this part is specially symbolic and meaningful.

What means "to be out of someone's league?" it's an idiom "to be too good or too expensive for someone to have as a friend or partner, for example "He was so good-looking and so popular that I felt he was out of my league". A person you have no chance with befriending/dating because they are considered much more attractive, popular, intelligent or more successful. This part's name is "Out of my league" means Jk had no chances to continue the relationship with Tae because he was from average family while Tae was from a rich one, you'll see that throughout the part.

1.

You expected Yugyeom to suspect something? Well, we don't know if he did see anything suspicious but he expressed his concern to JK anyways, being his best buddy, he asked if he is "fighting" with Doctor Kim. Among men if one guy puts his face close to another guy that sometimes means a hostile attitude.

2.

I had to remove this illustration because patreon stated: "our Community Guidelines as we do not allow the presence of minors on Adult/18+ pages"

Here goes a flashback to the very moment when JK was small. Thought it was important to show Jk's parents just like in Part 20. Like a man I showed little Tae. So Jk's parents are an average family, not very rich, not very poor.

In this art it is obvious that although JK's parents didn't have high expectations to their son but they were rather busy with their lives, his father wears a military parade uniform (South Korean marines uniform) that shows his engagement with service and his mother holding the phone hints at her business occupation, (perhaps associated to art galleries).

JK grew up as a shy, quiet boy, having little attention received from parents. It did give him more freedom and independence to decide for himself, yet there was the other side of it. The lack of attention made him feel lonely and unloved. As a result he tried to improve himself in everything and set high goals to be number one in everything. The satisfaction of achievement and victory boosted his self-esteem. When he grew up he still felt detached from other people because of trust issues. At the critical moments he was very emotionally vulnerable, and this led to the breakup of his relationships with Tae.

Just as with Tae's parents, both were not bad, they still loved their sons but their parenting wasn't the best and right. I showed two types of family: the overprotective parents of Tae, and on the contrary the uninterested parents of JK. Not that they didn't give him attention at all, but it wasn't enough for a child who needed this love. His dad shortly praises his skills and even predicted his military career as well as his mother has compared his painting to famous artworks. Jk has a surprised face which shows how it is strange for him to see his parents giving him a little more attention. When we were little we always needed more from our parents, don't we?

Jk drawing a sailboat which is a metaphor in art psychology that means 'to be human'. People travel like boats in the ocean of life, water is the daily reality, the environment we live and interact in. Jk drew a rainbow, the sun, the birds, the rain, the clouds, all they have psychological meaning from his subconsciousness because he drew a brighter picture for himself while reality wasn't like this.

3.

I had to remove this illustration because patreon stated: "our Community Guidelines as we do not allow the presence of minors on Adult/18+ pages"

This part was the hardest for me to draw because it includes mention/depiction of homophobic views. I had to research this as well considering the gay rights in South Korea and it's true that the homosexuality there is still not accepted. I needed to raise awareness in this Pride month and make this part as a tribute to LGBTQIA rights.

I would like to say that I do not claim anything about any religion or views. The banners show bigoted opinions of both religious and atheist groups. So please, no debates about what's wrong or right and respect each other despite beliefs. This scene is taken from the fact that in SK most people who oppose gay people and their right are from religious communities. Personally I think there are tolerant theists as well as homophobic atheists. "Sin" is what many religious people say and 'unnatural' is many what conservative/traditionalist atheists say in argument against homosexuality. Honestly, all this persecution and discrimination is just heartbreaking. Just because someone loves other person of the same-sex - they're treated as less than human or even a criminal. And the character of young JK who had to face this since his childhood shows how it traumatized him.

4.

I had to remove this illustration because patreon stated: "our Community Guidelines as we do not allow the presence of minors on Adult/18+ pages"

Apparently Tae is from rich family because popular kids are often from rich families. Jk was from an average family, and average earning people are somehow considered poor by many, and well this hints why JK grew up alone with no friends and was ignored by his classmates.

5.

I had to remove this illustration because patreon stated: "our Community Guidelines as we do not allow the presence of minors on Adult/18+ pages"

Tae was the one who started their friendship... and relationship, obviously. I don't think that pic needs more comments from me ^^

6.

Yes. They grew up here. They are 20 years old here.

Bromance, hm, it's what they say... 👀 but a hot library kiss though!

I think they started dating when Jk was 20, according to Korean age it is the adult age and age of consent and guys can get tattoos at that age or drink... or make love lol

7.

That was their first night, the continuation of what Tae remembered in Part 17 (when he had a nosebleed). Of course it was memorable for Jk as well, he got emotional because he was so in love. It was their first physical intimacy experience for them, they had no one else before, so it was impossible for them to forget it.

8.

They were friends and secretly lovers, either Tae wanted his man to meet his parents or probably because his parents saw Tae befriending some average artist/painter average family made them curious because well, they're overcaring.

Again this drawing is full of symbols, Jk is wearing ripped jeans and simple white shirt that shows his status. Tae is dressed more elegantly, he is wearing pink because his love for Jk helped him to reveal his soft side, his true self.

Mr Kim., Tae's father is smoking (shows his concern?) and his questions where Jk's father works cause all he cared about the most was money, status, wealth, name (Here in Asia all people ask you who are your parents  because of prestige and family ties -_-) while his wife, Mrs. Kim is a typical woman from patriarchal family that cares about love, marriage and kids, she asks if Jk had a girlfriend which is of course a question from heteronormative society: all men must have ladies, all ladies must have men. Nobody cares if anyone is gay... but if they will, it's gonna be in a bad way.

The most important moment in this drawing is Tae holding Jk's hand under the table which shows their secret relationship.

9.

A kiss in the closet, what else can be more symbolic than that? They were closeted and having super secret relationship. This is so bitter-sweet...

10.

Gunghap - in Saju - korean traditional fortune telling means compatibility of a couple for marriage. I was inspired by the real fact that Tae and Jk went to check their signs and elements from fortune tellers, they probably did it like this cause in Seoul there are so many of these services. Of course, they are the water and fire couple that is made for each other, this move inspired Jk to finally propose to Tae because he didn't want to lose him. Remember Part 21. Sacrifice? Where Tae refused to Jk and it broke him. If you put that in, here's what happens next...

11.

The picture says everything.

This is what actual heteronormativity is, along with the other 'values' of wealth and status that are so held high in our society. A couple of man and woman (especially if they are rich) is accepted and praised and privileged while gay people are invisible, forgotten and left outside. Jk represents everything that people did not accept, he is true, honest, free, open and gay, and he stands outside, soaking under the rain.

Even security man tells him he cannot wear casual clothing to an official event... others praise the son of Mr. Kim, the rich company owner and his young wife, also, perhaps a daughter of some rich boss, that's Chaeyoung (Rose) by the way, the girl in the first parts who visited Tae at the hospital with Jimin, and this time she's with her secret girlfriend Lalisa, Lucky Tae that his wife is into girls. I include this art for the visibility all leasbian/gay people due to Pride month. Of course it's a sad drawing but I'm raising awareness.

12.

Jk didn't blame Tae in everything, he couldn't force him. He knew that Tae just couldn't come out of closet, couldn't confess to his parents, couldn't run with him because he was afraid to disappoint his family, they had so much hopes and dreams... but Jk couldn't bear the pain of heartbreak either, he had to let go.

13.

This picture contains slightly triggering text as it mentions depression and suicidal thoughts. Above the homophobia towards him throughout his childhood that he experienced, the heartbreak  because Tae's marriage was a final point where Jk couldn't take it anymore.

He found a way to die, not just like that, but in the battle. It's not like he put himself under the danger for purpose, he tried to survive at his best, yet he just didn't worry much if he'd get killed, he considered that a brave death of a honorable warrior. The absence of fear, his courage and determination made him stronger, of course he became a captain of Special Forces

If you didn't know the difference between ordinary Army and Special Forces it's that the latter are for special operations, they are better trained and equipped, they are faster, smarter and with better tactics so they specialize in reconnaissance, counterterrorism, fighting in a foreign country and guerilla warfare. That's dangerous, yeah, but Jk didn't care, he really didn't. He was fearless.

14.

That's the last time Jk saw Tae after he was enlisted. They said goodbye though Tae didn't know Jk will disappear for years (4 years), Jk didn't tell him. He just told him he will leave to serve in Army and that's all. Jk really thought this time Tae would hold him for the last time.

To hold tighter... means what if Tae did something to keep him? Maybe there would be no painful separation and years of depression and they would just run away together somewhere.  He was drawing a colorful picture in his mind but the reality was black and white with all shades of grey.

Tae waited, waited in pain of separation and heartbreak. Each day he waited that Jk will come home into his arms. He would be his secret lover, again, but did he have a choice? He thought he didn't. If you remember the first parts of the AU, for 3 months Tae still talked to him but then Jk called him to say they should stop talking. This was the the breaking point for him.

One day I'll make s flashback about how Tae survived those 3 years, how he broke down, how he managed to get up from depression until he couldn't take this distance anymore. He filed for divorce, goodbye to friends and left his home.

Tae needed to find the love of his love... and he found him. That's why Doctor Kim is a medic in Jungkook's military unit now.

Did it make him happier? Not really, it gave him even more pain. His love is so near and so far. What's most painful, Jk pushed him away, he couldn't accept him back. After everything, how could he? Risk his rank, risk his already shattered heart...

SPOILER! Next part is pure action, how Tae is gonna deal with Jk having him kissed in the sauna and how Jk will babysit him on this trip to Hot Springs, yeah they're still there to spend their summer. And that part will be rather... um, a little more fun, some romantic hotness, just a little angst and with jeonlousy back again. I'll start drawing it several days later when I draw enough on other hot subjects... but I feel like already itching to start 🔥🤩

Let me know what you guys think about each moment🧡 Besides I feel so relieved that I can continue the action in the next part (no flashback for a while 👌) and also entertain myself and you with some hot stuff that I really missed! 🔥🔥🔥

P.S. Usually I upload 3k pix resolution, this time I gave 200 more pixels cause these detailed drawings need better quality ✨ Plus there's small pictures ZIP that I posted on TWT~ 💙